Figure of eighty Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 243 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 1,554 Content Per Day: 0.77 Reputation: 872 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) As I've stated before I just feel like I'm in a deep shadowy dark place , Like I feel I'm behind God while others walk beside him. I know , that God cares for me a little bit because he has helped me with some things in my life. But I don't hear God, experience His leadings, I have no clue what conviction feels like... Nothing I read in the Bible feels like it speaks to me or resonates with me personally. I feel a bit depressed I'm not like other Christians who freely trust God and are happy and you can see God shinning through them. As I'm typing this I'm close to crying because its so hard. I watch some Christian youtubers and wonder, why can't I be like that? One I watch has every blessing imaginable, well they both do. Both walk close to God, they hear him,feel him, sense his guidance. They have beautiful homes, Godly husbands and healthy children--theyre living in Gods blessings.. and before anyone objects or questions. Ive been saved since 2010 and ive been baptized with water and his spirit so this is definitely the end of the road for me.... and it saddens me. It makes me wonder like, why is it that it seems theres only one type of life that serves as this cookie cutter guidline to what being spirit filled and led Christian is like? Meaning, you always hear God, there no silent dry periods--you're always successful in everything you do,have children that are healthy and just a perfect life in general. Why can't someone single struggling with poverty, no kids be an example as well? Because I lack those spiritual and material things and it makes me feel like something is wrong or missing idk. I feel this book really speaks to me, its called blessed are the misfits by Brent Hansen, I haven't read it yet but I definitely know its for me. Its about Christians who struggle with doubt, trust who don't fit in with the spiritual world as a typical Christian... and that's me just odd. I don't fit in spiritually or in the natural world. I just feel like I'm in limbo...just invisible to both parties. The best way I can describe my relationship with God is just numb, silent and dark no matter how hard I try -- sort of how mother Teresa describes her's when God just kind of removed himself from her. (Not saying I'm anything like her at all. I'm not I could never match her in devotion or faith so please don't assume that..Im just describing that lonely feeling) I just feel alone spiritually and physically dealing with one or the other is manageable but dealing with both is pretty hellish. I just wish I a Christian model that was like me , not the typical Christian..but someone who didn't have morning coffee with God , struggled to hear him, was in their late 20's or 30's still single, just doesn't have it all together but still was devoted to God and despite not being married,having children or friends or hearing God well..... just knew God was with them and for them and they were in Gods will. I really don't know if such people exist. I know some do in the bible...like the poor beggar. I know in todays world someone would look at him and see his issues and the fact it never got better but he died in it and would probably deem him cursed... but I just wonder why someone who holds up in the face of a constant or never ending storm can't be the face, or one of the faces of what Christianity looks like. Why is it always perfect people with perfect faith, that have both spiritual and material blessings? idk ...idk where I fit. But I do know despite how I feel ll try to watch another chirtian video that addresses my feelings and well help me like it did last night. idk I just hope there's hope for misfits like myself. It seems some people enjoy both spiritual and material blessings here on this plane while some may have to wait untl the after life to enjoy them like that beggar. For me personally, I'm working on giving up things that I deeply desired such as a significant other , friends, an art career, a decent home as one,those things are material and they've been an incredible stumbling block that would make me angry towards God... so idk maybe its best to give those things up. I just don't think I'm meant to have an enthralling life... maybe I'm supposed to live humble pay check to pay check..i really don't know... I also don't know if God is calling me to singleness, I hve a deep strong desire to marry but our desires aren't always his will and despite the desire it can just never pan out it happens. but based on my life.. even though I despise singlness and don't want it I feel perhaps he's calling me towards it because I'm always alone. idk sorry this is just me getting a lot of things off my chest and out of my mind. Edited February 13, 2019 by Figure of eighty 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figure of eighty Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 243 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 1,554 Content Per Day: 0.77 Reputation: 872 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 16 minutes ago, Dove said: Don't be envious of others. No one is perfect and everyone has challenges to face even if they are born with a golden spoon in their mouth or appear to live a happy-go-lucky life. That basically sums me up. My offer is still available if you want to talk. what offer? but sure we can definitely talk. I have a lot to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figure of eighty Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 243 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 1,554 Content Per Day: 0.77 Reputation: 872 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) 17 minutes ago, Dove said: I sent you a pm on January the 28th. I'll have to check that. I wasn't on here for awhile. I kinda feel like I'm falling into a dark place-- I feel like I'm bored with god and I don't desire him at all.. I feel my faith is hanging on by a thread and that is so close to snapping. I feel I'm very very close to losing God completely and finally. I just don't know what to do. I have no desire to read, it feels boring watching sermons.. idk I feel like this a weeding out process for me. Edited February 13, 2019 by Figure of eighty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
