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Praying for a former infatuation?


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I'm in an odd situation, one that led me to this forum to begin with.

Recently, I've been trying to use a prayer journal and pray for specific individuals. In that time, I've felt a very strong desire to pray for an individual that I used to be infatuated with, whom I have not been in contact with in some years.

The problem: back then, I idolized and lusted after this person. I genuinely placed them before God in pretty much every area of my life. Ex: he was on the worship band, so I stared at him during worship. He was funny, so I always thought of his jokes during church services. I would be so upset on days that he wouldn't talk to me, but I rarely ever prayed. (I know, I'm ashamed just thinking about it.)

God told me in no uncertain terms that this person was not the one for me, even when I was still trying to hold on.

Back to the present: I am actively trying to stop thinking about this person, and though it's taken some time, I've been mostly successful. I've been more focused on growing in my relationship with God than ever before, and I'm almost always in prayer. I have felt a call to pray for that person, their walk with Christ, their resistance to temptation, finding a community of believers, and so on.

However, I do not trust my intentions. I don't know if this is truly God moving on my heart to pray for this person, or if this is me trying to stay attached to this person through prayer.

If this is God's will, I don't want my fears to stop me--especially if this person really is wrestling with their faith. However, if this is just my flesh, I don't want to let myself fall back into old patterns of sin (lust and idolatry).

So I guess my question is, is this God or my flesh talking? What advice would you give me on handling this situation?

I have asked God for confirmation on whether or not this is Him. I have also asked a family member, a couple people who are more spiritually mature than me, and a couple friends. Now I'm asking for your input.

Please help! Thanks!

Edited by dazeddaisy
Added a question that I accidentally left out
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Shalom dazeddaisy,

First of all, thank you for sharing so honestly.  From how I understand your situation from above, my advice would be as follows...

Have you repented of idolising this guy? If you haven't, I would advise to do this first.   If the Father has laid him on your heart, it could be to convict you of this (as you do sound as though convicted).  It could be that you have him on your heart because subconciously you still hold him in high regard. Again, repentance on this matter would be a good thing.

I don't say this to bring you down or make you sad sister!  Because infatuation is a powerful emotion and, in some ways, can be more overwhelming than true love.  Infatuation controls our thoughts, reason, and wisdom, placing someone or something at the centre who can do no wrong.  Reason doesn't matter when you are in that trap. I appreciate that.

From a psychological viewpoint, the subconscious can try to make patterns in all we think about. And, at times, it can even try to cleverly justify our negative thoughts to be as if intentionally planted by the Lord. So then, how can we tell?  I would say that if you are posting in this forum, in the way you have, that gives me the feeling that it may not be from the Lord and is rather from your flesh.  If God has not given you a confirmation, it usually means his last answer still stands. You wrote that his previous answer was that this guy was not the one for you...

Therefore my sister, I would say to repent of idolising this guy (if you haven't already) and to think soberly. This guy is not perfect - although the infatuation tells you otherwise. The chances are he has many flaws and, if you were with him, your illusion of who you think he is would soon start to fail. So, let him go. 

Now, you are not the only one who can pray for him.  If the Lord wants you to and you don't, He will make it abundantly clear!  If your flesh wants you to and you don't, the flesh will soon lose interest and try to exploit a weakness elsewhere.

Take every thought captive! Remember, your flesh would see your spirit fail if it would benefit it. So fight it!  It will not continue to battle you forever if your resolve is more stubborn.  Be encouraged my sister.  You can do this.

Love & Shalom

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5 hours ago, Tzephanyahu said:

Shalom dazeddaisy,

First of all, thank you for sharing so honestly.  From how I understand your situation from above, my advice would be as follows...

Have you repented of idolising this guy? If you haven't, I would advise to do this first.   If the Father has laid him on your heart, it could be to convict you of this (as you do sound as though convicted).  It could be that you have him on your heart because subconciously you still hold him in high regard. Again, repentance on this matter would be a good thing.

