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I’m Struggling and Need Help


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7 hours ago, $teven said:

 

I can imagine it's quite a burden that you carry, especially if the perpetrator seems to be living a full or normal life.

It’s difficult because he is everywhere. His best friends are/were:

Billy Graham

Tim Keller

John Townsend

Eric Metaxas

Jack Deere

And countless others. They have all praised him in their books and claim he changed their lives.

He is still organizing the National Prayer Breakfast, which he has been doing for 30 years. 

the Bible Museum and the Promise Keepers have come out in support of his organization. So, it’s just in my face all the time. 

Legal reporters for the Wall Street Journal reported on part of the story last year and mentioned his crime. He had no comment. They put my name in the story, identified me as a victim  and then went on to say what town I lived in and described my home,  which of course scared me. 

I appreciate all the comments and prayers. I don’t trust my own prayers right now so I truly appreciate all prayers.

I’m sure I will end up going to the police and will need prayer and courage for that. 

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11 hours ago, ReneeIW said:

Yesterday I was doing research for a book I am writing about a Christian leader who abused and exploited me for almost two years. I was not underage, I was age 20. He and two others were  recently fired after I came forward with my story. That should have been enough closure for me. 

Yesterday, while researching, I saw a favorable news article about the man who hurt me. There is a pastor on a book tour and the man who hurt me sponsored the event and was talking about how important it is to live out your faith.

I became filled with anger and resentment. I started having flashbacks of the sexually humiliating things he did to me and other women. I now dread having sex with my husband whom I love.

Im now struggling with my faith because I do not understand why the Lord allows so much harm to be done to women. A couple years after I was a victim of this religious leader, my mother was dragged into the woods and raped multiple times and almost killed. I was called to the hospital. I do not know why I have had to be exposed to so much ugliness in my life.

I do not believe sex is a gift from God. It is a burden to women. I need specific prayer: Should I go to the police and report this religious leader? After what he exposed me to and my mothers  subsequent rape, I am now dealing with paralyzing fear and I don’t think I will be able to move forward until he is punished in some way. 

Now I have to struggle with wondering whether my heart is right with God because  I am filled with so much anger.  I have to worry about my husband cheating because I can’t bear to have sex with him. All the while this man is out living his life and still being praised despite his actions.

 

You need to give this to God. You need to ask Him for guidance and direction regarding this incident. 

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34 minutes ago, JTC said:

Renee,   the fact that this man is well known will make going to the police harder, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go. It means you have to be strong first and you need a support system in place. It's pathetic that a man like this has people going to him for spiritual guidance. I won't be surprised to find out you aren't his only victim, a guy like this doesn't stop until he's forced to stop. Check out that link I gave you. Two of the counselors there are Fern & Audrey, even if you're too far away to see one of them maybe they can recommend a counselor in your area. Don't try to do this alone.

God Bless 

I do have a strong support system but I don’t want to continue to burden them with this. 

As for the police, the  difficult part is that it took place in Chicago and  I would have to travel there. I have already spoken with them in the past and they did say that I should try going to my local police department and filing a report and then having it transferred to Chicago. I am a bit afraid of Chicago.

its a very long and complicated story with too many details, but after he was fired he called me and asked to meet for “reconciliation and forgiveness.” I thought it was my Christian duty to at least speak with him but I didn’t want to meet up in person . We were talking weekly over the phone and he was pressuring me to see him. During the course of our communications, he was texting and emailing- so I have his apologies in emails and texts which I can take to the police. Also, he was fired along with the people who threatened me so I think the police will be willing to listen.

One time we were on the phone arguing and my daughter knocked on the door. I opened the door and stepped outside of my room and all my daughters friends were in the hallway. I asked my daughter why she didn’t tell me that her friends were in the house because I was not dressed. The guy who hurt me then said”you don’t have any clothes on? Do you know the image that is putting in my head?” I then snapped and put what he did to me on social media and on my Facebook page. I know that is horrible and I am ashamed of that. He then had a lawyer contact me and ask if his pastor/friend could meet with my pastor. So the two pastors began talking. My pastor happens to be a family friend and federal investigator and he said he will take me to the police whenever I am ready.