existential mabel Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Royal Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 151 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 3,149 Content Per Day: 1.05 Reputation: 2,066 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/12/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 hey Figure of eighty for the longest time i have felt like you and have similiar things missing in my life. and trapped between two worlds the spiritual and the material and not fitting into either. in fact the evangelical church ended up distressing me deeply as it kept in my opinion rubbing salt into what was missing and i was supposed to be happy about it or try harder. left that in 2014 anyway just near christmas that changed somewhat as i couldnt do anything at christmas. i wasnt allowed to drive for 30 days. and i had a simple christmas and a quiet one. and yet i felt really peaceful which was all the more remarkable as i had a heavy cloud hanging over me. so yeah i would say that things have changed but its not happy ever after and it can never be this side of heaven imo. i bascially had no where else to turn God was the only option. the time alone and the fear lurking in the background somewhat focused my mind in a way that has not happened before but i dont recommend it lol. gee why cant i do this in a more gentile way!!!! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr3032 Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 332 Content Per Day: 0.16 Reputation: 273 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/23/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 Instead of thinking of it like a deep, dark place, maybe... Think of it like the wilderness that Moses led the Israelites through on their way to the promised land. They were a stiffnecked people, casting that golden calf and Korah's rebellion. Even Moses and Aaron, for not following God's instruction exactly, were not permitted to cross the Jordan. This period, from Egypt to Israel, was a time of transition. Even then, once Israel was settled, it wasn't like everything was perfect. The land went through it's ups and downs. I guess what i'm trying to say is that, nobody on this Earth is perfect. They may seem like it, but it is not so. Many folks are concerned about how they "appear" to others, thinking that by looking perfect, it may convert others as well. I'm certainly not perfect; i've had my eyes wander and my tongue lash out far too many times to claim as much. Rather than look at these youtubers or even me, you need to look at yourself. As for the reading, I wouldn't fret. When I read through the Bible the first time, it felt rather uneventful. Not completely so, of course, but there was a lot of "oh boy, now we count the tribes of Israel again, yadda yadda..." and "yet another city prophesied against, and then another city prophesied against..." Especially the OT, it felt much like a historical record rather than something to pay too much mind to. The second time reading it, though, I picked up on many more things. If I had to recommend a few verses to think about, then this: Mark 2:17 On hearing this, Jesus told them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Matthew 13:31-32 He set another man before him, saying, "The kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, that a man took, and sowed in his field, which indeed is smaller than all seeds. But when it is grown, it is greater than the herbs, and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in it's branches." 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figure of eighty Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 243 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 1,554 Content Per Day: 0.77 Reputation: 872 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 4 minutes ago, Dove said: Than work on improving your relationship with God. A great place to start is by thanking Him for all the things He has provided including the stuff you use daily that is often taken for granted. Thank Him for the good things in your life and pray for Him to help you deal with the bad. You might not make it through the later unscathed but you will prevail. I'll start by thanking I guess. I still feel up in the air and I just feel I'm drifting away and wanting relationships more than God because it registers on my 5 senses where as God doesn't I just feel he hides from me and has been for years. it just feels like a futile attempt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Figure of eighty Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 243 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 1,554 Content Per Day: 0.77 Reputation: 872 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/15/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) 22 minutes ago, existential mabel said: hey Figure of eighty for the longest time i have felt like you