Figure of eighty Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 243 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 1,554 Content Per Day: 0.77 Reputation: 872 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) So my credit is like 712. My mom definitely helped with that...but they want me to get a house. I kinda hate she found out my credit score. I feel uncomfortable because one, I wouldn't feel like an adult because my parents and brother will be with me and they plan on stayinf for 2 whole years. I talked to my friend and she raised so many good questions such as..selling the house can be difficult and I don't plan on staying in the state I'm in too long and my parents are like we'll, well just take it from you.. then in reality ...I'd just be getting a house for them and that doesn't seem fair to me. If I had to do it, totally alone, id just get a nice 2 bedroom that's it.. I'm scared because even though it seems like a good idea, I'd have my own room instead of living in the living room on the couch with my brother in a shabby , run down roach infested apt... My mom seems more reliable financially stable then my brother. at a glance..but.. the fact we've moved all our lives shows she kinda isn't. She makes the money just not the best choices all the time. for example,She had a house before years ago but lost it. I had to use the money my grandma left when we passed away to try and save the house we ended up losing. I gave her 900 dollars for tuition for nursing school and she got kicked out of that school because the payments were too much, she let her car go everything...it just scares me. Also I was supposed to get a 2nd job and I didn't get it today it just worries me so much . I feel like rooming with my brother or my parents is a bad idea either way. With my parents I'd be screwed financially ...my bro I'd be screwed spiritually because I'd be near my aunt who messed me up spiritually and I don't trust her. Idk I've just been crying all day because I'm 27 going on 28 and I want my own spot and I just don't want to have to worry. I'm upset with my parents because I feel like theyre parents...I shouldn't have to get a house for them... theyre in theyre 50's...plus if I do get it..They'd be with me for 2 years and I just wouldn't feel like an adult. ive given my mom 900 hundreded dollars for tuition and even gave her the money my poor grandma left me t try and save a house we lost.... let her use my car... I just feel like theyre parents and I don't know what to do. But I also think like..what if I'm missing out on an amazing opportunity..a house is such an accomplishment. Id have my own room which I haven't had in forever, I feel I deserve it... idk.. I don't want to ruin my credit. I'm very scared. either way I swing..im nervous my parents are just...unpredictable but my brother even more so. he does whatever my aunt says... I just feel scared and alone. I dont' have a trusted friend or a boyfriend I can move in with..its just me. that's all. I'm just sol I feel cursed . I just wonder why is it like this for me. my friends have parents that pour into them. My friends parents is letting their daughter rent a house from them and my other friend his parents never pull from him so much financially. I just feel like a slave.but theyre so excited and I really need a place to stay. I'm scared as hell ...lord. But I need a place Edited February 13, 2019 by Figure of eighty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr3032 Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 332 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 273 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/23/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 Tough love is still love, you know. Oft times, the best kindness you can do is just tell it like it is. If I were in your shoes, I would get my own place for myself alone. If your family takes issue with that, explain to them that they are grown adults and they need to be responsible for themselves. If that still isn't enough, then I would walk away from them. It can hurt to do that to the ones you love, but if they can't respect your decisions and your life, then they will do more harm than good anyhow. It may feel like you're being unloving towards your family, but cutting out the "use the daughter" habit is what's best for both your family and yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figure of eighty Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 243 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 1,554 Content Per Day: 0.77 Reputation: 872 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 14 minutes ago, dr3032 said: Tough love is still love, you know. Oft times, the best kindness you can do is just tell it like it is. If I were in your shoes, I would get my own place for myself alone. If your family takes issue with that, explain to them that they are grown adults and they need to be responsible for themselves. If that still isn't enough, then I would walk away from them. It can hurt to do that to the ones you love, but if they can't respect your decisions and your life, then they will do more harm than good anyhow. It may feel like you're being unloving towards your family, but cutting out the "use the daughter" habit is what's best for both your family and yourself. Youre right. it would have felt good to own a house. I mean with my score I could still get it but It would be later and atleast Itd be bymyself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOrangeCat Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 57 