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Figure of eighty

Feelings of regret...

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I feel its all hitting me since my baby is 21 wks right now.  

I just regret having him out of wedlock. I feel guilty and sad Im not married ... and I honestly would rather be single for the rest of my life than be a single mom... The guilt isnt for me but my son. 

He deserves a 2 parent home not 1 and i feel bad I robbed him of that. 

Im happy for him.. But he deserves better. 

 

I already repented and heard the lord say clearly he forgave me...but i still feel bad..not for me but my son.. . 

Advice from single moms would be nice

 

Edited by Figure of eighty
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2 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel its all hitting me since my baby is 21 wks right now.  

I just regret having him out of wedlock. I feel guilty and sad Im not married ... and I honestly would rather be single for the rest of my life than be a single mom... The guilt isnt for me but my son. 

He deserves a 2 parent home not 1 and i feel bad I robbed him of that. 

Im happy for him.. But he deserves better. 

 

I already repented and heard the lord say clearly he forgave me...but i still feel bad..not for me but my son.. . 

Advice from single moms would be nice

 

Network with other single parents.

My mother met my step father after my dad  passed away through something called Parents without Partners.

Even if you don't meet "Mr. Right" you can network with other single parents / moms / dads who can help be a mentor to your son etc.

Be very careful of predators!

I was sexually abused for 2 years by a "friend of the family" who acted as though he was my big brother after my dad passed. 

And if you do meet Mr. Right, be careful not to over-mother his step son (allow him to be a parent to your child). So often

parents defend their children against their step parents and the marriage goes right in the toilet.

Hope this helps.

Be blessed.

 

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11 minutes ago, JohnD said:

Network with other single parents.

My mother met my step father after my dad  passed away through something called Parents without Partners.

Even if you don't meet "Mr. Right" you can network with other single parents / moms / dads who can help be a mentor to your son etc.

Be very careful of predators!

I was sexually abused for 2 years by a "friend of the family" who acted as though he was my big brother after my dad passed. 

And if you do meet Mr. Right, be careful not to over-mother his step son (allow him to be a parent to your child). So often

parents defend their children against their step parents and the marriage goes right in the toilet.

Hope this helps.

Be blessed.

 

I have bad luck with guys. I just get the crappy ones...i also dont like the idea of a step father and if i ever date again my child will be in his 20's.  But a support group does soumd nice and Id love to go.

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1 hour ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel its all hitting me since my baby is 21 wks right now.  

I just regret having him out of wedlock. I feel guilty and sad Im not married ... and I honestly would rather be single for the rest of my life than be a single mom... The guilt isnt for me but my son. 

He deserves a 2 parent home not 1 and i feel bad I robbed him of that. 

Im happy for him.. But he deserves better. 

 

I already repented and heard the lord say clearly he forgave me...but i still feel bad..not for me but my son.. . 

Advice from single moms would be nice

 

guilt is only good for telling us we shouldn't have done the thing we have already done, i come from a single parent background where my mother raised all three of us and she managed, i only had a father some of the time, but i always had a father in Jesus(and still do) and he can be your husband too it u let him and devote yourself to him.  i suggest u do not try to find another man as they may present a danger to your son but work in the church with elders and youth leaders as he grows.  and what done is done and cant be undone read the story of hagar the maid servant of Sarah and how to God looked after her when she was cast away with her child Isaac.  God will always provide for u and your son and he will have many fathers in christ if u maintain church contact. 

your in Jesus, Nobleseed

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1 hour ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel its all hitting me since my baby is 21 wks right now.  

I just regret having him out of wedlock. I feel guilty and sad Im not married ... and I honestly would rather be single for the rest of my life than be a single mom... The guilt isnt for me but my son. 

He deserves a 2 parent home not 1 and i feel bad I robbed him of that. 

Im happy for him.. But he deserves better. 

 

I already repented and heard the lord say clearly he forgave me...but i still feel bad..not for me but my son.. . 

Advice from single moms would be nice

 

I am not a single mom and I will not preach since I am not perfect. I hope you have put yourself and your child's life in God's hands.

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2 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel its all hitting me since my baby is 21 wks right now. 

I just regret having him out of wedlock. I feel guilty and sad Im not married ... and I honestly would rather be single for the rest of my life than be a single mom... The guilt isnt for me but my son.

