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WHY cold shoulders, sections, and shyness in church ...


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Hi Kevana

I belong to Calvary Chapel church with a huge membership 1500+ or more.  I go to the morning service with about 500+ attendance for over four years and out of those years, i still only chat with very few people.  I think that with a lot of churches there are cliques of people who hang out because they probably met/participate at various church events and have gotten to know each other better.  I'm sure if i stepped out of my own comfort zone and participated I would expand the number of people i speak with.  I would just encourage you to give everyone a chance and just be you.  Have you spoken to any of the church leadership regarding your questions? Have they been helpful or forthcoming with ready answers?  How does your inner spirit feel about the church you attend? Do you feel at peace when worshipping and hearing the sermon preached.  This could also be a good way to gauge if this is the church for you as well.  As a side note, i continue to worship at my church because everyone is really friendly, it's just a matter of some people who seem lukewarm and not smiling or open to conversation but i don't take offense because i know everyone has things going on in their lives and i'm sure there were times i didn't look happy and approachable myself due to some trials i was experiencing.

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A lot of people in church are really there just going through the motions. It's what they do and have done for a long time. And people tend to not like change. Getting to know a new member is change. The fact that there are less than 50 members in your church amplify this. 

I moved from Seattle to rural KY 8 years ago. I soon joined a southern gospel band that visited a lot of small churches. I saw what you are talking about in many churches. In fact, I had to leave the first two churches because of this phenomenon. That is, they really didn't want to discuss spiritual things unless we were in 100% agreement. 

The third church has several hundred members and is perfect for me. They listen to my "different" beliefs and we even discuss them and the underlying impacts. We have a strong children's church (that is, there is a vital youth present) and we have weekly "at home" groups where you get to know, intimately, a group of three or four couples, before we all switch groups, and you get to know a new small group of people. And those "at home" groups include enthusiastic bible study. 

You should keep looking until you find yourself in a church with this spirit of excitement and JOY in the Lord. 

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On 7/16/2019 at 6:55 PM, kevana said:

Guys this is PROBABLY WHY I CAME TO THIS FORUM.

I need real answers to this and many other questions as in my own church no one seems to have the time to answer my vast questions.

But lets please thrash this one out first...

I do understand that there are many levels in Christ and I don't seek this from those of no understanding. But to many Christians this openness matters.

Please look at it from a view where I don't force myself on anyone, am not in their face yet after many months still have available; one that seems to be in the new state.

 By this I mean I'm not needy not pushy ;  self described just if I were not in the church as being a regular guy, and we are a church of 40  or so yet I have visited others

and found open discussions about a supernatural life are hard to even be on the table, unless a prophet or someone is needed or something.

My life is no longer my own now;

I am transformed from the world,am not shy in my new man, blown away by him more like it, such is the change and are really wondering if that is whats going on with myself and my wife & why do our brothers and sisters stay so distant.

Kev

 

 

 

 

I have experienced the cold shoulders and the cliques in the fellowship within the Churches I have attended. It almost seemed like they were more interested in the social aspect of it than in God. That seems to be a common complaint and experience in those who are on Worthy. It is important to seek the truth and spit out all the false doctrine that is posted on Worthy. We all know what the Bible says about those who are lukewarm.

Revelation 3: 15-16

“I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth.

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There is one simple reason why I became guarded about making new friends. At the end of the day, 95% of people do what they want to do and believe what they want to believe. This includes most Christians. They don’t take advice, they don’t receive correction, and they only tell you what they want you to know. Prayer requests are either too vague to make sense of or too one-sided to believe. They will find another Christian who agrees with what they want to do, and your input is no longer needed. 

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18 hours ago, Still Alive said:

A lot of people in church are really there just going through the motions. It's what they do and have done for a long time. And people tend to not like change. Getting to know a new member is change. The fact that there are less than 50 members in your church amplify this. 

I moved from Seattle to rural KY 8 years ago. I soon joined a southern gospel band that visited a lot of small churches. I saw what you are talking about in many churches. In fact, I had to leave the first two churches because of this phenomenon. That is, they really didn't want to discuss spiritual things unless we were in 100% agreement. 

The third church has several hundred members and is perfect for me. They listen to my "different" beliefs and we even discuss them and the underlying impacts. We have a strong children's church (that is, there is a vital youth present) and we have weekly "at home" groups where you get to know, intimately, a group of three or four couples, before we all switch groups, and you get to know a new small group of people. And those "at home" groups include enthusiastic bible study. 

You should keep looking until you find yourself in a church with this spirit of excitement and JOY in the Lord. 

I agree. Small groups are where the connection happens. Then you can meet on Sunday mornings with a bunch of connected people who are not afraid to be themselves in spite of their imperfections.

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25 minutes ago, shel said:

I agree. Small groups are where the connection happens. Then you can meet on Sunday mornings with a bunch of connected people who are not afraid to be themselves in spite of their imperfections.

Exactly!!!

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On 7/17/2019 at 2:55 AM, kevana said:

Guys this is PROBABLY WHY I CAME TO THIS FORUM.

I need real answers to this and many other questions as in my own church no one seems to have the time to answer my vast questions.

But lets please thrash this one out first...

I do understand that there are many levels in Christ and I don't seek this from those of no understanding. But to many Christians this openness matters.

Please look at it from a view where I don't force myself on anyone, am not in their face yet after many months still have available; one that seems to be in the new state.

 By this I mean I'm not needy not pushy ;  self described just if I were not in the church as being a regular guy, and we are a church of 40  or so yet I have visited others

and found open discussions about a supernatural life are hard to even be on the table, unless a prophet or someone is needed or something.

My life is no longer my own now;

I am transformed from the world,am not shy in my new man, blown away by him more like it, such is the change and are really wondering if that is whats going on with myself and my wife & why do our brothers and sisters stay so distant.

Kev

 

 

 

 

You can expect adversity when becoming christian, funny thing is is comes from people close sometimes.

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