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DustyRoad

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This explains so much. Both my husband and my adult son who lives with us has high functioning Autism, which is also known as Aspergers.

My prayers continue xxx

(is it ok to xxx? if not, please let me know)

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I understand Dusty.. Peace.

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2 minutes ago, maryjayne said:

This explains so much. Both my husband and my adult son who lives with us has high functioning Autism, which is also known as Aspergers.

My prayers continue xxx

(is it ok to xxx? if not, please let me know)

Of course, maryjayne! Both your understanding and prayers mean more than I can possibly express here. God bless you!

 

     

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This by far is the most difficult portion to share because I more than appreciate how astonishing the following revelation will be. I'm going to express this using a different means of expression than I normally do so here goes...

What were the odds that the lady would happen to be a retired special education professional?

What were the odds that the lady, after years of living alongside me and witnessing my fall, would be the first to notice that I'm on the spectrum? 

What were the odds that the lady happened to be autistic herself?

And what were the odds that we would be brought together out here in this desolate place in the middle of nowhere? 

 

Edited by DustyRoad
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Yes, that's what the Lord did for my sake. When he first called out to me I didn't grasp who he was … or what he was saying to me … and in my usual fashion I ran away in fear. Now all these years later in spite of all that I've done God has brought me to this place where I dwell now. Sure I'm wordy (I can chuck 'em out there) and yes, I possess enough sense to know how feeble those words will be no matter how I arrange them. As I've written elsewhere, God never ceases to astonish me.

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Praying for you, brother. I'm so glad you've come back to Worthy, and have been combing through several of your threads. There's a loss for words at this present time. 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning is my usual night's rest here. Pretty lousy for a rest home. Anyway, after some lengthy PM responses, I've gotten myself into another state of exhaustion. That comes easily at this point. 

I do know how difficult it is to be a care provider, and did the same also for my mother as well. Once she had to be placed into one of these awful facilities, the Lord's angels came for her three months later. Thank you, Jesus. God bless you, Dusty, I have followed your previous posts. Some could be responded to. It's been a long and difficult path to travel. Yes, the road seems long sometimes. 

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Thanks Dusty....love you in Jesus.   Glad you are back with us!

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I am grateful for you and your posts. Keeping you in prayer.

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5 hours ago, DustyRoad said:

A tad long but worth writing. 

This is as good a place as any to introduce myself as someone whom prior to the DSM-V would have been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, an expression of the autistic spectrum as it's known today. I meet criteria common to many and in my case, I'm what some call "high-functioning." This isn't noteworthy friends since I'm hardly alone in this world but it does offer the reader more insight into who I am... and I know it pleases the Lord for me to press on with this. I've spent most of my time in this world wrapped in silence and God stirs me to break it. 

So I find myself here again. I'm not ashamed to admit that was the last thing on my mind but no matter where I'm at nor how far gone I might be, I hear the Master's voice when he calls. I've never understood why considering how I figuratively mutilate myself and those closest to me in my desperate bid to isolate when the walls start tumbling down... that's how I wound those who care about me. I don't deserve God's grace! I've only arrived at these insights because the Spirit of God opens my eyes.

This is my family curse, Worthy. I inherited this from my father who inherited it from his father before him. Intellectually I'm my father's son but where he was awkward and clumsy as a child I was the opposite. Developmentally I was ahead of my peers and so neither my teachers nor parents had any reason to suspect that I was, in fact, an autistic kid waging war against depression and suicidal ideations because at times he couldn't cope with being around other human beings in great numbers (I fixate upon the environment). Over time I've developed strategies to cope with this inability to process emotions consistently when I'm under duress --- the trial of our faith like I've been going through is precisely that duress lately --- and so by instinct I started hitting the lights and running like thunder for the hills.

That's how I lose friends … careers … how I lost flesh and blood relations … and how I very nearly lost my life. I had every reason to believe the same was true with regard to our God, the Holy One who saved me from both myself and this curse with his own hand two years ago. Here I was falling to pieces again and it shouldn't be happening... should it? The Lord had forsaken me at last!

But then God spoke and I realized he never left. He brought your prayers to my attention (I don't know what to write about that!) and the truth that he wasn't abandoning me or ridiculing me for my afflictions. On the contrary... he's leading me out of them instead. Everything which precipitated my fall years ago was hitting me all over again which was why I was getting desperate and more than a little frantic. I was worried sick for the lady because while it was true that God saved me from myself before, who's to say he'd do such a thing again? She's facing a second cancer and thus more chemotherapy (her present course leaves her bedridden for days) and there I was falling to pieces. Why now?!

