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Temporary1

So we're do i go from here ? Ex girlfriend had an abortion against my will

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Hello,I won't reveal my name for this although I would imagine through God completing his work in me you'll see me in heaven over the course of eternity . I am a Christian I live a commited life as a Christian and I'm 23. I'm at a great Russel group uni (equivalent to ivy League but UK) all is good right? Not quite at around the age of 19/20 I was involved in a sexual relationship with my now ex. Yes I was loving the lord in words and not deeds and her also. Despite the fact I clearly stated the want to wait till marriage I ended up in a cycle. As I drew closer to God I was stuck in sin and she didn't see Christ the same as me and wanted to continue . Despite the fact I proffesed to follow God I certainly didn't show it I was influenced by my friend who a Christian . He would often tell his wife to cover up etc all because he thought it was honering her and God. This overly religious friend my new found passion for Christ and the fact I was stressed over my mums illness drove my ex to begin to hate me in her heart despite proffesing to love me. I was living for Christ yet I couldn't make the step to cut of the relationship . So she got pregnant we found out straight away within a month she had an abortion completly against my will. I prayed , offered to be there, change my whole life nothing worked. She wanted to still live for the world and in honesty I was being a rubbish Christian claiming to be but falling into sin.  So I lost my baby. We broke up a while after . I'm now free from sex porn etc for nearly two years Christ has actually completly changed me I just had to let go of that relationship . Now people love me I bring joy to many in the church many friends. I've got into a great uni , I can see a future in ministry . However I feel like 

1. My future wife would resent me for what happend. Or possibly take me for granted because of it 

2. I'm still hurt by it despite the lord's work in all honesty it's better than it could be but worse than it should be 

3. Even if I didn't have a wife to avoid more pain and gave my life to Christ. I'm going to go to heaven by God's grace then see my child who's mum I don't even talk to.

There's a chance their mum might be in hell because atm she's not turned into a lesbian . Yes please pray for her 

 

All my other kids would have a different mum .

 

How would I even work this into a family in heaven

 

Even in heaven people are still gonna know the girl aborted my child 

 

So where's the hope of escaping This mistake of sex before marriage 

Everyone knows what David did wrong why will it be any different for me? 

 

I honestly am stuck 

 

Advice thanks 

Edited by Temporary1

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