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LadyKay

Forgiveness?

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This is kind of hard to explain. But how do you know if you really have forgiven someone?  I mean I think I have forgiven them. I hold no hate against them and wish them no ill will. I help them out when they call me up and ask for my help with something. I even offer to help if they inform me about an issue they are having.  But I can not forget what they did to me. It hurt so very much and still hurts. So even though I think I have forgiven them, I can't forget the hurt that they did to me. Also they don't seem to think they did anything wrong to me. They have never told me they are sorry or anything for what they did.  What they did still hurts. So have I really forgiven them? 

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Forgiving someone doesnt mean the hurt goes away.  For me personally I think forgiveness shows in how we view them. Do we harbor a grudge against them? Do we resent them or their actions? 

Are you upset that they are not sorry and think they didnt do anything wrong? Otherwise it sounds to me like you truly forgave them but only you and the Lord know your heart.

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1 hour ago, ayin jade said:

Forgiving someone doesnt mean the hurt goes away.  For me personally I think forgiveness shows in how we view them. Do we harbor a grudge against them? Do we resent them or their actions? 

Are you upset that they are not sorry and think they didnt do anything wrong? Otherwise it sounds to me like you truly forgave them but only you and the Lord know your heart.

I couldn't agree more, I struggle with forgiveness like everybody but with Jade says makes a lot of sense.

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1 hour ago, LadyKay said:

This is kind of hard to explain. But how do you know if you really have forgiven someone?  I mean I think I have forgiven them. I hold no hate against them and wish them no ill will. I help them out when they call me up and ask for my help with something. I even offer to help if they inform me about an issue they are having.  But I can not forget what they did to me. It hurt so very much and still hurts. So even though I think I have forgiven them, I can't forget the hurt that they did to me. Also they don't seem to think they did anything wrong to me. They have never told me they are sorry or anything for what they did.  What they did still hurts. So have I really forgiven them? 

I think sometimes that forgiveness is just one part of a healing process God takes us through.  When we've had some type of physical or emotional or spiritual trauma caused by another person, we can be injured and wounded.  Those things sometimes require some degree of healing before we can feel free and whole again.

I've heard many testimonies over the years of various emotional and spiritual hurts that God has healed people from.  The methods He uses vary.  Some have included counseling, sometimes it's something that just happens during private prayer, other times it's with prayer times with others such as after a church service, at a retreat, or in a prayer meeting.  Sometimes it's a near instantaneous unexpected thing and sometimes it's a longer process.

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9 hours ago, LadyKay said:

This is kind of hard to explain. But how do you know if you really have forgiven someone?  I mean I think I have forgiven them. I hold no hate against them and wish them no ill will. I help them out when they call me up and ask for my help with something. I even offer to help if they inform me about an issue they are having.  But I can not forget what they did to me. It hurt so very much and still hurts. So even though I think I have forgiven them, I can't forget the hurt that they did to me. Also they don't seem to think they did anything wrong to me. They have never told me they are sorry or anything for what they did.  What they did still hurts. So have I really forgiven them? 

You feel more free and not so angry when you think of them. We may not have trust in them any longer and do not want to associate with someone who has hurt us but if we forgive them that is good. 

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13 hours ago, LadyKay said:

This is kind of hard to explain. But how do you know if you really have forgiven someone?

Might consider asking of ones self if the offender does come to me in repentance and asking  for forgiveness will I express my forgiveness and never bring up the issue to anyone ever again, or will I hold it out again and again as reason to keep my distance from the offender even after they have come to express their repentance and ask for forgiveness? If the answer is yes then all that may be done by the offended toward forgiveness is at hand and is done. If not then there really is no forgiveness, instead there are only terms of truce at hand.

To say I forgive but will never ever trust  you again, is not forgiveness it is settlement.

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It sounds like you have forgiven them....you harbor no hate or ill will.   You try to help them.   The hurt will eventually lessen.

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May I suggest that you tell God about the incident, your feelings about it and ask him to handle it and your pain.

If they have not repented/said sorry how is it possible to forgive.

Hand everything over to God and pray for them.

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People give their money for charity but many cannot give their forgiveness.

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