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,397 Content Per Day: 0.27 Reputation: 1,818 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/24/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 Pray about it for sure. Having a house would be great and if they're going to move out eventually it may well be worth putting up with a few years. Your plans on what you want to do may well change in that time, or they may not. Some other things to consider. Who's going to be financially responsible for the house, both legally and off the record? If they plan to keep up with the payments while having it in your name and you know they're financially irresponsible that's a set up for trouble. If the house is going to be in your name can YOU afford to keep up with the payments yourself without making financial sacrifices? If not then it's risky business. Are they willing and capable of giving you a fair price for the house if you decide to sell? If not then it's going to lead to resentment and hardship later on down the line. Are the people who would be staying in the house people who keep clean and aren't destructive? If not then they're definitely going to hurt your chances to sell later on down the line and being around their messes will likely be a source of tension between you and them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
com7fy8 Posted February 14, 2019 Group: Senior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 41 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 873 Content Per Day: 0.46 Reputation: 520 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/05/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted February 14, 2019 On 2/12/2019 at 9:27 PM, Figure of eighty said: Idk I've just been crying all day because I'm 27 going on 28 and I want my own spot and I just don't want to have to worry. Controlling your situation is not what will get rid of worry. Only if God changes us to be strong in His love, we can overcome worry. However, you do not have to go along with wrong people. So, make sure you are at home with trusting God and prayer ? And in His peace we find out what He has us doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
com7fy8 Posted February 14, 2019 Group: Senior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 41 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 873 Content Per Day: 0.46 Reputation: 520 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/05/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted February 14, 2019 Oh yeah . . . and worry is a pathological liar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wingnut- Posted February 14, 2019 Group: Royal Member Followers: 39 Topic Count: 101 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,673 Content Per Day: 1.31 Reputation: 7,358 Days Won: 67 Joined: 04/22/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted February 14, 2019 On 2/12/2019 at 9:27 PM, Figure of eighty said: So my credit is like 712. My mom definitely helped with that...but they want me to get a house. I kinda hate she found out my credit score. I feel uncomfortable because one, I wouldn't feel like an adult because my parents and brother will be with me and they plan on stayinf for 2 whole years. I talked to my friend and she raised so many good questions such as..selling the house can be difficult and I don't plan on staying in the state I'm in too long and my parents are like we'll, well just take it from you.. then in reality ...I'd just be getting a house for them and that doesn't seem fair to me. If I had to do it, totally alone, id just get a nice 2 bedroom that's it.. I'm scared because even though it seems like a good idea, I'd have my own room instead of living in the living room on the couch with my brother in a shabby , run down roach infested apt... My mom seems more reliable financially stable then my brother. at a glance..but.. the fact we've moved all our lives shows she kinda isn't. She makes the money just not the best choices all the time. for example,She had a house before years ago but lost it. I had to use the money my grandma left when we passed away to try and save the house we ended up losing. I gave her 900 dollars for tuition for nursing school and she got kicked out of that school because the payments were too much, she let her car go everything...it just scares me. Also I was supposed to get a 2nd job and I didn't get it today it just worries me so much . I feel like rooming with my brother or my parents is a bad idea either way. With my parents I'd be screwed financially ...my bro I'd be screwed spiritually because I'd be near my aunt who messed me up spiritually and I don't trust her. Idk I've just been crying all day because I'm 27 going on 28 and I want my own spot and I just don't want to have to worry. I'm upset with my parents because I feel like theyre parents...I shouldn't have to get a house for them... theyre in theyre 50's...plus if I do get it..They'd be with me for 2 years and I just wouldn't feel like an adult. ive given my mom 900 hundreded dollars for tuition and even gave her the money my poor grandma left me t try and save a house we lost.... let her use my car... I just feel like theyre parents and I don't know what to do. But I also think like..what if I'm missing out on an amazing opportunity..a house is such an accomplishment. Id have my own room which I haven't had in forever, I feel I deserve it... idk.. I don't want to ruin my credit. I'm very scared. either way I swing..im nervous my parents are just...unpredictable but my brother even more so. he does whatever my aunt says... I just feel scared and alone. I dont' have a trusted friend or a boyfriend I can move in with..its just me. that's all. I'm just sol I feel cursed . I just wonder why is it like this for me. my friends have parents that pour into them. My friends parents is letting their daughter rent a house from them and my other friend his parents never pull from him so much financially. I just feel like a slave.but theyre so excited and I really need a place to stay. I'm scared as hell ...lord. But I need a place Maybe what you need to do is start fresh, somewhere new, on your own. It sounds like your family is wearing you down, breaking away from them may be the best option, as scary as it seems. