Is it a sin to stay away from members of your family?

[Aimes]

16 hours ago, Lee_ said:

Is it a sin to stay away from members of your family if things are such that that is what you want to do?

Not at all. I believe we are to forgive whatever is done to us but we aren't to be foolish. Personally, I don't have a relationship with my father or his side of the family at all - they don't walk with the Lord and have fellowship with darkness in many ways. Not counting the abuse my father put my mother and I though when I was a child. I've prayed and asked the Lord to guide me in what to do and feel peace with walking in forgiveness toward him but not being naive in re-opening that door of having a relationship. It would be foolish of me to do so. 

[Mike Mclees]

2 hours ago, maryjayne said:

I forgave my parents, and prayed for them every day until their deaths.

I still kept away from them though.

 

5 minutes ago, TheAimes said:

Not at all. I believe we are to forgive whatever is done to us but we aren't to be foolish. Personally, I don't have a relationship with my father or his side of the family at all - they don't walk with the Lord and have fellowship with darkness in many ways. Not counting the abuse my father put my mother and I though when I was a child. I've prayed and asked the Lord to guide me in what to do and feel peace with walking in forgiveness toward him but not being naive in re-opening that door of having a relationship. It would be foolish of me to do so. 

Jesus said I have not come to bring peace but a  sword for one enemies may the members of own house hold. Of course this was about other religious beliefs  

[missmuffet]

6 hours ago, BeauJangles said:

Amen, Miss. This is something also very essential. Thanks for making mention of it.

Although we forgive an abusive parent we do not have to be a door mat to abusive behavior if they continually treat us bad. 

[Servant of the Lord]

On 12/15/2019 at 5:13 PM, Lee_ said:

Is it a sin to stay away from members of your family if things are such that that is what you want to do?

This is an excellent question and one that has come up before in our congregation. Let’s read what Jesus had to say about some of this.  As we can plainly read from Matthew 10:32-37 periscope; accepting Christ is not always going to be easy. v 34 through v 37 are very vivid in regards to what could happen when one accepts Christ in a pagan household. 

I do not mean the following in any negative sort of way, nor am I implying the author or the original post Lee_ believes this way.  This is just what I've noticed through years of ministry.  There are those new to the faith that will sometimes naively believe two things. First, that once they receive Christ it won't cost them anything. Second, that once they are a Christian life after that point will be smooth sailing. i.e. (no trials or tribulations in life.)  This is simply not a supported biblical view and is not taught in scripture. If fact scripture actually teaches the opposite which I will explain. 

First, just from this one small passage in Matthew 10 scripture teaches us that accepting Christ can be dividing within the family; i.e. (It can cost you something.)

Matthew 10:32-42 (KJV)
³²  Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
³³  But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
³⁴  Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
³⁵  For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
³⁶  And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
³⁷  He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
³⁸  And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
³⁹  He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
⁴⁰  He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me.

Second, does scripture teach that as Christians we will experience various trials and tribulations?  According to James 1:2-4 that answer would be appear to be in the affirmative.  How are we as Christians expected to respond or endure during these times of trials and tribulations in our lives? Let's read a little of Matthew Henry for some wisdom. "We should not pray so much for the removal of affliction, as for wisdom to make a right use of it."

James 1:2–4 (KJV 1900)
2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.  

James 1:2–4 (MEV)
Faith and Wisdom
2 *My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations,
3 *knowing that the trying of your faith develops patience.
4 *But let patience perfect its work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  

James 1:2–4 (HCSB)
Trials and Maturity
2 Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials,
3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
4 But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.  

Excerpt used for EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY: from 1 Henry, M., & Scott, T. (1997). Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary (Jas 1:1). Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems.

How to apply to God Under troubles, and how to behave in prosperous and in adverse circumstances (1:1-11)
Verses 1–11
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"Christianity teaches men to be joyful under troubles: such exercises are sent from God’s love; and trials in the way of duty will brighten our graces now, and our crown at last. Let us take care, in times of trial, that patience, and not passion, is set to work in us: whatever is said or done, let patience have the saying and doing of it. When the work of patience is complete, it will furnish all that is necessary for our Christian race and warfare. We should not pray so much for the removal of affliction, as for wisdom to make a right use of it. And who does not want wisdom to guide him under trials, both in regulating his own spirit, and in managing his affairs?

Here is something in answer to every discouraging turn of the mind, when we go to God under a sense of our own weakness and folly. If, after all, any should say, This may be the case with some, but I fear I shall not succeed, the promise is, To any that asketh, it shall be given. A mind that has single and prevailing regard to its spiritual and eternal interest, and that keeps steady in its purposes for God, will grow wise by afflictions, will continue fervent in devotion, and rise above trials and oppositions.

When our faith and spirits rise and fall with second causes, there will be unsteadiness in our words and actions. This may not always expose men to contempt in the world, but such ways cannot please God. No condition of life is such as to hinder rejoicing in God. Those of low degree may rejoice, if they are exalted to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom of God; and the rich may rejoice in humbling providences, that lead to a humble and lowly disposition of mind. Worldly wealth is a withering thing. Then, let him that is rich rejoice in the grace of God, which makes and keeps him humble; and in the trials and exercises which teach him to seek happiness in and from God, not from perishing enjoyments." 
-----

In the end I do not believe it to be a sin for you to stay away from family members if you reach a point in your life where you feel it to be necessary.

Jesus said we are to choose HIM over family members in Matthew 10.

 

Edited December 18, 2019 by Servant of the Lord
typos

[Behold]

On 12/15/2019 at 5:13 PM, Lee_ said:

Is it a sin to stay away from members of your family if things are such that that is what you want to do?

"If things are such"..

What does this mean?

Does it mean that you were raised a Catholic or a Mormon or a JW< and have been rescued by the Truth, and now understand that you have to separate yourself from that ........

