I have feelings for a nonbeliever who wants to know more about what I believe

[Trayalc]

I’ve developed feelings for a nonbeliever (an agnostic who also has strong feelings for me), and I’ve been so hesitant (and stressed) because I know it is advised not to date nonbelievers (and certainly forbidden to marry them). I’ve been praying that God help me out of this situation (if that is His will) because at this point there’s some emotional investment and I don’t exactly know what to do.

This girl identifies as agnostic. I’ve admitted the reasons for my hesitation to her, so she knows. She said she honestly does not see herself ever believing right now, but she is interested in learning about my beliefs and faith. After sharing some quotes with her, she’s even said she’s interested in the book I’m reading now (Mere Christianity by CS Lewis).

I certainly want to share more with her about what I believe, but I know I shouldn’t missionary date. Right now we have both agreed we are just friends, not exactly exclusively dating yet. However, even though we’ve had a lot of physical distance between us lately, we have still been flirting as if we’re exclusively dating or at least as if we’re are planning on it, admittedly.

So this is the mess I’ve gotten myself into. There are also things besides the spiritual aspect that sort of make things complicated. I don’t know what to do. Prayer and advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

[BeauJangles]

19 minutes ago, Trayalc said:

So this is the mess I’ve gotten myself into. There are also things besides the spiritual aspect that sort of make things complicated. I don’t know what to do. Prayer and advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Okay, now I see why you're so stressed out in the post made in Worthy Welcome. And you have more than reason to be. You can keep the friendship, but please to remain firm in a physical distance between the two of you. Cross the lines, and I'm sure you're aware of the pit-falls that lie ahead. The unequally yoked premise is already clear to you. I'll let others come in there, as some busy activity is about to occur in my day's schedule. God bless, and I'll be praying for you. 

Shalom, 

David/BeauJangles 

[AnOrangeCat]

Be sure to keep a good network of advisors who are willing and able to tell you if you seem to be crossing any lines. It's best if it's people who are able to be around both of you in person physically since the attraction tends to give you rose colored glasses and those of us who hear on the internet only have what you say to go on.

[other one]

It is important that she read the entire Bible....   not just what someone says about it...   If you are really drawn to her maybe the Lord is setting things up for her salvation...   we have to always keep that in mind....   but you are correct in not tying yourself to her.   And remember it is the Holy Spirit that will convince her that Jesus is real and who we say he is.

Personally I would recommend an ESV version to give her....   if she takes to reading it there is hope.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Start with the book of John, then Acts then the new testament...….    if you want to spend some time together get an mp3 download of the bible and listen to it together...   As I remember the new testament takes about 20 hours or so to get through....   but it is important that she accepts the Bible as basically true.

[mlbrokish]

26 minutes ago, other one said:

It is important that she read the entire Bible....   not just what someone says about it...   If you are really drawn to her maybe the Lord is setting things up for her salvation...   we have to always keep that in mind....   but you are correct in not tying yourself to her.   And remember it is the Holy Spirit that will convince her that Jesus is real and who we say he is.

This is exactly what I was thinking, too.  People are in our lives on purpose, not coincidental, and, if she is asking questions, perhaps the Holy Spirit is a work.

[missmuffet]

2 hours ago, Trayalc said:

I’ve developed feelings for a nonbeliever (an agnostic who also has strong feelings for me), and I’ve been so hesitant (and stressed) because I know it is advised not to date nonbelievers (and certainly forbidden to marry them). I’ve been praying that God help me out of this situation (if that is His will) because at this point there’s some emotional investment and I don’t exactly know what to do.

This girl identifies as agnostic. I’ve admitted the reasons for my hesitation to her, so she knows. She said she honestly does not see herself ever believing right now, but she is interested in learning about my beliefs and faith. After sharing some quotes with her, she’s even said she’s interested in the book I’m reading now (Mere Christianity by CS Lewis).

I certainly want to share more with her about what I believe, but I know I shouldn’t missionary date. Right now we have both agreed we are just friends, not exactly exclusively dating yet. However, even though we’ve had a lot of physical distance between us lately, we have still been flirting as if we’re exclusively dating or at least as if we’re are planning on it, admittedly.

So this is the mess I’ve gotten myself into. There are also things besides the spiritual aspect that sort of make things complicated. I don’t know what to do. Prayer and advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

 I suggest that you end the friendship now before your feelings for this person progresses or temptation takes hold. You should tell her about Jesus Christ and pray that her heart will be opened to God. You should be honest with her and tell her that you can not be in a relationship with a nonbeliever . Mere Christianity is a good book. You need to stay in prayer about this.

