I’m hurting so much. I just need a place to talk...

[Jesusispeace]

I’m so overwhelmed with the responses!

i appreciate the comments and prayers 

I have read each one!!

i have given such a small glimpse of what’s happening in my life.

its just what I was able to get out at that moment. 
 

I will spill my heart as I go...

I appreciate the advice, believe me I have thought it al through myself. 
 

here is what the lord tells me: Stay.

i have walked out several times. 
 

I have contemplated many options and I am not trapped. I have a great career and a place to go if I really need to.

but, I will never understand it but it’s not my place to understand Gods will and accept it!!! I have learned that going against His will doesn’t lead to happiness and I truly believe that’s why I’m in this position now... I’ll share about that later. 
 

As much as I pray, He tells me to stay. I’m waiting on Him

 

i know my husband needs some serious healing for us to improve. I’m not even sure anymore what I’m waiting for.

 

for now I need a safe place to talk

 

thsnmnyou all for such heartfelt responses

 

ill be back!
 

 

[Jesusispeace]

I am so tired of being charged with saving my husband! He expects me to make him better

i mean I know I’m supposed to be Christ like but it’s certainly not my job. I wish I could say that to him!!

I just wish Jesus would come into his heart and heal him. He’s got so much emotional and mental grief!

i keep wondering how much more God could break him down to save him.

 

im exhausted dealing with hkm

i pray every day that God gives me the tools and works through me to help him because I can’t and I’m tired. But I don’t feel like that prayer is getting answered  

[Coliseum]

3 hours ago, Jesusispeace said:

Im looking for a place to just speak my heart about what’s happening in my life.

I don’t have a soul to speak to personally.

i talk to God and I also know He sees everything but I really feel alone because I don’t have any friends or relatives to just share my pain.

i am really trying to hold on to scripture and Gods promises for my life. I feel like I’ve been in darkness so long and I’ve been alone in it, it’s just incredibly difficult to survive each day and keep my head up.

I am the only one who can soothe myself and I have to carry a load of hurt in my heart and head without releasing it.

For starters, 

my marriage is in a crisis. we fight so much. My husband gets physical. 
He’s depressed and refuses medical attention. He doesn’t believe in God. He places his whole happiness in my hands and thinks I can save him.

i can’t.

i can’t say that to him. He calls me a quitter. 
 

it’s too much too much to be considered someone’s savior!!

or course I pray 

Everyday I stay home and I take care of our 1.5 year old and we have another baby on the way

im worried about how that will go! 
 

im already sleep deprived and on edge trying to keep him happy and not explode. 
 

indont get a break

i Constantly have 100 things to do and I’m tired. I want to so badly just devote more tome to spending with God but I have a list of chores to complete and then constantly check up on my husband because that’s what he wants.

i have an older daughter from my previous marriage who stopped talking to me. I can’t understand why. I’ve been desperately trying to reach out to her and she ignores me.

 

im in so much pain about that! And I can’t really talk about it 

I had a falling out with my parents as well. 

i feel the world just crumbling under my feet.
 

i pray when I can

I’m waiting on God

but I’m exhausted I don’t really know what I want or need

when I go out, I keep to myself. I don’t smile at anyone unless I absolutely have to. I don’t talk to other moms when i take my daughter places.

i need some comfort but I’m avoiding everyone. It’s not like I can share all this with a stranger anyway

i just want to poor my heart out I guess 

 

My heart goes out to you. May I suggest you purchase the book, "Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend---both Christian Psychologists. It could not be more appropriate at this time for you. I did a study on that book, and it helped me tremendously. Many, many people are facing what you are facing, but there is real hope in the very practical applications that Jesus reveals in this book. Please. Buy it. You are not here by accident. God bless you, sister.

 

[Dennis1209]

Yes Dear Sister, we're listening and praying for you. I don't pretend to know why bad things happen in my life or others, other than in this age the rain falls on the just and unjust alike. Many times I reread the following verses, trust them and take them to heart and it comforts me.

Proverbs 3:5 (KJV) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

The Lord loves us, nothing happens by accident, He has a plan and purpose for our lives that many times we just can't comprehend until we get to Heaven. Then we will fully appreciate, understand and give praise and glory to the Lord for it. 

Romans 8:28 (KJV) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Notice this isn't 'some things' but all things, and all means all. 

I don't know your situation and can only speak on a personal level concerning myself. I found great comfort and Christian fellowship finding and attending a local Gospel preaching Bible believing church. True Brothers and Sisters in Christ uphold and encourage one another, share and help one another with our burdens and problems in this life [spiritual - physical - financial]. A Godly Pastor can be a great source of spiritual guidance and emotional support. The body of Christ [the church] I suspect is waiting for you and wants to help, as well as we here. God Bless you Sister.

 

[Marilyn C]

1 hour ago, Jesusispeace said:

 

As much as I pray, He tells me to stay. I’m waiting on Him

 

i know my husband needs some serious healing for us to improve. I’m not even sure anymore what I’m waiting for.

 

for now I need a safe place to talk

 

thsnmnyou all for such heartfelt responses

 

ill be back!
 

 

Hi Jesusispeace,

That is so good to hear your response and that you are receiving advice & appreciating prayers. May I suggest regarding your husband that you take your hands off trying to `save` or `change` him. When you do God can then work on your husband. And he will get worse before he gets better. Your husband has to get to the end of himself and reach out to God. You may be stopping that as you seem to be trying to do God`s job and it is too heavy for you, (of course).

