What should I do?

[Xethea]

I have an important question. 

This question involves a bit of a long explanation involving sexual sin. 

Let's say if I had sex at 13, had a baby and left my date forever because my mother moved across the country, then at 15 I had sex with another person and had another baby that I gave up for adoption, then I married ther next person and we had a baby, but a month later we divorced and left them forever, then I married another person at 21, but we just moved without getting a divorcement, and I have no clue where they are after many years, so I dated someone who is divorced, then I lived with them, we had sex and a baby, then I get saved by Jesus and for many years I've been stuck in a rough financial boat, I have 3 kids living here,  a 13 year old, a 12 year old and a 4 year old. The 4 year old is with my date now who I live with and have for years. I'm still legally married to the person far away somewhere. 

 

I got saved just last year. I want to do God's will. But i don't see how it's possible for me to support my family financially. I even have to take care of my mother who is on disability. Without my date working, I couldn't pay the bills by myself and I know my mother can't help.

 

Should I leave this date? Should I get a divorcement with that other person from years ago and marry my date? Should I never marry anyone? What are my options now? I know I have sinned and been forgiven. Now where does God want me to go? I'm not in love with this date, and they aren't saved, but I need their help. I use to feel like I loved then romantically until I got saved because now they try to tell me to stop reading the bible or teaching the kids. 

 

[R. Hartono]

You need to do a long time fasting like Daniel, Faith does not grow in one day or one month or one year, Daniel n Moses lived thru hardships for decades with prayer Faith n fasting.

Edited February 19, 2019 by R. Hartono

[Willa]

You claim to be male but have had several babies.   The sounds like a hypothetical case in one of your stories, since you are teaching the truth of Christ.  The post is just wrong from so many things you state.  If it is genuine I would suggest you ask for one on one counseling, and you should not be teaching because you are an adulterer still living in sin.  

[Who me]

16 hours ago, Xethea said:

What are my options now?

I'm not qulified to give advice on a situation as mixed up as yours.

I can only suggest that you talk to your minister. He is the one you will be going to for councelling, for advice and for help.

[Xethea]

14 hours ago, Willa said:

You claim to be male but have had several babies.   The sounds like a hypothetical case in one of your stories, since you are teaching the truth of Christ.  The post is just wrong from so many things you state.  If it is genuine I would suggest you ask for one on one counseling, and you should not be teaching because you are an adulterer still living in sin.  

 

14 hours ago, Willa said:

You claim to be male but have had several babies.   The sounds like a hypothetical case in one of your stories, since you are teaching the truth of Christ.  The post is just wrong from so many things you state.  If it is genuine I would suggest you ask for one on one counseling, and you should not be teaching because you are an adulterer still living in sin.  

I could be sharing this account with someone. Someone could have hacked my account and asked this question. Other things too, but I said "let's say..." as I began the explanation because it's not me. I am wondering what would you people think a person in this situation should do according to scripture and your beliefs? I know many lives live this with both men and woman. Yeah, I can see how some of you say "I had a baby" means im a woman, but no. That's assuming that's what I mean. I wasn't specific enough to mean that clearly. I tell people I had a baby last year" but im not a woman, but they understand I have a child though im not the woman who have birth. Sometimes the man takes the children, mothers don't always keep them when they separate. I didn't use any "he she his her boyfriend or girlfriend" to describe who anyone was. That shouldn't matter. Sin is sin the same way for both genders. So to say im a woman or a man from that message, is taking or out of context, misunderstanding it, and even adding to it. That makes me wonder how some of you view scripture then. No offense.

[Xethea]

18 minutes ago, Who me said:

I'm not qulified to give advice on a situation as mixed up as yours.

I can only suggest that you talk to your minister. He is the one you will be going to for councelling, for advice and for help.

