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Im talking about marriage specifically those that desire marriage. I was talking to a friend about it , well they were talking to me.

I thought I reached a place of acceptance and was truly okay and even tried reassuring them that they weren't single because they were broken 

or anything else. To me she's a great catch. College educated, pure(virgin), hardworking ..ect.. 

 

However when I looked up a few friends from social media..I came across an old friend I really liked and saw he'd been married and 

all the feelings I thought were gone kind of hit me, the sadness and longing. I've always wanted marriage more than anything, more than being a mom. Honestly I didn't want kids but since it happened Im stepping up to the plate..but these feelings make me realize I truly did want to be married..but now Iv'e done too much and I don't think anyone would want me. 

I honestly empathize with her now and it hurts so bad to want something and have it denied especially when youre pushing 30.

 

Its a horrible feeling it makes you feel like you're broken. Yes I do know some people get married in their late 30's, 40's even 50's but what if it never happens? Ive read where some people had a burning desire to be married, served God and still never got the chance to be maried and were in their 50's to me thats heart breaking. 

 

I think my question now is-- is it possible for God to call someone to singleness despite them having a desire to marry and they're just fighting it? 

Sometimes I feel I'm too broken for someone to be with-- I'd make a better friend or mom (which is why Im one now) but maybe I wasn't meant to be a spouse. Is it possible God gives us desires like wanting to be married just to lay them down as a test maybe?  For me personally I feel I may need to let it go--I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

 

Idk, I'm just wondering how to cope with it. It'd be nice if a chronic single answered. Thanks in advanced.

Edited by Figure of eighty
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16 minutes ago, Figure of eighty said:

Im talking about marriage specifically those that desire marriage. I was talking to a friend about it , well they were talking to me.

I thought I reached a place of acceptance and was truly okay and even tried reassuring them that they weren't single because they were broken 

or anything else. To me she's a great catch. College educated, pure(virgin), hardworking ..ect.. 

 

However when I looked up a few friends from social media..I came across an old friend I really liked and saw he'd been married and 

all the feelings I thought were gone kind of hit me, the sadness and longing. I've always wanted marriage more than anything, more than being a mom. Honestly I didn't want kids but since it happened Im stepping up to the plate..but these feelings make me realize I truly did want to be married..but now Iv'e done too much and I don't think anyone would want me. 

I honestly empathize with her now and it hurts so bad to want something and have it denied especially when youre pushing 30.

 

Its a horrible feeling it makes you feel like you're broken. Yes I do know some people get married in their late 30's, 40's even 50's but what if it never happens? Ive read where some people had a burning desire to be married, served God and still never got the chance to be maried and were in their 50's to me thats heart breaking. 

 

I think my question now is-- is it possible for God to call someone to singleness despite them having a desire to marry and they're just fighting it? 

Sometimes I feel I'm too broken for someone to be with-- I'd make a better friend or mom (which is why Im one now) but maybe I wasn't meant to be a spouse. Is it possible God gives us desires like wanting to be married just to lay them down as a test maybe?  For me personally I feel I may need to let it go--I just don't think it's in the cards for me.

 

Idk, I'm just wondering how to cope with it. It'd be nice if a chronic single answered. Thanks in advanced.

Hi;

You are not broken. You are right where He knew you would be at this point in your life. So rest assured He has all things well in hand.

I think the desire to marry is a natural and common one. I don’t think God gives the desire as if to this one but not that one. I think it’s common to all humanity.... No one can say what the future has in store for you but God. Scripture does say that His heart towards you is to give you a “future and a hope” so in light of His love for you..... I would encourage you to trust His love for you going forward. Do your best to walk in all the righteousness that you see. For righteousness is His will for you. And if His blessings are to be found they can be found in no other place but in righteousness.... So with a heart full of faith, hope  and trust, purpose that whichever way He deems as best for you, you will accept your life the way He as ordained.... And whether you get this or that, you and your house will purpose in your heart to serve Him. 

Blessings from someone who is old now and has walked that path and would not change His life, for he knows God and God knows him. And that is the greatest gift there can possibly be..... the knowing of one’s Creator.

So in retrospect all I can say is;

“trust His love for you and your life will be a most blessed one”

Much love in Christ, Not me 

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2 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

Idk, I'm just wondering how to cope with it. It'd be nice if a chronic single answered. Thanks in advanced.

It helps a lot for me to understand that I'm the bride of Christ, according to the Scriptures. And the Lord is my husbandman. That means we're forever married. It also means we don't have the arguments that married couples can and do get into. He won't get mad and yell at me, and make me feel bad. My Lord is always faithful to me, and it's my honor to remain faithful to Him. Jesus will never have a moment where He doesn't have time for me. And we can always enjoy things together.

