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Did anyone of you struggle with salvation anxiety for a long time before you were assured?

I gave my life to Jesus in August. I used to be a God hating agnostic/athiest. Then I started letting go of the God hate (and the Holy Spirit started speaking to my heart I believe) and I started watching testimony clips. And I was convinced there was a good and evil side and that God is the good side and that Jesus is God in the flesh sent to die for all of our sins and to save us. I had a meeting with my pastor and we prayed and then I got baptized. I believe I ment all I said in prayer and I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life and I trusted/trust him with my life. I felt mildly peaceful and warm if that means anything, and also after being born again horror movies absolutley petrified me, I was watching a movie called Ouija (dont watch it) before I was saved and I thought it was creepy, watched it again after my converison and was absolutley petrified. I had some times were I backslid really bad and I still had a porn habit, but overall there was a stable increase in my peace and mood and people and parents were telling me I had improved my behavior (even though i wasnt really trying to) and some people who hadnt seen me in a while tell me im different. Of course Im not saying this is infallible proof im saved but just food for thought, I know im a different person since before I was saved.

The question is though I dont know if im really saved, the only part that kind of makes me doubt my salvation is that I still had a really bad porn habit before and after (sometimes cared and sometimes didnt really) (I dont have it anymore though) and Im not sure I really understood what true repentance was. I prayed the salvation prayer together with my pastor at my conversion, I knew I was a sinner and tried making myself feel mentally sorry for my sins and knew sin is wrong before God, I did and still do believe in Jesus Christ and want and still want him in my life. I guess im doubting my salvation because I wasnt falling on my knees crying for my sins (Have prayed in anguish to God before) like some conversion stories. I really want assurance in my salvation, I pray the salvation prayer sometimes in anguish/despair of thinking im not really saved but it doesnt really do anything, atleast nothing ive really felt. I dont know whats wrong, I think I felt assured of my salvation when I first became born again but now I really dont know. I do believe the hand of God has been evident in my life since being born again (I'm not "dead certain beyond any doubt" but I do believe)  I try to relax and trust in my salvation, and try to follow God daily and try to avoid sin. But looking up doomsday/revelation related anything gives me so much anguish.

Edited by F_Ivan
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Hi F_Ivan

On 1/4/2020 at 6:11 PM, F_Ivan said:

I gave my life to Jesus in August.

I believe you were saved. When you are a new believer, it can be easy to doubt your salvation, when you are trusting yourself.  Everyone has their own salvation experience. When I came to God I didn't cry, but I did experience a great peace. Trust the Lord when He tells you below:

  • Philippeans 1:6, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Also, keep in mind you are not perfect and sinless while alive. I can pray over a sin and the next moment have a bad thought over someone who upset me. Everyone does. My Pastor even says it happens to him. We can work on them, confess them, try to stop them, but we will have them until we die. That is why you look to Jesus and what He did for you and I. Please read God's Word to fortify yourself with His strength! 

 

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Hello F_Ivan,  

    First of all, if you doubt what I say I invite you to read any of my old posts (there are many) and you'll see I always say the same things.

   You can't tell if you're saved based on how you feel. Some days you will feel as Holy as can be, and other days you will not. It's irrelevant. 

   I was saved approximately 40 yrs ago but until the last 10 yrs I would still doubt my salvation from time to time. I'm almost glad when a newbie has doubts because it adds credence to the thought that the person was really serious in his acceptance of the Lord. The fact is sometimes we can't be 100% certain we're saved for many yrs. The reasons are, 1. We all get tested by God over & over; I'm sure you've heard that before. How we handle these tests show if we're really saved or if it's a social thing the person did. Let me say, you may fail a few tests but you may still be truly saved. Fear not over 1 or 2 tests, God will send you more. Often it's a lot more than you think you need. Ultimately, the tests should make you stronger, but it can take several yrs to be evident. This happened to me in 2000 when I lost a loved one to cancer. For the next few yrs I was doubting all kinds of things, but it passed, and I grew stronger. From what I've seen God doesn't usually send newbies the hardest tests there are. Enjoy being a newbie.

   The 2nd and main way you know if you're saved is by your actions & attitudes. A true Christian will be showing the Fruits of the spirit. Again, those fruits can take yrs to become evident. I know you wanted an easy answer, something you could do today to prove your saved but it doesn't work that way. However, the fact that you're worried about it means you probably are really saved. So to increase the probability that your salvation was genuine I recommend this:  Read and Listen to the Bible daily, at least 5 days a week. When a scripture catches your eye spend time thinking about that verse. The Bible calls doing that, meditating on the Word. Christian meditation is unlike oriental meditation. They try to empty their minds and become blank (that's how evil spirits can get in), we use our minds while meditating.   As you go through life you may have yrs that you aren't as close to God as you are now. That's okay, it won't mean you weren't saved. Usually it means you're too busy at work or school, or maybe you just got married. But a saved person will always go back to the Bible eventually.