Thats a good idea, but barely anyone has a minister. Many Christians today don't even have a chapel they go to. To say minister, no one even calls anyone that here. I'm not sure if you mean pastor or something in that term. This person is more just living out in the boonies, far from the city, living with their children and a date, they don't have a chapel, though they could find one, they work all the time, so they barely ever even get enough sleep. With that in mind, if it was me, it would even take quite awhile for me to get an answer or advice I fully trust from a pastor or counselor if I have to find a new place first to meet them, because I need to know if they are right with God and correct about his word or else I think i could fall into a mess if I just listen to any pastor. That would take quite awhile. Like the other person said about fasting and praying, that's a great idea. But day by day, they're living in sin. So is the right idea is to, for example,  basically keep living with porn all over your house and don't get it off the walls and in the trash until you have found your answer? They know they are committing a sin, but they don't know what to do with it because of the consequences in either direction. I'd they break up, it looks like they go homeless with the children. If they stay together, it's it biblical to divorce who you are with to marry this person you've been cheating and committing fornication with? If they just stay live they are, they feel guilt of sin. So they are hoping for a clear answer from God or someone there's more people live this than you probably expect.  That's more of what the question is about. 

[Xethea]

15 hours ago, Willa said:

You claim to be male but have had several babies.   The sounds like a hypothetical case in one of your stories, since you are teaching the truth of Christ.  The post is just wrong from so many things you state.  If it is genuine I would suggest you ask for one on one counseling, and you should not be teaching because you are an adulterer still living in sin.  

I get your point but you don't get mine. You obviously were not reading correctly or paying very close attention. Even the way I'm speaking is much more clear than The Parables of Jesus Christ. Just say for example that I did not use the words he he she boyfriend girlfriend his hers and so on, I was never claiming who is a he or she. You take it and you assumed that I was talking about me having the babies come out of my private parts. But no babies come from men and women. Not just women. I'm very sure you understand that as it's common sense to even little kids. But I said I had a baby and I said we had babies. If I would go around this world right now I can say as a man that I had a baby. How? Well it's because I had something to do with the sexual production. Therefore if the woman who has my baby that I helped create and I still had a baby and so did she. So to just say, I had a baby,  I didn't say that I was the one popping the baby out I'm just saying that I created a child who it came to this world. So in this context the way I described it, that could have been man or woman. For example my biological father in reality. He's had a son he's had a daughter he had another daughter he had another son he had another daughter. He can say I have five babies. But you think it's just a woman because there is more than one baby or that there was multiple people. He had all his babies with all different women. So to say she could have been that guy in the relationship and he kept the babies instead of the woman keeping his babies. It can go either way to say that I had babies does not mean that I am man or woman

 

Edited February 19, 2019 by Xethea

[Deborah_]

I don't think there's any one 'right' answer to a situation as complex as this.

 

There are however some Biblical principles to bring to bear on it.

1) When you become a Christian, Christ draws a line under your past life. You may have some present responsibilities arising from what you have done in the past, but you can't go back to it. (e.g. you should support any children you have from past relationships as far as you are able, but you can't re-create those relationships. You are starting from scratch in your present relationship)

2) Marriage and divorce are one-way doors (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Divorce is not a 'good' thing, but it's a very serious thing and it can't be undone. So you should not abandon your present partner in order to go back to a past one. (I appreciate you didn't mention that as an option, but I'm covering all possibilities). So I would say it is OK to get a proper divorce in order to marry your present partner.

3) Whether your present relationship has a future is not something that I can judge. But religious incompatibility is one of the few grounds for divorce permitted in Scripture (I Corinthians 7:12-16).

 

You should seek God's will, with help from the leader/minister/pastor of your church who knows you personally. This is one reason why we need to be members of a church - so that we don't end up making such momentous decisions on our own.

[other one]

the first thing you should do is have a vasectomy....     

[Xethea]

3 minutes ago, Deborah_ said:

I don't think there's any one 'right' answer to a situation as complex as this.

 

There are however some Biblical principles to bring to bear on it.

1) When you become a Christian, Christ draws a line under your past life. You may have some present responsibilities arising from what you have done in the past, but you can't go back to it. (e.g. you should support any children you have from past relationships as far as you are able, but you can't re-create those relationships. You are starting from scratch in your present relationship)

2) Marriage and divorce are one-way doors (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Divorce is not a 'good' thing, but it's a very serious thing and it can't be undone. So you should not abandon your present partner in order to go back to a past one. (I appreciate you didn't mention that as an option, but I'm covering all possibilities). So I would say it is OK to get a proper divorce in order to marry your present partner.

3) Whether your present relationship has a future is not something that I can judge. But religious incompatibility is one of the few grounds for divorce permitted in Scripture (I Corinthians 7:12-16).

 

You should seek God's will, with help from the leader/minister/pastor of your church who knows you personally. This is one reason why we need to be members of a church - so that we don't end up making such momentous decisions on our own.

