Jump to content
  • 0
Sign in to follow this  
FindingHim

Baptist > Confused Atheist > Apostolic Pentecostal? Testimony & NEEDING HELP!!

Question

Hi there! I am going to start off by giving a bit of a backstory, and please hear me out by reading all of this because I am in dire need right now.

 

I grew up in a lovely home with Baptist parents who attended church every Sunday. However, I hit very traumatic times at about 7 years old, and now I am 16, going on 17, and my life is healing from the trauma of divorced parents, dealing with calling defax on my own mother for emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse, hating my father for years due to my mother calling him unworthy every chance she got- only to find that my father did everything he could to make me realize he meant no harm, and all the mental issues which came with these life experiences. Shortly after turning 12, four years into my nearly 10-year real-life conflict, I found myself falling far from God. Although I had become fully saved according to the Baptist faith and believed with all my heart that God was my savior and my all at age 10, I fell far from Him only two years later. Two years later, at 12, and hardly 12 at that, I text my friend late one summer night.

"I don't know that I believe in God anymore," I sent her, crying my eyes out because all I needed right then was someone to pull me back to God and say that I needed to hold on. I desperately needed someone to grab my ears and pull me up saying, "Hello!! Jesus is alive! He is alive! And He loves you more than you'll ever comprehend!"

But, the reality was far from this. My friend responds less than a minute later.

"I am an Atheist."

My heart dropped at the message. But... strangely enough, it later was found with relief. I felt ACCEPTANCE for falling from Him! It sounds crazy because it is. I researched for a long time, mainly in the wrong places, and I found myself to identify as an Atheist. This lasted for years, all the way until a month or so ago to be frank. I am going to be 17 in July and going into the 12th grade next year, and I believe this all happened in the summer of going into 6th or 7th grade, which would have put me at 11 or 12. So for 5, possibly 6, years I have been very lost and falling blind of God. I fell into believing I was transgender, from female to male, to believing I was gay and dating a girl almost a full year. Many, many tragic things followed this initial start of trauma when my parents got a divorce at 7 years old.

 

Now, having all that said... I still feel a strong incomplete pit in my life, this being my relationship with God. I still question my sexuality today. I believe that being abused for all those years led me to believe I was homosexual because beforehand, I never EVER questioned my sexuality. I was your typical "boy-crazy" little girl who would go to their mom after school and say, "Guess what mommy! [Enter name here] talked to me today! I was so nervous!" I can tell you confidently now that I know I am a beautiful, straight female who deserves just as much as everyone else. In my heart, I feel that. However, I hesitate to answer so confidently in person because it takes denying my past conflictions to find my true self deep within me that, yes, I am that person. For a long time I denied this person that I was because of the many times my mother would tell me that I wasn't her daughter, I wasn't what she wanted, and I was a mistake through and through. I believe truly, within my heart, that abuse can cause lifetime problems such as this. Abuse, especially that in childhood, does not just affect your personality, your social life, and your way of coping with life situations. Abuse affects your lifestyle, your beliefs, and all the critical things of yourself.

 

I am stuck. My ex-best friend and I started talking recently. We grew up together and shortly after I went from a true Christian to Atheist, we fell apart from one another. In the past month, we found each other via social media and I have come to find, not to my surprise, that she is still very faithful and connected to God. Even when we were little and very close, I was inspired by her connection with God and trust in Him, despite our different beliefs. She was raised Apostolic Pentecostal. I was raised Baptist. However, now that we have reconnected, I have caught her up with everything that happened to me in the past years that we haven't talked. She amazes me still at her immaculate trust in God. She is now involved in leading many youth groups to teach the Bible to younger kids, as well as attending her own youth group herself. This makes me intrigued in her beliefs since I am currently not under any official belief besides that in which God does indeed exist. My mother is not much in the picture anymore, so I have free reign to explore all sorts of Christianity that I please without fear of being bashed or shunned for doing anything other than Baptism.  I have been looking into Apostolic Pentecostal all day, trying to actually understand what the belief is all about compared to Baptism, since that is what I know best, and it makes so much more sense to me compared to what I grew up with. Is there anybody who is an Apostolic Pentecostal that could please help guide me and help me in understanding the beliefs? I am very intrigued by this way of praise and church-going. So please, if you read all of this, which I hope you did because it contributes so much to my reasoning behind this, and you are an Apostolic Pentecostal, please give me information on your beliefs and ways of praising and keeping faith. I am finding God again, and I do not plan on losing Him this time. Not again.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

