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In need of advice please


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Hey everyone!

Happy 4th July to all who celebrate it :)

I have a problem, this is the first time this has ever happened and I literally can't talk about it to anyone I know as I'm scared of being judged (this includes my believer friends/non-believer friends). I have shared this with one person, who ended up experiencing a similar situation so that didn't end up being so bad.

I have spent a few weeks talking to someone from the office, he's the only other practicing believer (that I know of) in the building. I don't know how and when but towards the end of last week, I started to develop feelings for him, here's the cliffhanger that will stay a cliffhanger. The man is married. Married. I know my bible and what it says about marriage but regardless I wouldn't go there anyway.

The point of this post is your advice on how to fizzle out these feelings whilst they're still subtle. So far, I've come to my own conclusion to just leave it in the hands of the Lord through prayer and to avoid him as much as I can, which is what I've been doing as of this morning. Haven't said more than a word to him all day. Any advice as to what else I can do please?

Edited by DaughterOfAKing
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I think you're on the right track so far with prayer and putting some distance between yourself and him. That said if you're developing feelings for someone then it tends to point toward an underlying sense of loneliness. People have different ways of dealing with that. It's important to find a healthy method that works for you.

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Few have the guts to admit this kind of thing. Oh yeah, it happened to me too.

Thing is, we are creatures that require love and our hormones do a lot of our thinking.  This happens over and over and over again and it s real trial. You do not see the dirty socks; the nose hairs; the nasty things at this stage. No all we see is roses and glorious flowers ad nauseum. It is easy to get infatuated with an emotion, but do not turn emotions into fact.

If you can avoid close contact without being further entranced and captivated by imaginings, then do so I guess. But if you are lonely as someone suggested, maybe remedy this by nipping it in the bud and finding another friend... BUT do not let this idea make you just rebound, thinking "any port in a storm" will do and is better than what I have now.

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1 hour ago, DaughterOfAKing said:

Any advice as to what else I can do please?

You've already recognized the situation and started to address it which is a huge first step.   Many people don't and end up in a bad situation.  My sense of things is that many inappropriate relationships between Christians start off healthy as encouraging friendships and then start to become more intimate emotionally with some degree of infatuation starting to kick in.  No pastor ever met a church secretary with the intention of leaving his wife for her, but spending much time in close proximity can lead to a gradual deepening of feelings from colleague to friend to close friend to best friend.  This is especially true if one or both is at a low point in life and if being around that person is a high point of their day.  My guess is that many Christians have found themselves in the situation of having developed deep emotional ties with someone who is not their spouse or cannot be their spouse.  My sense is that this usually ends up being a deeply confusing situation because it is a mixture of a strong friendship with a good person and a very unhealthy relationship with romantic overtones.

The problem with relationships like this is that changing our emotions tends to be like the rudder of a large ocean going ship.  You turn the rudder to one side and it takes awhile to complete a turn to a new direction.  It will probably take awhile for these feelings to die down.  Depending on how deep these feelings are, it may take a long time to die down.  I recall one marriage counselor recommending that the only way to restore a marriage after an affair is to cut all ties with the other person because the feelings will always be there waiting to re-emerge stronger than ever after an absence.  I think this is why it is important for Christians to have a few strong same-sex friendships so that our need for fellowship, sharing, and emotional attachments can be met without the potential of infatuation and romantic ties developing with someone we cannot be married to.

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2 hours ago, DaughterOfAKing said:

Hey everyone!

Happy 4th July to all who celebrate it :)

I have a problem, this is the first time this has ever happened and I literally can't talk about it to anyone I know as I'm scared of being judged (this includes my believer friends/non-believer friends). I have shared this with one person, who ended up experiencing a similar situation so that didn't end up being so bad.

I have spent a few weeks talking to someone from the office, he's the only other practicing believer (that I know of) in the building. I don't know how and when but towards the end of last week, I started to develop feelings for him, here's the cliffhanger that will stay a cliffhanger. The man is married. Married. I know my bible and what it says about marriage but regardless I wouldn't go there anyway.

The point of this post is your advice on how to fizzle out these feelings whilst they're still subtle. So far, I've come to my own conclusion to just leave it in the hands of the Lord through prayer and to avoid him as much as I can, which is what I've been doing as of this morning. Haven't said more than a word to him all day. Any advice as to what else I can do please?

Avoiding him isn't fair to him - unless he has been flirting with you. To act on your feelings would be adultery. Ignore your feelings for him and go on living.

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3 hours ago, DaughterOfAKing said:

Hey everyone!

Happy 4th July to all who celebrate it :)

I have a problem, this is the first time this has ever happened and I literally can't talk about it to anyone I know as I'm scared of being judged (this includes my believer friends/non-believer friends). I have shared this with one person, who ended up experiencing a similar situation so that didn't end up being so bad.

