Thewhitedove Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted July 11, 2019 My husband is a non believer and occasionally smokes when he drinks alcohol. He goes to a bar some nights with his friend, who I actually find quite creepy. A few weeks ago, the friemd had lent my husband a cigarette lighter with the photo of a naked woman printed on it. Last night my husband was out and I came across the lighter. I dont know what took over me, but I peeled off the image of the naked woman (well, she looked about age 20 max) and put it in the bin. This morning my husband saw what i had done and said that he had to give the lighter back to the friend and that I shouldn't have done that as it wasn't mine to destroy. I just didnt want it in my house and I felt repulsed at the thought of who had manipulated or exploited the girl in the pic To pose for that photo. Was I wrong? Should I say sorry to the friend? At the time I wasnt really sure if my husband was supposed to give it back though at the time, I didnt care. Help! Thanks 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeauJangles Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Royal Member Followers: 44 Topic Count: 229 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 10,900 Content Per Day: 2.93 Reputation: 12,145 Days Won: 68 Joined: 02/13/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1954 Share Posted July 11, 2019 9 minutes ago, Thewhitedove said: Was I wrong? Should I say sorry to the friend? At the time I wasnt really sure if my husband was supposed to give it back though at the time, I didnt care. Help! Thanks I don't think so. Your husband's creepy friend can always buy another lighter, if having a naked woman on it is that important to him. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thewhitedove Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Author Share Posted July 11, 2019 2 minutes ago, BeauJangles said: I don't think so. Your husband's creepy friend can always buy another lighter, if having a naked woman on it is that important to him. I feel like I have overstepped the mark a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enoob57 Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 35 Topic Count: 99 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 41,064 Content Per Day: 7.97 Reputation: 21,391 Days Won: 76 Joined: 03/13/2010 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/27/1957 Share Posted July 11, 2019 nakedness is wrong even though it is widely, overwhelmingly so, accepted... You have a right to a Godly hedge and God will honor you with His presence there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeauJangles Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Royal Member Followers: 44 Topic Count: 229 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 10,900 Content Per Day: 2.93 Reputation: 12,145 Days Won: 68 Joined: 02/13/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1954 Share Posted July 11, 2019 3 minutes ago, Thewhitedove said: I feel like I have overstepped the mark a bit. I dunno, maybe. If your husband is an occasional smoker as you've said, a handy multi-pac of Bic lighters can be bought for a couple of bucks, and he can keep those in the house. No need for something like that if you find it offensive, and I think your husband should also understand that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tzephanyahu Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 69 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 1,625 Content Per Day: 0.79 Reputation: 2,033 Days Won: 1 Joined: 09/10/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted July 11, 2019 Shalom @Thewhitedove, I hope you are well my sister. My opinion is that what you done IS wrong. Yes, it was demeaning to women. Yes, the woman in the photo was probably coerced into it. But it wasn't your property to deface. On such issues, the responsibility lies with your husband's friend and your husband, not you. Even though it is around you and upsets you, it's not right for you to do this. As you act to deface the lighter, it's no longer about the image being right or wrong, but rather that you have wilfully defaced someone else's property - and that's a bigger issue than the picture, even if the picture was of foreign god. That said, don't worry about it too much. Apologise to who you ought to, and being willing to replace the lighter with a better one for your husband's friend (better in terms of quality, not model!). That would be the correct way to make restitution for the matter by God's Word. It might be embarrassing to do but it's the right thing. I understand your heart and your zeal though - and I'm just a simple man! So I'm sure the Father understands your position with much more empathy and consideration. However, at the end of the day, wrong is wrong, and defacing another person's property (even if it was just your husband's) is, again, worse than the image they choose to display upon it. I hope that doesn't come across judgmental. I mean I can see why you would react that way - the lighter sounds pathetic and tacky! But we have to try and rise above such desires to "force" things to be right if that makes any sense. Love & Shalom 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billiards Ball Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,502 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 662 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/05/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted July 11, 2019 31 minutes ago, Thewhitedove said: My husband is a non believer and occasionally smokes when he drinks alcohol. He goes to a bar some nights with his friend, who I actually find quite creepy. A few weeks ago, the friemd had lent my husband a cigarette lighter with the photo of a naked woman printed on it. Last night my husband was out and I came across the lighter. I dont know what took over me, but I peeled off the image of the naked woman (well, she looked about age 20 max) and put it in the bin. This morning my husband saw what i had done and said that he had to give the lighter back to the friend and that I shouldn't have done that as it wasn't mine to destroy. I just didnt want it in my house and I felt repulsed at the thought of who had manipulated or exploited the girl in the pic To pose for that photo. Was I wrong? Should I say sorry to the friend? At the time I wasnt really sure if my husband was supposed to give it back though at the time, I didnt care. Help! Thanks Personally, for me, not the Lord, if you knew it was a loan item, you overstepped, our job is not to burn an unbeliever's magic books but our own, as in Acts. Next time, you could put the lighter in a box or brown bag and ask your husband to not have it out with company/family. You could discuss his creepy friend with him--but start with an apology IMHO for tossing the lighter! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeauJangles Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Royal Member Followers: 44 Topic Count: 229 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 10,900 Content Per Day: 2.93 Reputation: 12,145 Days Won: 68 Joined: 02/13/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1954 Share Posted July 11, 2019 51 minutes ago, Thewhitedove said: Was I wrong? Should I say sorry to the friend? At the time I wasnt really sure if my husband was supposed to give it back though at the time, I didnt care. IMHO your husband should have never brought something offensive into the home in the first place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thewhitedove Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Author Share Posted July 11, 2019 I feel convicted of having done something wrong. I texted my husband to pass on a full apology but havent heard back. I have no problem apologising in person but want to see how my husband wants to proceed. I have a feeling my husband wont tell his friend what really happened And dont want to embarass him if he has tried to protect me. I can imagine my husband saying the lighter got lost or something in which case I wont say anything. I was wrong though, as wrong as they both were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thewhitedove Posted July 11, 2019 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Author Share Posted July 11, 2019 43 minutes ago, Tzephanyahu said: Shalom @Thewhitedove, I hope you are well my sister. My opinion is that what you done IS wrong. Yes, it was demeaning to women. Yes, the woman in the photo was probably coerced into it. But it wasn't your property to deface. On such issues, the responsibility lies with your husband's friend and your husband, not you. Even though it is around you and upsets you, it's not right for you to do this. As you act to deface the lighter, it's no longer about the image being right or wrong, but rather that you have wilfully defaced someone else's property - and that's a bigger issue than the picture, even if the picture was of foreign god. That said, don't worry about it too much. Apologise to who you ought to, and being willing to replace the lighter with a better one for your husband's friend (better in terms of quality, not model!). That would be the correct way to make restitution for the matter by God's Word. It might be embarrassing to do but it's the right thing. I understand your heart and your zeal though - and I'm just a simple man! So I'm sure the Father understands your position with much more empathy and consideration. However, at the end of the day, wrong is wrong, and defacing another person's property (even if it was just your husband's) is, again, worse than the image they choose to display upon it. I hope that doesn't come across judgmental. I mean I can see why you would react that way - the lighter sounds pathetic and tacky! But we have to try and rise above such desires to "force" things to be right if that makes any sense. Love & Shalom Thank you. I completely agree. I am going to see how my husband wants me to proceed but am totally willing to say sorry and replace it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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