trouble with marriage

[Guest suz]

Since the birth of our son, things have gone really bad between us. We are continiously fighting and my husband has become obsessive with my every move , critising and being very dominant.

About two weeks ago, i felt so down and just logged into a chat room and met this amazing guy. everynight for the last two weeks we have been chatting and sending each other pictures of ourselves. i made him believe that i broke up with my husband . i don't know why i did that, probably because i felt as if the love has gone out of my marriage and i wanted that with somebody. now i am left with guilt everytime i look at him or my son. What kind of a person am i? i am cheating on my husband. really that is what that is. eventhough this guy is in a different country we are starting to get very close. Since he lives in Australia and me in new Zealand, it is practically like the same country anyway.

i don't know how to break it off with this guy as i know that what i am doing is wrong. and i know i have no other option as a christian but to stay with my husband. i am trying to work things out but my husband refuses to seek help. he does not believe that there is anything wrong in our relationship. we never spend time together anymore like we used to and i am not even sure whether i love him or not!

i am feeling more guilty as there has been times i had thoughts that it would be wonderfull if he died because then i could pursue this relationship with this guy even further.

this is a horrible thought and i know that i would not really want that to happen. Deep down i know i still love him, but i really doubt that love.

what do i do with this marriage that seems so loveless? I am truley unhappy at the moment and whish that i could just be with this other guy. horrible i know. how do i get the love back in our relationship and how do i break up with this other guy. just never chat with him anymore? just dissapear from his life? i don't wan't to hurt him as he told me he has never fallen in love before and i think he is falling in love with me. i do not want to scar him for life.

another thing that really bugs me is that i am afraid that god is going to punish me for this horrible sin by not blessing me with another child and making me infertile. this is my biggest fear, because more than anything do i want a sibling for my son.

please help and give me step by step advise on how to get out of this mess.

i think about this guy all day long and the situation i am in toghether with the guilt i carry, i am totally depressed. please help

why would god want me to be in a marriage i don't feel that i want to be in anymore? this whole situation has made me not want to be a christian anymore as life as a non christian seems so much simpler. this guy is not a christian.

[NITE OWL]

I don't mean to offend you but do you really know this internet guy? There's alot of people out there claiming to be someone they're not. Just because he has pictures.....you can get pictures anywhere.

Don't throw your marrage away on a maybe. If it was me, the first thing I would do is tell this individual in the chatroom that I was married. Then I would break off all contact with this individual. I'm telling you from experience, there ain't nothing but bad there. If you think your life is a mess now.....

Pray. God knows what you're going through, He wants to help, but you need to go to Him. Find a quiet place and just talk to Him, He'll listen.

I went through something like this awhile back. What I did was ask God to convict this other person's heart. To open their eyes so they could see what was happening. It worked. It didn't happen overnight, but it worked.

Now more then ever you need to strengthen your bond with Chist. He will get you through this. If you need someone to talk to...you found us. We're open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Anyway, that's about all I got for now. I know it's not alot, but it's a start. And please be careful in those chatrooms. I've used that "I've never been in love before" line myself. ( many many years ago )

I don't do this as much as I should, but tonight you will be in my prayers.

You take it easy...come back and visit.

[HisWordIsSufficient]

Hello dear,

Okay. Stop looking for the Love your not getting from your husband, in worldly ways. Dont look to the world (eg:internet guy) and look to the Lord. He gives an unconditional, true and pure love. Seek God. More than you ever have. You cant change your husband, but the Lord certainly can. You ask for conviction to enter your husbands heart and ask the Lord to help you go forward in your marriage with a clear and wisdom filled heart. The first step is repentance, we cannot drink of the Cup and eat of the bread of life with the wrong heart. With a sinful heart, it will lead to sickness and no results. Repent of cheating (you know your hustband can leave you because you committed adultery, so thats an exception for divorce) repent of lusting after a non Christian, and get that word of God into you. Find scripture on marriage, and the promises God has given us for success in marriage, in life, and remember that his Word is Settled in heaven and if you quote, on DECLARE scripture over your marriage in prayer, God will answer your call. Remember nobody is perfect, we make mistakes, but with by the blood of Jesus we may be forgiven and brought back to righteousness. You get yourself right, pure and true first. Then worry about your husband. Cut it off with this internet guy, say a prayer for him and that is it. Forget it. Work on your marriage. Build up your personal relationship with God, pray and read the Bible, read it and read it and read it. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring you scriptures of promise. But dont forget to repent for your sins first. Then you can patch up your marriage and ask God to work a miracle in your husbands heart. Believe for it and you WILL recieve it. Oh and you were saying non christian lives seem easier??? I dont think so. Imagine a life without Christ? It sounds as though u may have never met him? or youve lost your faith? Worship. Put on some music that lifts up God, glorifires and honours him. Meet God halfway. He will be waiting for you to just reach out and ask "who are you Lord? i love you, but i dont know you. i want to, show me who you are." if youve already done this, then just add "again" to the end of that sentence to regain your faith!

