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I’ve been running from God. I thought I was seeking salvation, but I think I was trying to keep Him at arm’s length so I wouldn’t lose Him but wouldn’t have to truly go to Him. I’ve been angry with Him, and I’ve hardened my heart against the gospel. I don’t feel conviction of sin as much as I used to. I must be extremely prideful and self-righteous because I get angry with a God for not saving me when I keep pushing Him away. I have lost sight of what I even need—I think I’ve been so focused on the moment of salvation that I’ve forgotten about being reconciled to God if that makes any sense.

Please help me. I really feel like I am about to go over the edge here—give up or become so angry with God that I can’t see past it at all or something. 

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9 minutes ago, nigh said:

I’ve been running from God. I thought I was seeking salvation, but I think I was trying to keep Him at arm’s length so I wouldn’t lose Him but wouldn’t have to truly go to Him. I’ve been angry with Him, and I’ve hardened my heart against the gospel. I don’t feel conviction of sin as much as I used to. I must be extremely prideful and self-righteous because I get angry with a God for not saving me when I keep pushing Him away. I have lost sight of what I even need—I think I’ve been so focused on the moment of salvation that I’ve forgotten about being reconciled to God if that makes any sense.

Please help me. I really feel like I am about to go over the edge here—give up or become so angry with God that I can’t see past it at all or something. 

If you're writing like this, there's still hope.

 

If you have a vague sense that you're just no good and God doesn't like you? --- That's not God. That's Satan.

If you can think of a specific pattern, habit, thought, or action that has offended the Lord, that's probably the Holy Spirit. (These two things only apply if you're saved)

However, I think a common myth is that salvation is like something God zaps you with and then everything changes. Let me see if I can find the verses...

1 Peter 3:10-12 New King James Version (NKJV)

10 For

“He who would love life
And see good days,
Let him [a]refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips from speaking deceit.
11 Let him turn away from evil and do good;
Let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

 

Salvation is not something that happens if you just keep on doing bad things and expecting God to zap your heart into a saved heart.

It's true that faith in Jesus alone saves. But here's what you can do to seek salvation:

Stop doing evil. Start doing good.

All the sinful stuff? trash it. burn it. (safely and legally). download porn blocking software. Anything you have to do to start doing good. Break up with the girl, return that person's money, whatever it is just start purging it.

Instead, if you're with your parents, honor them and show them respect. Do good to people. Obey the Lord.

It's not the doing good that saves you. But it will help you recognize the need for Jesus to save you and change your heart so that you now love God and the things of God.

Pray for the salvation of the Lord. His ears are open to the prayers of those who seek to do good.

Edited by naominash
Trying to prevent confusion
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3 minutes ago, naominash said:

If you're writing like this, there's still hope.

 

If you have a vague sense that you're just no good and God doesn't like you? --- That's not God. That's Satan.

If you can think of a specific pattern, habit, thought, or action that has offended the Lord, that's probably the Holy Spirit. (These two things only apply if you're saved)

However, I think a common myth is that salvation is like something God zaps you with and then everything changes. Let me see if I can find the verses...

1 Peter 3:10-12 New King James Version (NKJV)

10 For

“He who would love life
And see good days,
Let him [a]refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips from speaking deceit.
11 Let him turn away from evil and do good;
Let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

 

Salvation is not something that happens if you just keep on doing bad things and expecting God to zap your heart into a saved heart.

It's true that faith in Jesus alone saves. But here's what you can do to seek salvation:

Stop doing evil. Start doing good.

All the sinful stuff? trash it. burn it. (safely and legally). download porn blocking software. Anything you have to do to start doing good. Break up with the girl, return that person's money, just start doing it.

It's not the doing good that saves you. But it will help you recognize the need for Jesus to save you and change your heart so that you now love God and the things of God.

Pray for the salvation of the Lord. His ears are open to the prayers of those who seek to do good.