   I just saw an excellent video about this by Paul Washer. He's a Southern Baptist and he's addressing young new believer's. It's on You Tube, it's called "Shocking Message", I know it's kinda long but it's well worth the time. I'm going to try and put it in our video section.

  God Bless

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Thanks. I really hope it wasn't just a social thing. I'll keep praying and praying to God. And what do you mean by how a person handles tests? Im going through some tests right now by the way but all internal. (Fear, anxiety, and tons of discouragement and condemnation) 

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11 hours ago, F_Ivan said:

And what do you mean by how a person handles tests?

I mean if after the test is over did you become stronger with God or weaker. Now please Ivan, don't be fast to decide how a test effected you. Remember that being a Christian is a life long journey. Back in 1996 I had a health issue so I went to a few doctors. They did everything they could but it wasn't enough. This test lasted close to 1 yr. For awhile I was angry at God because I was sick and I expected the docs to heal me. Once I finally realized that the docs couldn't heal me completely I humbly turned to God. I didn't receive miraculous healing from God but He did give me peace over my latest health issue.

  I accepted the Lord back around 1980 but my faith only became the way it is now in the last 20 yrs. It was slow going and I often felt tempted to give up but I didn't. And then in 1989 my closest relative, who was also my best friend, became involved in what we now call the New Age. This man and me always told each other about everything so after 1990 I had to hear every crazy New Age idea he heard of. For about 5 yrs I had some serious doubts but at this point I have to say God protected me from buying in to those New Age theories. The net result of me learning all about the New Age is I'm stronger with Jesus than I ever was. But don't be fooled, it was NOT fun when it was happening.

  Did I explain what I mean by how you handle trials & tests?

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2Cor. 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Rom. 8:28   And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

There is an important principle in the above scriptures. There are all kinds of things that believers are subject to because of dwelling on this old earth.

In all cases, we can be assured that He is able to keep us. He brings things our way to teach us to trust Him and to rely on Him rather than our own natural strengths.

Often times, His discipline drives us closer to Himself.

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On 1/12/2020 at 8:50 AM, JTC said:

I mean if after the test is over did you become stronger with God or weaker. Now please Ivan, don't be fast to decide how a test effected you. Remember that being a Christian is a life long journey. Back in 1996 I had a health issue so I went to a few doctors. They did everything they could but it wasn't enough. This test lasted close to 1 yr. For awhile I was angry at God because I was sick and I expected the docs to heal me. Once I finally realized that the docs couldn't heal me completely I humbly turned to God. I didn't receive miraculous healing from God but He did give me peace over my latest health issue.

  I accepted the Lord back around 1980 but my faith only became the way it is now in the last 20 yrs. It was slow going and I often felt tempted to give up but I didn't. And then in 1989 my closest relative, who was also my best friend, became involved in what we now call the New Age. This man and me always told each other about everything so after 1990 I had to hear every crazy New Age idea he heard of. For about 5 yrs I had some serious doubts but at this point I have to say God protected me from buying in to those New Age theories. The net result of me learning all about the New Age is I'm stronger with Jesus than I ever was. But don't be fooled, it was NOT fun when it was happening.

  Did I explain what I mean by how you handle trials & tests?

I'm still going through a test right now and I fluctuate between being stronger and weaker in God. Yesterday I was listening to worship music with tears streaming down my eyes and today I feel kind of cold and dry. By the way is it wrong to keep praying the salvation prayer? I watch backsliding sermons and at the end they have a salvation-like prayer for backsliders (Haven't really been backsliding lately just that sometimes this fear is wrecking my relationship with God)

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Put yourself in the adversary position. What would you like believers to focus on??

Forget the backsliding stuff, move ahead and do not look back. If something is amiss, God is faithful and will bring it to you attention without excessive navel gazing.

Move ahead and keep moving...

 

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23 minutes ago, Justin Adams said:

Put yourself in the adversary position. What would you like believers to focus on??

Forget the backsliding stuff, move ahead and do not look back. If something is amiss, God is faithful and will bring it to you attention without excessive navel gazing.

Move ahead and keep moving...

 

Thank you!! This excessive navel gazing and especially looking back has absolutley been murdering me!!

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On 1/4/2020 at 9:11 PM, F_Ivan said:

Did anyone of you struggle with salvation anxiety for a long time before you were assured?