[Mikeyjay]

Seek God and ask Him to help you with you marriage...seek Christian counselling and with this other guy...just don't go back into that chat room...your marriage, however bad is not worth throwing away...this is obviousely a communication break-down...so seek to build it up...just remember if you feel the way you do and you persevere past this stumbling block your relationship will be stronger in the end...with the arguing...my wife and i don't argue and never have...in 4 & 1/2 years we have not have one argument...please do not get me wrong we do disagree...but we walk away and come together when we have had time to think this through clearly and then we have a sivilized discussion about this problem...usually we don't even know why we disagreed in the first place...

This is a ploy of the enemy to bring separation...don't let this little snake of a weasle destroy what God has ordained in your life...remember you not only made a pleadge to your hubby but also to God...

what i recomend you do is sit down and write a list of all the good qualities you have ever seen in your husband...think of all the good things he has ever said and all the wonderful things he has done...then write down a short paragraph of why you fell in love with him...

then ponder on these things only...forget the rest...as Paul says in Philipians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy

[ayin jade]

Suz, if I may. You are concerned about hurting this other man, but the hurt has been done to your husband and that is whose feelings you really should be focused on. In other words, stop talking to this other guy right now. You owe it to your husband to honor the marriage vows. You may think you have fallen out of love with your husband, but please, you can fall back in love with him too. When you make a commitment to your marriage, and stand by it no matter what, you will find that your feelings for your husband will be restored. Please focus on restoring the marriage. If you place the Lord first in your marriage, that will go a long way to helping you.

[Constant]

It is good that you feel quilty. It shows that you love your husband, not this other man. Would you like it if your husband was being shady like you? I am not trying to sound rude, just honest. You should rid of yoour contact with this other man and concentrate on your man.

[Orr v'emet]

Suz, I have seen and experienced what situations like this can do to a marriage and a family. Nothing good can come out of it. There isn't a question of how you should end this relationship. You either end it or you don't. There is no hanging on and there is no 'just being friends' if you both have developed feelings for each other. Both of you have reached a point where you can't go back to being friends. You have to decide between your husband and family or some guy you think you have fallen for. God's desire for you is to stop what you're doing and commit to your husband and family. Have you told your husband how you feel? I mean how desperate you feel? That you are out looking for something that you feel your marriage is missing? It may take you being totally honest with him for him to realize that something in the marriage needs to change. The choice is yours.

[Sisterchick]

This is a ploy of the enemy to bring separation...don't let this little snake of a weasle destroy what God has ordained in your life...remember you not only made a pleadge to your hubby but also to God...

Right on target! --- I find it interesting that pledge is mispelled. Mikeyjay put pleadge. You should plead!

The "feelings" you're having are very common, when a baby comes into the house. There is a jealousy that comes. I have three children, so I do have a little experience. I know that you are tired, but you need to find opportunities to let your husband know that he is still important to you and fall in love with him, again. You had a baby, but you CHOSE your husband. Usually, when a man's behavior changes that suddenly, there is something else going on. Maybe he is stressed with the new responsibilities.

You already know what you should do with the internet guy and if you can't do it on your own, then discontinue your internet. Does he have personal info about you, i.e. where you live, your real name, etc.?

Feelings are just that. Feelings! You want to screw up your whole life for feelings? My husband and I will celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary next month and I bet I've wanted to leave him once every year, over feelings. Life has that way of messing with your mind.

My concern is that you are sharing pictures with this man and finding all kinds of stuff about him, whether they are true or not, in TWO WEEKS!!!!! It sounds like some things were going on before the baby. I hate to think that you were just loose.

I'm sure you have been thinking of some things to do with Mr. So-Wrong. Instead, write your husband some spicy letters. Draw suggestive pictures on the bathroom mirror. Buy a new nightie. Get a baby-sitter. Young lady, you do whatever it takes, with God's help to make this better. Because, that internet shlub could be ten times worse OR he could be a 13 year old boy sending pictures of his dad.

Let God guide you, NOT your feelings.