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So why am I married anyway?


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Guest Collie1

(((mathqueen)))

I am sorry that you are having such a miserable time. Relationships are never easy are they? Especially when we have been hurt so deeply.

I wish I had some easy answers for you, but I don't really, but I will pray for you.

Colleen

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(((mathqueen)))

I am sorry that you are having such a miserable time. Relationships are never easy are they? Especially when we have been hurt so deeply.

I wish I had some easy answers for you, but I don't really, but I will pray for you.

Colleen

Thanks Colleen, I need a lot of prayer and so does my marriage. :24:

mathy

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Guest praze2him
I need someone to help with this constant struggle. Some of you know the troubles I have had to deal with in my marriage, and yes, everything is ok now, but I always feel like my life would be so much better if I were single. Not married to someone else, mind you, just not married period. Do you know that I would be better off financially if I were not married to my husband? Which equals less stress, more control. Perhaps therein lies my problem, the lack of control. Also, I walk my faith all by myself in this relationship as he has no walk with God himself. Things sure look MUCH greener on the other side of the fence right now. For the almost 9 years we have been married, I have spent more time wishing I were not married than being happy that I am. I'm not going to get into the destructive infidelity that occured, some of you know that story already. WHY, I pray God to answer this question for me, AM I MARRIED??? I'm not going to file for divorce, I have accepted this unending state of knowing I would be better off single but accepting my married state. But I don't WANT to feel this way. I want to believe that I am better married than not. But I don't. Any words of wise council would be so mch appreciated.

mathy

Mathy, You have my old life and my heart goes out to you! I was married for 9 years like you and I was never in love with my husband. I married him when I was 22 and he was 24. We have two wonderful boys that I am now raising on my own in another state. I have been in that constant state of depression and it is no fun. I was always a beliver in Christ,but never had a rfelationship with him. That came 2 years after the divorce was final. We never had a good marriage. I tried to "grin and bear it" like you becuse I was raised Catholic and did not believe in divorce. My ex was always going to his mother when he needed advice. For myself, I was dealing with alot of inner demons that made me believe that I could not do any better than my ex. We eventually moved from Michigan to Jersey on a job promo that he received and things finaly came to a head. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do was to tell the truth of how I had felt all those years. I wanted counceling years before, but he declined. After we moved out here, I went a little bonkers and fell away from the Lord. I knew the Lord wanted me to be happy and I was going to get happy, but that was just the enemy fluffing up the pillows for disater. I wanted a chance to be happy and honestly, I wanted my husband to be happy. I actually fell into a life of infidelity myself after I told him I wanted out. He finally left NJ and took the boys that we had together. He brought them back after the summer was over and then left again. Since then I have realized alot about myself. I don't know that if I were saved at that time, that I would have stayed with him or not, but I do know that if we were both saved together, we could have started a whole new life together! Please, talk to a christian counselor before it gets worse. There is nothing worse than being in a loveless marriage. Divorce is really tough. You are just moving from one can of worms to another. If you have children, it is worth trying. Unfortunantly, things always seem to get worse before we realize who to go to for help.you know who I am talking about! Do not except this as your life forever! You need to deal with this and keep dealing with it untill it is resolved. If your husband rejects the idea of going to a christian counselor, than YOU go! And you just keep focused on the Lord and soon your actions will change and believe me, that will move mountains because knowing the lord will get you to say and do things according to his love which is sooooo much bigger than our own!

Your husband will be blown away. Maybe not at first, but later on. Take care and do not give up There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is spelled G.O.D

Love you sister,

Praze

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Do you have children? (was just wondering...)

:24:

No, I am unable to have children. He does have a son from his 1st marriage though. So see, that much easier to leave eh? :-(

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Praze, thanks so much for your words. Counseling is not an obstacle, my husband has always been pro-counseling, and like I said, we have sought that. It's also not a loveless marriage. It is simply a matter of believing I would be better off single, loving marriage or not. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone.... Maybe it's just a matter of too many bad years overtaking the current better ones and the financial aspect that I keep ruminating on. And in case you didn't see (Esther asked the same question), no, we don't have kids.

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Guest R.I.C.K.Y

I may not be as spiritually inclined as most here or even know much about scripture. I do know how it feels to feel stress from both a financial point as well as from a relationship. I love my wife and do appreciate so much shes done but I feel as well that I would be happier living a single life. I dont say that wanting another relationship but say it because of the stress that comes with dealing with our problems which always seem to revolve around money. I guess its a selfishness that I feel. I want to be happy and be able to live without the stress and emotional voids that I feel I have with my wife. I just dont know what to do myself. I'm not happy with her and the decisions she makes but its a tough question and problem to deal with. We're binded and yet not linked!