[dr3032]

You're going to have to walk on eggshells, if you insist. There's a reason why the book of proverbs calls them "strange women". It's a reading i'd recommend for this, as it might offer you insight as to whether she is genuine or not. To me, it sounds odd that she says she doesn't see herself believing, and then at the same time, seems to take this interest. 

You have to be mindful with certain women, or even people in general, really. They twist their faces away from their feelings. They avert their eyes just so. The poison they spew can smell as sweet as honey. She could simply want to drag you down, rather than she herself stand alongside you.

[GandalfTheWise]

On 7/9/2019 at 10:00 AM, Trayalc said:

Prayer and advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

[Edited for length]

Having been married for over 30 years, I can tell you from a simple practical standpoint that the more you have in common with your life partner, the better.  Marriages typically go through 3 general stages, infatuation/passion, disillusionment, and (if it survives disillusionment) contentment.  At some point, the initial feelings fade and you are left with the real person that you married.  If they are a person of integrity and good character with no serious dysfunction, have a similar outlook on life, share similar priorities in life,  and have a good family that both you and they get along with well, you will be in a much better position to weather the inevitable times when your relationship is going through a low point.   If your partner has some serious dysfunction or problems, marriage will usually not cover those up but will reveal them over time.  Over time, both partners change and the relationship must adapt and change.  The more you have in common, the easier it is to adapt and become comfortable partners for life and have a more peaceful and contented life.  This is no guarantee but it increases the odds in your favor considerably of having a marriage that makes your life better versus one that makes your life worse over the years.

I've heard many painful testimonies over the years from Christians who ignored many red flags and married someone they shouldn't have.  It ended up being much more painful for a much longer time and with a bigger impact on their life (especially those who had kids) than a break up early on would have been.  I've known Christians who married other Christians ignoring many red flags that they later regretted not paying attention to as well.  Often these marriages ended after much frustration and pain. 

To be fair, I've heard a few missionary dating testimonies that did work out.  However, the majority usually had long term problems of some type beyond the normal struggles most marriages have.  In some cases, the unbelieving spouse remained polite about it but the believing spouse ended up going to church and doing such things alone.  In other cases, the unbelieving spouse became actively belligerent over time about spiritual matters.  There were also often disagreements about how to raise the kids regarding spiritual matters.  For many, instead of their home being a spiritual haven and restful place away from the world with a special person to share it with, some other place became their spiritual haven to get away from spiritual frustration at home.   I've heard a few testimonies over the years that it was a romantic or dating relationship with a Christian that caused someone to take an initial interest in the gospel.  However, these are less common than the number in which a romantic or dating relationship failed to generate lasting spiritual interest in things.

My sense of things is that in the initial stages of falling in love, about the only way those feelings usually start to disappear is to be around that person long enough that either you become bored with them or that their flaws start to frustrate and hurt you enough that the negative feelings start to outweigh the infatuation and positive feelings.  At the beginning of a relationship, continued close contact usually just causes feelings of infatuation to grow and those feelings are likely to stick around for awhile.

[Prycejosh1987]

On 7/9/2019 at 4:00 PM, Trayalc said:

I’ve developed feelings for a nonbeliever (an agnostic who also has strong feelings for me), and I’ve been so hesitant (and stressed) because I know it is advised not to date nonbelievers (and certainly forbidden to marry them). I’ve been praying that God help me out of this situation (if that is His will) because at this point there’s some emotional investment and I don’t exactly know what to do.

This girl identifies as agnostic. I’ve admitted the reasons for my hesitation to her, so she knows. She said she honestly does not see herself ever believing right now, but she is interested in learning about my beliefs and faith. After sharing some quotes with her, she’s even said she’s interested in the book I’m reading now (Mere Christianity by CS Lewis).

I certainly want to share more with her about what I believe, but I know I shouldn’t missionary date. Right now we have both agreed we are just friends, not exactly exclusively dating yet. However, even though we’ve had a lot of physical distance between us lately, we have still been flirting as if we’re exclusively dating or at least as if we’re are planning on it, admittedly.

So this is the mess I’ve gotten myself into. There are also things besides the spiritual aspect that sort of make things complicated. I don’t know what to do. Prayer and advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

If you do fancy her then work on it and make there be something more. If you fancy her and do nothing someone else will get in there.