and have similiar things missing in my life. and trapped between two worlds the spiritual and the material and not fitting into either. in fact the evangelical church ended up distressing me deeply as it kept in my opinion rubbing salt into what was missing and i was supposed to be happy about it or try harder. left that in 2014 anyway just near christmas that changed somewhat as i couldnt do anything at christmas. i wasnt allowed to drive for 30 days. and i had a simple christmas and a quiet one. and yet i felt really peaceful which was all the more remarkable as i had a heavy cloud hanging over me. so yeah i would say that things have changed but its not happy ever after and it can never be this side of heaven imo. i bascially had no where else to turn God was the only option. the time alone and the fear lurking in the background somewhat focused my mind in a way that has not happened before but i dont recommend it lol. gee why cant i do this in a more gentile way!!!! I'm glad I'm not the only one. I really don't know how to fix this feeling-- I know myself and I feel i'll run to someone to try to get rid of these feelings of depression and loneliness and God will catch me when I fall time and time again. its an endless cycle but I'm becoming so apathetic to it I just..idk I'm starting not to care. I feel whats happening is that I'm starting to not want God I see it happening but I feel I cant do anything about it. I don't know how to make myself desire,want or love God. I feel so thoroughly disappointed and let down by him that I just want to give up and I'm just being honest...I hope God respects my honesty. Edited February 13, 2019 by Figure of eighty 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mal'ak Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 60 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 28 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/09/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) Matthew 6:31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? Matthew 6:32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. Matthew 6:33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. There will always be those with what seems the perfect life, they have their trials. But perhaps your trial is the Father not giving you those things, and him watching to see if you stay faithful to him. I can not speak of them, I can not speak for you, I can hardly even speak for myself because I do not take weekend drives to Heaven to speak directly to the Father either. The thing to remember is that we are all strangers in this life, passing through quickly heading for our real home in Heaven. Like Jesus said; make sure you are good with the Father today, let tomorrow worry about tomorrow. I can only suggest you judge your ways; if you are doing your best to obey the law, repenting for your sins, being thankful for what the Father has given you, doing works for him, and asking for his guidance to be the best Christian you can be then you are probably on the right path. That is why envy is one of the biggest sins, because the Father knows if we compare ourselves to each other in envious ways, we will never feel good about ourselves and satan can sneak in to pull us off our path. Feel good about being you, the Father will take care of the rest. Romans 8:5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. Romans 8:6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Edited February 13, 2019 by Mal'ak 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOrangeCat Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 57 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,397 Content Per Day: 0.27 Reputation: 1,818 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/24/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 Christians come from all walks of life. Believe me, we also have our periods where we're not happy with God or feel like we're not hearing from God. But after earnest prayer and seeking we do hear eventually. There's often something to be learned in the waiting. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustPassingThru Posted February 13, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,979 Content Per Day: 0.99 Reputation: 2,112 Days Won: 1 Joined: 10/23/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted February 13, 2019 Hi, I want to start off by encouraging you, ...have hope, there always is hope..., I went 13 years all alone, without anyone like minded, a born again child of God to talk too, but God is faithful and I always knew He was there with me, ...how did I know, because His Word promises He would never leave me or forsake me, even in those lonely times He was there, how did I know He was there, from reading His Word, may I humbly suggest you start in Genesis 1 and read through to Revelation 22, and when you have finished, ...read through again and again and again, He is our Best Friend and He is Always there waiting for us, all we have to do is open the Book and start reading, ...it's okay if you don't understand what you are reading, just faithfully read, the more of His Word you have in you the more He can speak to you and the more you will start to understand, ...look at what the writer of Hebrews has recorded for us: God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds; Heb 1:1, 2 Do you see what that is saying precious one, ...every time you read the Word, Jesus is speaking to you, you personally, ...meditate on that, the Creator of the Universe is waiting to talk to you and be the Best Friend you are looking for! Lord bless 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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