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Deep down inside....do you want your marriage to last?

And what are your ill feelings you have toward your husband?

Yes, of course I want my marriage to last. No one wants to get divorced (at least I think not, anyway). The ill feelings I have are that he has brought utter destruction to my life, and he is a constant financial drain (I admit that is a slight exaggeration, but only slightly.). I know how horrible that must sound, but finances are a tough topic in any marriage, and I have absolutely no doubt, in fact I know, as I stated earlier, that my financial situation would be so improved without him.

You need to take this before the Lord.

You need to forgive your husband for being a constant financial drain and for the utter destruction that you believe he has brought upon your life.

You stated that God hates divorce...He also hates infidelity.

Infidelity in the flesh is no different then infidelity of the heart.

You need to take your eyes off the money. Because if you don't, it'll never get better...it'll only get worst.

If you truly deep down want your marriage to work, you have to turn it over to God. If you don't, you will be miserable and your marriage will eventually fall apart.

Give your heart and this situation to God and He will work it out.

Open a line of communication between yourself and your husband. You two need to be totally honest with one another. You need to tell him what's bothering you. It doesn't matter how small the issue is....if you don't get it out in the open, it'll only get bigger.

You need to get rid of this resentment toward him before any healing can occur.

I know this sounds like I'm on his side....I'm not. I can't side with either one of you.

I don't know if any of this is what you're looking for...but it's all I got for right now.

You need to forgive him and ask God to forgive you.

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I may not be as spiritually inclined as most here or even know much about scripture. I do know how it feels to feel stress from both a financial point as well as from a relationship. I love my wife and do appreciate so much shes done but I feel as well that I would be happier living a single life. I dont say that wanting another relationship but say it because of the stress that comes with dealing with our problems which always seem to revolve around money. I guess its a selfishness that I feel. I want to be happy and be able to live without the stress and emotional voids that I feel I have with my wife. I just dont know what to do myself. I'm not happy with her and the decisions she makes but its a tough question and problem to deal with. We're binded and yet not linked!

Yes, what you said is a pretty accurate reflection of how I feel, and I think selfishness is a good word for my case. Selfish as it may be though, it's what I am struggling with. As I was sitting here reading over all the responses to my post, I am reminding myself that my life is not about me. It's about Jesus. Tomorrow is the greatest day for us believers, and I do not want anything, current circumstances included, to take away from what my Savior did for me and for all who believe. I would still appreciate any and all words of encouragement/wise counsel that any of you may have. I will continue to check back, so please keep praying and posting.

mathy

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I may not be as spiritually inclined as most here or even know much about scripture. I do know how it feels to feel stress from both a financial point as well as from a relationship. I love my wife and do appreciate so much shes done but I feel as well that I would be happier living a single life. I dont say that wanting another relationship but say it because of the stress that comes with dealing with our problems which always seem to revolve around money. I guess its a selfishness that I feel. I want to be happy and be able to live without the stress and emotional voids that I feel I have with my wife. I just dont know what to do myself. I'm not happy with her and the decisions she makes but its a tough question and problem to deal with. We're binded and yet not linked!

I agree that selfishness is a good word, and I feel that way often. However, knowing the selfishness behind this, it doesn't take away from the validity of the belief I would be better off.

As I was reading over the replies, I reminded myself that my life is not about me, but about Jesus. Tomorrow is the greatest day for us believers, and I do not want to allow my current circumstances/struggles to take away from what my Savior did for me and for all who believe.

I still need your words of encouragement/wise counsel, so if you would please keep those coming it would be so appreciated. I need to go to sleep but will check back in tomorrow. Thanks to all those praying and posting, and Happy Easter!

mathy

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Guest Kay29
Hey hon,

You are right that most people won't touch this one - 'cause it is hard to say anything about it.

I'm not going to pretend that I know anything about this because I've never even had a boyfriend -yet alone been married - so I don't know anything about NOT being single but when I read this I immediately thought of this quote that I read in a blog and I just couldn't get it off my mind. So I figured it might be an important thing to post. The quote is:

"What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"

I don't know if that means anything but I just felt a need to post it.

I'll be praying for you!

:emot-hug:

I agree with Poetically-taken because He wants us to be holy, but to rest in His peace and joy. I think you should look for someone in your church to pray for you and your marriage and ask the Holly Spirit to tell you and guide you to His Perfect Will, and I am sure He will because He loves you more than anyone and also He wants to see you in victory not so unhappy and sad.

God bless you, remember that He will come soon for His church, time is short, He wants our holyness.

Kay29

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