Because the circumstances and conditions of today are nearly identical to what I faced years ago... that's why. I haven't forgotten your words, @ReneeIW. God bless you! There are others who understand some of the complexities like @Isaiah53NIV, who is yet another one of our wonderful sisters in Christ here at Worthy. You lift me up with your encouragement and prayers! You know who you are: @Amanda Frances ... @Debp@mlbrokish@Blue Lulu  … @Willa@ladypeartree who moved me with her testimony (God bless you for praying for the lady!) … @Sonshine and @PromisesPromises! both of whom suffered more than most did here … @Jubilea whom I hadn't heard from in a while … @maryjayne who understood my need to flee … @ayin jade ... @Revlori …  @Kabrina ... and many others whose names are known only to the Lord.  

@mercy100, I'm not sure if you're either a sister or brother (I understand why some prefer to keep such things to themselves) but I do want to mention you by name since you're among the many who prayed for my sake.
 
Quite frankly I'm abandoning the effort to make my bed in hell because the Lord put a stop to it, @BeauJangles. No, this doesn't mean that I'm not going to suffer (don't we all?) but I'm certain you know where I'm coming from with that. I look around and many of us are facing grim trials... some far worse than others … so no, I'm not alone. I've been blessed to witness your heart which perfectly encapsulates how you inspire and encourage me, brother. I'm thankful for you and I know that you face more than I can possibly understand... you're always in my prayers David.

@Blood Bought 1953 and I share some things in common. We were terrible men, utterly devoid of worth and bound for the fire! That described me well and still would today except for the fact that I'm a new creation in Christ. He's far from finished with me yet. Your prayers avail much brother!

I have a difficult time knowing what to write where you're concerned, @nzkev. This is where I normally start breaking down because you gave Christ to me through your prayer and concern for my sake (you're the author of the prayer thread after all). It might take me some time to work through that... certain emotions and feelings like gratitude can overwhelm me for a while. My apologies for that brother!  

Yes, I'm going to properly address you all. There's a point behind this.

@Godismyloveforever ... @BK1110@Michael37 (you missed where I informed you that I made screen shots of your last message so no worries, I have it intact!) … @shanee … not to mention the helpful administrative/moderation staff (God bless you @Steve_S and @Omegaman 3.0 !). 

 @dhchristian, as I was reading the forums I came across many of your posts here and there. Truly edifying, brother! 

Am I missing someone? Of course I am … whomever created this thread, a newbie named @Wild By Will. God used your testimony to prod me into waking up... the Lord bless you my friend! 


There are others I haven't named (you know who you are) but I think the point has been made ... you make a difference. 
 

 

"For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the middle of them." (Matthew 18:20)





 

 

 

Dearest Friend,

 

Psalm 139:13-16 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

By your testimony I see that you are wonderfully made by the hand of God. For what we see as set back and curses in our lives,God sees them as the works of his hand, signed with his fingerprints. All beautifully put together for his glory.

Isaiah 64:8 

But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.

With each weakness we have been given, it is never ment for harm. God intended that through our weaknesses we would desire him. With each flaw that we might see within our beings, God made them to be. That we may relate to other's and show understanding.

Jeremiah 1:5 

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a...

The end of this verse is left out, this can be filled by God for each person. ( I am not adding to the word or taking away here) For God has said this to each one. We are all formed by God, he knew beforehand what he appointed us to be.

Once we belong to God through Christ, God refines us, not to change us from his original design, but to cleanse us from sin. 

Ephesians 2:10 

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

So dear friend, and to all at worthy, let us be encouraged. That God's design, his unique handmade product that came in the form of you. Is his delight. Satan trys to pull us down with his lies, he focuses on our weaknesses, he mocks what he declares to be imperfections, faults and mistakes by God. He prides himself on tearing down,crushing one underfoot. To kill still and destroy is his game.

but know this, God designed you and he knows you in detail.

 Luke 12:7 

Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows

God never made a mistake. God has never made junk. God has never made  anyone whom he can't use for his glory, and to stomp upon the devil.We all are wonderfully made with a call upon us:Jude 1:20-25

But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. 22 And have mercy on those who doubt; 23 save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment[g] stained by the flesh.24 Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, 25 to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time[h] and now and forever. Amen.

Apologies for  being so long. But you are important to God and it sometimes that  can't be shortened.To all, you are all important to God.

P.S God love you

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