forgiveness

[GandalfTheWise]

4 hours ago, missmuffet said:

If only a person would use those three unheard of words " I am sorry" but unfortunately we don't hear that often. It would make it much easier to forgive. 

A practical book I read sometime ago is The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas.  It's obviously generalizations to some degree but it fits with my observation that different people respond differently to different types of apologies.  It gives some good insights that I've found helpful.  A quick overview of a few chapter titles is:

Expressing regret ("I'm sorry"), accepting responsibility ("I was wrong"), making restitution ("How can I make it right"), genuinely repenting ("I'll try not to do that again"), and requesting forgiveness ("will you forgive me").

Depending on the person, the "wrong" type of apology might be more likely to annoy or anger them and it of course varies with the situation and severity of things.  Usually some combination of these elements (if sincere) is usually the best apology.

One of my daughters is definitely a say "I am sorry" type of person.  Say that to her and she is usually fine.   For a time, she thought that was all she had to do was say that to me no matter what she did.  I am usually a "are you going to change so that you won't do it again?" type of person.  Saying sorry is more likely to annoy me if there is no sign of change forthcoming or acceptance of responsibility.   I'm mostly concerned if they're going to keep doing it or not and repair any damage.

After reading this book, I tend to incorporate 4 of the elements (not including asking for forgiveness) into my apologies if I don't have a clear sense of what is meaningful to someone.  Though perhaps that is just me because I usually resent someone asking for forgiveness from me (which in this context is really more about directly requesting reconciliation and restoration).   If no remorse, responsibility, restitution, or repentance is shown, I'm not trusting them again until something changes.  When apologizing, I'll express relational things more directly (e.g. "are we okay now" or "what will it take so we can move forward from this?")

[johnthebaptist]

On 5/26/2019 at 2:55 AM, growinginJesus said:

I recently ran into a situation where someone who did something to me in my younger years asked me to do them a favor, I refused on the grounds that I didn't trust the reason why they were asking me to do it....getting into my point......does the simple fact that i do not trust them mean that i have not forgiven him his past transgressions, or do i as a Christian have the right to say "hey i forgive you for what has happened in the past, however I can never trust you not to do it again or trust any actions that you are taking when it comes to the relationship me and you have."

You can trust a person after they repent of their sin, I think.

[Who me]

On 26 May 2019 at 10:55 AM, growinginJesus said:

I recently ran into a situation where someone who did something to me in my younger years asked me to do them a favor, I refused on the grounds that I didn't trust the reason why they were asking me to do it....getting into my point......does the simple fact that i do not trust them mean that i have not forgiven him his past transgressions, or do i as a Christian have the right to say "hey i forgive you for what has happened in the past, however I can never trust you not to do it again or trust any actions that you are taking when it comes to the relationship me and you have."

You have two issues here.

A lack of trust of a person because of .....

The question should I forgive someone.

 

If this person attends your church then you should talk with them about the reason for your lack of trust. They could have grown up and be relable and kind, or they could be worse.

If you rarely meet them it is a case of hand them, the past incident and your feelings, memories etc over to God to resolve them.

 

Forgiveness.  Follow the example God sets. Be willing to forgive, but you need to hear/see/experience their repentance.

If it isn't coming again hand the whole situation over to God for him to deal with.

 

[choir loft]

On 5/26/2019 at 5:55 AM, growinginJesus said:

I recently ran into a situation where someone who did something to me in my younger years asked me to do them a favor, I refused on the grounds that I didn't trust the reason why they were asking me to do it....getting into my point......does the simple fact that i do not trust them mean that i have not forgiven him his past transgressions, or do i as a Christian have the right to say "hey i forgive you for what has happened in the past, however I can never trust you not to do it again or trust any actions that you are taking when it comes to the relationship me and you have."

Forgiveness implies a willingness to forego judgment - acts of reprisal and revenge.  It does NOT imply a sudden onset of stupidity on the part of the one who forgives.

Biblical forgiveness is based upon three things, four if we seek to imitate the God who forgives.

First is that the one who sins against God or man MUST repent - speak and demonstrate a willingness to desist and abandon those acts which offend.

Second is that forgiveness must be sincerely requested.  Until and unless it's requested it cannot be granted.

Third is that some sort of restitution must accompany the request for forgiveness.   Justice demands an offense be paid for either by the one who offends or the one who forgives.

True forgiveness is the marriage of mercy and justice.

Ask yourself if these steps have been honestly and sincerely addressed.

God does.

that's me, hollering from the choir loft...

 

 

 

Edited May 31, 2019 by choir loft

[Billiards Ball]

On 5/26/2019 at 5:55 AM, growinginJesus said:

I recently ran into a situation where someone who did something to me in my younger years asked me to do them a favor, I refused on the grounds that I didn't trust the reason why they were asking me to do it....getting into my point......does the simple fact that i do not trust them mean that i have not forgiven him his past transgressions, or do i as a Christian have the right to say "hey i forgive you for what has happened in the past, however I can never trust you not to do it again or trust any actions that you are taking when it comes to the relationship me and you have."

You have the right to judge and to be discerning. You have the right to tell someone who asks a thing of you, "Maybe later, we need to rebuild trust first."

[Prycejosh1987]

On 5/26/2019 at 10:55 AM, growinginJesus said:

I recently ran into a situation where someone who did something to me in my younger years asked me to do them a favor, I refused on the grounds that I didn't trust the reason why they were asking me to do it....getting into my point......does the simple fact that i do not trust them mean that i have not forgiven him his past transgressions, or do i as a Christian have the right to say "hey i forgive you for what has happened in the past, however I can never trust you not to do it again or trust any actions that you are taking when it comes to the relationship me and you have."

It could be your struggling to forgive because your holding ill feelings of the past. You have renew your mind on that. Trust is earned and should not be given, except over time.