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My whole life I have struggled to get girls. Which sucks because I desperately want a girlfriend. I just want to connect with somebody so bad, I need to. I’m a senior in college and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Sometimes I feel so lonely I get very depressed. I’ve had my heart broken too many times. In March one night I got really really down and I felt so alone. I read a verse that says ask and he will give you the desires of your heart. So I decided to pray and I just asked God to please bring me a great girl that is good for me. The next week I went on Spring break with my friends and totally forgot about my prayer and being lonely for awhile. When we got back I went out with my friends one night and BOOM. I met this amazing girl. We clicked crazy well, we started hanging out all the time. She was very into me and I was very into her. It was everything I had ever wanted and I was the happiest I have ever been. I realized it was the answer to my prayer. I would just stop and look at her all the time and think thank you so much God. 3 months went by and things were going amazing. We were getting closer and closer all the time. She made me happy and I made her happy. We took care of eachother. I got scared one night because I realized if I lost her it would destroy me. So I prayed and asked God to please not let me get hurt. I’ve been through so much pain already. I trusted he would hear my prayer and went to sleep. A week later she texts me and says she doesn’t want a serious relationship right now. Not even a phone call... I am completely crushed. My mental state is in shambles. I’ve never hurt this bad in my life. I don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. Everyday I pray for God to help me move on, help me to understand why this happened, to give me comfort or hope, I’m just begging for help because I am miserably depressed. I’m stressed beyond belief about a bunch of stuff that’s a whole other story, this is one of the darkest times I’ve ever been through and I just need peace and comfort. But every time I pray He is completely silent. I don’t know what to do i’m Hurting so bad inside and I just want it to stop. I want to be as happy as I was with her again. I want her back.

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2 minutes ago, BillDavis3347 said:

My whole life I have struggled to get girls. Which sucks because I desperately want a girlfriend. I just want to connect with somebody so bad, I need to. I’m a senior in college and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. Sometimes I feel so lonely I get very depressed. I’ve had my heart broken too many times. In March one night I got really really down and I felt so alone. I read a verse that says ask and he will give you the desires of your heart. So I decided to pray and I just asked God to please bring me a great girl that is good for me. The next week I went on Spring break with my friends and totally forgot about my prayer and being lonely for awhile. When we got back I went out with my friends one night and BOOM. I met this amazing girl. We clicked crazy well, we started hanging out all the time. She was very into me and I was very into her. It was everything I had ever wanted and I was the happiest I have ever been. I realized it was the answer to my prayer. I would just stop and look at her all the time and think thank you so much God. 3 months went by and things were going amazing. We were getting closer and closer all the time. She made me happy and I made her happy. We took care of eachother. I got scared one night because I realized if I lost her it would destroy me. So I prayed and asked God to please not let me get hurt. I’ve been through so much pain already. I trusted he would hear my prayer and went to sleep. A week later she texts me and says she doesn’t want a serious relationship right now. Not even a phone call... I am completely crushed. My mental state is in shambles. I’ve never hurt this bad in my life. I don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. Everyday I pray for God to help me move on, help me to understand why this happened, to give me comfort or hope, I’m just begging for help because I am miserably depressed. I’m stressed beyond belief about a bunch of stuff that’s a whole other story, this is one of the darkest times I’ve ever been through and I just need peace and comfort. But every time I pray He is completely silent. I don’t know what to do i’m Hurting so bad inside and I just want it to stop. I want to be as happy as I was with her again. I want her back.

We pray and give our desires to God. But as humans we want our answers.....NOW. That is not the way God works. He has a plan for your life. He is in control of your life you are not. One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is patience. That is something you need to exercise now. Continue in your prayers and tell God exactly what in on your mind and what is on your heart. He is listening. Sit back and see what God does in your life. But know that the plan we have for ourselves and the plan God has for us is sometimes very different. 