There were lots of people involved for months. The thing I’m struggling with is they want me to forgive him and not go to the police or tell all details.

i had been doing better but yesterday seeing him praised in an article angered me so I know I have not truly forgiven him. Also, members of his family have threatened suicide. His wife and a few weeks ago I found out one of his daughters attempted suicide “several times.”

 

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7 minutes ago, ReneeIW said:

i had been doing better but yesterday seeing him praised in an article angered me so I know I have not truly forgiven him.

Renee,  I'm not sure you didn't forgive the creep just because seeing him on TV brought bad feelings back. You may be misunderstanding what forgiveness looks like in reality. Sure ideally you think you should  be able to see or hear anything concerning this creep and it shouldn't bother you. That would be nice but it may not be realistic. I have more experience with forgiving than I would have wanted. In my case it involves family members I once called best friends. Another factor is how long ago the offense occurred. I know I forgave the people who hurt me, but if I start talking about it and describing what they did in detail I'll probably get angry again. But I don't wish bad on them, I actually wish they were sorry. (of course, my case isn't the same as yours) I mean that you can forgive the creep and still choose to have nothing to do with him, that's fair for you. He must feel slightly guilty so he wants your forgiveness. I would have said I forgive you as God asks us to but here on earth I want nothing to do with you. And his comment on you being undressed proves you are right. We're told God requires true repentance to forgive us and I don't think this creep is truly sorry. He may feel guilty or he may simply fear you going to the police and you bringing his reputation down. To that I say to him tuff break creep. I really can't stand men like him. Also, sometimes forgiveness comes in stages. Maybe also God wants you to bring this man down, God usually works through people. God doesn't have to do that, He just chooses to. I'd also be scared to go to another city just to have to see the police, that's quite normal also. Don't let this creep make you feel any of this is your fault because it's not. Men, real men have complete control over themselves. I certainly do. I think you forgave him but what you saw on TV is dredging up the past.

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I wonder how this verse got in the Bible....it flies in the face of other Scripture seemingly,yet it makes so much sense .

” If your brother sins against you... REBUKE him.....and IF HE REPENTS  FORGIVE him”

 wow! That really works for me.....I can do that ....I HAVE done it .....it comes so natural that way....Since my Salvation, almost everything  I was once was “ ordered” to do under the Law Of Moses, has now become things I “ desire” to do.....you know , that “ transformation” thing that Paul Once said was “ the ONLY thing that mattered” in the Christian Walk....This could be another one of those “ natural” things .

God does not forgive  until the lost man turns to Him in repentance ......does God demand  we forgive those who aren’t even sorry,  when He Himself  wants to see contrition on the part of the offending party?

 Thoughts ?

Maybe a new thread could arise from this....

 

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15 hours ago, ReneeIW said:

I do not believe sex is a gift from God. It is a burden to women.

It is a burden to a lot of women, I don't know what percentage are raped, but 1 in 5 girls are molested, I would pray and continue to pray.

Also not everyone who says the have faith do.

 

I try to read these verses every day they encourage me to pray.

 

 

James chapter 5 verse 17 Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years.
 
Luke chapter 18 verse 1  Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.
 
James chapter 4
You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
 
 
 
Isaiah chapter 62 verse 6 I have posted watchmen on your walls, Jerusalem; they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the LORD, give yourselves no rest,
 
1 Chronicles chapter 4
 

10 Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.

 
Daniel chapter 9 verse 18
Give ear, our God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation of the city that bears your Name. We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy.
 
Matthew chapter 7 verse 7
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
 
 
 
Ephesians chapter 1 verse 4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love

 
 
 
 
2 Kings chapter 20 verse 5 "Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of My people, 'This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. I will surely heal you. On the third day from now you will go up to the house of the LORD.
 
 
2 Chronicles chapter 16 verse 9
For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war."
 
 
 
 
 
Daniel chapter  6 verse 23  The king was overjoyed and gave orders to lift Daniel out of the den. And when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God.
 
 
Psalm 107
 
18 They loathed all food and drew near the gates of death.
19 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.
20 He sent out his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.
 