I don't say this to bring you down or make you sad sister!  Because infatuation is a powerful emotion and, in some ways, can be more overwhelming than true love.  Infatuation controls our thoughts, reason, and wisdom, placing someone or something at the centre who can do no wrong.  Reason doesn't matter when you are in that trap. I appreciate that.

From a psychological viewpoint, the subconscious can try to make patterns in all we think about. And, at times, it can even try to cleverly justify our negative thoughts to be as if intentionally planted by the Lord. So then, how can we tell?  I would say that if you are posting in this forum, in the way you have, that gives me the feeling that it may not be from the Lord and is rather from your flesh.  If God has not given you a confirmation, it usually means his last answer still stands. You wrote that his previous answer was that this guy was not the one for you...

Therefore my sister, I would say to repent of idolising this guy (if you haven't already) and to think soberly. This guy is not perfect - although the infatuation tells you otherwise. The chances are he has many flaws and, if you were with him, your illusion of who you think he is would soon start to fail. So, let him go. 

Now, you are not the only one who can pray for him.  If the Lord wants you to and you don't, He will make it abundantly clear!  If your flesh wants you to and you don't, the flesh will soon lose interest and try to exploit a weakness elsewhere.

Take every thought captive! Remember, your flesh would see your spirit fail if it would benefit it. So fight it!  It will not continue to battle you forever if your resolve is more stubborn.  Be encouraged my sister.  You can do this.

Love & Shalom

Thank you so very much for responding!

I think your answer is the best that I've received over the past couple of days. Especially the line "And, at times, it can even try to cleverly justify our negative thoughts to be as if intentionally planted by the Lord." I absolutely feel that this is what happened, considering the timing. (I start growing closer to God, and all of a sudden I want to pray for this person I used to put before God? Yeah, sounds like a trick.)

I have been repenting of this, but it's only recently that I've called it what it was, which is idolatry. Thank you so very much for your encouragement!

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7 hours ago, dazeddaisy said:

I've felt a very strong desire to pray for an individual that I used to be infatuated with, whom I have not been in contact with in some years.

How do you know what to pray for, for this person?

God wants intelligent accurate prayers from us, that show that we understand the situation and praying for the 'good' of that person.

Saying God 'bless' mr X doesn't meet that requirement.

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3 hours ago, Who me said:

How do you know what to pray for, for this person?

God wants intelligent accurate prayers from us, that show that we understand the situation and praying for the 'good' of that person.

Saying God 'bless' mr X doesn't meet that requirement.

I don't, which is another reason why I felt this was of the flesh, rather than of God. As if I, subconsciously, wanted to continue to idolize this person, so I created a "problem" in my mind that they needed my prayer for. Obviously, that's not okay.

Thank you for your input!

Out of curiosity, why do you say that "God wants intelligent accurate prayers from us, that show that we understand the situation and praying for the 'good' of that person"? I don't disagree; I've just never heard prayer described this way and would like to learn something :)

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11 hours ago, dazeddaisy said:

I'm in an odd situation, one that led me to this forum to begin with.

Recently, I've been trying to use a prayer journal and pray for specific individuals. In that time, I've felt a very strong desire to pray for an individual that I used to be infatuated with, whom I have not been in contact with in some years.

The problem: back then, I idolized and lusted after this person. I genuinely placed them before God in pretty much every area of my life. Ex: he was on the worship band, so I stared at him during worship. He was funny, so I always thought of his jokes during church services. I would be so upset on days that he wouldn't talk to me, but I rarely ever prayed. (I know, I'm ashamed just thinking about it.)

God told me in no uncertain terms that this person was not the one for me, even when I was still trying to hold on.

Back to the present: I am actively trying to stop thinking about this person, and though it's taken some time, I've been mostly successful. I've been more focused on growing in my relationship with God than ever before, and I'm almost always in prayer. I have felt a call to pray for that person, their walk with Christ, their resistance to temptation, finding a community of believers, and so on.

