Am I wrong to disown my friend for abortion?

[Marylovesjesus998]

Hi everyone,

My dearest friend informed me exactly one week ago that about a year ago she had an abortion behind her husbands back as she didn’t want another baby. She was upset. The baby was 6 weeks old. She murdered a six week old child and I can’t even look at her. Never mind the lies she told her poor husband, I just cannot believe her actions.

Is it wrong that I feel like I need to cut her out of my life now? We have been friends for over 10 years but my husband agrees that we shouldn’t be associating with a woman that murdered her unborn baby. 

I just wanted some advice to be sure my feelings were reasonable and I was doing the right thing. 

Thank you

[Billiards Ball]

4 hours ago, Marylovesjesus998 said:

Hi everyone,

My dearest friend informed me exactly one week ago that about a year ago she had an abortion behind her husbands back as she didn’t want another baby. She was upset. The baby was 6 weeks old. She murdered a six week old child and I can’t even look at her. Never mind the lies she told her poor husband, I just cannot believe her actions.

Is it wrong that I feel like I need to cut her out of my life now? We have been friends for over 10 years but my husband agrees that we shouldn’t be associating with a woman that murdered her unborn baby. 

I just wanted some advice to be sure my feelings were reasonable and I was doing the right thing. 

Thank you

In love, I tell you this, YES YOU ARE WRONG. Repent.

I worked several years full time for a pro-life ministry. Because we always loved the aborting mothers, we had ones enter our clinic seeking their third or fourth abortion, then they were saved.

Consider very carefully whether Jesus hates this woman NOW after He died on the cross for her!

[BeauJangles]

Hi Mary, 

Yeah, I agree what a horrible thing to do out of a simple matter of inconvenience. Abortion is awful no matter what the reason. I admire both you and your husband's feelings concerning this situation, but feel it would be unfortunate to give up on your friend due to it. I am guessing she obviously doesn't know the Lord. Not a lost cause for Jesus in any respect. Keep the friendship, and pray for her. Try hard not to pass judgement, and attempt to lead her to Christ. God bless you.

Shalom, 

David/BeauJangles

[JohnD]

6 hours ago, Marylovesjesus998 said:

Hi everyone,

My dearest friend informed me exactly one week ago that about a year ago she had an abortion behind her husbands back as she didn’t want another baby. She was upset. The baby was 6 weeks old. She murdered a six week old child and I can’t even look at her. Never mind the lies she told her poor husband, I just cannot believe her actions.

Is it wrong that I feel like I need to cut her out of my life now? We have been friends for over 10 years but my husband agrees that we shouldn’t be associating with a woman that murdered her unborn baby. 

I just wanted some advice to be sure my feelings were reasonable and I was doing the right thing. 

Thank you

Sometimes tough love is the best medicine.

We all (to some degree) delve deeply into our self serving excuses... why things we condemn others for, we generally give ourselves a pass on.

Not saying this is the case with you, Mary. I'm making the point that this is most likely what your friend is doing. 

And by the loss of your friendship AND the possibility that you might tell her husband... hint hint... may force her to face the truth about 

what happened.

Pray for her pray for her husband / family.

Be strong for their sakes.

[Jayne]

I'm sorry for this.  I've had friends and acquaintances who had abortions when we were all younger.  They were not saved at the time.  They didn't tell me for years later and after their salvation.  Why did they tell me?  They struggled with guilt and shame untold.  It was crippling.

What was my reaction?  I loved them, counseled them, offered an ear and shoulder.  I cannot imagine for the life of me scorning them or cutting them off.  Is your friend a Christian?

Two things:

[1] Never, EVER tell her husband.  That's not your place and never will be.  Never, EVER tell anyone else.  What would the purpose be other than gossip?  She came to you for a reason.  Pray to God that He will help you know what it is.

[2] Have you sinned?  Yes.  I have, too.  You can be grieved by her sin, but to cut her off - and you did call her your dearest friend - is not the Christian thing to do.  If she is not saved - she needs Christ.  If she is saved - she needs to repent.

That's what I always ask women who have come to me to tell me things like this.  

One woman, who was in her 30's and just saved about 4-5 years, joined our church and wanted to sing in the choir so badly.  One day, she called me on the phone to tell me about her two abortions when she was in her teens.  She said, "I know my babies are in heaven. But does God hate me and will my babies hate me when I go to heaven?"

I said, "Is this why you don't sing in choir?"

She said, "Yes.".

I said, "Have you gone to God with this and repented before him of this sin?"

She said, "Yes, I have."

I said, "Then get in the choir loft next Sunday.  And no, God does not hate you and your babies, whatever age they may be in heaven, do not and will not hate you."

She is your dearest friend.....she needs you.  She CAME to you.  Help her.

[GandalfTheWise]

On 5/24/2019 at 3:27 AM, Marylovesjesus998 said:

Hi everyone,

My dearest friend informed me exactly one week ago that about a year ago she had an abortion behind her husbands back as she didn’t want another baby. She was upset. The baby was 6 weeks old. She murdered a six week old child and I can’t even look at her. Never mind the lies she told her poor husband, I just cannot believe her actions.