 
 
 
 
Isaiah chapter 37 verse 21 

 

21 Then Isaiah son of Amoz sent a message to Hezekiah: “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: Because you have prayed to me concerning Sennacherib king of Assyria,

 

22 this is the word the Lord has spoken against him:

“Virgin Daughter Zion
    despises and mocks you.
Daughter Jerusalem
    tosses her head as you flee.
23 Who is it you have ridiculed and blasphemed?
    Against whom have you raised your voice
and lifted your eyes in pride?
    Against the Holy One of Israel!

 

2 Chronicles chapter 16

 

At that time Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah and said to him, “Because you relied on the king of Syria, and did not rely on the Lord your God, the army of the king of Syria has escaped you. Were not the Ethiopians and the Libyans a huge army with very many chariots and horsemen? Yet because you relied on the Lord, he gave them into your hand. For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless[g] toward him. You have done foolishly in this, for from now on you will have wars.” 10 Then Asa was angry with the seer and put him in the stocks in prison, for he was in a rage with him because of this. And Asa inflicted cruelties upon some of the people at the same time.

Isaiah chapter 45 verse 19 I have not spoken in secret, from somewhere in a land of darkness; I have not said to Jacob's descendants, 'Seek me in vain.' I, the LORD, speak the truth; I declare what is right.
 
2 chronicles chapter 12 verse 14
He did evil because he had not set his heart on seeking the LORD.
 
Jeremiah chapter 29 verse 13
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
 
 
 
 
Proverbs chapter 30 verse 5 "Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
 

 

Psalm 118 

 

 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in humans.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
    than to trust in princes.

 

James chapter 5 verse 13,  "Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise."

Ephesians chapter 3 verse 20 Now to Him who is able to do infinitely more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,

 

 

Matthew chapter 21 verse 22  If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
 
 
 
James 1 chapter verse 6 But he must ask in faith, without doubting, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
 
 
  Proverbs chapter 3 verse 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
 
 
Hebrews chapter 13 verse 8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
 
 
 
Deuteronomy chapter 31 verse 6 Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or terrified of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."
 
 
 
 
Psalm chapter 9 verse 10 Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, O LORD, have not abandoned those who seek You.

 
 
2 chronicles chapter 13
                                        
 

16 The Israelites fled before Judah, and God delivered them into their hands. 17 Abijah and his troops inflicted heavy losses on them, so that there were five hundred thousand casualties among Israel’s able men. 18 The Israelites were subdued on that occasion, and the people of Judah were victorious because they relied on the Lord, the God of their ancestors.

 

Psalm chapter 108 verse 12 Give us aid against the foe, for the help of man is worthless.

 

Psalm chapter 60 verse 11 Give us aid against the enemy, for the help of man is worthless.

1 Thessalonians chapter 5 verse 17

pray continually,
 

2 chronicles chapter 33
12 In his distress he sought the favor of the Lord his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his ancestors. 13 And when he prayed to him, the Lord was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the Lord is God.
 

 

 

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ReneeIW,

I'm gonna go completely counter-intuitive on this and probably get some stick for it, but I would caution taking this to the cops if you have no hard evidence or witnesses.

There are a couple reasons why I'm suggesting this.  You have been caught up in what I would characterize as an abomination.  Something that's caused immense pain and discomfort.  If you take this to a court of law without hard evidence or witnesses, you will suffer a second time - maybe even more painful than before as it would be played out in public.  And if the legal judgement goes his way, it will be an even more destructive force to contend with then.

That said, I'm not suggesting you merely roll over and suffer in silence.  If you take this to the Lord instead, He's not bound by the rules and limitations of a court of law, as He is sovereign.  If He is allowed to exact justice on your behalf, it will be perfect and absolute.  Your perp will suffer much more under God's judgement than what a court of law can impose.  Furthermore, while the court could potentially find his guilty and perhaps send him to prison for a few years, God has the power to completely destroy the empire he's built on falsehoods and deceit.  This might not be the advise you wish to hear but God's justice/judgement is always better than man's.

Another thing is that he claims to belong to the family of God.  Keep in mind that Judas was one of the 12 as well.  Jesus himself said that things such as what he did must come to pass in our evil word but woe to those who perpetrate them [Matt 18:7].  Not woe to the victims.  The debt is not with you but him and even if he asks the Lords forgiveness but doesn't secure yours, he's not forgiven.  But keep in mind, if you withhold forgiveness from him, the Lord will also withhold forgiveness for your transgressions.  I know.  That doesn't seem fair.