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prycejosh1987 Posted July 12, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,176 Content Per Day: 0.85 Reputation: 126 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/07/2020 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/29/1987 Share Posted July 12, 2020 On 2/13/2019 at 2:27 AM, Figure of eighty said: So my credit is like 712. My mom definitely helped with that...but they want me to get a house. I kinda hate she found out my credit score. I feel uncomfortable because one, I wouldn't feel like an adult because my parents and brother will be with me and they plan on stayinf for 2 whole years. I talked to my friend and she raised so many good questions such as..selling the house can be difficult and I don't plan on staying in the state I'm in too long and my parents are like we'll, well just take it from you.. then in reality ...I'd just be getting a house for them and that doesn't seem fair to me. If I had to do it, totally alone, id just get a nice 2 bedroom that's it.. I'm scared because even though it seems like a good idea, I'd have my own room instead of living in the living room on the couch with my brother in a shabby , run down roach infested apt... My mom seems more reliable financially stable then my brother. at a glance..but.. the fact we've moved all our lives shows she kinda isn't. She makes the money just not the best choices all the time. for example,She had a house before years ago but lost it. I had to use the money my grandma left when we passed away to try and save the house we ended up losing. I gave her 900 dollars for tuition for nursing school and she got kicked out of that school because the payments were too much, she let her car go everything...it just scares me. Also I was supposed to get a 2nd job and I didn't get it today it just worries me so much . I feel like rooming with my brother or my parents is a bad idea either way. With my parents I'd be screwed financially ...my bro I'd be screwed spiritually because I'd be near my aunt who messed me up spiritually and I don't trust her. Idk I've just been crying all day because I'm 27 going on 28 and I want my own spot and I just don't want to have to worry. I'm upset with my parents because I feel like theyre parents...I shouldn't have to get a house for them... theyre in theyre 50's...plus if I do get it..They'd be with me for 2 years and I just wouldn't feel like an adult. ive given my mom 900 hundreded dollars for tuition and even gave her the money my poor grandma left me t try and save a house we lost.... let her use my car... I just feel like theyre parents and I don't know what to do. But I also think like..what if I'm missing out on an amazing opportunity..a house is such an accomplishment. Id have my own room which I haven't had in forever, I feel I deserve it... idk.. I don't want to ruin my credit. I'm very scared. either way I swing..im nervous my parents are just...unpredictable but my brother even more so. he does whatever my aunt says... I just feel scared and alone. I dont' have a trusted friend or a boyfriend I can move in with..its just me. that's all. I'm just sol I feel cursed . I just wonder why is it like this for me. my friends have parents that pour into them. My friends parents is letting their daughter rent a house from them and my other friend his parents never pull from him so much financially. I just feel like a slave.but theyre so excited and I really need a place to stay. I'm scared as hell ...lord. But I need a place Pray about it and talk to those you need to talk to. Love is give and take, even God has to abide by that law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonerAndy Posted July 13, 2020 Group: Senior Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 19 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 693 Content Per Day: 0.42 Reputation: 396 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/28/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted July 13, 2020 (edited) On 2/12/2019 at 9:27 PM, Figure of eighty said: So my credit is like 712. My mom definitely helped with that...but they want me to get a house. I kinda hate she found out my credit score. I feel uncomfortable because one, I wouldn't feel like an adult because my parents and brother will be with me and they plan on stayinf for 2 whole years. I talked to my friend and she raised so many good questions such as..selling the house can be difficult and I don't plan on staying in the state I'm in too long and my parents are like we'll, well just take it from you.. then in reality ...I'd just be getting a house for them and that doesn't seem fair to me. If I had to do it, totally alone, id just get a nice 2 bedroom that's it.. I'm scared because even though it seems like a good idea, I'd have my own room instead of living in the living room on the couch with