He deserves a 2 parent home not 1 and i feel bad I robbed him of that.

Im happy for him.. But he deserves better.

I already repented and heard the lord say clearly he forgave me...but i still feel bad..not for me but my son.. .

Advice from single moms would be nice

 

Not a single Mum,

                      Please talk to someone, your midwife, doctor, ministers wife, after the elation of having a baby there is a reaction, a deep deep downer.

Post natal depression is vey real so please get yourself checked out.

 

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4 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I feel its all hitting me since my baby is 21 wks right now.  

I just regret having him out of wedlock. I feel guilty and sad Im not married ... and I honestly would rather be single for the rest of my life than be a single mom... The guilt isnt for me but my son. 

He deserves a 2 parent home not 1 and i feel bad I robbed him of that. 

Im happy for him.. But he deserves better. 

 

I already repented and heard the lord say clearly he forgave me...but i still feel bad..not for me but my son.. . 

Advice from single moms would be nice

 

Not a single mom but just a thought....

You say your child deserves a two parent home....many women do raise children alone and love them tremendously, of course.  However, others that are unable to take care of/provide for a child, often look into adoption.   I've known of a few who were adopted because of those circumstances.   Not saying you want to do this, but it is possibly an option to consider.

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6 hours ago, Debp said:

Not a single mom but just a thought....

You say your child deserves a two parent home....many women do raise children alone and love them tremendously, of course.  However, others that are unable to take care of/provide for a child, often look into adoption.   I've known of a few who were adopted because of those circumstances.   Not saying you want to do this, but it is possibly an option to consider.

I mean i love my baby so ill keep him. Its just i wish i did things right. Also with adoption everything isn't cookie cutter perfect-- 1) They can face hardships like everyone else and possibly get divorced 2) On thr darker side-- they can turn out to be abusive ( some not all) but the reality is i dont know who Im giving my child to and i dont take that lightly. I trust myself more than a stranger. 

3) Even if the adopted parents are perfect and do provide everything financially and emotionally. The child can still have feelings of abandonment. 

So for me personally I dont want to go that route. My friend did and regrets it even though her and her bf were together. 

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8 hours ago, Who me said:

Not a single Mum,

                      Please talk to someone, your midwife, doctor, ministers wife, after the elation of having a baby there is a reaction, a deep deep downer.

Post natal depression is vey real so please get yourself checked out.

 

It is real. Ive been okay so far i just had this one regret. If things feel too overwhelming ill make sure to communicate that with my mom and Dr.

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11 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

I have bad luck with guys. I just get the crappy ones...i also dont like the idea of a step father and if i ever date again my child will be in his 20's.  But a support group does soumd nice and Id love to go.

Just an observation that is very politically incorrect in our current society.  Boys become good men by having good men active in their lives modeling how to be a good man for them by how they live their lives.  It's great if that good man is their father living in the same house, but many an uncle, grandfather, stepdad, brother-in-law, or next door neighbor has been that good man in a young man's life.   Many an uncle, grandfather, or other man has stepped in to fill the shoes of a father who isn't doing that for his son.  Your son's life will likely go a whole lot smoother if he has some solid good Christian men *active* in his life.

Also, for the sake of your son, please learn how to identify good men from crappy ones so that he can have some good men in his life.  Crappy ones usually have giant red flags written all over them (that many women seem blind to) that good men can usually see a mile away.   Also, please work with God to be healed from the hurt you've had in the past involving men and resolve whatever it was that drove you to be involved with those type of men.  Those unhealed wounds will influence how you feel about and relate to men and your son will be negatively affected by that.  If you have a deep distrust or dislike of men, it is likely going to negatively affect your son's view of his own manhood as he grows up.

Please note, that when I say good man, I'm talking about men who are hard working, have integrity, you can trust their word, they are self-supporting, they are respectful, they have solid skills and hobbies of some type, they have successful longterm relationships, they are the type of men that other good men have confidence and trust in.  I've seen Christian men that haven't grown into this yet.  I've seen Christian men that like this.  I've seen men who aren't Christians and are like this as well as those who aren't.   Ideally, your son can have some good Christian men active in his life to not only model Christlikeness but a positive and strong masculinity and manhood.

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