cultural obsession with marriage

[creativemechanic]

 A question., is it a cultural thing endemic to my region (caribbean) or a general christian obsession with Married people striving to  marrying off the singles.

Something i realised after  being a longtime single. While this status doesnt bother me as much as it once did, I'd get no end of amusement (or annoyance) at the efforts of other  (especailly older  married Christians) to "help" me get married (without my consent of course).

Now mind you,  I'm not advocating fornication and if God has provided that person he has for you -wonderful.

 

What I mean is the attempts by Christians to "encourage " you to get married. Its so aggressive, you can tell people dont stop to really think what they are doing, they just NEED to get you married.

Examples: (all I have witnessed or experienced)

1.   Talking about you to people who THEY like for you without you even knowing. (happened to me)
2. Mobbing you , that is when several people gang up on one person to try to "convince" them to give someone theyre not interested in a chance ( saw this happen to a friend)
3.  Repeatedly pestering you to "give someone a chance" despite you repeatedly  expressing disinterest and even they saying negative things about them ( happened to me).
4. Asking you  what you think of  someone WHILE THE PERSON IS RIGHT THERE AND CAN HEAR. (happened to me twice)
5. Trying to set you up with unsaved people  and telling you youll need to encourage them and bring them to church. (Not this was a hard drinking, hard partying woman who may have been bisexual. I WISH I WAS JOKING.
6. Trying to set you up with clearly backslidden christians. (happened to me)
7. A former bible college student once said when he visited conferences upon hearing hes a bible college student, parents would call over their daughters to  introduce them..... despite having just met him and not knowing a thing about his
8. I once confessedvia text to  being lonely (due to having lost alot of friends becasue they left church) without asking . The person didnt even take the time to talk or pray, but rather forwarded the message to the single woman in no 4 (was the same person who asked me what i thought of her) and say it was from me.

 

What makes it even unnier, is that practically none of these people show any interest in my spiritual growth. Its as if they assume being married automatically guarantees being right with God.

So... is this a Caribbean thing or is the obsession a general christian thing?

 

[Tigger56]

Sounds more like a human thing.

[Neighbor]

1 hour ago, creativemechanic said:

So... is this a Caribbean thing or is the obsession a general christian thing?

 

Don't think it is a general Christian thing. Why there are some men, Christian men, I wouldn't wish for any woman to have to suffer.  

An example comes to mind that indicates to me some do pray for others to find a mate; but I don't think there is that automatic amen moment for such prayer. Least there wasn't the one and only time it was requested.                                                                            

We each sat still without a one of us moving, nor saying anything adding to nor amening  that prayer request by our senior pastor for an elder. It found no agreement. It was the only time I ever felt a room full of nope. No agreement to that one brother. The single elder is a fine Christian, but not one that any of us ever thought was designed by God to become married.  

[walla299]

4 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

So... is this a Caribbean thing or is the obsession a general christian thing?

I'll have a go.

Its more of a human (mostly American) Christian thing in my experience. I get that kind of thing at my church from time to time as a long time single person. Its not as overt as it once was because I've been honest about the fact I'm not looking for a wife any longer. The Lord wants to put that together, that's fine, but I'm not banging my head on that wall any longer. I gently reminded someone of that just last week in fact.

I got the opposite treatment from your list in a few churches I visited in the US off and on over the years when I was in the military or after when I traveled a lot. Sometimes I got treated as a possible threat (by that insecure boyfriend/husband/father) because they thought I might be after their wife/girlfriend/daughter. Sometimes the suspicion was from the mother's side too. Those were one time things because I never visited those churches again. At one point I had a notebook to keep track of places never to go again. Real life can be stranger than fiction, folks.

I didn't get that sort of thing as much when I lived in the UK and Europe, perhaps because I was not a local. Most folks are used to people coming in to work because of their job, then the company moves them somewhere else (in the electronics industry at the time.) There was a bit of maneuvering from time to time from one or two "match maker" ladies but it was not up in your face blatant. Some of it was rather amusing too since it was usually the ladies that were on the hunt. Overall most folks left you alone about matchmaking.

[Aimes]

I have to agree with @walla299 It definitely seems to be an American Christian thing that is overly emphasized in the south. My goodness, the amount of girls who, if they aren't married by age 25, are considered the be "old maids". I'm convinced by now most people I know suspect I'll die an old cat lady since I'm now thirty something and happily single. I know up north and such, it's common for people to wait until they're older to marry but come to the dirty south and you should be hitched by 22. 