Despite what he's done, he's done it under the banner of the family of God.  This means it's somewhat of a family affair.  For, something like this playing out in the eyes of the world will tarnish the family name.  I am not suggesting letting him get away with it at all but God's judgement is the only way you can ensure he's held to absolute account.  If you give it to God the judgement will come and the family name will be spared.  He would be made to suffer and shoulder his own shame.  God can destroy him but the courts can't.  Gad can save you from the memory and pain of what he's done to you. The courts cannot.

When you pray, tell the Lord everything you wish to come of this.  It makes a difference to hear yourself say it.  After you've done this, ask the Lord to remove all trace of anger, pain or hate this man has caused in your life.  End your prayer by praying blessings for him.  I know this will be hard but trust me if you do, it will set you completely free.  Not only that but God will then be completely free to deal with him, because you given it to him.

I'm advising you in this manner because I want you to be the victor, not to carry the pain and memory of what he's done.  This is an opportunity to see just how awesome God really is.  May he bless you abundantly in every aspect of your body, mind and soul.

 

 

 

 

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On 9/2/2019 at 2:38 AM, ReneeIW said:

Yesterday I was doing research for a book I am writing about a Christian leader who abused and exploited me for almost two years. I was not underage, I was age 20. He and two others were  recently fired after I came forward with my story. That should have been enough closure for me. 

Yesterday, while researching, I saw a favorable news article about the man who hurt me. There is a pastor on a book tour and the man who hurt me sponsored the event and was talking about how important it is to live out your faith.

I became filled with anger and resentment. I started having flashbacks of the sexually humiliating things he did to me and other women. I now dread having sex with my husband whom I love.

Im now struggling with my faith because I do not understand why the Lord allows so much harm to be done to women. A couple years after I was a victim of this religious leader, my mother was dragged into the woods and raped multiple times and almost killed. I was called to the hospital. I do not know why I have had to be exposed to so much ugliness in my life.

I do not believe sex is a gift from God. It is a burden to women. I need specific prayer: Should I go to the police and report this religious leader? After what he exposed me to and my mothers  subsequent rape, I am now dealing with paralyzing fear and I don’t think I will be able to move forward until he is punished in some way. 

Now I have to struggle with wondering whether my heart is right with God because  I am filled with so much anger.  I have to worry about my husband cheating because I can’t bear to have sex with him. All the while this man is out living his life and still being praised despite his actions.

You may not be ready for this yet, But go and watch a video On YouTube by Corrie Ten Boom on forgiveness. Abuse is abuse, and must be reported as such, But there comes a time when we need to forgive, even the worst of offenders. The title of the video is "how to forgive"

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On 9/2/2019 at 2:38 AM, ReneeIW said:

Yesterday I was doing research for a book I am writing about a Christian leader who abused and exploited me for almost two years. I was not underage, I was age 20. He and two others were  recently fired after I came forward with my story. That should have been enough closure for me. 

Yesterday, while researching, I saw a favorable news article about the man who hurt me. There is a pastor on a book tour and the man who hurt me sponsored the event and was talking about how important it is to live out your faith.

I became filled with anger and resentment. I started having flashbacks of the sexually humiliating things he did to me and other women. I now dread having sex with my husband whom I love.

Im now struggling with my faith because I do not understand why the Lord allows so much harm to be done to women. A couple years after I was a victim of this religious leader, my mother was dragged into the woods and raped multiple times and almost killed. I was called to the hospital. I do not know why I have had to be exposed to so much ugliness in my life.

I do not believe sex is a gift from God. It is a burden to women. I need specific prayer: Should I go to the police and report this religious leader? After what he exposed me to and my mothers  subsequent rape, I am now dealing with paralyzing fear and I don’t think I will be able to move forward until he is punished in some way. 

Now I have to struggle with wondering whether my heart is right with God because  I am filled with so much anger.  I have to worry about my husband cheating because I can’t bear to have sex with him. All the while this man is out living his life and still being praised despite his actions.

 

Read this book! https://www.amazon.com/Dear-Younger-Me-Victim-Victor/dp/1987560418

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