Husband claims to have the Priesthood

[lovethelord]

Hi, I have not written on a forum for over 17 years, but yesterday’s incident prompted me to post this on a Christian website. I’ve been married for 26 years to an emotional abusive man. We were both unbelievers at the time, but living with him and the trials I experienced brought me to the Lord 15 years ago. A counselor I spoke to many years ago identified what I was going through and since then I’ve become educated on the subject.  When stress hits or lack of sleep, he finds an excuse to rage at me for something I did.  Yesterday, it was Father’s Day (he was upset that I chose to go to church in the morning and not stay home in bed with him while he slept).  As soon as I got home, I heard the name calling, ranting, things said about my pastor, church and how the church destroys families etc…

He feels this way, because his parents divorced while heavily involved in the church and fanatical about it.  He has not been back to a church since he was 13 years old.  In July 2015, I left our home and proceeded with divorce proceedings.  We had gotten in an argument because I wanted to start attending church and he said it was either the church or him.  So I chose the church. I stayed at my parent’s house for 5 months. He did everything in his power to win me back, flowers, calls, begging etc… My family and daughter begged me not to go back, but I did go back home and dropped the divorce finalization (it would have been final in one month).  To make a long story short, I wish I never came back. My feelings for him have changed to one of distance and distrust.  FYI, I don’t socialize with anyone from our church, we go and attend services and then leave. But he says I put the church before him and I should go to him for spiritual enrichment since he has the priesthood. I’ve told him, how can you claim to have the priesthood when you haven’t been to a church since you were 13 years old?  You don’t read or own a bible and don’t even want to go to church and don’t believe that Jesus is Lord like I do? He says he is the spiritual leader in the house and I should listen to him.  I said if you were the spiritual leader, how come I’m the one who initiated taking my daughter to church and bible class.  I read the bible every day for 1-2 hours and I love the word. I love the peace and spiritual renewment I get every week. Please give me your feedback.  I know the bible says, that the husband is the leader of the wife. Thank you for any advice.

[Willa]

1Pe 3:1     AMP   IN LIKE manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

1Pe 3:2  When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

1Pe 3:7  In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God's unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]

Eph 5:23  For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.  Eph 5:24  As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.

Eph 5:25  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,  Eph 5:26  So that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word,  Eph 5:26  that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Having lived with an unsaved husband, I have to advise you honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].  You must will and determine to obey the word in this whether you feel like it or not.  And you must determine to forgive him and ask God to help you to see his need as God does and have compassion for him.  

My husband was as abusive as yours, tore up my bibles and hated every church and pastor I had ever attended.  As far as your going to church, you need that or a small group Bible Study for the support you during this time.  But you also need to be praying for his salvation day and night.   People will always let us down.  God never does.  I have to admit that the more I prayed for my hubby, the more God changed me to be the wife he needed.  Meanwhile He started setting the scene for hubby's salvation.  It was four more years before he was saved.  He did become the priest in our home, leading us in prayer and devotions, praying daily for our sons and taking us to church.  We were married for 54 years.  

[mlbrokish]

I am relatively new believer, having been saved just over two years ago. I don't have any scripture to quote, but I appreciate the incite that Willa and others much more knowledgeable in the word can give.

What I can mention is that I, too, am in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband of 25 years.  A few years ago, I left him for a short time, began divorce proceedings, but dropped it all and returned to him to try to work it out. 

Even though he grew up in a Catholic home, he wasn't truly a believer, and still isn't.  He isn't comfortable with being at church or being involved in any bible study, church-related activity, or even attending weddings in a church.

In the case of my husband, his parents had methods that created very insecure children in his family, and that insecurity comes through in his adult life in many ways, including when things take my attention away from my husband. My attention to Jesus and the bible has caused some tension.  He has said some snide comments about me reading the bible, attending church on-line or doing a bible study, etc. so it can be frustrating at times.

While I don't agree with the emotionally abusive actions of my husband with our children and me, I can say that the more I have changed my actions to be pleasing to God, the less emotionally abusive my husband has become. 

Also, I do feel that ...

1 hour ago, Willa said:

Eph 5:23  For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church,

but if my husband told me I couldn't attend church on-line, or read the bible, etc. I wouldn't think that it would be right to stop doing those things just because my husband said. He doesn't like to hear it, but God is first above all else.

I hope my words have helped in some way.

mlb

[BeauJangles]

@Willa and @mlbrokish thank you for the scriptures and encouraging words. @lovethelord praying for you, and welcome to Worthy. God bless. 

Shalom, 

David/BeauJangles

[Worship Warriors]

the subject of headship and spiritual priesthood is quite a hot topic in church circles. the church is confused: is it co leadership or headship. I did a trailer on you tube on it ( 27 seconds).  here is the link. you can follow the link and see for yourself.

 

Edited June 18, 2019 by Steve_S
Removed youtube link. Please post video links in the appropriate video forum (https://www.worthychristianforums.com/forum/144-videos/).

[Jean74]

Praying for you two! As hope that the Lord will lead and guide you all. Let Him take the way for you all. Welcome to the forums BTW. Feel free to post! Do not be shy!

[lovethelord]

I fell asleep last night praying for my husband and woke up this morning knowing what i already know "I can't change him. I can't react to his "words"...I will continue to trust God for controlling my own reactions and be accountable".  His rages are better than they were years ago, at least once every 2-3 months or so.  I know that God has to be working through him, because when i think back he would have never ever gone back to church, but he went for my sake when i cam back home.  I know that God is in control. Help me pray to change his heart in his mistaken beliefs: 1) Jesus is not God, 2) the bible are stories written by man and not God 3) the message of Grace is something that Christians came up with to excuse their sins etc..  

[Chrisx2600]

Blessings,

Jesus was asked whats the greatest commandment, ESV Luke 10:27: And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”

In 1 Corinthians 13, we have what love is, and what love is not.

ESV 

1If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

      4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

      8Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Therefore, if the response is contra to this (especially about God) there is no question, its not love.  Your husband has this responsibility to point you to Christ.  That's his role, for him to encourage this as your most personal, intimate relationship. 

  

[Amanda Frances]

Welcome to Worthy!  

[lovethelord]

Hi Chrisx2600,

I'm glad you validated me on "Your husband has this responsibility to point you to Christ.  That's his role, for him to encourage this as your most personal, intimate relationship."  When speaking to my daughter last night, i told her i want to listen to her dad, but when he is trying to pull you us away from fellowship with the Church and other believers. He should be wanting the family to draw near to God not away from Him.  I know this is not coming from the Spirit of God.  In the end, it's not about the music, how you dress etc... It's about your heart and making a point to be with others.  Thank you for posting the other verses. It is rather ironic because he is known as a talker. (he can talk talk talk and this is when he is not even angry).  Sometimes, i think to myself it sounds like vomit gushing forth because he repeats alot of the same things and says things that don't contain a lot of value).  Thats why i try to remind him to tame the tongue. I'm pretty much the opposite.  I don't talk much and am more introverted.  Thirdly, the arrogance and contempt come through to people he interacts with (cashiers, people at church, waiters etc).