He doesn't go out for a night with the boys, and come home having drunk too much alcohol. There will never be a time that He will eventually fall out of love with me, then leave me for someone else, break my heart, and make me cry. He also won't file for divorce, which could mean skipping on paying alimony, child support, and I could end up homeless and alone. This doesn't happen in every marriage, I'm aware of that but 50% of all marriages in the US Christian of not, end up in divorce. Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but it isn't always that way for everyone. Am I making any sense to you at all?  

Edited by BeauJangles
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I'm content with singleness.   However, for those desiring to marry, I think when they just start to live and love their lives as is... that's when they sometimes find a spouse.

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Chronic single reporting for duty!

There was a time when I was really strongly attracted to marriage too. I'd say it was most of my life, starting at some point when I was a kid. On some level I still am attracted to the idea of it, but these days it's diminished strongly. Maybe I became jaded or disillusioned with it after my own relationship experiences and seeing certain behaviors in my family, maybe I became more self aware. Maybe it was just a shift in priorities that happened over time. Truthfully I think almost everyone goes through a stretch of time where they want to be married because of all the societal pressures for people to do so. It's like a measure of success as a person.

So far as God giving people the desire for marriage as a test, I suppose it's possible. In I Corinthians 7 Paul mentions a bit about marriage and says that while he'd prefer for people to be as he was (single) it's better to marry than to burn with passion. I feel like that references the emotional elements as much as it does the element of lust. For your particular situation I'd say prayer, self examination, and time are needed. It's just as possible that your sense of being broken is something you need to let go of. It's probably something God wants you to be free from regardless of whether or not marriage is for you.

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I feel perhaps my prior post came on as a bit negative. It was made to make a point, but maybe it was a little too strong, so let me share this. Marriage is meant to be a wonderful bond in Christ, and between a man and a woman, so please don't get me wrong about that. 

I married at the age of 35, and was truly committed from what was determined for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness, and in heath, and all the other things in a marital vow unto the Lord. For me, it was a once in a lifetime promise, and was intended to be a forever on this earth situation. 

Unfortunately, after 10 years it tragically ended. And I was left absolutely devastated, and utterly heart broken. Just really sad. It wasn't a 'no-fault-thing', but I'm not about to start pointing accusing fingers here, although I could. No marriage is perfect, and love is meant to be shared, grow, and mature. And it certainly can. 

 @Figure of eighty, I hope you'll understand the emphasis of my first post. It was meant for a reason.    

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Thank you all for your kind caring posts.

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3 hours ago, Debp said:

However, for those desiring to marry, I think when they just start to live and love their lives as is... that's when they sometimes find a spouse.

This was also my response to the OP. I've found that surrender is crucial for any deep desire. You have to get to the state where you're fine either way. Accept God's will, not your desire. Then, if it is God's will, you will be ready for the blessing. 

Take courage, @Figure of eighty. God is kind. 

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3 hours ago, Always a Moon said:

This was also my response to the OP. I've found that surrender is crucial for any deep desire. You have to get to the state where you're fine either way. Accept God's will, not your desire. Then, if it is God's will, you will be ready for the blessing. 

Take courage, @Figure of eighty. God is kind. 

I mean i kinda was till i saw that picture.  

But i think its. Best to be fine either way... 

 

Its hard to lay this desire down but ill ask god to help.

Edited by Figure of eighty
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5 hours ago, BeauJangles said:

I feel perhaps my prior post came on as a bit negative. It was made to make a point, but maybe it was a little too strong, so let me share this. Marriage is meant to be a wonderful bond in Christ, and between a man and a woman, so please don't get me wrong about that. 

I married at the age of 35, and was truly committed from what was determined for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness, and in heath, and all the other things in a marital vow unto the Lord. For me, it was a once in a lifetime promise, and was intended to be a forever on this earth situation. 

Unfortunately, after 10 years it tragically ended. And I was left absolutely devastated, and utterly heart broken. Just really sad. It wasn't a 'no-fault-thing', but I'm not about to start pointing accusing fingers here, although I could. No marriage is perfect, and love is meant to be shared, grow, and mature. And it certainly can. 

 @Figure of eighty, I hope you'll understand the emphasis of my first post. It was meant for a reason.    

This is so beautofully said. Nothing negative at all. 

 

Its true things can happen and you have to be prepared to lose them if that should happen. As well as oyjer things. 

 

Thank you all for your perspective.

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