Wife looking for guidance

[Katie01]

My husband has a friendship that developed in the last year. He is a farmer and was considering buying land with him. I told him I did not want to do that. He told me that he would do what he wanted. But then did not buy the land. A short while later, he was going to go to our local fair and buy the friends steer that his daughter was showing. He was not ready for a new steer at the time. I asked him what was going on and tried to talk to him about it. He told me hewould do what he wanted and left. It has been almost a year since that happened, they text each other almost everyday. I am very uncomfortable with the friendship. I have tried to talk to himabout it but he will not. Am I wrong to be bothered by this? It feels like it is really hurting our marriage and that he would rather have his friend then care about any effect it has on me. Am I justover sensitive, or would you be botheredif you were in my shoes. Help, please.

[Still Alive]

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Edited July 18, 2019 by Still Alive

[pg4Him]

Hello Katie,

I’ve read all the replies to you about your situation. First let me say you have my sympathy. Second, I agree with Still Alive. It’s impossible for us to know enough about this to give you helpful feedback, even generally. We can say general things to you, like a man should not snap at his wife in a nasty tone, but you already know that. What next?

There are internet resources that give Christian counseling for free. But you will have to be prepared to spend some time on it. They will ask lots of questions. Good quality help takes effort.

https://freechristiancounseling.online/

[Billiards Ball]

1 hour ago, Katie01 said:

My husband has a friendship that developed in the last year. He is a farmer and was considering buying land with him. I told him I did not want to do that. He told me that he would do what he wanted. But then did not buy the land. A short while later, he was going to go to our local fair and buy the friends steer that his daughter was showing. He was not ready for a new steer at the time. I asked him what was going on and tried to talk to him about it. He told me hewould do what he wanted and left. It has been almost a year since that happened, they text each other almost everyday. I am very uncomfortable with the friendship. I have tried to talk to himabout it but he will not. Am I wrong to be bothered by this? It feels like it is really hurting our marriage and that he would rather have his friend then care about any effect it has on me. Am I justover sensitive, or would you be botheredif you were in my shoes. Help, please.

Are you a born again Christian? Is your husband? Is his friend? Those three answers will reflect in what is best to do.

But it is upsetting that a husband won't talk with his wife about a relationship outside the marriage. However, are you asking about the friend or getting into fights about the friend?

[mlbrokish]

1 hour ago, Katie01 said:

My husband has a friendship that developed in the last year. He is a farmer and was considering buying land with him. I told him I did not want to do that. He told me that he would do what he wanted. But then did not buy the land. A short while later, he was going to go to our local fair and buy the friends steer that his daughter was showing. He was not ready for a new steer at the time. I asked him what was going on and tried to talk to him about it. He told me hewould do what he wanted and left. It has been almost a year since that happened, they text each other almost everyday. I am very uncomfortable with the friendship. I have tried to talk to himabout it but he will not. Am I wrong to be bothered by this? It feels like it is really hurting our marriage and that he would rather have his friend then care about any effect it has on me. Am I justover sensitive, or would you be botheredif you were in my shoes. Help, please.

Hi @Katie01

We farm too and my husband has several friends who occasionally call or text each other, but my husband wouldn't be as bold and closed off like your husband.  There's no way my husband would want to go to counselling, if it was needed. 

 Do you live in a very rural area where it would be difficult to find a counselor or a support group? Sometimes local help is more understanding of persons involved in agriculture / livestock and the stresses and concerns that it carries.

[dr3032]

Near as I understand, being a farmer can be rather lonely, and the statistics for suicide are rather shocking amongst them. Perhaps your husband and this friend have connected on such a front, and your husband merely doesn't wish for you to worry. Maybe he's used to your company, and just needs a new friend to try to add spice and variety to life.

What are your objections to this friend, anyway? It seems more like your husband not being wise about his money more than anything this other farmer is doing/has done.

[mlbrokish]

7 minutes ago, dr3032 said:

Near as I understand, being a farmer can be rather lonely, and the statistics for suicide are rather shocking amongst them.

@dr3032 -I actually hadn't thought of loneliness as a possibility, so it is good you mentioned it.

- Just so you are aware, loneliness, though not entirely uncommon, is not usually the key to farmers becoming depressed and considering suicide.

Financial stress, long hours / little sleep, poor agricultural markets, weather, and pressures from USDA, PETA, and other organizations tend to be at the top of the list.

Of course, loneliness could be a possibility in this situation, but there could easily be other factors.

 

@Katie01 - I really hope this site, along with prayers for God's guidance, will give you some direction.

[missmuffet]

4 hours ago, Katie01 said:

My husband has a friendship that developed in the last year. He is a farmer and was considering buying land with him. I told him I did not want to do that. He told me that he would do what he wanted. But then did not buy the land. A short while later, he was going to go to our local fair and buy the friends steer that his daughter was showing. He was not ready for a new steer at the time. I asked him what was going on and tried to talk to him about it. He told me hewould do what he wanted and left. It has been almost a year since that happened, they text each other almost everyday. I am very uncomfortable with the friendship. I have tried to talk to himabout it but he will not. Am I wrong to be bothered by this? It feels like it is really hurting our marriage and that he would rather have his friend then care about any effect it has on me. Am I justover sensitive, or would you be botheredif you were in my shoes. Help, please.

First of all are you and your husband born again Christians? It makes a big difference on how you and your husband will relate to each other in your marriage. It sounds like you do not have a very open communication. It also sounds like your husband is self absorbed and will not listen and consider what your opinion is. Is he stubborn? 

[Kristin]

I don’t know really know what’s happening with you. But myself would take my husband aside and tell him what is what. ❤️In love of course. 

Edited July 19, 2019 by Kristin

[Katie01]

On 7/18/2019 at 10:30 AM, pg4Him said:

Hello Katie,

I’ve read all the replies to you about your situation. First let me say you have my sympathy. Second, I agree with Still Alive. It’s impossible for us to know enough about this to give you helpful feedback, even generally. We can say general things to you, like a man should not snap at his wife in a nasty tone, but you already know that. What next?

There are internet resources that give Christian counseling for free. But you will have to be prepared to spend some time on it. They will ask lots of questions. Good quality help takes effort.

https://freechristiancounseling.online/

I did go to the suggested website. I appreciate the help. It said the first session is free after that they charge 45.00. But thank you.