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How do I resist my flesh??


Guest engagedchick05

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Guest engagedchick05

I am engaged to a wonderful Chrisitan man. We are getting married in Dec 2005. So excited. Also so frustrated. We have put ourselves in quite a mess.. we started having sex in December and now we can't even stop it for a few days to a week. We are both struggling. We want to wait from now until Dec - the wedding night to do it again.... but it seems impossible everytime we say we are going to do that... it's like our flesh knows it and that makes us desire it more. How do I resist my flesh??? I'm like Paul I want to do the right thing, but evil is there with me.. I keep doing the wrong thing when I know it's the wrong thing!!!!

Any advice? Anyone feel the same way???

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Never go anywhere alone together F.Y.I. Bring someone with you when you to are together, that might help you alittle :)

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I am engaged to a wonderful Chrisitan man.  We are getting married in Dec 2005.  So excited.  Also so frustrated.  We have put ourselves in quite a mess..  we started having sex in December and now we can't even stop it for a few days to a week.  We are both struggling.  We want to wait from now until Dec - the wedding night to do it again....  but it seems impossible everytime we say we are going to do that...  it's like our flesh knows it and that makes us desire it more.  How do I resist my flesh???  I'm like Paul I want to do the right thing, but evil is there with me..  I keep doing the wrong thing when I know it's the wrong thing!!!!

Any advice?  Anyone feel the same way???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ummmmmmmm... I'm curious if you were each other's firsts, since you say that you are engaged to a wonderful Christian man. Can you be a Christian and have pre-marital sex? Not a judgement question, but needing to ask, just the same. I was married several years, before I realized that I needed to repent of EVERYTHING in my past. It didn't matter that I married the man I had pre-marital sex with... I had sinned.

If you truly want your flesh to die to this, then I would seek God's Word/face. Ask God for help, before you ask any of us.

Right now, it sounds like you are in lust, instead of in love. Marriage is forever!!!!! Contrary to what the world seems to think. You need to have something between the two of you, besides "heat". I love my husband deeply and we will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in September. I'll save you from doing the math. We were each 22, when we married and he was my first. BUT!!!!!!! I so regret that I didn't wait.

Blessings!

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I second the 'don't be alone together' advice.

Also, our actions start in our thoughts. I like this passage:

2Cor 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:

4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)

5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

I try to jump on any 'bad' thoughts right away, as soon as they pop into my head. Kind of like roping and hogtying that thing! And I find it takes practice too, to pay attention and notice what thoughts are popping into my head.

Certain things such as particular movies, songs, books (romance novels, for example) can trigger off lustful thoughts. Try to pay attention to the things that are triggers for you - and avoid them like the plague.

Hope that's a help.

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If all else fails just go down and get married next week.....

Not the real answer you are looking for, but Paul taught for widows who could not controll themselves to get married..... six months is a long time, so just get married and be done with it.

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Never go anywhere alone together F.Y.I. Bring someone with you when you to are together

That was my first thought to. Good advice.

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I think I've posted something like this elsewhere, but I totally agree with the "don't be alone together" policy! I've been through a lot of what you're talking about (except that that guy was a jerk and we ended up breaking off the engagement *rueful grin*)...Anyway, I now employ the "don't be alone together policy," and this relationship is going great! You don't need to have someone following you around constantly; you can go out for walks alone, and do things in public that still give you enough space to have a good conversation (coffee, picnics, etc). You'd be surprised how much picnic food you can make up for under ten dollars *grin*

The other thing I'd recommend is that you do a Bible study together...either just discussing a chapter or book together, or using an actual devotional (take a look at your local Christian bookstore; there are a bunch of devos for unmarried couples, or you can just do a regular one). My boyfriend and I are discussing Romans, and a couple we're close with is doing "My Utmost for His Highest." The point of doing this is to change the focus of your intimacy from physical intimacy to a spiritual intimacy...We crave intimacy with the people we love! If you just stop doing the physical stuff and don't replace it with something, the abstinence is probably not going to last longer than your first craving for intimacy.

One last thing: get an accountability partner! The best is if you can do a couple's thing with another couple. That "couple we're close with" is our accountability team. The great thing is that we can talk about things all four of us, or just talk girl-to-girl and guy-to-guy.

