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Family disapproves of BF


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10 hours ago, Who me said:

His church and your church both went to a youth event so it does not sound like there are serious theological issues.

All you have said is that your parents do not like the way he dresses.

From the way you have reported your parents reacted it sounds like you come from a culture that expects conformity.

Your options are to ask what grounds they have for disaproving of him.

To continue quitely dating him untill you are both in a position to marry.

to conform and stop seing him.

 

Is there anyone you could talk to, your pastors wife, an elders wife who could help mediate a solution.

Yes there is a lot of conformity that happens. It we dont talk about it and discuss it then its the end of it. I know that I have created this. I try and be obedient and good daughter.  I dont agree that it should be at the expense of my happiness though. 

I have talked to an elder  in the past who is a little more familiar with my family and who knows our dynamic. I hoped that after speaking to them previously things would get better but they haven't. 

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54 minutes ago, HAZARD said:

Hi GG1010.

You sound like a very good loving daughter, helping your parents in every way whilst living there. You say you are in your mid twenties and are prepared to go off on your own. 

Unless there is something seriously wrong with your boy friend, which you would know about by now after being together for 16 months, In my opinion, you are of the age where you alone can and should decide who you live with, who you want to be friends with, who you want to marry. If you find out later that you have made the wrong decision  regarding this man, then that falls upon you yourself not your parents. Don't let your mother and father make your life miserable.

Interfering parents can make ones life miserable, I know and speak from 72 years of experience.

Colossian. 3:21, Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

Tell your family that dating is for learning about yourself, your heart, your soul and the kind of partner that fits with you. This is about you, not your parents! Dating is about your heart, your soul and the kind of partner that fits with you. Despite your love for your folks, their opinion of who you bring home isn't what matters the most; What matters most is that he makes you happy.

Thank you much for your advice. I will own up to my truth and be brave with them once more. 

I completely agree with what you said about my decision will fall on me and not on my parents. 

God bless. 

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25 minutes ago, DustyRoad said:

@johnthebaptist brought something up that's very important: if your relationship is proper, which is to say the two of you aren't behaving like a married couple, then my advice would be to patiently endure. It sounds like you're contributing to your family and this speaks highly of you. You're pitching in which is proper conduct for all of us to engage in whether we're children, adults, or guests. If this union is blessed by God, no man can keep you apart. 

I'm very troubled to learn that you're thinking of living together before marriage, however. This would be a terrible move! It would be better for you to remain under the roof of your parents' house than engage in such folly.  

Nothing wrong with living together as long as their is no sexual activity as far as I know.

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2 hours ago, DustyRoad said:

I'm very troubled to learn that you're thinking of living together before marriage, however. This would be a terrible move! It would be better for you to remain under the roof of your parents' house than engage in such folly.  

I totally agree.   Living together usually leads to the sin of fornication.   If one would be able to live together without sex, it would still look very bad to outsiders.   Sex before marriage will harm you spiritually and perhaps emotionally.    So GG, please don't live with him without marriage.

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5 hours ago, GG1010 said:

We have talked about marriage being together. At this point we are very serious about each other. We have discussed moving in together and I know that will add more fuel to the fire but it would just be to help us save up and it would make things easier since we wouldn't live an hour apart. I dont believe it's my feelings covering up my perceptions. I know that I am committed to this relationship and want it to succeed.  It's just hard being in the middle of this. 

Don't move in together!!! It is not a Christian thing to do. 

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9 hours ago, GG1010 said:

I completely understand what you mean. I come from a latin background. My family doesn't really have boundaries.  I think partly is because I have allowed this for so long. I dont like living on conflict so I just do what I is told. My church is more evangelical and his is more baptist, if were talking about denominations.

 

My parents have been together since they were teens mostly because they has me and they married. They were separated for sometime then they got back together. They had two children after that and there is a big age cap between my siblings and I. My parents recieved Jesus in their lives about 15 years ago. 

 

His parents have been separated since he was a kid. He mostly grew up with his aunt who raised him. He was raised Christian but didn't always attend church. He came to Jesus about 3 years ago. He does have a relationship with both of his parents but it's different as he has not ever lived with both of them together. 

 

When we first spoke to my parents about us dating. It was all fine but there were conditions. My parents told him that he had to come see me. They didn't want me to drive to him and such. We understood that and he did come to see me. We live about a hour apart so at times usually on sundays I would try and attend his church after my service and we would hang out. It got to the point that evertime I told my family that I was planning on visiting him it would turn into an arguement.

 

I know it's a lot and there is possibly more that I need describe but I think this is a pretty good summary. 

 could be your parents just have a trust level with you or they could be afraid of loosing your help at home.....   or both for that matter.   Do your parents ever tell you the reasons they don't trust your boy friend or is it that they just don't trust males in general?

It's on the verge of telling you should just tell your parents that you are of age and the decisions of a possible life mate are really yours....   but you stand a chance of being kicked out of your family...     ultimately it may come down to choosing between them.....       Ask your mother to please not put you in that position and see where it goes....

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On 9/16/2019 at 4:51 AM, GG1010 said:

Hello all,

I am here for advice. I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 16 months.  We met a  youth church event that his church was attending and my church was also attending. 

 

It all started great but then after he visited my church a few times things went a little downhill.  My church is more conservative while his church is more "modern". 

My family wanted him to do the things and worship the way that is done at my church. He is not used to this and he doesn't necessarily agree. My family then began to disapprove and that's when the  conflict started. 

I spoke to my family about how important he is to me and my feelings towards him but they have pretty much just shot me down. It makes me feel very sad because his family has been so kind to me and I was so welcomed at his church and they can't be welcoming to him. 

My boyfriend and I took a break to try and see if this was something that we both truly want. We have decided that we want to continue this relationship and grow but I am worried about my family.  

I don't want to go against them but I also dont feel like they are taking my feelings and relationships into consideration. They have told me to stop communicating with him because I am not allowed. I should also say that I am in my mid twenties and I don't agree that they should tell me who I am allowed to speak to who I am not. 

 

I need advice on how handle this situation with my parents and with my boyfriend.  

Meet somewhere in the middle, what i am saying is work on the relationship between your parents and your BF. Involve the BF in their lives in subtle ways and over time this issue will cease.

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