5 answers to this question

Recommended Posts

  • 0

The Good Shepherd will leave the ninety nine to go find and rescue the

one who strayed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

I would focus more on the personal relationship between you and God at this point.  When I went astray for years, no church could fix my problems.  Only God could.  The closer we became, the more He changed me. 

  • Thumbs Up 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0

We can get so busy in making God real in us that we disrespect His Persons by doing so... 

Ps 46:10-11

10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

11 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.
KJV


God simply 'IS' and if we reckon ourselves dead and He 'The Way, Truth, and Life He will become the priority of all that 'IS' in the living.....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0
On ‎3‎/‎12‎/‎2019 at 8:18 AM, FindingHim said:

My mother is not much in the picture anymore, so I have free reign to explore all sorts of Christianity that I please without fear of being bashed or shunned for doing anything other than Baptism. 

It's 8 days since you made your one post plea, FindingHim. Are you drawn to Jesus Christ or to Churchianity? You will know where to go when you have prayed to receive the Holy Spirit and committed yourself to be a disciple of Christ who studies the Word of God faithfully.

Blessings for your journey to adulthood and beyond to eternity.

  • Thumbs Up 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 0
On 3/11/2019 at 2:18 PM, FindingHim said:

Hi there! I am going to start off by giving a bit of a backstory, and please hear me out by reading all of this because I am in dire need right now.

 

I grew up in a lovely home with Baptist parents who attended church every Sunday. However, I hit very traumatic times at about 7 years old, and now I am 16, going on 17, and my life is healing from the trauma of divorced parents, dealing with calling defax on my own mother for emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse, hating my father for years due to my mother calling him unworthy every chance she got- only to find that my father did everything he could to make me realize he meant no harm, and all the mental issues which came with these life experiences. Shortly after turning 12, four years into my nearly 10-year real-life conflict, I found myself falling far from God. Although I had become fully saved according to the Baptist faith and believed with all my heart that God was my savior and my all at age 10, I fell far from Him only two years later. Two years later, at 12, and hardly 12 at that, I text my friend late one summer night.

"I don't know that I believe in God anymore," I sent her, crying my eyes out because all I needed right then was someone to pull me back to God and say that I needed to hold on. I desperately needed someone to grab my ears and pull me up saying, "Hello!! Jesus is alive! He is alive! And He loves you more than you'll ever comprehend!"

But, the reality was far from this. My friend responds less than a minute later.

"I am an Atheist."

My heart dropped at the message. But... strangely enough, it later was found with relief. I felt ACCEPTANCE for falling from Him! It sounds crazy because it is. I researched for a long time, mainly in the wrong places, and I found myself to identify as an Atheist. This lasted for years, all the way until a month or so ago to be frank. I am going to be 17 in July and going into the 12th grade next year, and I believe this all happened in the summer of going into 6th or 7th grade, which would have put me at 11 or 12. So for 5, possibly 6, years I have been very lost and falling blind of God. I fell into believing I was transgender, from female to male, to believing I was gay and dating a girl almost a full year. Many, many tragic things followed this initial start of trauma when my parents got a divorce at 7 years old.

