Just Curious

[Faithful_heart]

I was just wondering about something. My husband told me I was his third love. As it should be Jesus is number 1 (but life has caused him to slip up) His mom is number 2 and I'm number 3. It bothers me because I thought we were supposed to put each other above others but and live in a way that God was at the center of our relationship and our lives. I still a little tired when he told me this but now my mind has enough time to pick it apart. I don't know maybe I'm over thinking this. Lately, if I evenly slightly disagree with something I just let it be because I don't know how to approach it or don't to seem disrespectful. Is this something I should have commented on or should I just respect what he said for his honesty? 

[Blood Bought 1953]

 

You should respect him for his honesty, but respect him more if he acknowledges that he is in error .God comes first ....then YOU .....then his Mother.....as per the wedding vows and the Bible.

[Jostler]

In my personal opinion your husband is missing an important Biblical priority.

Quote

Gen 2:23

¶

And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

Gen 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

My  personal understanding of God's design for the family  is that focus  changes when a man and woman come together  in marriage.  There is a LEAVING and a CLEAVING which  I understand to mean I am  leaving my Father and Mother's house AND their headship to form a new family unit that stands before God in its own right.   IMO the wife has to now become the husband's first priority and his children second.  That does nothing to negate "honor father and mother" but it does mean if there's a conflict of priority or loyalty, wife and children come first.

But, as much as I believe that I honestly  don't have an answer as to what you can do  about it but pray that God reveal to your  husband HIS design and priorities.  I don't know your husband if  his mom still has that much hold on him I doubt there is anything you  can do to modify it.  But, God is under no such limitation   I would suggest you love him as best you are able and pray for God to set your  house in Divine order.

[missmuffet]

1 hour ago, Faithful_heart said:

I was just wondering about something. My husband told me I was his third love. As it should be Jesus is number 1 (but life has caused him to slip up) His mom is number 2 and I'm number 3. It bothers me because I thought we were supposed to put each other above others but and live in a way that God was at the center of our relationship and our lives. I still a little tired when he told me this but now my mind has enough time to pick it apart. I don't know maybe I'm over thinking this. Lately, if I evenly slightly disagree with something I just let it be because I don't know how to approach it or don't to seem disrespectful. Is this something I should have commented on or should I just respect what he said for his honesty? 

When did he tell you that you were number 3? Before you were married? How well did you really know him before you were married? How long have you been married?

[Faithful_heart]

 @missmuffet He told me today. We've been married for almost 5 years.

[missmuffet]

16 hours ago, Faithful_heart said:

 @missmuffet He told me today. We've been married for almost 5 years.

So how has your marriage been going so far?

[Faithful_heart]

On 1/27/2019 at 1:54 PM, missmuffet said:

So how has your marriage been going so far?

It's been up and down. The other day he told me that he has life insurance now and his mom told him not to tell me. Cause, I guess she thinks the money would make me greedy and doesn't trust me. 

[Faithful_heart]

On 1/27/2019 at 4:29 PM, PromisesPromises! said:

Faithful heart, before being told that you are number 3 in your husband's affections becomes a bitter pill that is increasingly hard to swallow,  you should probably talk to him about it--but in a loving, forgiving way. It's possible that he just misspoke.  Perhaps there are qualities that he values in his mother that he was looking for when he found you.  Or perhaps the qualities he found in you actually topped what he saw in his mom, and that is why he left home and married you.  Surely he did not mean he loves her more than he loves you.  We are all awkward in speech sometimes... "open mouth, insert foot."   Give him a chance to explain.  Then if he is not understanding the sanctity of the marriage relationship, go from there.  Just remember that when you married him, you got a mother-in-law, too; so whatever you do, show no resentment about his love for  her.  Let him know you love her, too, because she raised the perfect guy for you! 

Unfortunately, that wasn't an example of putting his foot in his mouth. Since he has told me that I'm number 3 on his list, his words and actions have supported his position. He tells his mom things before me. He can cancel our plans to Uber but he can make a point of making sure his plans for us to take his mom out happen even if he reschedules because he's too tired or he wants to Uber. I don't know what to do. I'm a very weak Christian. I want to tell him how I feel but one time he told me feelings change so maybe I need to let my feelings run their course?! Maybe I'm being irrational but I feel hurt, as if I'm in so weird love triangle with my husband and his mom.

 

[Who me]

21 hours ago, Faithful_heart said:

He tells his mom things before me. He can cancel our plans to Uber but he can make a point of making sure his plans for us to take his mom out happen

May I suggest you talk this over with him, expressing that his priorities need to change and if he disagrees arange marriage councelling with your pastor.

As the bible says, a Man shall leave his parrents and join with his wife and the two become one.

Is he a Man or a mummies boy who has never let go of the apron strings.

[PrayerWarrior]

Hi Faithful heart!

I feel your pain! My husband has many misplaced affections and struggles in his faith walk. Although what he has told you is not biblical, I encourage you to quietly encourage your husband to peruse Christ’s will with your loving actions. The Lord has shown me and is continuing to work on my heart and I know although I can pin point places where my husband needs to grow, I honestly cannot change him. Only God can. Check out the following video: 

The peaceful wife is a great resource for Christian women looking to influence their husbands towards Christ.

As I give my afflictions specifically related to my marriage to our great God, I’m seeing Jesus work in my husband. I can’t see everything behind the scenes, but I know as my husband hears God he is impacted. Jesus changes our thinking and your husband if he is a follower of Christ will see his error in his thinking. I encourage you to pray for your husband daily and pour your desires out to the Lord. He is faithful and wants to fulfill the desires of those who follow in righteousness. Try not to be bitter...we are all broken and have things the Lord wants us to work out. Your husband placing you after his mother is something God will work out in his heart. Stay strong sister and I’m here if you want to talk. Feel free to message me! You are not alone!

 

Lord,

I ask you to touch faithful heart. Give her your peace and wisdom. Help her to love and lead as a wife should as outlined in 1 Peter 3. Give her 1 Corinthians 13 love for her husband and help her to live as the example you want her to live and model Christ in her home. I ask that she put you before everything else and give her husband grace as you have given him and her. Be with this couple. Heal her heart and help her to seek you in all things and remember you are working everything for her and her husband’s good.

In Jesus’ Name I pray,

Amen