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bornagain24

Cheating

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I really need some advice with issues I’m having. I’ve know that my boyfriend has a sex addiction as he has openly admitted to me. We got saved a while back and things were fine until the last 2 months I discovered he has been talking to a few different girls in a very sexual manor. I’m not leaving him and I know some reading this will see that as crazy, but I want to help him. He has told me he wants to stop and he wants to be a loyal servant of God, but he has this stronghold in his life that he is struggling with (i.e. sex addiction). He doesn’t know that I know yet about him talking to other girls but I’m going to talk to him about it tonight. I want to help him be delivered from this so that he can finally have peace and happiness and grow stronger in his walk with God. He is so very good to me and has helped me through so many horrible things in my life, I want so badly to do the same for him. An unconditional love. And I believe that if you love someone unconditionally, you should help them and never leave them, just as Jesus has done for us. Any advice would help so much! TIA! 

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Addiction of what ever sort/type is not overcome on the addicts part alone. They need help, lots of help.

That is why there are groups like alchol, gasmberlers, cocaine anon.

You need to find an organisation that will provide professional counceling.

If there are none to talk to the minister of the church you attend each and every week about his problem.

He also needs to sort out his antivirus so ir bans blocks every form of porn chat rooms etc and that any attempt to alter these setting is notifyded to someone to whom he is accountable.

People laugh at Christians who copy Billy Grahams rule, never to be alone with any women other than his wife. But those who do this are never found playing around with other women.

Are you willing to follow such a rule, is he?  That is to never be alone with him in a room untill you marry or for him not to be alone with other girls ever.

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On 7/11/2019 at 10:23 PM, bornagain24 said:

I really need some advice with issues I’m having. 

[Edited for space]

One thing to realize in any romantic relationship is that we cannot fix another person.  We can give them encouragement and tangible support, but we cannot fix them.  The reality is that their addiction will have consequences which will affect those around them.  Depending on the addiction, these can be severe consequences.  One can love a heroin addict unconditionally, but it won't change the behavior that they'll likely exhaust all possible financial resources (both legal and illegal) and quite possibly end up dead because of it.  A sex addiction is unlikely to bring financial ruin or death as consequences, but it will affect relationships in a negative manner.  Based on many Christian testimonies I've heard over the years, this is something that might be there to struggle with for many years.

There are two aspects to addictions: mitigation and freedom.  Mitigation is where steps are taken to reduce the consequences of an addiction.  Freedom is where the addiction is gone.

 I'm not a trained counselor or anything, but having heard many Christians' testimonies over the years and read many things about it, my sense of things is this.  Some addictions are the problem themselves.  This is the person who becomes addicted primarily through experimentation and getting hooked.  However, some addictions and compulsive feelings and behaviors are a symptom of a deeper problem that needs to be resolved.  This is the person who experienced deep and and perhaps chronic trauma of some type and is now doing things like overeating, overmedicating, acting compulsively, experiencing debilitating fear or anger as a symptom of this deeper spiritual and emotional injury. No amount of willpower and setting goals ever really cures an addiction whatever its source.   Sometimes this does mitigate the addiction and makes it manageable for the person and close relations.  However, sometimes the behavior continues to worsen over time. 

Sometimes eliminating addictions (and I'd include compulsive behaviors and emotional reactions too) requires some type of emotional and spiritual healing in our lives.  Having listened to many testimonies over the years, one common theme is that when some people have experienced a spiritual and emotional healing of some type that some seemingly unrelated compulsive feelings and behaviors and addictions have unexpectedly disappeared.   Some testimonies are that this just suddenly happened one day during a prayer meeting, retreat, or in a time of personal prayer.  Other testimonies are that this happened in a series of steps over time often including counseling and other people alongside them.   I've also heard testimonies where such things as a smoking addiction just vanished in an act of divine deliverance.

Sex addiction is something that many Christian men struggle with.  There are many resources for helping to mitigate this that have helped many Christians reduce the consequences of the addiction.  With regard to freedom from it, that seems to be something that uniquely occurs as a natural part of their Christian walk and spiritual growth.  That seems to be different for each person.

I think the main thing is to walk closely with God and let Him guide and direct one's steps.  We often see things in our lives that we consider the worse possible thing that needs to change whereas God maybe has other priorities to work on first.  I think doing things to mitigate the consequences of addictions and compulsive behaviors is wise (including meeting with experienced Christian counselors at times).  However, we need to remember that there are some things in our life that we can trivially change by just deciding to change and other things that require God's transforming work in our lives to change us.   We need to stay focused on God and the direction He is guiding us in.  In the long run, fruit of the Spirit (including self-control) is something that spiritually grows in our lives as a part of walking with God and being transformed.

 

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On 7/11/2019 at 8:23 PM, bornagain24 said:

I really need some advice with issues I’m having. I’ve know that my boyfriend has a sex addiction as he has openly admitted to me. We got saved a while back and things were fine until the last 2 months I discovered he has been talking to a few different girls in a very sexual manor. I’m not leaving him and I know some reading this will see that as crazy, but I want to help him. He has told me he wants to stop and he wants to be a loyal servant of God, but he has this stronghold in his life that he is struggling with (i.e. sex addiction). He doesn’t know that I know yet about him talking to other girls but I’m going to talk to him about it tonight. I want to help him be delivered from this so that he can finally have peace and happiness and grow stronger in his walk with God. He is so very good to me and has helped me through so many horrible things in my life, I want so badly to do the same for him. An unconditional love. And I believe that if you love someone unconditionally, you should help them and never leave them, just as Jesus has done for us. Any advice would help so much! TIA! 

Have you ever considered that you are c0dependent? If you already know this and you marry him you could be spending your time in a marriage that is very difficult. You can not change him. The best thing you should do is step back and pray for him.

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On 7/11/2019 at 10:23 PM, bornagain24 said:

 And I believe that if you love someone unconditionally, you should help them and never leave them, just as Jesus has done for us. Any advice would help so much! TIA! 

you may not want to leave him, but you would be rather foolish to marry him in his current state....    what he needs is a professional Christian Councilor if he truly wants to get away from that kind of addiction.  You are setting yourself  up for a lifetime of sorrow.

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