my brother in a shabby , run down roach infested apt... My mom seems more reliable financially stable then my brother. at a glance..but.. the fact we've moved all our lives shows she kinda isn't. She makes the money just not the best choices all the time. for example,She had a house before years ago but lost it. I had to use the money my grandma left when we passed away to try and save the house we ended up losing. I gave her 900 dollars for tuition for nursing school and she got kicked out of that school because the payments were too much, she let her car go everything...it just scares me. Also I was supposed to get a 2nd job and I didn't get it today it just worries me so much . I feel like rooming with my brother or my parents is a bad idea either way. With my parents I'd be screwed financially ...my bro I'd be screwed spiritually because I'd be near my aunt who messed me up spiritually and I don't trust her. Idk I've just been crying all day because I'm 27 going on 28 and I want my own spot and I just don't want to have to worry. I'm upset with my parents because I feel like theyre parents...I shouldn't have to get a house for them... theyre in theyre 50's...plus if I do get it..They'd be with me for 2 years and I just wouldn't feel like an adult. ive given my mom 900 hundreded dollars for tuition and even gave her the money my poor grandma left me t try and save a house we lost.... let her use my car... I just feel like theyre parents and I don't know what to do. But I also think like..what if I'm missing out on an amazing opportunity..a house is such an accomplishment. Id have my own room which I haven't had in forever, I feel I deserve it... idk.. I don't want to ruin my credit. I'm very scared. either way I swing..im nervous my parents are just...unpredictable but my brother even more so. he does whatever my aunt says... I just feel scared and alone. I dont' have a trusted friend or a boyfriend I can move in with..its just me. that's all. I'm just sol I feel cursed . I just wonder why is it like this for me. my friends have parents that pour into them. My friends parents is letting their daughter rent a house from them and my other friend his parents never pull from him so much financially. I just feel like a slave.but theyre so excited and I really need a place to stay. I'm scared as hell ...lord. But I need a place First, off, you don't move in with a boyfriend. Period. Whether you have a boyfriend you trust or not, you do NOT LIVE WITH BOYFRIENDS. G-d does not bless those who shackup. Great way to screw up your life. Don't do that. So let's move on from that. Second, you are only a slave as much as you allow other people to dictate your life. If you let your parents tell you that you are buying a house, then you are a slave. You need to start making choices of your own. No one can force you to do this. No one can make you start acting like an adult. You and you alone have to make the choice with G-d's help, to be and adult. So I'm going to tell you, as someone who has been in the situation you were in... that everything you said is dead on right. Everything you wrote in this post is absolutely correct. Where you said "I just wouldn't feel like an adult" Listen to me... listen... you are absolutely right. I know, because I've done it, and you won't feel like an adult. You will feel like a toddler, following mommy and daddy. DO NOT DO THIS. I'm telling you, everything you are fearing, is G-d's little voice screaming in the back of your mind "don't do this". I truly believe that G-d gave women specifically a special intuition that warns them about things, that me as a dumb man, I just wander into and wonder why my life sucks. That intuition you have is there to give you the warnings you need to avoid disaster. When that warning alarm is going off in your head, you need to pray and listen to that alarm. Why is it going off, and what should I be looking out for? And you just detailed all the problems. Do not do this. Do not buy this house. Tell parents "Sorry, I'm not doing this". On top of this, as a general rule, if you don't plan on staying in the house for at the very least 5 years.... don't buy a house. Don't do it. Rent an apartment. Rent something. Lastly, everything you have told me about your parents, suggests that you are going to end up wrecking your life. Just think this through with me... Your parents are saying "well, we'll just take it from you" That's a lie. Honestly, that is flat out, a lie. Because if they were capable of taking it from you.... they would be buying the house themselves without you. The whole reason they are dragging you into this mess, is because they can't take over a house. And the reason they can't buy a house, (I would wager) is because the bank knows they are not good for the money. You buy this house for them, you know what you just made yourself? You made yourself, their personal bank. And they are going to make you go broke. You need to flat out, put your foot firmly on the ground in front of them, and say... NO... Just "No". "No" is a complete sentence in the English language. Honor your parents, doesn't mean do everything they say. Be an adult. Take charge of your life. I don't care how much you claim to need a place to stay. THIS, what you are talking about... not the way. This is not your path. This is the path to hell on Earth, that is paved with good intentions. If you really want to leave, you need to get a better job, find someplace that pays more money, and get a rental. You say you want to leave the State, maybe NOW is that time. Or go to your Church, talk with your