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On 11/17/2019 at 7:54 PM, F_Ivan said:

I feel like I'll never be able to fully repent or truly recieve Christ unless I completely give up everything wordly and by that I mean like im going to be tested until my life is made a s**thole like job in the bible and I cant repent until im completley willing to give it up to that extent that id be okay with something like that happening because I feel like I have to "proove" myself to god to even be worthy of repentance (probably because I doubt god so much or something, im always doubting or maybe because I believe gods promise is too good to be true to be so liberally granted to someone like me). I feel like im trapped between going to hell or willingly living a suffering s**thole of a life here in order to somehow proove myself that I dont hold wordly things above God, obviously id rather choose the one where I dont go to hell but I feel so depressed, desolate and somewhat hopeless.

Maybe im just overly fixated on the fear of going to hell combined with the feeling ill never be good enough TO EVEN RECIEVE CHRIST

Also in my case im very insecure about my physical appearance (I hate how I look, I feel emasculated, and kind of like genetic garbage), I get the thought that god is going to test me by making me truly very ugly to see if I still believe in him afterwards similar to the story Job. 

 

Simple misunderstandings here:

1) "Never good enough to trust Jesus" is the opposite of "all are bad, need to trust Jesus"

2) We give up NOTHING to be saved, we give up many things to be reformed/improved

3) Jesus paid it all--if I'm starving and you give me a free lunch it's free to me but YOU paid for lunch--Jesus died a horrible death by torture then rose from the dead to take your imperfection, punishment, guilt, shame and anxiety--BE SET FREE! IN JESUS'S MIGHTY NAME!

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F_ivan this might encourage you.

I have been a Christian for 10 years and I have a strong faith.

Even then, I too get grumpy wumps and say things like s***hole. Its wrong for Christians to swear and we should do 100% effort to repent. We not perfect yet.

The best thing for bitterness is thankfulnes as they are opposites and counteract each other.

If you are finding it hard to be thankful then get a big bar of chocolate and thank Jesus for nice food as you eat it.

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On 12/4/2019 at 7:18 AM, Billiards Ball said:

Simple misunderstandings here:

1) "Never good enough to trust Jesus" is the opposite of "all are bad, need to trust Jesus"

2) We give up NOTHING to be saved, we give up many things to be reformed/improved

3) Jesus paid it all--if I'm starving and you give me a free lunch it's free to me but YOU paid for lunch--Jesus died a horrible death by torture then rose from the dead to take your imperfection, punishment, guilt, shame and anxiety--BE SET FREE! IN JESUS'S MIGHTY

Thanks to everyone who is reaching out to me.

Yes I do need to trust in God more. Need to trust in his love and faithfulness, the love and faithfulness he has for me and think about how much I mean to him. I was being super pessimistic. I think all the self hatred/reverse narcissism has been pulling me away from god. Like finding it hard to believe that god is going to help ME out of my situations and doubting that god really loves ME because I didn't want to be "presumptious" or "prideful" that god wants and will help me and that I'm worth it to him. The fatalistic Calvinistic theories about god havent been helping my pessimism either. I think being grateful will help with this

 

Edited by F_Ivan
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On 11/17/2019 at 4:54 PM, F_Ivan said:

Also in my case im very insecure about my physical appearance (I hate how I look, I feel emasculated and kind of like genetic garbage), I get the thought that god is going to test me by making me truly very ugly to see if I still believe in him afterwards similar to the story Job. 

Hi @F_Ivan

Sorry to have missed your last post. In reading back over this, there were some things that dawned on me. If you would do me a favor and PM me, I'd like to share with you what's on my heart. I think talking about some of these issues would be an encouragement to you. Please think about it. God bless you. 

Shalom, 

David/BeauJangles

Edited by BeauJangles
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Keep fighting the good fight guys.

If you get knocked down then get back up.

LTP Little Things Pickup. Down and crying then let those tears out as it heals your head, then make a cup of tea and put your slippers on. A few easy little things to pick you up again and get you started.

N.B. Just looking at the UK flag outside my house last night and wondering what it truly stands for....

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This is so not a ticket to sin but F_ivan, think about that story in the bible where the sinner went to the temple and beat his chest saying he is sinful and a pharisee type went there and said to the Lord I pray three times a day etc.

It then says, who went home better before God.

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On 12/6/2019 at 7:43 PM, F_Ivan said:

Thanks to everyone who is reaching out to me.

Yes I do need to trust in God more. Need to trust in his love and faithfulness, the love and faithfulness he has for me and think about how much I mean to him. I was being super pessimistic. I think all the self hatred/reverse narcissism has been pulling me away from god. Like finding it hard to believe that god is going to help ME out of my situations and doubting that god really loves ME because I didn't want to be "presumptious" or "prideful" that god wants and will help me and that I'm worth it to him. The fatalistic Calvinistic theories about god havent been helping my pessimism either. I think being grateful will help with this

 

Fatalism is one reason I find Calvinist salvation so troubling.

God wants to help you and you are of infinite worth to Jesus Christ, YES!

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Guys, if you get down over Winter I know a good way.

Read just 2 pages of 4 well chosen books that you enjoy. Maybe 3 non fiction to learn and 1 fiction for fun.

Takes your mind right away from worry and the 2 page thing makes it easy to do.

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On 12/11/2019 at 3:01 PM, Sharky and George said:

Guys, if you get down over Winter I know a good way.

Read just 2 pages of 4 well chosen books that you enjoy. Maybe 3 non fiction to learn and 1 fiction for fun.

Takes your mind right away from worry and the 2 page thing makes it easy to do.

Thats a good idea I just got Narnia and Pilgrims Voyage. Worry is really bad and in severe amounts furthers us from God. 

 

 

Edited by F_Ivan
Edited, Tzepanyahu's previous comments helped
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On 11/18/2019 at 10:54 AM, F_Ivan said:

I feel like I'll never be able to fully repent or truly recieve Christ unless I completely give up everything wordly and by that I mean like im going to be tested until my life is made a s**thole like job in the bible and I cant repent until im completley willing to give it up to that extent that id be okay with something like that happening because I feel like I have to "proove" myself to god to even be worthy of repentance (probably because I doubt god so much or something, im always doubting or maybe because I believe gods promise is too good to be true to be so liberally granted to someone like me). I feel like im trapped between going to hell or willingly living a suffering s**thole of a life here in order to somehow proove myself that I dont hold wordly things above God, obviously id rather choose the one where I dont go to hell but I feel so depressed, desolate and somewhat hopeless.

Maybe im just overly fixated on the fear of going to hell combined with the feeling ill never be good enough TO EVEN RECIEVE CHRIST

Also in my case im very insecure about my physical appearance (I hate how I look, I feel emasculated, and kind of like genetic garbage), I get the thought that god is going to test me by making me truly very ugly to see if I still believe in him afterwards similar to the story Job. 

 

i once heard a country song that says God does not make mistakes, u are loved by God for who u are and who he is.  it is our unworthiness that makes us worthy, grace is not for the worthy or else it wouldn't be grace.  u need find what makes u happy, music, movies, books and such as and focus on what attracted u to the faith in God in the first place and meditate on that, he is not a God of sufferings but of great joy.  look in a mirror and say to yourself, i am beautiful and holy in the sight of God and excepted by him made, and have some ice cream, it always makes things better

Edited by nobleseed
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