Marilyn.

[R. Hartono]

51 minutes ago, Jesusispeace said:

I am so tired of being charged with saving my husband! He expects me to make him better

i mean I know I’m supposed to be Christ like but it’s certainly not my job. I wish I could say that to him!!

I just wish Jesus would come into his heart and heal him. He’s got so much emotional and mental grief!

i keep wondering how much more God could break him down to save him.

 

im exhausted dealing with hkm

i pray every day that God gives me the tools and works through me to help him because I can’t and I’m tired. But I don’t feel like that prayer is getting answered  

Who charge u to save ur husband ? Is he addicted ?

[Jesusispeace]

3 hours ago, Marilyn C said:

Hi Jesusispeace,

That is so good to hear your response and that you are receiving advice & appreciating prayers. May I suggest regarding your husband that you take your hands off trying to `save` or `change` him. When you do God can then work on your husband. And he will get worse before he gets better. Your husband has to get to the end of himself and reach out to God. You may be stopping that as you seem to be trying to do God`s job and it is too heavy for you, (of course).

Marilyn.

Oh Marilyn,

believe me I’m not trying to save him 

I know I can’t 

only Jesus can

i pray to God everyday to get His hands on my husband and use me as a tool to help my husband.

i offer my husband and my situation to God daily 

I’m still waiting 

truly I don’t know how much more my husband has to break down from the man he once was to what he is now

he is depressed and demon possessed 

I know enough that this is not my battle

but my husband expects me to save him and I have to put on some show every day

i actually don’t even know what went wrong in our marriage that it all became a nightmare 

I feel like I’m paying for past sins 

though I’ve been forgiven and I’m sure God has a plan to get me out, I feel like I cursed myself or someone I wronged cursed us 

my husband is not the man I married and I know enough about the supernatural to know what’s inside of him and that I’m no match for it.

he is so explosive, degrading, agitated, anxious, aggressive NOW

he went from being at the top of his game at work to his current boss trying to fire him. 

He’s lost all self control 

that’s far from the man I met and I know people don’t just decline like that out of nowhere 

no one in this world, not even my own dad, made me feel safer in this world than my husband in our first year together... I truly don’t understand what happened between us and how everything started going down hill. But here we are and I can’t wrap my brain around how much lower he can go to cry out to God. 
 

when he gets angry, I see demons oozing out of his mouth and face 

I don’t have any support to fight this 

I keep holding on to scripture. It brings some comfort temporarily then I am hit with reality 

I’m so much happier when he goes to work... even though i constantly have to check in with him. I can breathe. At home, he exhausts me just as he walks through the door. Every little thing bothers him. He’s upset about something that happened 10 weeks ago. He’s constantly barking orders to do this or that as if I haven’t done enough.

and he always makes me talk talk talk to soothe him. The problem is I’m not a good talker. I’m generally a quiet person and nothing I say actually soothes him!

we have awful fights at night and I’m in tears most of the time. 

[Jesusispeace]

3 hours ago, R. Hartono said:

Who charge u to save ur husband ? Is he addicted ?

My husband decided I’m the only one in this world who could save him.

hes not addicted, but he’s extremely depressed and surely demon possessed with anger 

[Jesusispeace]

4 hours ago, Dennis1209 said:

Yes Dear Sister, we're listening and praying for you. I don't pretend to know why bad things happen in my life or others, other than in this age the rain falls on the just and unjust alike. Many times I reread the following verses, trust them and take them to heart and it comforts me.

Proverbs 3:5 (KJV) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

The Lord loves us, nothing happens by accident, He has a plan and purpose for our lives that many times we just can't comprehend until we get to Heaven. Then we will fully appreciate, understand and give praise and glory to the Lord for it. 

Romans 8:28 (KJV) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Notice this isn't 'some things' but all things, and all means all. 

I don't know your situation and can only speak on a personal level concerning myself. I found great comfort and Christian fellowship finding and attending a local Gospel preaching Bible believing church. True Brothers and Sisters in Christ uphold and encourage one another, share and help one another with our burdens and problems in this life [spiritual - physical - financial]. A Godly Pastor can be a great source of spiritual guidance and emotional support. The body of Christ [the church] I suspect is waiting for you and wants to help, as well as we here. God Bless you Sister.

 

I’m actually saying Roman 8:28 to myself all day today! I’m holding on as best as I could to His promises 

[Marilyn C]

1 hour ago, Jesusispeace said:

Oh Marilyn,

believe me I’m not trying to save him 

I know I can’t 

only Jesus can

i pray to God everyday to get His hands on my husband and use me as a tool to help my husband.

I...

Hi Jesusispeace,

Thank you for being so honest and sharing. It is a privilege to share together and hopefully see God`s work in all this.

I hear that you have become a whipping board for your husband. You seem to go along with that because of 1) guilt (for whatever) & 2) a belief that God wants you to. Both of these are wrong thoughts. You need to work through the steps in the book on Boundaries that Coliseum has suggested to you. You are part of the problem here as you are enabling your husband to down load on you all his frustrations etc and because you are accepting all this he doesn`t have to change.

I suggest you work on your part and see the results.

Marilyn.