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I am in serious need of advice on what to do in regards of my potential girlfriend. A year ago, I was turned away from God, and I had sex with my ex girlfriend in a relationship that had no real love, as it revolved around lust. Now in the present, I’ve found an amazing Christian girl who has been a huge catalyst for my life turning around and me becoming a follower of Jesus. We have developed strong feelings for each other, and even though we currently stand as close friends, we’ve mutually established our feelings and desires to eventually turn it into a relationship. I’m scared to death because I know that it’s only right to let her know about my past sexually. Even though I’ve decided that I now want to save myself for marriage, the fact that I’m no longer pure eats away at me every day and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose her. I really hope she can look past my bad past and accept me for who I am today, because honestly, losing my virginity at 16 to a girl I didn’t even love is easily the biggest regret of my life. I really don’t know what to expect when I let her know about it. Please help me out and pray for me, any advice helps. God bless you all. 

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Shalom friend,

So here is how I have understood your situation - correct me if I'm wrong.

A while back you turned from God and slept with a girl, when you were 16, losing your virginity.  Thereafter, you met a Christian girl who you really like, but you're concerned what she will think about you after you tell her the truth, right?  

I don't think you should be as worried as you are my friend.  Yes, this incident with this other girl is not ideal, but what's done is done.

I think it's important to tell her to start this relationship with a the honour of truth and "visibility".  Otherwise, what you hide today might tempt you to hide something else tomorrow.

As for your new girlfriend, if she cannot accept this matter then she is probably not the one for you.  What I mean is that if she is the type judge you as being "impure" or "unclean" and is unable to forgive your past (which pre-dates her in your life), then it's better to find out this about her character now, rather than later.  For what good will come from your future together if she would judge you so unreasonably?  But if she is understanding, forgiving, loving and kind - basically a good character - then this will be no issue or not a big issue for her.  

Be confident and brave.  Many of us have made many more and severe mistakes than your one.  I include myself in that crowd. Yet, I told my girlfriend (now my wife) up front and she was non-judgemental and just as loving as before I told her - It wasn't as big of an issue for her as it was for me.  

Ask yourself this as well.  If the same thing happened in her life, would you want her to tell you?   And, if she told you (before you told the truth), would you turn her away in disgust and cut her out of your life?   Consider these questions and remember that we should deal with others as we would want to be dealt with.  

Love & Shalom

Edited by Tzephanyahu
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16 hours ago, Godfearinglifeloving619 said:

I am in serious need of advice on what to do in regards of my potential girlfriend. A year ago, I was turned away from God, and I had sex with my ex girlfriend in a relationship that had no real love, as it revolved around lust. Now in the present, I’ve found an amazing Christian girl who has been a huge catalyst for my life turning around and me becoming a follower of Jesus. We have developed strong feelings for each other, and even though we currently stand as close friends, we’ve mutually established our feelings and desires to eventually turn it into a relationship. I’m scared to death because I know that it’s only right to let her know about my past sexually. Even though I’ve decided that I now want to save myself for marriage, the fact that I’m no longer pure eats away at me every day and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose her. I really hope she can look past my bad past and accept me for who I am today, because honestly, losing my virginity at 16 to a girl I didn’t even love is easily the biggest regret of my life. I really don’t know what to expect when I let her know about it. Please help me out and pray for me, any advice helps. God bless you all. 

That is good that you found a Christian girlfriend. I think you need to give all of these concerns to God. You need to ask for forgivness and then you need to forgive yourself for a weak moment you had with your previous girlfriend. Do you really think that you need to tell her about your past? As long as there was not a pregnancy or a STD involved. I would tell her if she asks. If she is not willing to forgive you then maybe she is not as devout Christian as you thought she was. 

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On 1/21/2020 at 10:10 PM, Godfearinglifeloving619 said:

I am in serious need of advice on what to do in regards of my potential girlfriend. A year ago, I was turned away from God, and I had sex with my ex girlfriend in a relationship that had no real love, as it revolved around lust. Now in the present, I’ve found an amazing Christian girl who has been a huge catalyst for my life turning around and me becoming a follower of Jesus. We have developed strong feelings for each other, and even though we currently stand as close friends, we’ve mutually established our feelings and desires to eventually turn it into a relationship. I’m scared to death because I know that it’s only right to let her know about my past sexually. Even though I’ve decided that I now want to save myself for marriage, the fact that I’m no longer pure eats away at me every day and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose her. I really hope she can look past my bad past and accept me for who I am today, because honestly, losing my virginity at 16 to a girl I didn’t even love is easily the biggest regret of my life. I really don’t know what to expect when I let her know about it. Please help me out and pray for me, any advice helps. God bless you all. 

Generally, I'm of the opinion that past failures need to stay in the past.

However, there is a glaring exception to this.  That is if it is going to bother you.  The fact you are here even bringing this up, indicates that it will bother you.  So I would tell her, and likely as soon as possible.

Because here is the worst possible outcome....  you get married, and a year later, she finds out because it is driving you crazy on the inside of your mind.  Then she suddenly can't stand the fact she thought you were sexually pure, and you were not.   She may even feel like you deceived her by not saying.   Then all kinds of pain and suffering follow.

If this is going to bother you, better to tell her now.   Then you can move forward from a clean position.

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On 1/22/2020 at 3:10 AM, Godfearinglifeloving619 said:

I am in serious need of advice on what to do in regards of my potential girlfriend. A year ago, I was turned away from God, and I had sex with my ex girlfriend in a relationship that had no real love, as it revolved around lust. Now in the present, I’ve found an amazing Christian girl who has been a huge catalyst for my life turning around and me becoming a follower of Jesus. We have developed strong feelings for each other, and even though we currently stand as close friends, we’ve mutually established our feelings and desires to eventually turn it into a relationship. I’m scared to death because I know that it’s only right to let her know about my past sexually. Even though I’ve decided that I now want to save myself for marriage, the fact that I’m no longer pure eats away at me every day and I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose her. I really hope she can look past my bad past and accept me for who I am today, because honestly, losing my virginity at 16 to a girl I didn’t even love is easily the biggest regret of my life. I really don’t know what to expect when I let her know about it. Please help me out and pray for me, any advice helps. God bless you all. 

I dont think that matters honestly, if you love her and she loves you, the past in both of your lives does not matter.

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