I gave my life to Jesus in August. I used to be a God hating agnostic/athiest. Then I started letting go of the God hate (and the Holy Spirit started speaking to my heart I believe) and I started watching testimony clips. And I was convinced there was a good and evil side and that God is the good side and that Jesus is God in the flesh sent to die for all of our sins and to save us. I had a meeting with my pastor and we prayed and then I got baptized. I believe I ment all I said in prayer and I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life and I trusted/trust him with my life. I felt mildly peaceful and warm if that means anything, and also after being born again horror movies absolutley petrified me, I was watching a movie called Ouija (dont watch it) before I was saved and I thought it was creepy, watched it again after my converison and was absolutley petrified. I had some times were I backslid really bad and I still had a porn habit, but overall there was a stable increase in my peace and mood and people and parents were telling me I had improved my behavior (even though i wasnt really trying to) and some people who hadnt seen me in a while tell me im different. Of course Im not saying this is infallible proof im saved but just food for thought, I know im a different person since before I was saved.

The question is though I dont know if im really saved, the only part that kind of makes me doubt my salvation is that I still had a really bad porn habit before and after (sometimes cared and sometimes didnt really) (I dont have it anymore though) and Im not sure I really understood what true repentance was. I prayed the salvation prayer together with my pastor at my conversion, I knew I was a sinner and tried making myself feel mentally sorry for my sins and knew sin is wrong before God, I did and still do believe in Jesus Christ and want and still want him in my life. I guess im doubting my salvation because I wasnt falling on my knees crying for my sins (Have prayed in anguish to God before) like some conversion stories. I really want assurance in my salvation, I pray the salvation prayer sometimes in anguish/despair of thinking im not really saved but it doesnt really do anything, atleast nothing ive really felt. I dont know whats wrong, I think I felt assured of my salvation when I first became born again but now I really dont know. I do believe the hand of God has been evident in my life since being born again (I'm not "dead certain beyond any doubt" but I do believe)  I try to relax and trust in my salvation, and try to follow God daily and try to avoid sin. But looking up doomsday/revelation related anything gives me so much anguish.

Ivan,

Praise God for your decision to follow Christ Jesus. You wrote above: " Jesus is God in the flesh sent to die for all of our sins and to save us." Right now as a young believer you acknowledge this with your mind but it has not sunk in yet as to the true meaning of this. When you do, you will find that assurance you are looking for. 

He Died for all your sins, past present and future, ALL of them. When You fully understand this you will stop beating yourself up with doubts, and instead begin to trust in his working in you and through you. You see when you are Born again the burden of sin is lifted off of you, which is that peace you felt, and cleanness. This is known as "instant sanctification" From that moment on when God looks down on you he sees not your sin, but he sees the righteousness of His Son in you. But we still have this body of ours, which is mortal, the "old man", and that Old man is being made new by the Work of the Holy Ghost in you. So for example, your desire for horror movies has changed, your behavior and demeanor has changed (I can tell just by your comments here), This is a lifelong process known as "progressive sanctification", Which is the Work of the Holy Ghost is doing in us. 

The trick is, as we are walking in faith, we tend to stray away from letting God fix us and heal us and try to do it ourselves, by our own power, and our own will in order to please him. This is known as religion.  The Problem with this approach is that we fall into "self righteousness" then and using works to maintain salvation, instead of trusting in the finished work of Christ on the cross. What I recommend that you do, is not get yourself all worked up in religion, and instead go look for relationship. You have the Word of God, which is the sword of the Spirit, and when you begin to read and let the Holy Ghost in you teach you, you will learn how to have a relationship with God as opposed to a religion towards God. Pray to Him to guide you and teach as you read. Ask Yourself, "what does this passage teach me about Jesus and my relationship with him?" Trust in His grace, and His ability to Mold you as a potter molds clay. Rest in His finished work on the cross, and he will begin to change that Old man into a new creation in Christ Jesus. He will make himself more known to you, and your relationship with him will thrive.

When you start trying to fix it yourself by your own strength, you may have some success, but you will never overcome those sinful desires, they will always remain with you, because the heart has not been sanctified in you. When You let God fix you, he will give you victory over those desires and impulses of the Old man, when you are ready to give him the glory of overcoming. So, For example, I was a heavy drinker, an alcoholic, but when he fixed me I had no desire for the drink, neither was I ever tempted to go out and have a drink, and others around me can drink without me being tempted to join in, the victory over that sin was so complete, and I did not do anything, He did, he took the desire away from me, and I just stopped drinking alcohol. For me, the impetus for it was that if I wanted to minister for Him, He was to be the only Spirit in me. I Understood his Will then and yielded myself to His will. The change came not by me but by Him and his grace at work in me, and I cannot take credit for the work because I did nothing I did not even try to stop drinking, He just removed that desire from my heart and the motive that made me drink. This is how we can avoid the snares of religion in our lives, focus on the relationship, Pray as if he is there next to you, HE IS, and let Him teach you always. Begin by reading the Gospel of John, and then Romans and acts. Understand his grace fully, and what that means, and how to trust in His grace alone, Not your own works, and you will be heading in the right direction. If you fall into works, return to the cross and refocus on His grace. Keep You eyes focused on Jesus and the sins and cares of this world will grow "strangely dim" as the old hymn puts it.

God Bless.   

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