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I understand. I’m just really struggling to be patient and do that though because I felt like God was finally helping me. I felt like the hurt and the loneliness was over when I met her. I felt like God answered. But then it all just crashed and burned right in front of me. Now i’m back in the same dark place and it hurts worse than ever. I know it’s not the case but Part of me can’t help but feel like god is playing a sick joke on me. I’ve already been struggling for years with depression and loneliness. Why would he finally give me happiness and then rip it away from me.

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4 minutes ago, BillDavis3347 said:

I understand. I’m just really struggling to be patient and do that though because I felt like God was finally helping me. I felt like the hurt and the loneliness was over when I met her. I felt like God answered. But then it all just crashed and burned right in front of me. Now i’m back in the same dark place and it hurts worse than ever. I know it’s not the case but Part of me can’t help but feel like god is playing a sick joke on me. I’ve already been struggling for years with depression and loneliness. Why would he finally give me happiness and then rip it away from me.

God is not playing a sick joke on you. That is not who God is. Have faith and trust in Him and do not allow this to disillusion you from your faith or allow you to step away from God. He does not want you to be with this person so He has closed the doors on her for you. If you went outside God's will for your life there could be huge consequences. I hope you have gotten Christian help and advise for your depression.

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I've been single the vast majority of my life. I've had some friendships that seemed like great people and good candidates for love at the time. Looking back on them all I can say 100% that not a one of those people was good for me. Sure, it hurt a lot at the time as I started to notice they had some very strong negative traits or circumstances nipped things in the bud, but now that I have a clearer view of the kind of people they really were I feel like I dodged bullets. I'm thankful I never got involved with them. I really see that as God protecting me from a greater harm.

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Shalom @BillDavis3347

I'm sorry to hear you have had such a situation happen to you.  I had something similar in my past as well, so I can empathise. 

In the world we are in today, and a young age, many get scared of getting into a serious relationship.  This is due to how the world conditions young men and women to think.  Instead, they are encouraged to experiment and celebrate many diverse relationships to "find out what you want in a parter".  It's utter chaos and nonsense.  Eventually, the women start worrying around about 28-29, and frantically looking to settle with a man, get married and have kids immediately.  Men are a little more haphazard, and often end up settling with a partner who pushes or tricks them into make commitments.  In general, both such people will end up unhappy, disloyal or stuck with cognitive dissonance. 

It's not easy out there today, that's for sure.

This lady you liked has clearly left the set.  It is very sad that she left but, realistically, you have to let her go now.  You can't woo her or argue her back to you, and any attempt to do so will only sour the memory of you in her mind. So you almost have to treat it as a loss and grief for her.  Then, pick yourself up and move on...

It sounds like you are putting relationships (and maybe even this girl) on too much of a high pedestal.  It seems too important to you.  Now, I realise you cared for her, have needs and have desires too, but above EVERYTHING, there should be Yahweh.  If we favour something, work on something, adore something more than Yahweh, we are, simply put, out of alignment.  Then, our relationships and successes will only go as far as our strength can take them.  

So don't think He gave you her and then pulled her away from you.  It's more likely that you done things in your own strength and failed.  That sounds brutal, I know I'm sorry.  But understand I have been there myself - more than once.  It sucks.  But I'm blamed myself, not the Yahweh.

My advice?  I would say use this time alone to "recenter" yourself around Yahweh and His Word.  Understand that He is God, and not someone who should come AFTER relationships or this girl.  Raise Him in your mind and life above everyone, every thing,  every feeling and every concept.  It may be that He is not responding to you because He feels second or third place in your life.  Kinda like "Oh, NOW you would come and talk to me?  Now you come calling and asking for something?"  It that is that case, it's not cool man.  You might have had a best friend who suddenly ignores you when he gets a girlfriend - how does that make you feel?  If we do that with our Father, our Creator, our Sustainer and our Saviour - we have no right to call him our God.  Rather, we are then treating him like a genie or a lucky charm (even if we don't think that).