Blessings, sister!

Edit: hit the "send" button before its time :24:

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I am engaged to a wonderful Chrisitan man.  We are getting married in Dec 2005.  So excited.  Also so frustrated.  We have put ourselves in quite a mess..  we started having sex in December and now we can't even stop it for a few days to a week.  We are both struggling.  We want to wait from now until Dec - the wedding night to do it again....  but it seems impossible everytime we say we are going to do that...  it's like our flesh knows it and that makes us desire it more.  How do I resist my flesh???  I'm like Paul I want to do the right thing, but evil is there with me..  I keep doing the wrong thing when I know it's the wrong thing!!!!

Any advice?  Anyone feel the same way???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I've been struggling with sexual sin for years. I believe that sexual sin is the easiest sin to get addicted to. Just keep on praying! Think of it this way: in months, what you're doing will no longer be sinful. Be patient and continue to develop a relationship with Jesus.

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I can understand that once you have had sex together it is physically difficult to stop. On the other hand, like one of the sisters told you, you have to be very careful if this relationship is the will of God for both of you. Though lust is natural when you are attracted to the partner , it should be practised at its time in marriage. I suggest that you stop seeing each other for a while and both of you pray for enlightenment from God if you care to know what is it that the Lord wants to say about your relationship.

I am doing this at the moment. My Pastor suggested this and in fact my supposed ',worshipper' stopped coming to church cause he does not want to submit to the Pastor . While we were dating he used to tell me he will not have sex but though he knew that I did not want to have even intimacy that can lead to sex and he knew that I would regret it afterwards, still did not control himself. I can not blame him but all this happened cause I was sowing in the flesh and the result is destruction ( James). So I pray that by God's Grace you will stop seeing each other until you know what the Holy Spirit is ministering to you. Remember from the beggining God said that Adam and Eve became one flesh. Flesh can not be separated. So better you be careful whom to marry. God tested Abraham when he asked him to sacrifice his son. He wanted to see who was first in Abraham's life. So check whether your fiance really loves you by him bearing staying away from you and check yourself also. In Revelation the Lord shows us that He expects us to have Him as our First Love. He said in Matthew Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all other things will be added unto you . Remember He is love and all He ask from us is for our own good.

I suggest also that you have a prayer partner and you fast and pray together. Read Isiah chapter 58, God bless u, U can do all things through Christ who strenthens you. (Phillipians) I will keep both of you in my prayers

I am engaged to a wonderful Chrisitan man.
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hey sorry i know how you feel, from my own experience when God tells us not to do somethimg its not to stop us from enjoying ourselves its for our own good, there are just somethings that u cannot know about a guy while you are sleeping with him, it blinds you from seeing who he really is, sex is soooo deceptive, while i was courting my husband and i were very attracted to each other, i would stay d night in his house but we had an understanding no sex! it was tough but u know when we got married on our wedding night it was akward, and we didnt know how to start it, but the story has changed now, we enjoy a happy sex life, what i gained was that with no sex in our relationship, we were able to deal with issues objectively, he has more respect for me and trust, it was like the best wedding gift and we felt free, happy and blessed doing it!

while we courted i learnt the difference btwn lust and love, lust will always come to you even when you are married but you nmust know the difference even being married i find other guys attractive, but i love my husband and sex with another man will be different and horrible becos it is only physical and lustful, my husband and i became like brother and sister while we courted becos with no sex we found things to do together and we still do those things till today and this things will make your marraige work! sex is nothing, you can have sex with anybody! sometimes with work and stress we dont have sex for 2 weeks

also keep this in your mind

1. a man who cant keep himself beofre marraige will not be able to do that after marraige? what happens when you travel ? or you are not in the mood

2. adultery is fornication in marraige!

3. you will get tired of sex and even your husband it's normal, sometimes discipline makes your marraige work you need to build it now

4. marraige is not a joke, it can ruin your life or bless your life please pray hard let God guide you forget sex now

please dont deny yourself this opportunity avoid sex with him ask God to help you fast and pray keep yourself busy, you will thank God afetr you marry

all the best

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