I have spent a few weeks talking to someone from the office, he's the only other practicing believer (that I know of) in the building. I don't know how and when but towards the end of last week, I started to develop feelings for him, here's the cliffhanger that will stay a cliffhanger. The man is married. Married. I know my bible and what it says about marriage but regardless I wouldn't go there anyway.

The point of this post is your advice on how to fizzle out these feelings whilst they're still subtle. So far, I've come to my own conclusion to just leave it in the hands of the Lord through prayer and to avoid him as much as I can, which is what I've been doing as of this morning. Haven't said more than a word to him all day. Any advice as to what else I can do please?

If the man is married stay far, far away from him. Perhaps you are just enamored with him because you admire him. Do not spend any time with him. Ask God to give you the strength to stay away from this married man. 

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3 hours ago, DaughterOfAKing said:

I have spent a few weeks talking to someone from the office, he's the only other practicing believer (that I know of) in the building. I don't know how and when but towards the end of last week, I started to develop feelings for him, here's the cliffhanger that will stay a cliffhanger. The man is married. Married. I know my bible and what it says about marriage but regardless I wouldn't go there anyway.

Okay. What is sensed here, is because this man is also a believer, you're already developing some sort of friendly fellowship. And perhaps and I'm only speculating on this, but he could also be mutually interested in you as a friend? Christian men and women can and do have experiences like this, but care must be taken in order that lines of godly standards don't get crossed over. Especially when one or both are married. Since this has been over the last few weeks, it may be difficult now to completely avoid him.

On the other hand, you also don't want to get into dangerous territory and let your admiration become more than it should be. Sounds as though you're willing to pull the emotional reins in, and this is a good thing. Avoid any subtle physical contact types of situations at all cost. If your feelings are getting the better of you, and if you do have a minister, it might be a good idea to consult with him. Most of all, you do need to take this to the Lord in sincere prayer. God bless you, these things happen. 

Shalom, 

David/BeauJangles

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Hello DaughterOfAKing;

You say you are a christian? so what does it mean for you to be a christian?

do you have a daily relationship with Christ Jesus?

Have you brought your concerns to the Lord in prayer?

Do you realize that when you entertain lust, you are inviting an opportunity for demons of lust and other demons to come into you? and begin to control you more and more and then make your life more miserable, more problematic?

Falling away from following Gods Word and warnings, always leads to sin, sickness and misery. Nothing good will come from falling into sin, and only make things harder on you  and makes your return walk to God and His righteousness more difficult.

Yes Christians who sins can attach demons to themselves and that can lead you further away from God and your daily relationship with Christ Jesus, and draw the Holy spirit of God further away from you, as the holy Spirit cannot live in sin (see 1Joun ch1.) And the further the Holy spirit draws always from you because of your sins, the less He is abled to help you.  However, if you are truly a Christians the Holy Spirit always warns you of the red flag dangers, so that you can cut away, cut loose from the sin that is hoping to bind with you. I pray you listen to the Holy Spirit, calling you back to Him.

Ask God through His only begotten son Christ Jesus to forgive you and deliver you from the demons of lust, demons of dishonesty, lying spirits of deception, rebuke them from you in the blood name of Christ Jesus.

It would be best that you not keep time with this married man or any other married men, and concentrate on developing more your personal relationship with Your Lord and Savior Christ Jesus. If you go towards the direction and example of Christ Jesus Your good shepherd, He will give you the strength and courage to not get involved in what is wrong and that will damage your life and consequently bring you only more pain and difficulties and sufferings.    The more you live for Christ Jesus and follow His way, the less the demons will want to hang out with and around you and will leave you. Also you can rebuke on your own those demons of lust, demons of dishonesty, lying spirits of deception,   using the Blood Name of Christ Jesus to rebuke the demons who are involved in making you think to do something wrong, at any time you sense you are being tempted. Tempted to sin does not come from God but from the devil and his demons.   If you think this not to be true, then you need to get to know more and more His Word. There definitely exists a spiritual demonic world that we as Christians need to protect ourselves from. (read Ephesian ch6).

If you right now don't want to even bother to read your bible and seek the Lord for help, that is a good indication that you are under spiritual attack, with a spirit of rebellion and other  roaming close by to you  if not already in you. By choosing to sin, instead of obeying Gods Word, you open yourself for the devil to come in and cause real problems in your life.

Seek God wisdom and His Word, don't follow your own thoughts as they may be deceiving you.

 

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 

 

 

 

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On 7/4/2019 at 3:17 PM, DaughterOfAKing said:

The point of this post is your advice on how to fizzle out these feelings whilst they're still subtle. So far, I've come to my own conclusion to just leave it in the hands of the Lord through prayer and to avoid him as much as I can, which is what I've been doing as of this morning. Haven't said more than a word to him all day. Any advice as to what else I can do please?

Avoiding him will not be good, you have to confront your feelings whenever and wherever you can. Silent treatment is not a good idea, i used to do all the time myself, but keeping feelings in can damage you. Confess your concerns always. If he doesnt listen to you then it is his problem.

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