I hope you understood in the description oh, that the partner who this person is dating is it on a Godly person who does not follow the will of God who does not believe in God and who wants them to stop reading the Bible in the house and stop sharing the word of God with the children. Does that ever sound like that would be the will of God to stay with a person like that and marry them? Yes the Lord has erased the things of the past. But this person were talking about explaining their entire future with this decision. I would get the idea that this person came into that person's life by Satan and sinful things such as sexual sinful Temptations to have fornication. I wouldn't find that the will of God to be in my life anymore but that's me. Now there are all sorts of verses about marriage and divorce. Scripture says in the New Testament, someone should not marry someone who is divorced. Someone should not marry someone who is defiled. Of course we all know God doesn't want people to get a divorce. 

 

So in this case, the man has divorced and the woman divorced. One of them married a second spouse and then just left moved away. So they are legally still married to that person they have not seen for a few years. And even with all of that, this person is only dating and living with this person for money even now that they are saying that's the reason they are doing it.  They already get the idea that their spouse it's not a very helpful partner in God's will, they are using them as a financial tool to help provide for the family. This person feel so guilty of their sin they refused to have sex many times. Every time they do it they feel like they're committing adultery over and over again that they have for years. This other person likes to get this person drunk when they refuse to have sex that way they'll open up easy to it and just give in. They are not in love. One person is wanting to use their partner as a financial help and for sex and the other just wants to use them as financial help. This person isn't saying "oh I love my partner so much I care about them so much I'm romantically in love and this is the person God wants me to be with," that's not what they're thinking. As I basically explained, they are thinking more like this, "I'm having fornication day by day I have been sitting for years and I am forgiven for that now. And now I realize I was someone who is very ungodly, I'm trying to do God's Will and this person is telling me now that I can't read the Bible and I can teach my children the Bible because we just need to watch nasty Hollywood movies all day long and play video games. But if I leave this person, then I'm going to go homeless and lose my children and not be able to take care of my mother. I must have financial help because I just can't find the faith to trust that God it's going to provide but I feel like I should trust God but there's no evidence that God is going to take care of me. How can I even be sure if God doesn't want me to just marry this person because we've already had sex and live together and now we have a child together"

 

Verses tell them divorcement is wrong. The scriptures tell him that they should not marry someone who is divorced. And as they read it there's not really anything explaining to them they're crazy situation. If they were to take that verse literally as straightforward as it is, this person wanders if they're going to commit that sick. For the fact it hasn't happened yet this would be a new sin in their life that they would disobey the word of God. So this is not a sin of the past we're talking about a sin to come.

 

The way I have received scripture before I was even married Connor if I went around and has sex with somebody before marriage, then I'm left with two options after I have sinned. One I marry that person I had fornication with to make it right. Or either I am to not marry them and not marry anyone else either for the rest of my life. Because the Bible tells me clearly that we are not to marry someone who has been defiled. To say if I got married the right way , and then my spouse cheated on me, and I wanted a divorcement and we divorced, thanks scripture clearly tells me that I am not marry anyone for the rest of my life for I chose to give up on the person I was with even if I had a good reason. But here's where I find that we are allowed to marry someone else, is that if we have lived with our spouse and they have died, then we are allowed to marry someone again. What is interesting about my beliefs, is that the person who is going through this, the mother they are taking care of has done this in her own life and she agrees with me. The mother married a Muslim and the Muslim was teaching her business and helping her a lot and one day he needed to go on a business trip back to his country, and he married a second wife without even confronting his first wife that he was doing that. So she wanted a divorce meant and she left him and that really is what led their children down to living a sinful path of fornication. Your mother had to work all the time in order to provide for the children that she had, doing so she never watched over her children and she did not get a babysitter. So her children all got to go off and have sex at the age of 13 or even possibly sooner because we only know they had a child at 13. The mother found that she could marry for financial help even if it was romance or not, but when she reads scripture about what to do when you have divorced, she finds that if she was to marry someone she would be disobeying what the Bible teaches.

 

Overall the person we are talking about wants to do the will of God but they are fearful.  I think they want to leave who are they are with, what they just worried about how that would affect the children and how that would affect their finances.  I understand that and they are praying about their situation. I asked to hear from you guys when you what you biblically find correct that a person should do and should not do.