I’m Struggling and Need Help

[ReneeIW]

Yesterday I was doing research for a book I am writing about a Christian leader who abused and exploited me for almost two years. I was not underage, I was age 20. He and two others were  recently fired after I came forward with my story. That should have been enough closure for me. 

Yesterday, while researching, I saw a favorable news article about the man who hurt me. There is a pastor on a book tour and the man who hurt me sponsored the event and was talking about how important it is to live out your faith.

I became filled with anger and resentment. I started having flashbacks of the sexually humiliating things he did to me and other women. I now dread having sex with my husband whom I love.

Im now struggling with my faith because I do not understand why the Lord allows so much harm to be done to women. A couple years after I was a victim of this religious leader, my mother was dragged into the woods and raped multiple times and almost killed. I was called to the hospital. I do not know why I have had to be exposed to so much ugliness in my life.

I do not believe sex is a gift from God. It is a burden to women. I need specific prayer: Should I go to the police and report this religious leader? After what he exposed me to and my mothers  subsequent rape, I am now dealing with paralyzing fear and I don’t think I will be able to move forward until he is punished in some way. 

Now I have to struggle with wondering whether my heart is right with God because  I am filled with so much anger.  I have to worry about my husband cheating because I can’t bear to have sex with him. All the while this man is out living his life and still being praised despite his actions.

 

[Debp]

If you feel you need to go to the police, then do it.   They will, of course, need some kind of evidence of a crime.

Also, for your own sake, you should really pray for the Lord to help you with your extreme anger.   Confess it to the Lord.   Also, you need to forgive the man who hurt you.   Doing these things will help you to start to heal inwardly.   Also, if you think some counseling would help, please look for a good Christian counselor. 

[saved34]

Sister I know it sounds cliche, but pray. Give it all to God. Prayer is our greatest resource. Our Father said bring all your anxiety and pain to him. This pain is opportunity to trust God.

I do not know the hurt and pain that women go through so I want to be careful what I say. Praying for you and your mom. God bless.

1Pe 5:7  God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him.

Php 4:6  Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God.

Psa 62:8  Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

 

[$teven]

Hi ReneeIW,

Sorry to hear about the unfortunate things that happened to you.

These sort of things should not be part of anyone's journey in life but, sadly, they are for many.

I can imagine it's quite a burden that you carry, especially if the perpetrator seems to be living a full or normal life.

I'm not sure if you've discussed any of this with your husband.  It would be a good step, if you haven't. It's too much for you to bear on your own.

As others have already said, pray about it.  But don't just pray to pray.  Be honest and open with the Lord. Tell Him everything you feel and hope for.

Ask him as well to give you the ability to forgive that man.  This is for your benefit, not his.

In addition to forgiving him, you also need to pray for him - good things.  This is also for your benefit.

I know there are no words I can offer to minimize the sheer ugliness of what you suffered.

But what those ugly experiences have done is create a deep-rooted need for the Lord's presence in your life.

I can only encourage you to capitalize on that need while it exists.

If you do seek Him in prayer and spend time in scripture to understand Him, He will make something beautiful of your life despite the ugliness suffered.

He will not fail you.

[gratefulwoman]

My opinion is, go to the police. You need to regain your power Renee, and if that helps you do so, do it. I can't tell you how sorry I am for the harm you endured.

Be careful though, Sister, because the Devil LOVES to take situations like yours and turn them into something that serves himself, which is to cause distance between loved ones like you and your husband. Please don't allow your husband to be collateral damage to what happened to you. It is not fair for either of you. 

  Sending much love and prayers to you. 

 

[GandalfTheWise]

There are some things for which we need help from others in life.  This is likely one of them.  There are experienced Christian counselors who have experience working with women who've gone through similar things.   In our last church, we knew one older woman who'd been the subject of incest for many years as a child and teen, until she off handedly said something to a friend who reported it, the father went to prison, the resulting financial devastation split the family, which she blamed herself for.  These are not things you say a few prayers and immediately get over.  In such situations, much emotional and spiritual trauma and injury has occurred which needs healing.  Our friend's testimony of deliverance and healing including years of meeting with a good Christian counselor and participating in our church's transformation prayer ministry.  (See https://www.transformationprayer.org for more info)    This was a process of years for her and typically is for most people.

I won't even hazard attempts at advice on anything specific because of the depth of the injury and that the path God will take you on to healing will come from Him.  I think it would be wise to have a good Christian counselor (who has a lot of experience with SA survivors) and be meeting with them before making any decisions about taking action on things.

I once heard some advice from an old Christian missionary who had spent decades literally in jungles in Africa in places where he and his wife were the first missionaries there and later was a mentor and leader to several dozen younger missionaries around the world.  He said that the harder the path we have in life, it is because of greater things God is preparing us for.  The darker and harder the things we face, the better equipped we become to help others.   (It's been 30+ years since I heard him tell this story so this is my best recollection which catches the main points.)   When he was a young minister (years before the missions field), they lost their first child alongside a dark country road in the middle of the night.  Their son had health problems which came to a head one night.  The car he and his wife were using (this was in the 1930s) to get to a hospital broke down in the middle of nowhere and in spite of prayers and his best efforts wouldn't go any further.  As their son was dying in their arms, he saw another vehicle coming which he recognized as belonging to the ministry they were part of.  The driver didn't see them and kept on going.  Their son died soon after.   He said that as he stood there holding his son's body that he realized he had the choice of blaming and cursing God for letting their son die or trusting God through the pain and loss.  In spite of how painful it was, he said that by the side of the road that night, both he and his wife chose the path of trust.

