Biscuit

Thank you all for your prayers and great advice. Blessings.

My heart is hard and I can't even seem to cry. Life events I guess. Besides praying to God, what can I do so that my heart will be tender again? I sometimes want to pray fervently, which is difficult when you can't shed a tear. My son and I are supposed to be going to a counselor soon, but is almost 3 weeks away. He seems to have a hard heart also. Was wondering if anyone has gone thru this or has any advice.

Thank you, Lance. Good advice.

Thank you, Monarchy for the encouraging words. I woke up so discouraged today & feeling in a rut and just hoping there willl be a change or a breakthru at some point. God bless.

Gary, I appreciate the offer and I may call you later if things start getting worse. I'm doing fair right now. I should have trusted in God thru all this but my doctor noticed I was depressed and had lost 35 to 40 pounds so he gave me some nerve pills. I had been laying on the couch sleeping most of the day and I could tell it was starting to affect my son. My wife had this spirit of fear when she died. So I took some clonazepam today and we got out and did a few things in town. I was actually holding up good till this week with my worship and praising. Like I said, I felt like something just left me and all I could do was fix my son some food in the morning and then lay on the couch most of the day. I try to sleep a couple of hours till about 1am, then listen to my audio Bible till 3am (since I will get woken up anyway), and then sleep fair off and on till 8 or 9 or so. May I ask if you have been baptised in the Holy Spirit or speak in tongues? I really want to hear God's voice and know His will for me. He does speak to me thru scripture sometimes but not the same. He has talked to me thru prophecy before. Do you feel that this spirit of fear was a "thorn in the side" experience? God has dealt with me regarding pride and I know He wants it gone. Thanks for the comforting words. .... James James, I have never spoke in tongues. I don't exactly understand what is meant by being baptized in the spirit when someone refers to it but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt when the Spirit of God is upon me and filling my vessel full of his very presence. It is more amazing than anything I have ever experienced and something I crave continuously everyday since having experienced it. My comforter who is really good at his job. He is with me as I type these words unto you. I cherish his presence with me. I don't know if I would classify it as a thorn in the side experience but it does sound like severe chastening from God though. The thorn in the side is not chastening but more of an aid to help one to keep from becoming lifted up in pride due to possessing excessive amounts of revelation as Paul had. I consistently want to encourage you to ask God to fill you with his spirit as it is the Spirit of God who is the comforter and comfort is something you desperately need right now. Search your heart for all manner of sin and confess that which you find and turn away from it. Always remember that it isn't necessarily something that is a direct result of your sin as Satan can simply falsely accuse you before God as he did Job. Something untested is unknown. Do as Fez, Leonard and Mike all suggested and continue in the word and try not to be the one punishing yourself. Even King David encouraged himself with that which he knew about God. Saturate your mind with things you know about God such as affirmations like "God delivered the whole nation of Israel from bondage in Egypt, he can certainly deliver me from this". Think on what God has already done for you, like that which he once did for your son as you shared. I like to remember the day that God moved people to place a certain book in a certain place so that it would be the perfect answer to a certain prayer that I made just so I would understand how much he cared about the smallest details in my life. We serve a big God. I wouldn't necessarily suggest that you wait until it gets worse to call me or anyone else for that matter but calling and talking to brothers in Christ is an amazing way to be lifted up out of a funk like your in. Consider the words of Solomon.... Ecc 4:9-10 ¶ Two [are] better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him [that is] alone when he falleth; for [he hath] not another to help him up. I'm here for you...will PM my number for your consideration that you might have it to call out for encouragement. Gary Gary, Thank you. Got your number. I definitely may call you....not sure when is a good time. I am in central time zone. Right now, I get a little nervous on the phone and still haven't talked to my brother who is in another state, but I do text him. I spoke to my sister recently but took a nerve pill first....that probably sounds a little weird. I thank you for your concern and good advice. I always thought that baptism of the Holy Spirit (with evidence of tongues) was a gift beyond the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Some people claim that you must speak in tongues as evidence of salvation, but I do not know about this. The church I go to seems to operate in full gifts but do not abuse gifts. It is not uncommon for there to be a "tongue" spoken and the pastor is usually the one who provides the interpretation. I feel that God has talked to me at least a few times in my life thru this interpretation. He has also talked to me thru quickening of the Word in my spirit as I read and waking up to certain passages on my audio Bible. I do not hear an "inner voice" or inner prompting as some Christians do. Yes, definitely a severe chastening. God got my attention. I am feeling a little more peace lately and am trying more to trust Him, rather than fixing things myself as I usually try to do (pride, rebellion). I am trying to get less "panicky" .... I think my son and I have gone forth for prayer almost every service since this all started. I am trying to lean more on the Lord and be more patient.