 

Now, having all that said... I still feel a strong incomplete pit in my life, this being my relationship with God. I still question my sexuality today. I believe that being abused for all those years led me to believe I was homosexual because beforehand, I never EVER questioned my sexuality. I was your typical "boy-crazy" little girl who would go to their mom after school and say, "Guess what mommy! [Enter name here] talked to me today! I was so nervous!" I can tell you confidently now that I know I am a beautiful, straight female who deserves just as much as everyone else. In my heart, I feel that. However, I hesitate to answer so confidently in person because it takes denying my past conflictions to find my true self deep within me that, yes, I am that person. For a long time I denied this person that I was because of the many times my mother would tell me that I wasn't her daughter, I wasn't what she wanted, and I was a mistake through and through. I believe truly, within my heart, that abuse can cause lifetime problems such as this. Abuse, especially that in childhood, does not just affect your personality, your social life, and your way of coping with life situations. Abuse affects your lifestyle, your beliefs, and all the critical things of yourself.

 

I am stuck. My ex-best friend and I started talking recently. We grew up together and shortly after I went from a true Christian to Atheist, we fell apart from one another. In the past month, we found each other via social media and I have come to find, not to my surprise, that she is still very faithful and connected to God. Even when we were little and very close, I was inspired by her connection with God and trust in Him, despite our different beliefs. She was raised Apostolic Pentecostal. I was raised Baptist. However, now that we have reconnected, I have caught her up with everything that happened to me in the past years that we haven't talked. She amazes me still at her immaculate trust in God. She is now involved in leading many youth groups to teach the Bible to younger kids, as well as attending her own youth group herself. This makes me intrigued in her beliefs since I am currently not under any official belief besides that in which God does indeed exist. My mother is not much in the picture anymore, so I have free reign to explore all sorts of Christianity that I please without fear of being bashed or shunned for doing anything other than Baptism.  I have been looking into Apostolic Pentecostal all day, trying to actually understand what the belief is all about compared to Baptism, since that is what I know best, and it makes so much more sense to me compared to what I grew up with. Is there anybody who is an Apostolic Pentecostal that could please help guide me and help me in understanding the beliefs? I am very intrigued by this way of praise and church-going. So please, if you read all of this, which I hope you did because it contributes so much to my reasoning behind this, and you are an Apostolic Pentecostal, please give me information on your beliefs and ways of praising and keeping faith. I am finding God again, and I do not plan on losing Him this time. Not again.

You're young and vibrant. Take some time alone without any outside influence.

Listen close to the heart.

