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How do I get some one to want to date me


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On 3/7/2019 at 4:13 PM, enoob57 said:

I especially like the club and drag method :happyhappy:
1989282683_compmecharliecavemanclubdraglucy245.jpg.ce6c34f624ad330522fe0b07d3c6e1b5.jpg

Craziest Grandpa I've ever had the privilege of meeting. ??. I agree 100%

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On 3/2/2019 at 10:38 PM, strebe said:

How do I get some one to want to date me

The better question I believe everyone should be asking is "Who can I find to marry me?" 

 

first of all, its not true you have to date to find the person to know who to marry. I PROVED that with my marriage. Never dated them, yet we got to know each other and got married. Reality. 

Next, in this generation, it's what men tend to use to manipulate women all the time to want to win them, not to love them. Whether its just to not be lonely, want sex, excited to be with anyone, kissing, dates are fun, etc. Most of the time dating anyone who even thinks they love you, it is for themselves, not you. But girls have an awful difficult time realizing that. But women do this too. You can never say you were cheated on or felt heart broken if you never dated, it could only be for your marriage.

 

Dating is a terrible idea for many reasons. There were years i did it, they sucked and costed me many problems for the rest of my life. Whenever i stopped dating, i could just make friends, and marry one of them as my wife.

 

Think about it, dating should be for marriage, but for most people, them being honest will tell you they just like to date, they dont want to marry yet. The idea SHOULD be, if you're going to date, that you need to date when you ARE READY to get married. You're financially set, you're independent, you're mature, you're prepared to have your sex life under control, you're still planning to live your marriage for God, and your main intention is to marry the person to love them and make them happy and help them, not them love you and make you happy. 

 

Overall, i just advise you not to date, get to know everyone, you'll eventually click with that person, be sure it's the one God has planned for you, and marry when the time is right. That simple.

 

Even asking such a question "how do i get someone to date me? want me? love me? etc." 

Are you asking if we can tell you how to act, live, cover up, dress, etc. In other words, we need to tell you how to be someone else that you are not, we need to tell you to do things you wouldnt normally do, so that someone else can THINK you're different, that way they will want to be with you? Yeah, that's a mans average strategy of winning a woman, being a man they arent acting like someone else to make her like him. then as they marry, he stops all that because he won the prize, no more need to act anymore. Suddenly, the woman is shocked he changed and wishes he could go back to his old self before they married. Yet she doesnt get, that never was the real him, that was him getting advice how to trick you to want to be with him because he wasnt just being himself and thats why you liked him. 

 

This is, no offense, but a very stupid question because you miss the whole point of what dating and marriage should be.

Edited by Xethea
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On 3/8/2019 at 7:28 PM, naominash said:

1. Good hygiene

2. Smile and be friendly.

3. Get the Living Water so you won't be thirsty for the opposite sex to notice you. People can sense thirst. Especially other thirsty people.

4. Don't do what feels or looks unnatural to you. Be confident in your own skin.

5. Be helpful and useful.

6. Be comfortable in your sexuality/ distict gender.

7. Always put the Kingdom first. Put Jesus first. Be led by the Spirit and by the truth of God's Word.

 

You'll be just fine. 

I declare that in Jesus' name.

That is all nice and dandy- BUT if this person is going to do all this, then date, then marry, then after their honeymoon the person starts to stink and not wash, stops helping out around the house or carrying the bags and running errands, stops always being happy but rather very depressed or complaining all the time, the person they dated is going to go "Um, what the heck is going on with you? You werent the person i remember dating." Then they go "Oh, yeah, because that was all an act to make you want me. Now that i have you, all that hard work being someone i am not is finally over, i can go back to the original me and i expect you to love me for being that because you married and dated me!"

 

Yeah, average dating, average marriage, resulting in divorce with this strategy. If they dont keep up the cleanliness, helping out, etc- then its going to deeply bother the other person who was tricked into thinking they were normally that way.

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Just now, naominash said:

Well it can either be a trick, or who you really are. That's what dating is for--- to really try and see who the person is underneath all the surface.

 

I think this is easier done in the context of a Christian community rather than online or long distance. 