pastor, ask if any woman like you, needs a roommate, or is willing to split a rental. BY THE WAY.... Another reason that you need to absolutely not do this deal, is because your parents were checking your credit score behind your back. That is not just horrible, it is terrifying. Your parents have no business whatsoever, in checking up on your personal finances. Now don't go telling them this... that doesn't work. What I would do, is close your accounts at your bank, and open new accounts at a new banks. And I would put a fraud alert on your credit. Honestly... because if they have your information so they can get your credit score.... what else are these people into? Truthfully. If you have any accounts your parents know about.... close them. If you have your bank account at the same bank as your parents, I'd switch banks. What they are doing is really uncool. That is not something I would tolerate. Edited July 13, 2020 by LonerAndy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figure of eighty Posted July 13, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 243 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 1,554 Content Per Day: 0.77 Reputation: 872 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted July 13, 2020 4 hours ago, LonerAndy said: First, off, you don't move in with a boyfriend. Period. Whether you have a boyfriend you trust or not, you do NOT LIVE WITH BOYFRIENDS. G-d does not bless those who shackup. Great way to screw up your life. Don't do that. So let's move on from that. Second, you are only a slave as much as you allow other people to dictate your life. If you let your parents tell you that you are buying a house, then you are a slave. You need to start making choices of your own. No one can force you to do this. No one can make you start acting like an adult. You and you alone have to make the choice with G-d's help, to be and adult. So I'm going to tell you, as someone who has been in the situation you were in... that everything you said is dead on right. Everything you wrote in this post is absolutely correct. Where you said "I just wouldn't feel like an adult" Listen to me... listen... you are absolutely right. I know, because I've done it, and you won't feel like an adult. You will feel like a toddler, following mommy and daddy. DO NOT DO THIS. I'm telling you, everything you are fearing, is G-d's little voice screaming in the back of your mind "don't do this". I truly believe that G-d gave women specifically a special intuition that warns them about things, that me as a dumb man, I just wander into and wonder why my life sucks. That intuition you have is there to give you the warnings you need to avoid disaster. When that warning alarm is going off in your head, you need to pray and listen to that alarm. Why is it going off, and what should I be looking out for? And you just detailed all the problems. Do not do this. Do not buy this house. Tell parents "Sorry, I'm not doing this". On top of this, as a general rule, if you don't plan on staying in the house for at the very least 5 years.... don't buy a house. Don't do it. Rent an apartment. Rent something. Lastly, everything you have told me about your parents, suggests that you are going to end up wrecking your life. Just think this through with me... Your parents are saying "well, we'll just take it from you" That's a lie. Honestly, that is flat out, a lie. Because if they were capable of taking it from you.... they would be buying the house themselves without you. The whole reason they are dragging you into this mess, is because they can't take over a house. And the reason they can't buy a house, (I would wager) is because the bank knows they are not good for the money. You buy this house for them, you know what you just made yourself? You made yourself, their personal bank. And they are going to make you go broke. You need to flat out, put your foot firmly on the ground in front of them, and say... NO... Just "No". "No" is a complete sentence in the English language. Honor your parents, doesn't mean do everything they say. Be an adult. Take charge of your life. I don't care how much you claim to need a place to stay. THIS, what you are talking about... not the way. This is not your path. This is the path to hell on Earth, that is paved with good intentions. If you really want to leave, you need to get a better job, find someplace that pays more money, and get a rental. You say you want to leave the State, maybe NOW is that time. Or go to your Church, talk with your pastor, ask if any woman like you, needs a roommate, or is willing to split a rental. BY THE WAY.... Another reason that you need to absolutely not do this deal, is because your parents were checking your credit score behind your back. That is not just horrible, it is terrifying. Your parents have no business whatsoever, in checking up on your personal finances. Now don't go telling them this... that doesn't work. What I would do, is close your accounts at your bank, and open new accounts at a new banks. And I would put a fraud alert on your credit. Honestly... because if they have your information so they can get your credit score.... what else are these people into? Truthfully. If you have any accounts your parents know about.... close them. If you have your bank account at the same bank as your parents, I'd switch banks. What they are doing is really uncool. That is not something I would tolerate. lol this thread was a year ago. i didn't do it. i got a car instead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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