The still and calm voice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By michaelcla
      Is "Son of God" a really best Christian Movie of 2018? that describes the life of Jesus Christ according to The Bible and the principles of Christianity.
    • By Behold
      John 6: 51
      Lets look at this verse, as its a wonder...  John 6:51.   Jesus speaking...." I AM < (God) the living bread which came down from heaven;.. and if ANY man eat of this bread, he (they, you, me) live forever: and the bread that i will give is my flesh....which i will GIVE (salvation is a free Gift), for the LIFE of the world.. = "give for the life of the world"
      Jesus speaking :  "I AM (notice that He uses this title a lot when talking about Himself, as this is God referring to Himself as "The Great I Am").  So, Yeshua is constantly reminding us that He is not just the "Son" ,  He is indeed and literally God Himself who is the One manifested in a human body .. 1st Timothy 3:16.    And notice that this verse im about to talk to you about relates specifically to  John 3:16.   And notice that God manifested in the flesh is 1 Timother 3:16.  And if you read John 3:16, you see how neatly and perfectly God is drawing a Divine String through His word, in these verses and many more..... always connecting the dots, always placing interesting CLUES and "light bulb" moments in His word for any and all who "study to show yourself approved"...
      Now, 
      How to see this verse's main point using scripture to explain it.    There is the spiritual way and means to understand all NT verses.   In that you compare scripture with scripture...   You use the Word to explain itself..  The word teaches you the word..  And the way God has implemented this is that He does not always or even often use a verse, followed by a verse, followed by a verse, in some type of continuing consecutive order, to explain a doctrine, etc..  No.  What He does is put it all in a circle that you have to study to find and thus understand.  In other words, He has created the NT to be a sort of spiritual puzzle and you are to SEE the Light more and more as you connect the pieces.  And these pieces are scattered, as in a circle that is all over the NT.    For example, you might discover a piece of doctrinal Light in one verse in Romans, and then later, in Jude, or in John you'll SEE another piece that connects, and then in Acts there is another piece that connects, and this is always how you "study"... Its by a lot of reading that God will show your inner- man all these pieces that keep connecting and connecting as you go through the word, again and again.
      So, lets look at this verse in a few parts so that we can see .......
      1. "If any man EAT of this Bread".       And what is the Bread?  and how do you eat it?   Well, the "bread" of course is the body of Christ on the Cross.   And symbolically its a part of Communion...   Now, here we go....  Remember that Christ said... "Man shall not live by bread alone"?...... hummmm..  "but by every word that proceedeth from the mouth of God"....   So, isn't that interesting?    And how does that work, within the context of this verse?   Well, how do you eat the body of Christ so that you (have eternal life)  become born again?    As in this verse the "eating" says that if you do it, you shall "live forever"..    So how do you do this?    Simple.  the "eating" that allows God to give you "life forever", which is eternal life, is to have Faith in Christ.   To Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved....(born again)    And so all this is explained by this verse..... John 6:47. : Jesus says unto you, All that BELIEVE IN ME, = HAVE Eternal life"...     So, you have this verse that says to eat the Bread who came down from Heaven which if you do, imparts a consequence..  And to eat Him, the "bread",= Jesus..... means to have Faith, to BELIEVE, (Having faith is spiritually eating) and by this spiritual eating, you then become born again, which means you "live forever"..    And why?   Because the One who is Eternal Life, the one you just ate, (believed on) (Faith), is now in you and you are "in Christ", so, because you have Him, you have Eternal Life, as He IS, eternal life.  1 John 5: 11-13.    Read it.
      2. "give for the LIFE of the World".       This is interesting, because now this verse is speaking universally, with a condition, regarding giving  Eternal Life to the "world".   And here we understand that Salvation, The Blood Atonement, is Jesus dying for the "world".  John 3:16  This means, the world of humanity, for all time, and especially subsequent to the lifting of the Cross and the bodily resurrection of The Christ.    
      "I came so that you can have LIFE"...   And who is  "you"?   = All that eat the Bread. (Faith), and what is the "life"?  =  Eternal Life, who IS Jesus, and when you have Him, its because you have eaten Him, (Faith), and now you are "in Christ", and Christ is "in you, the <>hope of Glory"<>", = This phrase, "hope of Glory"... is a true understanding of  the One who is our Heavenly Hope, who IS our Eternal Life, living inside us, who is going to bring us to Heaven, because Jesus IS the/our "Resurrection and the Life".
      So, in John 6:51, we see that to eat the bread that imparts eternal life, simply means to "believe on the Lord, and you shall be saved", with its symbolic counterpart being taking Communion.  And we see that this verse is speaking specifically and universally regarding the One who said, "I am the resurrection and the life", and "i came to give LIFE (eternal life) and that more abundantly"... to all of the world, with the condition being, that this gift of the One who Himself is Eternal life, has to be "eaten".....that is to say, believed on, = by Faith.   So that is the eternal result for us, if we do what the verse tells us to do, with  the opposite and dire consequence of you not believing or eating Him, who is the Bread of Life, is that "if you do not (eat) believe that I AM He, then you will die in your sin(s)",...... And also said in John 3:36, = that God's judgment and wrath is waiting to be delivered as an eternal sentence to ALL who lived and died and never ate the Living Bread, = died a Christ rejector and WILL face God unforgiven.  This is damnation. This is Eternal, and its a FREEWILL choice that someone makes that God accepts.   And this reader, is why a person who ends up in Hell and the Lake of Fire, can never honestly or accurately accuse God of sending them there, as all God does, is accept your FREEWILL choice, and from there, your choice while you were living decided where you ended up, after you Died.
      Choose wisely if you are reading this, and are not yet a believer in Christ.
      Trust in Christ today, believe on Jesus today in your heart, kneel at the Cross today, and later meet God as your Loving Father and not as your Eternal Judge.
       
       
      <B><
×
×
  • Create New...