Yeah, but actually, more people are fake in person in dating than online, though it COULD be easier, it is less common. Online people going for dates are either trying to trick desperate people into a relationship for sex, or either they are unconfident people who are shy to approach people and arent good with social skills, so they are more comfortable meeting online, or its just fun, or people in their area dont seem to be their type, etc. but i have dated a lot online for years, its much more common in person to trick people. Online relationships are just words, pictures and screens or phone and letters. In person, is all that and unlimited other options to trick them. online relationships should take more time to be careful. It's a good way to test people if they will truly commit or give up because you wont give them what they want or they get bored with you. But in person, the fun never ends! so its very deceiving to think they like you or truly love you because you are so excited about your new relationship.

 

So i get your perspective, yes it is EASIER, but not more common.

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1 minute ago, naominash said:

There is always risk in dating.

Unfortunately. 

exactly, so dont do it. just being nice to people and talking and giving and receiving things, isn't risky if you know what you're doing. After that, you can marry. Just be friends then marry. no need for all those lovey dovey touchings, feelings, fake i love you's forever, etc. That's all tradition and cheap stuff girls tried to use on me and didnt work. Those "feelings" and "actions" dont mean you love someone guaranteed, but since those feelings seem so real, we easily become gullible to think that person loves us. The funny catch in dating is, when even usually the first issue comes up or a big one at least, they ditch you or cheat for revenge or being careless about you anymore and it leaves you hurt because you had the idea "they were YOURS." But that is a way to find out the hard way to marry someone or not. The risky, complicated, easily deceiving, common way that both Christians and non Christians use. Tell me, how useful have things turned out for that dating stuff in the last 100 years? Ooh, not too well... people get the idea thats just life and people, but there are ways to protect yourself. Dating is putting yourself out there to be crushed and heartbroken and left with bad memories or regrets.

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1 hour ago, naominash said:

Well it can either be a trick, or who you really are. That's what dating is for--- to really try and see who the person is underneath all the surface.

 

I think this is easier done in the context of a Christian community rather than online or long distance. 

 

51 minutes ago, naominash said:

I see what you mean.

Someone said, " Usually when you fall in love hard and fast...it's wrong."

I think I get the whole marrying based off friendship idea.

 

However I don't believe in being so scared of risk that you approach someone denying your true intentions.

 

In other words, a suitor can be friendly. But not all friends are suitors. Sometimes the whole "just friends" thing can get ridiculous too.

 

 

No i wouldnt suggest you get married based on friendship. I believe you can be married without even being friends. The point is, you need to find someone who will love you through it all no matter what, and their goal is the same as yours in life- to live for the Lord, the same God and the same Savior. All that personal crap doesn't matter so much though it makes a difference. Some people have had great marriages they were forced into not even knowing each other at all. What made it successful is they would always love each other. 

 

But i began to love my wife before she was my wife just a few weeks after i met her. I tried to run from marrying her at that point, but it was the will of God knowing we were to marry. She knew it too. So it was fast, and the story of it was really hard, with much fighting involved with the entire church, the pastor, families, each other- just to be together within that very month i met her. 

 

So we knew we would marry at a very early point before barely getting to know each other. Being married and living together is when you REALLY get to know the person you married.

 

and no, this isn't about being scared- it's about being wise and realizing the useless stupidity of doing things the world's way.

Edited by Xethea
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53 minutes ago, naominash said:

I see what you mean.

Someone said, " Usually when you fall in love hard and fast...it's wrong."

I think I get the whole marrying based off friendship idea.

 

However I don't believe in being so scared of risk that you approach someone denying your true intentions.

 

In other words, a suitor can be friendly. But not all friends are suitors. Sometimes the whole "just friends" thing can get ridiculous too.

 

 

I wasn't scared of anything when i stopped dating. I got sick and tired, in an angry way, of putting up with all the crap trying to find a woman to love doing it the world's way. After years and years of trying it their way, I'm always treated like crap and screwed over and losing friends and family making them my enemies just because i dated someone.

