I have this silly concern and constant worry about my decisions displeasing God. So many of my goals and things I want to do aren’t necessarily Christian based. I like doing things such as watching certain shows that have cussing and sexual content in them....but they are so entertaining....I’ve been told that even the little things I like to do, such as working out, is based on vanity. But I really just love working out because it makes me feel complete. I’m even a little afraid of getting in a relationship because of the fear of feeling something sinful such as lust or immoral thoughts. Back when I was younger, I didn’t mind these things much. But now, I’m at an age where I should know better. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I need to find an inner peace. God Bless.
My friends, I need your help. I'll do my best not to make this too long, although it is a bit of a story.
Back in October, I saw a need in my church choir and reached out to a guy that was relatively new and was essentially getting shunned by most of the other men because he has tattoos and his ears are pierced. I actually feel really bad because I waited for a few months after I felt the initial tug and I wonder if I would be struggling so much if I hadn't. Anyway...we clicked almost immediately and soon we were talking practically every day. We are very similar and deal with a lot of the same struggles, such as depression. We've opened up to one another on a level that I've only ever replicated with my two best friends of 13+ years and we can talk for hours without it feeling like any time has passed. He has quickly become a close friend, one that I greatly cherish.
My issue is this: I have developed romantic feelings for him, feelings that I'm pretty sure he doesn't return. He is in a relationship at this point and it's a relationship he said he has prayed for, despite that this girl has caused him a lot of heartache. It's hard for me to watch since I don't feel she is good for him and obviously I feel that I am. It's also hard because he is one that will ghost out on the people around him when he gets wrapped up in his own affairs. He doesn't mean to, he just has had really bad examples of friendship and I'm the first one that actually fights to keep him grounded.
So how do I maintain this friendship in a Godly way without letting my own bias get in the way and how do I move on from my feelings? If you need me to answer any further questions that might help give better advice, please feel free to ask. I have probably forgotten something in my attempt to keep this short.
By Figure of eighty
Im at the point I just want to give up. Theres no way anyone can survive being a christian alone people are social creatures and those social connectioms help us to weather life's storms.
I've tried at church , joined groups and just be apart of things, introduce myself to people, invite people out.( volunteered).I even do this at work. But nothing comes of it
And it put me in a state of depressiom because i have no one to share my feelings and thoughts with. I had online friends but i feel im always in their life until things look up for them and they for gwt about me.. Thats happened numerous times...
Idk... The loneliness is driving me nearly to suicide becahse there's no end to it.. I try to be personable and i get rejected i dont fit in at church( been to 3. 1 was hurt in a bad way, 2nd too small and people set in their ways, 3rd too big and im just a face in the crowd) or in the world ( coworkers smoke, drink , are drama filled and messy)
Its even more painful when God is incredibly silent, not speaking or guiding..just incredibly quiet and not really answering prayers..
Idk its to the point i just pray for others because i dont believe or trust God will help me. Seeing as Ive been praying for simple things, like just a christian friend..for years and it hasnt been met ..
The only solace I have is art...it calms me and helps with my depression, However due to it..it kept me from drawing and painting for a long time... But now i feel well enough to paint again.