That would work.

But, if you are just a loner who feels that you just want to exist by yourself in a hiding place, and your family is not "toxic" to your faith or to your life, then.... that would not work.

So, its difficult to give you a balanced answer when i dont know your reason.......

Maybe you posted it later in the forum..........

[Neighbor]

"Is it a sin to stay away from members of your family?"

"Do All to the Glory of God

^{1 Corinthians 10:23-33} “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.  Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.  Eat whatever is sold in the meat market without raising any question on the ground of conscience. For “the earth is the Lord's, and the fullness thereof.”  If one of the unbelievers invites you to dinner and you are disposed to go, eat whatever is set before you without raising any question on the ground of conscience. But if someone says to you, “This has been offered in sacrifice,” then do not eat it, for the sake of the one who informed you, and for the sake of conscience—  I do not mean your conscience, but his. For why should my liberty be determined by someone else's conscience?  If I partake with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of that for which I give thanks?

 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.  Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God,  just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved."

 

I do believe the principles within the examples above  provide an answer to the question. It may not be a sin, but is it profitable? Cannot one suffer a little personal discomfort for the sake  of testimony of our Lord and savior Jesus? I think each of us can  and should. it is better than providing fodder to the lament that  Christians  thinking themselves to be better are standoffish even to their own kin. There simply is no profit to be had by giving the enemy his ammunition.

Better to see everyone in the family while wearing a big smile, just as though the governor had just given them all a full pardon for a high crime than it is to become their prosecutor, jury,  judge, and jailer.

 

 

 

[Neighbor]

1 hour ago, maryjayne said:

If only it was just a little personal discomfort! 

Many posting on this thread are talking about far more than mere personal discomfort.

I often observe how little compassion and understanding there can be for those who have suffered deeply in the hands of their relatives.

Ignoring family is not a decision taken lightly. For many it is a decision reached after much anguished thought and prayer. 

If I were to outdo any other Christian in a reciting of injustices received I would find  no victory in it.

For the listing is just a litiney of what I would be carrying, an unnecessary load delivered by the little antichrists among us even now. It would be a defeat for me, as I have  chosen to let the slights, the attacks, the slanders and libels go  by the wayside, and instead just share of my Lord Jesus as best I might in word and in deed, knowing  no good deed goes unpunished.

The attacks whether mockery, lies, or slights, never really come to a stop. One can either flee or one can just be kind as can be, "killing 'em with kindness" never letting the vitriol dampen one's spirit nor run one off.

I have chosen to love my enemies for the sake of my own testimony of our Lord's mercy and grace extended to them, and all who will hear and respond affirmatively to the specific call to them  by the Holy Spirit. I do not chose to love from afar. For to do so justifies the attacker's in their own mind's eye and gives them comfort in encouragement to continue in their rants which are really against  our Lord rather than just Christians individually.

 

[Neighbor]

4 hours ago, maryjayne said:

1) are you suggesting that those who choose not to see their relatives are anti-christs? 

2) I believe you have little understanding of what some of us have, or are going through from our relatives, and are therefore dismissing our situations and belittling the extent of the harm and danger undergone or are still undergoing.

Perhaps you cannot understand the degree of treatment which results in such agonising decision, but you could perhaps stop making light of them or writing as if others are making such painful choice flippantly.

Hi,

I am not going to get into a contest to see who has taken the biggest hit on the chin from family. It would serve no good  purpose.  As for me I choose not to run away from family. I did that before my own salvation. It did no one good. I will sustain whatever comes my way doing so as best I can  honoring my Lord and savior sharing  of his gospel  as best I can in deed and in word. 

My own goal is to try to be obedient to the command of my Lord and savior; 

Retaliation

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’  But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.  And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.  Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

Love Your Enemies

 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,  so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.  For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?  And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?  You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

 

Christmas is a wondrous time to turn away from all hatreds, and feelings of being slighted and hurt, a time to embrace the wonder that I our Lord came for us to suffer and die that we might be with Him eternally. I do not have desire to elbow back my  family, my neighbor, a friend, nor an enemy, but instead desire to embrace them  all with prayer and if possible fellowship in hope and prayer for them.  

Perhaps they might do the same for me, as each tries to embrace the guidance and instruction from Jesus to do so.  God does answer prayer.

 

 

 

[Coliseum]

My mom was toxic. I did not communicate with her for twenty years---ten of which I was a Christian. My mom lay in the hospital dying, but I could not go to see her. My sister who is an unbeliever insisted we both visit, and when I told her I couldn't, she asked me, "Didn't you say you were a Christian"? During the four weeks I visited with my mom, I finally, the last week, told her I loved her---and then she died. My sister was right, and my pride and anger were wrong. But what becomes more important is that when I lay on my deathbed, I will not be able to say, "I regret not having told my mom I loved her." 

[Coliseum]

2 hours ago, maryjayne said:

I am not talking about pride and anger.

Think what you like, you do not understand. Neither does neighbour.

maryjayne, here is one of those lost attempts to share with everyone my  personal story, and you've turned it into yours. I cannot change what happened to me; yours may be entirely different. I in no way was attempting to say a single word that was negative regarding your personal story. I respect everyone's life  experiences.  Not only that, you misquoted me. I did not say, "I am not talking about pride and anger," which is what you quoted me as saying.  What I said was, "...my pride and anger were wrong." Those are two different statements that are inequivalent. I cannot underestimate how important it is to be very accurate when we talk about what others say, because when we do not, we can change the intended meaning. I will not further prolong this into an "he said, she said..." argument. BTW, but most importantly, I was responding to the OP's question, not you, and is a reason I did not address anyone  personally.  

I hope you have a blessed day.

Edited December 22, 2019 by Coliseum