That’s the thing. I’ve tried to be good for a long time... it turned into this legalistic thing (I felt like I couldn’t eat sugar, even in fruit, because it’s not the healthiest thing). My sins are in my heart - not trusting Jesus, not loving God, pride, etc. I feel hopeless when I think about trying to completely turn from them. It feels impossible.

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5 minutes ago, nigh said:

That’s the thing. I’ve tried to be good for a long time... it turned into this legalistic thing (I felt like I couldn’t eat sugar, even in fruit, because it’s not the healthiest thing). My sins are in my heart - not trusting Jesus, not loving God, pride, etc. I feel hopeless when I think about trying to completely turn from them. It feels impossible.

Maybe that's the point.

You know what I do sometimes?

I did what some good friends taught me. I ask the Lord a question and then I sit in silence or with some music and just listen.

I'm always afraid He's going to say, " Wow Naomi. You know, you really messed up big time. I'm getting sick of you."

But He never does.

He can give you rest from perfectionism. Christianity isn't navel-gazing. " Am I good yet?" 

When you walk every day (if you're disabled... sorry) do you look at your feet super close? No. You just do it.

Obeying Jesus is like that. Don't look at your feet, look at Him. The longer you look at Him and the more you look at Him, the more you find that you are, indeed, walking.

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1 hour ago, nigh said:

Please help me. I really feel like I am about to go over the edge here—give up or become so angry with God that I can’t see past it at all or something. 

Are you riding a donkey, if so get off immediately, ....you won't have so far to fall!

I remember reading a story in the book of Acts about a man that was super angry at God, going around collecting God's children causing them to renounce an blaspheme Jesus, even killing them, in fact, he was on his way to Damascus with letters from the High Priest and the Temple soldiers to arrest God's kids when he was struck by a light that was brighter than the noon day sun, ...so, may I humbly and in meekness ask, are you that angry with God?

This same once angry man, now named Paul, went on to write for us:

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Rom 8:38, 39

That's us, any other creature, we can't separate ourselves from the Love God has for us, no matter how angry we might be with or at Him, He's the same yesterday, today and forever, God loved Saul even when he was set on destroying His Church and after his conversion he came to the realization how much God loved him, and He loves you the same as Saul of Tarsus and if you were the only human on planet earth He would of sent His Son Jesus to die on the Cross in your place, that's how much he loves you.

So with that in mind, again may I humbly and in meekness ask, why not find a quiet place, turn off the TV, phone any and all distractions and just sit down and bare you heart to Him, tell Him why you are so angry, ...it must be from the heart, ...and then come back and tell us what He said to you...

Lord bless

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16 hours ago, nigh said:

That’s the thing. I’ve tried to be good for a long time... it turned into this legalistic thing (I felt like I couldn’t eat sugar, even in fruit, because it’s not the healthiest thing). My sins are in my heart - not trusting Jesus, not loving God, pride, etc. I feel hopeless when I think about trying to completely turn from them. It feels impossible.

There are absolutely going to be times when people feel distant from God. Even Christians. At times the things we do for God can seem like we're just going through the motions or defaulting to legalism. I look at that a different way. I think it's when we DO feel distant from God where we have a chance to prove ourselves. If you know what's right, don't feel like doing it, yet do it anyway then you're demonstrating the will to do what God would want in the face of difficulty.

Maybe it would be helpful for you to get to the root of WHY you feel the way you do and then resolve it?

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Shalom Nigh,

I've been there, more than once. What I found the issue was, or rather how it started, was me not dedicating myself enough to reading the Word.

Now listen, I'm not saying reading this passage, and then that. I don't advise to get on a daily reading plan either. For now, stay away from Christian help books and TV broadcasts. You need the Word only.