Good point. When my wife was baptised in the Holy Spirit, she spoke in tongues. I remember her praying in tongues and laying hands on my son who was very sick at the time (skins and bones....food allergies and such). He later started to eat everything in sight and is now a big strapping boy. Satan came to her and she doubted what she had received, that it might be a counterfeit. It went downhill from there. As an immature Christian, I was not much help to her (and I was not the spiritual leader I should have been). She came out of Church of Christ and I was Baptist. She passed away in August. Someone spoke to my family years ago in a church and said they saw my family being destroyed. I hope not. I now have this spirit of fear and my son is having headaches and dizziness. Please keep us in your prayers.

Gary, I appreciate the offer and I may call you later if things start getting worse. I'm doing fair right now. I should have trusted in God thru all this but my doctor noticed I was depressed and had lost 35 to 40 pounds so he gave me some nerve pills. I had been laying on the couch sleeping most of the day and I could tell it was starting to affect my son. My wife had this spirit of fear when she died. So I took some clonazepam today and we got out and did a few things in town. I was actually holding up good till this week with my worship and praising. Like I said, I felt like something just left me and all I could do was fix my son some food in the morning and then lay on the couch most of the day. I try to sleep a couple of hours till about 1am, then listen to my audio Bible till 3am (since I will get woken up anyway), and then sleep fair off and on till 8 or 9 or so. May I ask if you have been baptised in the Holy Spirit or speak in tongues? I really want to hear God's voice and know His will for me. He does speak to me thru scripture sometimes but not the same. He has talked to me thru prophecy before. Do you feel that this spirit of fear was a "thorn in the side" experience? God has dealt with me regarding pride and I know He wants it gone. Thanks for the comforting words. .... James

Sounds strangely familiar to my own experience 2 years ago. Take these words to heart: Rom 5:1 ¶ Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: Rom 5:2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Rom 5:3 And not only [so], but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; Rom 5:4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope: Rom 5:5 And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Rom 5:6 ¶ For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. Don't stop crying out for deliverance from this and my experience tells me that God will deliver you. I actually spent some time crying out with strong crying and tears unto the one who was able to save me from death and believe that I was heard in that I feared, which was followed by restoration of my spirit and the removal of the spirit of fear that was placed upon me that woke me up regularly with all kinds of craziness. praying for you. Gary Gary, was it long before you were delivered? So just keep crying out for deliverance? I can't cry anymore, but I did cry fervently when this thing first came on me. How was your spirit restored?

Thanks so much for the advice. I still question whether receipt of "the word" is a one time event. Consequences are listed in the wheat/tares scripture. I don't see where another opportunity is given. Is "the word" the gospel of Christ in this passage? If so, it can only be received once.

I feel I was recently chastened and I received a spirit of fear. I did not fully understand what was happening. I think I also received "the word" (wheat and tares parable). I felt close to God for weeks, but was worrying about some cares of the world and allowed "the word" to be choked out. Looking back, I know I should have ignored the world while this was going on and should have been reading my Bible when I was awakened at night (rather than trying to go back to sleep). I see this now. I feel "carnal" again. It is my understanding that you need to "keep the word" and that this is the time that the Holy Spirit renews you. I assume that receiving the word is a one time shot. Is there any recourse now or am I doomed to Hell. I can't imagine walking this earth as a zombie with a spirit of fear (waking me up multiple times each night) simply waiting for death and Hell. How long can my body hold up? Any advice or prayers would be appreciated.

Thank you, Love Songs. I do not hear the voice of the Holy Spirit and have never been "baptised" in the Spirit. Is it possible the Holy Spirit was indwelling in me and has now left?

After walking in the Spirit for weeks after God began working in me, I feel like I am getting back into a carnal or a worldly mindset. Is there any way to walk in the Spirit consistently?

I feel that I was recently chastened by the Lord (loss of mother, wife, job within a few months). I could and should have treated my wife much better. She was ill and I think we just grew sort of "calloused" to it as the years went by. The "spirit" that was in her insulted by son and I repeatedly. I think she had a spirit of fear and I was supposed to love her more in order for God to free her of this. I think that God allowed the enemy to bring dreams to me and my son that sort of panicked me and gave me a "spirit of fear" recently. I still have trouble sleeping at night. Thorn in the side? I started changing after all of this and seem to sin little (sanctification?) but see now that it would be easy to get back into old patterns. I am trying to figure out what I am doing wrong now. My Dad was a very prideful man and I think this was passed on to me. I have asked God to take pride away from me. I made a list of all sins I could ever think of and asked forgiveness. I forgave everyone that I could think of. I can't hear the voice of the Holy Spirit and have not received baptism of the Holy Spirit. While I have been listening to the Bible, trying to pray, trying to praise, I just feel that there is nothing good in me and no motivation. My heart is hard and my conscience may be seared. I no longer seem to be able to cry or pray fervently. I sometimes have sort of blasphemous thoughts. I do not know if these come from the enemy or from myself (maybe I despise the chastening). I know the Bible says that God chastens us because He loves us and that we should not despise chastening. And maybe I still have the pride. My son used to be very close to God and is now far from God with little desire to change. I question the future and if this is a lost cause. Any advice?

