Fly the coop without husband

[Omegaman 3.0]

To all, your efforts are good, but this is the Welcome area, not the advice section (Welcome by the way Wombat). So, this thread is being moved there. Also Wombat, if you are not yet aware of it, there is a prayer section as wll, here at worthy, you might want to take advantage of that.

[dr3032]

I would ask her to define what exactly "emotional support" even is. With a rather vague term, people probably imagine different things. I think it best if a man and a woman try to make their marriage work, especially when the cause of issue is not either having an affair. Part of this is having a good, healthy communication.

I agree with one of the other posters that she might like it better if you all lived closer to her parents. Maybe point out that you're not a mind reader and that if she wanted emotional support, she should have voiced as much. A man shouldn't have to look at his wife like some kind of Sudoku puzzle. 

Though on a side note, it might also be good to be prepared if she really is just being irrational and goofy. Not to the point of taking legal action or anything, per say - We really are supposed to try and handle things whilst we're in the way. If she wants to leave and won't hear any of it, then i'd advise praying that she come to her senses, and that her and the children remain safe and well-fed. I can understand concern for your children, but i'm going to quote Matthew 6:26.

"Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?"

Trust in the Lord.

[wombat]

I was legally married in the eyes of God almighty per the Scriptures. The state does not  have jurisdiction over  a marriage unless a license is obtained.

[Prycejosh1987]

On 8/2/2019 at 6:32 AM, wombat said:

My common law Christian wife of fifteen plus years wants a divorce due to lack of emotional support. We have children and she wants to take across the state to her original home to  care for her  ill folks.

 

Cant you go with her and the kids. Do what is best, she said what the issue is so work on it and assure her that you still love her, and also try marriage counselling.

[LonerAndy]

On 8/2/2019 at 1:32 AM, wombat said:

Hello,

 

My common law Christian wife of fifteen plus years wants a divorce due to lack of emotional support. We have children and she wants to take across the state to her original home to  care for her  ill folks.

 

I did a better job of meeting her emotional needs  a week before she returned to her parents. however, it is too late according to her.  Apparently it has been going on for too long and I did not recognize nor did my wife ask or remind me of it.

 

Naturally I would prefer for her to stay and for us to work it out. Her request caught me off guard!  Am I a jerk if I block her from using a car (titled in my name)  or file for custody blocking her from skipping the county with our school age children?  I'm concerned my wife cant take care of her folks, our children, and her self in a crowded old house.  I dont want my wife and children on the street after my inlaws pass and the govt takes their house to pay for the medical bills.

 

Scripturally speaking I read that the husband gets the children but right now my wife is being ruled by emotion and not  Christian reasoning. The same is true of her folks.

Thank you,

W

 

So bit late on responding to this.  But that's me.

I have a different view that many Christians disagree with, and more power to them.

My view is, when someone ends the relationship, the relationship has ended.

If they want to restart the relationship, that's fine.  Let's move to reconcile.

But I am absolutely not in favor of this half and half, selective relationship.... where she still gets to use the car, like you are a couple, and yet doesn't have to do anything like a couple.

When she decides she doesn't want to be with me anymore... I would cut her off completely.  No money.  No food.  No sleeping here for the night.  Nothing.

You want the fruits of my hard work, and I want a wife.  You want to be with me, then I'll give you all I have.  But you want to be separate and still enjoy the perks of what I have.... No.  Just no.

And I think that I am well within the doctrines laid out in the Bible for this.    Look all throughout the old testament and how G-d dealt with the Israelite.   All through the book of Judges for example, over and over... the Israelites turned away from G-d, and G-d turned away from them.   Nations would come against them, and harm them and oppress them, and G-d did nothing.  Nothing.

When they turned back to him, G-d would shower down his blessings and save them in their troubles.

Happened over and over and over.   There was no, turning away from G-d, and G-d still let them use the car.  No, you turn away, and G-d turned away too.   He was very much a "Of you think you can do it better on your own, good luck with that".

And some will say, well that was the OT, in the New Testament, it is different.

Really?  Did you read revelations?   The letters to the seven Churches where he said over and over 'I hold this against you' and 'turn back and repeat the first works, or I will come quickly and take away your light'?

Same thing.   "You have lost your first love" Sound familiar?  Revelations chapter 2.

So it is my opinion that you are under no obligation to help someone who has rejected your relationship.   That doesn't mean I'm against reconciliation, and if she turns back, I'm more than happy to bring her back into the home.  But until then, yeah, she doesn't get the car, or money, or anything.  She's on her own, until she repents.

As far as the kids, I would absolutely file for custody.   Our society is plain stupid on these child custody laws.  Every single bit of research ever done, shows fathers have the biggest influence on children, both boys and girls.   Fathers matter more than mothers.  Flat out.  It's a fact.  You as their father, will have more of an impact on your kids, than you will ever know in your life time.

Children that grow up without mothers, is bad.  But children without fathers, is absolutely devastating.

I would get custody of the children as quickly as possible.  Yes it will be tough on you, but this is the absolute best thing for your children's future.  If you can't get custody, because our laws are insane, then I would tell your ex.... every day, that the children are welcome to stay with you.  Make it clear that if she ever find it overwhelming, that you will take care of the children.

Eventually even the most... mentally difficult.... of women will figure out that the kids are better off with their father. (I was trying to be nice).

And lastly, never say anything bad about your ex, ever... to anyone... ever.   No matter how much she may deserve being chewed out, you can't damage the kids, with Father insulting mother.  And don't say it to other people, where by accident or intention, it ends up being repeated to the kids.

So in conclusion....

No, I would not loan out the car to a women I am not with.  I wouldn't loan it out to a stranger on the street, and you are no longer my wife, so I'm not loaning my car out to you either.

Yes, I would file for custody of the kids, absolutely.   You are the father.  Fathers are absolutely vital to children growing up mentally healthy and stable.  Fathers have far more influence on children than the mother ever has, and you will never known what effect you have.

I would make it clear that you wish to reconcile the relationship, but that until such a time, that you will not provide any financial or monetary support (unless compelled by the state), but no car, no crashing here for the night.  You are a stranger now, that is not my wife.

If she ends up with the kids somehow, I would make it clear the kids are welcome to come and stay with you, and that you will take care of them.   However, that does not apply to her.  Until she wants to be your wife, the kids are welcome, but she is not.  You don't shack up with strangers.   She wants to be a wife, she can come be married and be a wife.

Hope that late advice, helps.