couples that struggle over finances

[jesussaves]

Could some of you share how your marriage relationship grew as your overcame the tendency to fight each other during financial difficulties.

Did you pray together and when your got angry did you practice quick forgivness, not going to bed angry, defeating the enemy of your souls with love?

Please share.

[Trusting Jesus]

I think it is different for every couple. My husband and I don't argue over anything very often, but finances are always a problem. When our marriage was young I took care of paying the bills and he just couldl not figure out why we never had any money. So, I gave him the bills and the checkbook and said "You figure it out". That made a big difference. I'm not much of a money-spender, but my husband likes to buy things. After all these years he has come to not spend as much and I have learned that sometimes you need to buy something just for fun. In the beginning of our marriage my husband wasn't a Christian, but since he has received Christ and has studied his Bible he knows that everything belongs to God anyway. So, He's first.

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Nathele

[stacey c]

Wow this subject reaaly, really hits home right now!!!!!! My husband is several years younger than me. I had 6 kids when we met, our baby makes 7. Our finances are totally in the toilet right now, and he is feeling the pressure big time. Stress levels are at an all time high, I've actually been so physically sick the last couple of weeks I must of lost at least 15lb. He was ready to leave us on a couple of occasions recently. We have gone to bed angry with each other, he has also left the house all night furious with me. So although I can give no advise right now I would love to recieve from W.B. also. HELP!!!!!!

[zaidenmom]

I would also love to see some wisdom in this area. i would love to be the on able to give wisdom in this situation, but for now I am not wise in this area. Axiously awaiting some good suggestions.

And I will pray for your situations regarding finances.

zaidenmom

[odditblue]

Get over it?

I didn't think that was possible....

We still have our struggles every now and then...

but not like they used to be.

I think the biggest change came when I finally understood it was a big trust issue with me.

So I sat down like a real adult, told my husband I had trust issues, but that I was going to pray about it, and turn it over to God, and I would trust him as the leader of our household.

And talk about worry!!!

Oh how I struggled internally with the letting go.

But, we've been doing great financially.

Getting those old bad areas paid up and off our records...

And slowly but surely, we've come back out of the hole and closer to being totally out of debt.

Of course, the upcoming daughter's wedding is a bit of a stall...

but we helped them come up with some good ideas for saving what little we can without cheaping out...

And God has helped me to learn to trust my husband and trust that He can lead him even through the murky waters of finances.

It's one of those learning things for me.

I'm still learning.

Probably a long process.

But it's getting better every day.

[broken2live4him]

my hubby and i came up with a plan that works for both of us... and Thank God because it was once the bone of contention.

both of our accounts are joint accounts; however, he operates from the main account, and I operate from the other.

I have to do the shopping for the home and he takes care of all the bills, etc, but we work together. Money is designated for each expense, and we have a budget that we stick to without moving from that budget. Our tithes are the first thing we put aside, and everything else gets paid once we set aside our tithes. This worked for us. Our credit card debt was fully paid off two years ago, my school loans were finished being paid off 5 years ago, and we have one credit card which is designated only for emergencies, other than that the credit card remains unused. Keeps a smile on our face, and we are only dealing with the regular monthly expenses and household shopping. Also we keep track of our finances on the computer program "Quicken." Each of us keeps each other accountable because we both check the tracking regularly. And we still are able to have fun like going out on dates because we have some money set aside. We don't use all the set aside money, but we make sure that we are able to have money set aside for savings as well as our dates.

Make sure God has top priority when it comes to your finances. He will give you the wisdom you both need to handle the finances properly that you may both be good stewards.

[wallflowr]

I agree with trusting. Circumstances are different in each case and so are the couples. The most important thing is to put Christ a the head of your finances from the get go. My hubby and I never fight over money. for 3 mo neither one of us were working. Well it was 3 for me and two for him.

He had tendancies to fret, but I had to keep telling him not to worry so much because God will take care of everthing. He did. Just before we were to get all our utilities cut, loose our lot for lack of rent etc we were saved by being called back to working. I do day care in my home and he does piece work. In less than a week we were able to get things caught up enough to keep from loosing all.

He no longer questions whether God is in charge......He is not an actual Christian.