Start from the beginning and go through it. Skip any genealogies and tricky parts and get to the narrative. I advise to follow this reading plan:

  • Genesis
  • Exodus 1-20:17
  • Numbers 11-14 & 20-24
  • Joshua
  • Judges
  • 1 & 2 Samuel
  • Hosea
  • 1 & 2 Kings
  • Ezra
  • Nehemiah
  • Ecclesiastes
  • Luke
  • John
  • Acts
  • Romans
  • 1 Peter
  • Revelation

Listen for Yahweh speaking to you through His Spirit in the Word. Listen carefully. Read between the lines. Consider each portion you read deeply. Once your done, start again. The Bible is a life time read to truly understand it. I recommend the audio bible by David Suchet to hear on-the-go, to and from work, and lunch and the gym etc.

Start each day with a prayer. If you don't feel like you truly believe in Him or that your prayer will be heard - fine. He is faithful even if you doubt.  Make the prayer simple and short for now. Something like "I love you Father. Please, help my lack of faith". It doesn't need to be long, but be persistent with it each day for a least a month. Things will change.

Also, have you been baptised by the Holy Spirit? This, of course, is paramount. 

Love & Shalom

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On 1/18/2019 at 3:10 PM, nigh said:

I’ve been running from God. I thought I was seeking salvation, but I think I was trying to keep Him at arm’s length so I wouldn’t lose Him but wouldn’t have to truly go to Him. I’ve been angry with Him, and I’ve hardened my heart against the gospel. I don’t feel conviction of sin as much as I used to. I must be extremely prideful and self-righteous because I get angry with a God for not saving me when I keep pushing Him away. I have lost sight of what I even need—I think I’ve been so focused on the moment of salvation that I’ve forgotten about being reconciled to God if that makes any sense.

Please help me. I really feel like I am about to go over the edge here—give up or become so angry with God that I can’t see past it at all or something. 

How can you be running from God, by asking for help from running from God at a Christian forum?

You've made the first step. Subsequent steps must focus on you understanding what born again salvation IS.

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On 1/18/2019 at 8:10 PM, nigh said:

I’ve been running from God. I thought I was seeking salvation, but I think I was trying to keep Him at arm’s length so I wouldn’t lose Him but wouldn’t have to truly go to Him. I’ve been angry with Him, and I’ve hardened my heart against the gospel. I don’t feel conviction of sin as much as I used to. I must be extremely prideful and self-righteous because I get angry with a God for not saving me when I keep pushing Him away. I have lost sight of what I even need—I think I’ve been so focused on the moment of salvation that I’ve forgotten about being reconciled to God if that makes any sense.

Please help me. I really feel like I am about to go over the edge here—give up or become so angry with God that I can’t see past it at all or something. 

2

Hi Nigh,

Thank you for posting your thoughts. I find in grieving times, sharing experiences help.

I do not know if this will help you, but this is my experience.

for 3 years I was mentally ill and blamed it on God. I could not fathom why God would allow me to become so restless, 24/7. I Pushed God away, yet deeply, I knew without him life wouldn't have much meaning. 

within those three years of restlessness, I prayed hard many times for God to take my restlessness away from me. I found myself praying more and more often about it, then.. eventually applying more of Jesus' teachings into my daily life. I began to love Jesus and centre my life around him. I gave up some worldly ambitions, fleshly desires and now, my mental illness is no longer with me because of this, and I am thankful for that every day. 

God Bless,

Michael

 

 

 

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On 1/18/2019 at 1:10 PM, nigh said:

I’ve been running from God. I thought I was seeking salvation, but I think I was trying to keep Him at arm’s length so I wouldn’t lose Him but wouldn’t have to truly go to Him. I’ve been angry with Him, and I’ve hardened my heart against the gospel. I don’t feel conviction of sin as much as I used to. I must be extremely prideful and self-righteous because I get angry with a God for not saving me when I keep pushing Him away. I have lost sight of what I even need—I think I’ve been so focused on the moment of salvation that I’ve forgotten about being reconciled to God if that makes any sense.

Please help me. I really feel like I am about to go over the edge here—give up or become so angry with God that I can’t see past it at all or something. 

Job 28:28 (KJV)
28 And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding.

you have it backwards, which is a good sign your in a lot of trouble, plenty of reason to fear, if you don't have any I think it's a prayer The Lord will hear and respect.

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