I get the "I can't wait for you to get married, did you notice so and so over there...I hear he's single" at least once a week .... It's like, they think you're incomplete if you're not married. I think I'm more complete than half the married folks I know, if not more.  My close friends know I'm not seeking a relationship and backed off for the most part, but even they chime in with the random comments from time to time. I'm not anti- marriage. I'm anti marrying the wrong person and not desperate nor do I have to get married. I'm perfectly happy just as I am. *shrugs* but it seems most people can't understand that. 

[missmuffet]

6 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

 A question., is it a cultural thing endemic to my region (caribbean) or a general christian obsession with Married people striving to  marrying off the singles.

Something i realised after  being a longtime single. While this status doesnt bother me as much as it once did, I'd get no end of amusement (or annoyance) at the efforts of other  (especailly older  married Christians) to "help" me get married (without my consent of course).

Now mind you,  I'm not advocating fornication and if God has provided that person he has for you -wonderful.

 

What I mean is the attempts by Christians to "encourage " you to get married. Its so aggressive, you can tell people dont stop to really think what they are doing, they just NEED to get you married.

Examples: (all I have witnessed or experienced)

1.   Talking about you to people who THEY like for you without you even knowing. (happened to me)
2. Mobbing you , that is when several people gang up on one person to try to "convince" them to give someone theyre not interested in a chance ( saw this happen to a friend)
3.  Repeatedly pestering you to "give someone a chance" despite you repeatedly  expressing disinterest and even they saying negative things about them ( happened to me).
4. Asking you  what you think of  someone WHILE THE PERSON IS RIGHT THERE AND CAN HEAR. (happened to me twice)
5. Trying to set you up with unsaved people  and telling you youll need to encourage them and bring them to church. (Not this was a hard drinking, hard partying woman who may have been bisexual. I WISH I WAS JOKING.
6. Trying to set you up with clearly backslidden christians. (happened to me)
7. A former bible college student once said when he visited conferences upon hearing hes a bible college student, parents would call over their daughters to  introduce them..... despite having just met him and not knowing a thing about his
8. I once confessedvia text to  being lonely (due to having lost alot of friends becasue they left church) without asking . The person didnt even take the time to talk or pray, but rather forwarded the message to the single woman in no 4 (was the same person who asked me what i thought of her) and say it was from me.

 

What makes it even unnier, is that practically none of these people show any interest in my spiritual growth. Its as if they assume being married automatically guarantees being right with God.

So... is this a Caribbean thing or is the obsession a general christian thing?

 

It is more a random thing of who your relatives are and wanting to take control of your life. Of course you can get married if God has put the right person in your life or you can stay single. It is a choice.

[creativemechanic]

49 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

It is more a random thing of who your relatives are and wanting to take control of your life. Of course you can get married if God has put the right person in your life or you can stay single. It is a choice.

Sometime i wonder if those chrostian divorces are actually is partially due to people being pressured into marrying by others and then settling out of frustration.

[Aimes]

5 minutes ago, creativemechanic said:

Sometime i wonder if those chrostian divorces are actually is partially due to people being pressured into marrying by others and then settling out of frustration.

Probably so. 

[Galleon]

The "American dream". A wad of cash, a happy family with a dog, a white picket fence, a classic Ford or Chevy... Part of that is marriage. I would call it a tradition, which has led to many forgetting it's religious roots. That's why you have atheists wanting to marry, and homosexuals, and people who just really love inanimate objects or anime girl body pillows, whatever the case is. It's just one of those things you do, even though one doesn't have to, even in a religious context.

Maybe I just don't socialize much, but I haven't really experienced it. I know my grandma has asked me if I've found a girl yet... Like, once. Then a random woman at a garage sale had a picture of some girl on hand somehow (I can't remember if it was her daughter or granddaughter) that she showed me asking, "Do you think she's cute? Would you be interested?"

I'd imagine it's because I'm not super appealing. Not to beat myself with low self esteem and call myself ugly, mind you. I just don't smile much and I think others get the idea that this here is a closed door. It pretty much is, really, near as I can tell.

[missmuffet]

4 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

Sometime i wonder if those chrostian divorces are actually is partially due to people being pressured into marrying by others and then settling out of frustration.

That is one of many reasons.