[Dennis1209]

First may I say as a man I'm not really qualified to offer any meaningful comforting advice. The Lord is the only one whom can and will heal you. Being a man, I can't begin to fully understand the horror and experience(s) you have and are going through. To say otherwise would be dishonest, I can only speak of what I've gone through and my experiences.

I've harbored hate, fear and revenge in my heart also and it effected me big time. I bid my time looking for opportunities for revenge and paying back evil with evil to those that hurt me. Harboring that hate and revenge in my heart is not only un-biblical, it will reduce the quality and quantity of my life, and negatively effected my relationship with loved ones and friends. No one knows right now why the Lord allows certain evil things to happen in our lives; we will probably never know why those things happen until we get to Heaven. But my hope, faith and trust lie in His hands and His word. 

Harboring fear, hate, revenge and payback in our hearts will consume us both physically and mentally. The only answers I know and it gives me great comfort:

Romans 8:28 (KJV) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Proverbs 3:5 (KJV) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 

God bless you ReneeIW

[rontiger]

Hi Renee,I am so sorry for your troubles! I was physically+ abused by a violent sadistic pedophile named Alan Grenham when I was 8 years old. My young,only sister was there to comfort me but she died a year later. My closest uncle,a surgeon ,was a great help to my family in our tragedies but he was murdered a few years later, leaving behind very young children and a wife.(My abuser was my public school  teacher.) I know of many Christians that have suffered much more, such as the one million Christians who have been  martyred since just 2005 according Center for the Study of Global Christianity based in Massachusetts ,reported on Fox News online and UK newspapers.

-We are slaughtered like sheep for your sake, apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:36 based on the unexplained suffering in  Psalm 44.

The EU, UK and the US Congress have officially recognised the fairly recent genocide of Iraqi Christians. Many of them were young teenagers who were tortured before they were killed.(One group of Iraqi Christian teenagers were offered to be spared tortuous deaths if they denied Jesus Christ but they said they loved Christ so much that they would not deny them. They then were beheaded.)

I myself was heading towards emotional destruction after my childhood trauma but then someone introduced me to a man from Galilee named Jesus Christ of Nazareth and I was born of God and totally saved from emotional collapse(and worse) and from eternal punishment and death. It was a truly supernatural event when the very God himself, the Holy Spirit, joined/fused with my brutally broken soul- at the moment when I believed Jesus was Almighty God and my Savior. I instantly became "In Christ" and so even many of my closest friends and family could not recognize who I was in the next several months. I was a new creation!

Romans 8:28 says:  And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.

I cannot give you any advice other than pray to Jesus Christ:John 14:14. The Lord Jesus has by the Holy Spirit,and Bible study, worked miracles in my life, my murdered Uncle's family's lives and hundreds of millions -even billions - of born again Christians' lives throughout the centuries across this planet. I hope the best for you Renee.

--Thank you my most beautiful God Jesus for choosing to reveal the Father God to me!

[JTC]

Hi Renee, I'm sorry to hear this. I can't stand men who mistreat girls & women. I favor you going to the police but maybe you should get some counseling first. From what I've heard the police aren't quick to believe the women.

I don't know if this can help but here's a website of 2 Christian women that victims of abuse.

https://www.discoveringmercy.org/

God Bless you.

[Aimes]

9 hours ago, ReneeIW said:

Yesterday I was doing research for a book I am writing about a Christian leader who abused and exploited me for almost two years. I was not underage, I was age 20. He and two others were  recently fired after I came forward with my story. That should have been enough closure for me. 

Yesterday, while researching, I saw a favorable news article about the man who hurt me. There is a pastor on a book tour and the man who hurt me sponsored the event and was talking about how important it is to live out your faith.

I became filled with anger and resentment. I started having flashbacks of the sexually humiliating things he did to me and other women. I now dread having sex with my husband whom I love.

Im now struggling with my faith because I do not understand why the Lord allows so much harm to be done to women. A couple years after I was a victim of this religious leader, my mother was dragged into the woods and raped multiple times and almost killed. I was called to the hospital. I do not know why I have had to be exposed to so much ugliness in my life.

I do not believe sex is a gift from God. It is a burden to women. I need specific prayer: Should I go to the police and report this religious leader? After what he exposed me to and my mothers  subsequent rape, I am now dealing with paralyzing fear and I don’t think I will be able to move forward until he is punished in some way. 

Now I have to struggle with wondering whether my heart is right with God because  I am filled with so much anger.  I have to worry about my husband cheating because I can’t bear to have sex with him. All the while this man is out living his life and still being praised despite his actions.

 

Hi Renee, 

I won't begin to truly try to offer you advice regarding your situation. I will say that I am praying for you ,as I'm sure many here are, and say that as difficult as it is, you need to forgive this person. I read a quote once that said "holding on to anger/hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" You're truly harming yourself. Pray and ask God to help you heal from this and to give you a heart of forgiveness toward him. Forgiving doesn't mean you forget or excuse what he did, but it allows you to heal and move on with your life.