[Guest LadyC]

i'm really not sure why this is limited to financial struggles. it seems that the same lessons can be learned from any type of struggle. we've had our share of financial difficulty from time to time, but we rarely take out our frustrations over that on each other. however, other issues have been very difficult to overcome, so my advice is really coming from those other issues, if that's ok.

the hardest thing i've had to learn is to leave it in God's hands. my husband rarely prays, with or without me... so when things are crumbling all around us, we don't have a spiritually united front to hold us together. but i've learned the hard way (and it has taken several years, and i often need a refresher course) that if i commit it all to God, and i focus on behaving in a way that glorifies Him, those rogue waves don't seem to toss us about so much.

and a very large part of that is in controlling my tongue. ironically, our sermon this morning was on just that topic... taming the tongue. one of the earmarks of spiritual maturity is your ability to keep your mouth shut when you need to. (funny thing, i've gotten fairly accomplished at that in my marriage, but still need some practice it when it comes to these forums!... ok, not really so funny, but very true.)

in a marriage, the husband is supposed to be the head of the household. well, sometimes the brain cells in the head aren't fully engaged... but that doesn't exempt me from my duty to be submissive, and to treat my husband with respect. it's hard to be submissive and respectful when the husband isn't exercising his authority properly. but it's not MY job to correct Him. that's God's job. and when i try to be the voice of God, i end up making matters far worse.

but when i keep my own mouth shut (until i'm out of his earshot and can take it up directly with God), i am able to keep my cool better... and that means my husband is feeling respected. and when he feels respected, he is far more willing to acknowledge his own mistakes and take corrective action.

and on those occasions when he doesn't ever recognize it, our marriage is still more peaceful because i'm letting God remain in control.

that is a lesson that can apply to any marital discord.

[MorningGlory]

Could some of you share how your marriage relationship grew as your overcame the tendency to fight each other during financial difficulties.

Did you pray together and when your got angry did you practice quick forgivness, not going to bed angry, defeating the enemy of your souls with love?

Please share.

Well as far as finances are concerned it was not until my wife and I became one in them that arguements ceased. What I mean by one is not having a joint account we had that already. What we began to do was every week sit down with our reciepts (for that week sunday to saturday) input in in quicken, and match that to our register. Using quicken has been a plus because we get to see where our money is going. Though I must admit we still have to do much better in our spending, I thank God that now we both know what we have in the bank, and decisions are together on much of the spending. Mind you my wife is a stay at home mom/student, so I am the only one working. Also, (though I have been slacking) is praying that God maintains you in this area.

Absolutely, ruck. Finances are one thing that can tear a marriage apart; I credit my divorce to exactly that. All of you who are married take heed and trust the Lord to show you the way. Blowing a marriage over money is something one will regret for a long time.

[irishcowboy]

Could some of you share how your marriage relationship grew as your overcame the tendency to fight each other during financial difficulties.

Did you pray together and when your got angry did you practice quick forgivness, not going to bed angry, defeating the enemy of your souls with love?

Please share.

what Teresa and me have found, is when we TITHE, we have no difficulties...... when we are walking in the Spirit, we have no difficulties making ends meet..... this does not mean we do not fall under attack, just that we are able to withstand the attacks and we grow stronger....

a young man we know, is having all sorts of difficulties, to the point of giving up..... he was really strong in the Lord, and then he started slacking, and that started to snowball, now he is not even going to church..... use to spend his free time in the Word and on the street witnessing, now sleeps... was working a good job, now not working and is sleeping.....

forgiveness? yea, that is another area that we tend to overlook.....

Forgive Me of my trespasses AS I forgive others..... the operative word AS... saying if i do not forgive others, I am not going to be forgiven....

if I do not forgive Teresa of something that offends me, why should the Lord forgive me? and by doing so, I am removing His Hand from me.......

the statistics show that it is about 50% of first time marriages fail.... in and out of the church.......

the statistics also show that the ratio changes drastically for those that pray for their spouse OUT LOUD every day, down to 1 out of 1000, thats right, one out of a thousand.......

so it is very beneficial to pray for your spouse OUT LOUD each and every day.....

we have also learned how to decrease our spending. our income has dropped to less then half of what it was 5 years ago, from two incomes to one income, from self employed to employed by another, from setting my schedule to following anothers schedule, and also having Teresa go to school full time....from having one house to having ten houses in 5 years time, from having no direction in ministry, to serving others out of pocket..... this is not of our doing, this would not be possible with us doing it all on our own..... it is God that has provided....

We do not (as you put it) go to bed angry.....

it is ok to get angry about an issue, but then it is time to put it to rest. if a person stays angry, it builds, and will actually grow into bitterness... once bitterness takes root, it starts growing, and finds fault in just about everything that goes on, and actually turns into a type of cancer that eats away at your marriage. forgiveness is a wonderful thing that is needed in all relationships.....

mike