But He will always be faithful to forgive us when we confess our wrongs, with sincerity.  He will surely want you happy, secure, stable and at peace.  But how can He bless you with such things when your priorities are wrong?  Wouldn't that only reinforce your misalignment?  Then you would feel no need to change, and be on a dangerous course.

So, AFTER you feel properly centred around Yahweh and His Word AND you can honestly say to yourself "married or not, I live my life for Yahweh" - THEN you'll be ready.  Not only to meet someone (who will find you more attractive because you won't seem needy) but also because the Creator of the Universe will be with you and bless you.  

Practically, I would say try meeting someone on a Christian online dating service.  This will hopefully give you a chance to get to know each other first.  It's becoming a more common method in this age.  It also means you won't necessarily be limited within your church walls, as some feel they are and make poor decisions because of it.  But what do I know?  I'm just a man and Yahweh may have a divine interaction in wait for you.  Either way, focus your adoration, desire and goals on Him, and everything else will follow.

Don't worry my friend.  It won't hurt this bad forever.

Love & Shalom

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When we pray for God to give us the desires of our heart, what do we really desire?

Do you desire a woman you can spend your life protecting, leading, guarding, and providing for? That’s what Christian marriage is.

Do you desire a woman who can meet your needs, make you happy, and end your depression? That isn’t Christian marriage, and it isn’t a healthy relationship by any standard.

Brother, the lesson to learn here is that the Lord gave you a taste of what relationships are like. Even if He sent you a perfect woman tomorrow, you are not emotionally ready to be the man in a relationship. It is not your wife/girlfriend’s job to fix your depression. It isn’t. I have watched too many people make this mistake. They rush into marriage because they think it will make them happy. After the honeymoon is over, life returns to normal. They are anxious, depressed, fretful, and isolated, even as a spouse lays next to them in bed. Marriages end because of this. They do.

If you really want a marriage, you need to focus on your relationship with God. Accept where you are, accept what God has given you this moment, and let His grace be your healing. Find your joy in Him.

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You are not alone. You've got God, at least.

I feel you here, though. Women occupy my thoughts a bit more than i'd like them to. However, I like to think of it like how proverbs puts it - Better to live on the corner of the roof than with a quarrelsome wife. It might not be fun, but certain women are far less fun. Divorce proceedings, the woman is almost always favored. If you had kids, they'd hound you for a large portion of your check for child support. Even if you tried to live together, she either nags you or ignores you and forget about a sex life, man. She just kind of lets herself go; you married a bombshell and now she just looks like Danny Devito...

It's not fun being lonely, but it could always be worse. My advice? Get comfortable being alone first, then seek out love. Another bit of advice, next time - Look for women at church and take your time to become friends first. This way, she's not likely to be terribly chaotic, and you can both gauge one another before trying to engage in any kind of relationship. Be patient.

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Billdavis3347,

Your hurting heart clearly comes through on your post. The only thing I can offer is to not give up on God. He can heal your broken heart and he does so by the power of prayer and through scripture. Please continue to pray and allow God’s will to be done in your life. Right now, you don't see the whole picture as God does.  He knows what will be best for you. God absolutely LOVES you more than even our most closest relationships.

  • Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have you your, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
  • Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
  • Psalm 147:3, “He heals the broken-hearted, and bandages their wounds.”
  • Romans 15:13, “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Spirit.”

 

 

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Rejection hurts, loss hurts.

You loved but the object of your love was not mature enough for your love.

 

All I can suggest is to grieve. Mourne for your lost love. Take your time to get back on your feet.

 

Life sometimes kicks you in the teeth, in many very unpleastent ways. You have only one source of strength and comfort and that is God. You have the choice of trusting him or of not trusting him. With him you have hope.

 

One thought. The girl you fall in love with, take it slow. Take each month as it comes, make no long term plans untill you've been walking out for over a year.

read some of the many blogs that give advice to Christians about dating and marriage. like:-

https://winteryknight.com/2018/12/15/william-lane-craig-offers-advice-to-christians-considering-marriage-3/

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