However, I do not trust my intentions. I don't know if this is truly God moving on my heart to pray for this person, or if this is me trying to stay attached to this person through prayer.

If this is God's will, I don't want my fears to stop me--especially if this person really is wrestling with their faith. However, if this is just my flesh, I don't want to let myself fall back into old patterns of sin (lust and idolatry).

So I guess my question is, is this God or my flesh talking? What advice would you give me on handling this situation?

I have asked God for confirmation on whether or not this is Him. I have also asked a family member, a couple people who are more spiritually mature than me, and a couple friends. Now I'm asking for your input.

Please help! Thanks!

It sounds like you were obsessed with this person. Do you have OCD? It sounds like you have given this whole situation to God. That is good. Just sit back and see where God leads you. He will open and close doors in your life for the plan He has for you. 

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11 hours ago, dazeddaisy said:

God told me in no uncertain terms that this person was not the one for me, even when I was still trying to hold on.

 

Really?  Are you sure? No need to share back publicly, but maybe ask why am I so sure God will not want me to see is this person now?   And then why not rather than dither around praying this and that about  your attraction, just ask  of someone to  be  an intermediary to see if  there is good reason for you  to be thinking of him now or not. If so hey why have regret why not instead seek out God's will by making some contact?

Good things happen to those who help make them happen.  May God bless.

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2 hours ago, missmuffet said:

It sounds like you were obsessed with this person. Do you have OCD? It sounds like you have given this whole situation to God. That is good. Just sit back and see where God leads you. He will open and close doors in your life for the plan He has for you. 

I think I was obsessed with this person (yikes! Thank God for deliverance), but I don't think I have OCD. I've never been diagnosed, and I've never really had any other obsessive tendencies anywhere else in my life. At the time of obsession/infatuation, however, I was in a very spiritually dark place (involving some new age/occultism) that I'm certain exacerbated the issue. Add onto that that this person was a "first love" of sorts, and it's a recipe for disaster.

I have given the situation to God for certain. I never want to go back to where I was, which is why this situation was so concerning.

2 hours ago, Neighbor said:

Really?  Are you sure? No need to share back publicly, but maybe ask why am I so sure God will not want me to see is this person now?   And then why not rather than dither around praying this and that about  your attraction, just ask  of someone to  be  an intermediary to see if  there is good reason for you  to be thinking of him now or not. If so hey why have regret why not instead seek out God's will by making some contact?

Good things happen to those who help make them happen.  May God bless.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. When I say I was DEEP in sin because of the way I idolized this person, I mean it. God told me even while I was sinning that I shouldn't attach myself to that person. When I tried to go against His will, He removed him from my life. As upset as I was at the time, God has convicted me. I really don't want to run the risk of going back to where I was.

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3 minutes ago, dazeddaisy said:

I think I was obsessed with this person (yikes! Thank God for deliverance), but I don't think I have OCD. I've never been diagnosed, and I've never really had any other obsessive tendencies anywhere else in my life. At the time of obsession/infatuation, however, I was in a very spiritually dark place (involving some new age/occultism) that I'm certain exacerbated the issue. Add onto that that this person was a "first love" of sorts, and it's a recipe for disaster.

I have given the situation to God for certain. I never want to go back to where I was, which is why this situation was so concerning.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. When I say I was DEEP in sin because of the way I idolized this person, I mean it. God told me even while I was sinning that I shouldn't attach myself to that person. When I tried to go against His will, He removed him from my life. As upset as I was at the time, God has convicted me. I really don't want to run the risk of going back to where I was.

Well there's your answer spelled out by your own fingers, eh? May God take away this renewed, and now manifesting as prayer, infatuation. Amen, and God bless.

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On 2/19/2019 at 7:21 PM, dazeddaisy said:

"God wants intelligent accurate prayers from us, that show that we understand the situation and praying for the 'good' of that person"

Look at the prayers offered to God through out the bible. They all show that the person praying has thought deeply about the situation and is using his intelligence to understand the situation, the bible and to express his hoped for result.

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