Is it wrong that I feel like I need to cut her out of my life now? We have been friends for over 10 years but my husband agrees that we shouldn’t be associating with a woman that murdered her unborn baby. 

I just wanted some advice to be sure my feelings were reasonable and I was doing the right thing. 

Thank you

After remaining silent for a year, she told someone.  It's coming up on what would have been a first birthday.  I wonder if this is starting to eat at her inside.  At some point (and maybe already) she's likely to realize that this was a terrible decision on many levels that she is going to have to live with.  Speaking with you might have been one of her first attempts to try to undo the damage.   I don't know,  but perhaps she is perhaps at a spiritual place where God can start doing some much needed work in her life.  I'd guess it was probably very hard for her to bring this up and mention it to you.  I suspect she remembers the date quite well and this might be something that haunts her every year for the rest of her life as it's somewhat near mother's day (at least in the US it is).  I'm wondering if she's also wrestling with whether to and how to tell her husband.  I'd guess this has to be having at least some impact on their marriage.

Speaking for myself, I'd only make a decision to cut her out of my life based on her current attitude being awful.  If her attitude is one of callousness and apathy as if this was nothing and she'd do it again, I'd have huge concerns.  On the other hand, if she is seeing this as a huge mistake that pains her and she is starting to come to terms with what she did, I'd consider it from the standpoint of how much God might use you to spiritually minister into her life right now.  In the long run, God can redeem everything no matter how dark.  A few years from now after being spiritually restored and growing more, her testimony could well stop some women from having abortions and help those who did to find healing and forgiveness.

[Neighbor]

On 5/24/2019 at 4:27 AM, Marylovesjesus998 said:

I just wanted some advice to be sure my feelings were reasonable and I was doing the right thing. 

 

Hi,

Praying that our creator will lead to a more generous mode than the one written about at this time.

Sure Glad my Lord and savior Jesus has a most generous heart toward me, in my own plight! He went so far as to die for me in order to cover my sins, so that I may be seen as clean washed white as snow in the eye of His Father. 

 

[mrsct]

Let's look at it this way: Should you be disowned for your sins in your life? Just because God hates sin doesn't mean He hates us. He loves us so much that he sent His Son to die on the cross for you and for your friend. He does not nor did He ever disowned her for the abortion she had. So your question if you are wrong for disowning her because of the abortion....  YES YOU ARE WRONG! Definitely not Christlike.

[Who me]

On 24 May 2019 at 9:27 AM, Marylovesjesus998 said:

Hi everyone,

My dearest friend informed me exactly one week ago that about a year ago she had an abortion behind her husbands back as she didn’t want another baby. She was upset. The baby was 6 weeks old. She murdered a six week old child and I can’t even look at her. Never mind the lies she told her poor husband, I just cannot believe her actions.

Is it wrong that I feel like I need to cut her out of my life now? We have been friends for over 10 years but my husband agrees that we shouldn’t be associating with a woman that murdered her unborn baby.

I just wanted some advice to be sure my feelings were reasonable and I was doing the right thing.

Thank you

Not an easy one to answer.

Is this women a Christian? How close to you does she live? Does she attend your church?

All I know about her is that she was upset about having had an abortion.

How upset was she?

May I suggest that you don't cut her out of your life. She clearly values your friendship to tell you her secret.

If you can't maintain her friendship and try to help and support her. Please pray for her physical, mental and spiritual healing. As well as for her husband and family.

[frienduff thaylorde]

On ‎5‎/‎24‎/‎2019 at 1:27 AM, Marylovesjesus998 said:

Hi everyone,

My dearest friend informed me exactly one week ago that about a year ago she had an abortion behind her husbands back as she didn’t want another baby. She was upset. The baby was 6 weeks old. She murdered a six week old child and I can’t even look at her. Never mind the lies she told her poor husband, I just cannot believe her actions.

Is it wrong that I feel like I need to cut her out of my life now? We have been friends for over 10 years but my husband agrees that we shouldn’t be associating with a woman that murdered her unborn baby. 

I just wanted some advice to be sure my feelings were reasonable and I was doing the right thing. 

Thank you

I think many of the folks who answered you , need to go back and read first corinthains chapter five .

YES we must separate from their company .  IF paul said separate from a covetous one    ,   then I would say murder is a good reason too .

The first step would be to correct her ,  if she heeds not then take another witness or two with you and let every word be established .

She must confess this evil and repent of it .   

She must confess it to her husband as well .

The pattern is confess and forsake .       Too many are beginning to pander to the emotions of men and not the WORD and pattern o GOD .

If we put men above GOD or His word or pattern,  we are in dire trouble .

SO do the pattern JESUS first set and paul and others kept .    Rebuke her and if she heeds not bring more witnesses .

IF she keeps not heeding , cast her out .  GOD will judge those outside .    We do pray she repents and will be restored .  But you are your husband are right in this case .