Choosing between God and my son

[Guest]

My son and I don't see eye to eye on many things. It seems as though every time we have a discussion, we get into a disagreement, or an argument. My grandson had to have one of his leg's amputated due to bone cancer about two years ago, and since then, my son has been angry with God. He still say's things like "God willing" and when I say something he agrees with, he'll say "Amen". I've tried to reason with him, but I've failed terribly. Last night we got into a heated discussion and I told him that if it came down to choosing between him and Jesus or God, I would go with Jesus or God. It angered him. Now, I think I should have said something like; "Please don't make me choose between you and Jesus or God". Last night I didn't sleep very well and my son, as always, was heavy on my heart. I love him dearly, but he troubles me so. My son is angry because of the things God allows to happen to children and others, and thinks that if God really loved us, he would prevent those bad things from happening. I've tried to explain about our free will, and freedom of choice, but can't get through. Help...

[Tzephanyahu]

Shalom my friend,

1 hour ago, D. Hernandez said:

Last night we got into a heated discussion and I told him that if it came down to choosing between him and Jesus or God, I would go with Jesus or God. It angered him. Now, I think I should have said something like; "Please don't make me choose between you and Jesus or God". Last night I didn't sleep very well and my son, as always, was heavy on my heart.

Difficult.  

First of all, if it offers you any encouragement at all, know that sometimes the harsh words or strong stance we take can have positive effects in another, inadvertently.  Even though we might be in turmoil over the matter after, sometimes it can be exactly what is needed for another.  However, let's assume for argument's sake that the above isn't the case here....

Whilst what you said is true and fair, he has probably taken it as "Jesus is my everything, I care little about you in comparison!".  This is just how the hurt heart can hear things.  Reason and logic thereafter go out the window and the abasement is paramount.  

Therefore, I think the key thing is to open up a dialogue with your son which focuses on "lifting him up" in your life. 

I think if you make it known that you spoke over-zealously and hastily, and that you love him dearly and more than anything, this will go a long way to restore your relationship with him (and his subsequent relationship with God).

As for God, He is smarter and wiser than we can ever comprehend.  He won't be offended in this matter if you do all you can to restore your son's heart to you.  He won't be quick or keen to try and catch you out in your words as you raise up your son's standing in your life before your son.  God surely understands the context of this situation and would surely want you two restored.  

So I'm not saying to move from your position of "loving Jesus more".  But rather explain how much you love your son, before him with kind words, and raise his understanding of importance and impact he has on your life - positively, patiently, peacefully and lovingly - without caving into an argument or harsh words, as he may try to draw that out of you.  This will be because he'll still be in pain and want you to share that, or because he is interested to see if you really mean what you say.  So show him your love but be prepared to exercise patience and be "slapped about" verbally!   Oh, to be a Dad...

As for your son's concern with God, that is another question altogether. I would suggest to leave that debate entirely for now.  First thing's first - restoration. Make the first move to "lift him up and dust him off" with much love, otherwise all subsequent debates will be worthless in his eyes, and endless arguments covering the real one beneath it.

I hope something in that helps you.

May Yahweh bring you two together swiftly

Love & Shalom