 

Such as, if i never dated this one girl, we just stayed friends, then that time i moved in with my best friend and he brought her in while i was dating her and they had sex with me in the house- well, if she wasn't dating me, it wouldnt have become my problem and i still could have been a friend to both of them. But now since that day years ago, it ruined my friendship with him and he forces her not to talk to me, so i lost 2 buddies for nothing. I lost someone i spent the majority of my childhood with, and lost it over him wanting to marry her while i dated her. Sure, not much of a friend to do that, but basically he finds that his biggest dream. You'd betray me to have eternal life, wouldnt you? Well, if i hadn't dated anyone of the past girls who were my friends, but then because of stupid stuff, breaking up either bothered them or me, they didnt ever want to be friends- they would still be my friends if it wasn't for dating. My wife wouldnt be uncomfortable with me talking to my exs just to say hello or tell them i will pray for them if i didnt date them years ago.

 

I will tell you this, nothing much more could make your spouse happy, then them finding out when they marry you- they are your first and only one you kiss, they are the only one you make love to, they are the only one you've ever felt romance for, etc. That doesn't have to be a fantasy, it can be real. Many of us usually say somewhere we wish we wouldve saved ourselves for this person we married. At least i saved my virginity for my wife. It makes her very very happy. She still wishes i would of never dated other girls or kissed some. Dating ruined that for her.

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Something I think of now > it is wise to want the right person to want you. And we need to be changed by God so we can connect with someone who is right. 

For years, I had problems relating with people. But I always had at least one lady, all along the way, who was good for me. It was like they passed me down an assembly line; I always had one who was enough for my level of growth at the time. But they were wise enough not to marry me. But they were kind and caring and pure and sweet and tenderly loving; so they were a good example for me. 

Also, I was not doing well staying with any church. 

I was the problem!!!!

I needed to seek God to deeply correct me so I could be real with Him and really loving. Then I could love the way He wanted, even if I was in a church where people were not for real. And He would have me loving people who were conceited so they did not want me. If you are right with God and in loving, it can be there are people who do not know how to love, and so they can not share in love with you; but Jesus says we need to be kind to everyone, and not be concerned about if they give us love back. So, I was the one who needed to be committed to loving unconditionally, and not only judging people in churches and judging who I hoped to use for what I wanted, and judging by what women looked like.

Then I went to a church where they had been pretty good with me, kind and gentle and quiet and simple, not trying to impress me and show me how great they were, or acting like I was so great. humble

I was ready to stay with this group. But it was turning out how, even though God had brought me to stay with these people, still I needed much correction for how to be His way and how to relate in love. And there were people who I would say could be wrong and abusive and haughty there, too - - so I would have opportunity to get real enough to love ones who are not the right way > be their best friend by being their example of how they could become in real loving, and have hope for them, encourage them by being there for them with good example and prayer.

And after all this, after I had gotten more into loving and caring in prayer for wrong people, as well as cherishing the ones who were for real with me, then was when my lady friend came along . . . so now I can get deeper correction in closer relating!!!! 

So, I would say if God trusts you with a special someone, it is so you can get deeper in real loving, not only so you have someone who will give you what you want ? And the person will say and do things to help you with this, and be your example who helps you ? So, I would not even think of dating someone until and if this person is obviously helping you with good example of how to live God's word in His love. And have a church with people more mature than you and this person, so you both have more mature examples to help you, and this so you are not making some great big deal only about each other.

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On 3/2/2019 at 7:38 PM, strebe said:

How do I get some one to want to date me

Why do you want to take control of someone to date you? Are you a Christian? Are you a praying person? If that is the case then why don't you give this to God?

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On 3/14/2019 at 9:02 PM, missmuffet said:

Why do you want to take control of someone to date you? Are you a Christian? Are you a praying person? If that is the case then why don't you give this to God?

Very bold and straightforward questions to answer the question; I think some people really just want someone to be with them or love them, that they feel the way to get someone like that is to impress them, make them happy, make them personally like you- and if you have already been you, then how can you put on an act for awhile so they will be with you. Some people just stop right there and pursue that without thinking about how fake the relationship is or how it will result and that you realize, it's like being an actor; are actors always in TRUE love in every romantic movie they play in? No, because its an act to make it look that way. Even after real touching, kissing, saying sweet things, ...intercourse or whatever, it's still an act and the love isn't real. We need to recognize this in reality as well. We need to just let people come and want us, love us by their own free choice. Just let God chooses he wants us and wants to love us, despite if we want to be loved or not or how good or bad we are. 

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