Thanks, @Joyful.. Yes, but will try that again. Thank you for your prayers.

Thanks everyone for the great advice. Good stuff, Gary. I too am being "drawn" away from sin and want no part of it. Thanks. James

How does a Christian control unwanted thoughts (sometimes evil thoughts)? Is this part of a process (i.e. sanctification)? I know we are to resist the devil and are told to "capture" every thought. Do these thoughts come from self or the enemy? I do not hear the "voice" of the Holy Spirit. I recall scripture in Hebrews, for instance, that tells us to purify our hearts. How is that done? I feel God has been working in my life, possibly with chastening which will hopefully lead to sanctification. I am unemployed now, so I stay at home and focus on good things and the Word. I have sinned in the past, but very little now with the exception of thoughts that I would like to eliminate. Thank you.

Can someone please tell me your definition of a seared conscience and also blasphemy against the Holy Spirit? I assume that a person goes to Hell with either. Thank you.

I thank all of you for your advice and for your encouragement. I see now that I believed lies from the enemy. I had a terrible night this past Saturday night. Our electricity went off twice for no reason, I felt tormented in my mind, and could only sleep 2 or 3 hours. I noticed it was a full moon that night....not sure if that is significant. I sought the Lord with everything I had last week. I went to church Sunday morning and was down and out. God communicated with me at this service and let me know that He will help me thru this (to give Him my burdens and to lean on Him and His Word and He will help me). I was very encouraged and hope was restored. I was able to sleep 7 hours or so that night and have had a lot more peace. He is a good God. I am staying immersed in Christian radio (preaching), praise music, the Word. I pray that God will tear down the strongholds and do a transformation in my life. I would guess that these "night terrors" is what Hell is like......constant torment of the mind, hopelessness, despair, anguish, fear, darkness. I can't imagine an eternity of that. I thank Him that He is giving me an opportunity to turn my life around, with His help.

I would like to add that I never read the Bible or prayed as much as I should......I did not make/take the time. That is definitely changing. Ephesians 6 makes so much more sense to me now.

Nebula, sorry for the delay but I have been going thru some things. You are absolutely right. Tah, thank you for your words of wisdom. I agree. I fell into the trap and believed the lies of the enemy. I am a "noob" and was able to discern God's words from those of the enemy. Something physical has come upon me....burning skin, heart palpitations, severe ear ringing, "night terrors", panic attacks, hard to sleep......a spirit of fear. Fear hath torment. I allowed the negative thoughts to take root. This is very similar to how my wife's problems started and she had to endure it for 10 years. It says a lot about the state of my heart in that I was not more sympathetic to her. I am at peace with this right now. I think God will use it to bring me to a new level and to allow me to discern His voice from that of the enemy. With His strength, I will defeat this. Something odd has been happening recently. While I am not sinless, I sin so much less lately. I went forward to an altar call 2 or 3 weeks ago and while i was at the altar, there was a tongue/interpretation. It went something about the devices of the enemy and I will give you power and strength to defeat the enemy. Thank you for your comforting words of wisdom. I will try to keep you informed. To anyone who may be going thru this, I found these sites to have some useful information and to see what others have gone thru: www.season.org

I appreciate everyone's kind words and attempt to comfort me. I hope you are right. Please keep me and my son in your prayers. We have a lot going on right now. Thank you.

Nebula, I don't feel I would turn my back on my son for anything. I think God gave me an opportunity on Sunday to be "delivered" and I did not go forward for prayer. The Spirit was really moving which rarely happens at that church. I don't understand these odd dreams that both me and my son have had recently. I know that God did just get "fed up" with people in the Old Testament. He is the same God (or Godhead) as the New Testament. He is a God of love to some and a God of wrath to others. Paul to Corinthians -- 1 Corinthians 4:21 What do you desire? Shall I come to you with a rod, or with love and a spirit of gentleness? My wife suffered greatly. I think she had a spirit of fear. She went thru hell on earth for the last 10 years. I put the prophecy that was spoken to her 10 years ago on here, but it was removed I think. It was something like "I will set you free and your family will rejoice. I'm not gonna have you suffer under someone else's arrogance and disobedience." I always thought she would be set free on earth, after I got better about loving her. The next day, another prophecy was spoken to me which included "Pour out your love on your family". (Perfect love cast out fear) I thought I was getting better and thought I had done this. In retrospect, I feel that God gave me clarity and removed scales from my eyes and I see a hundred things I should have done differently in the way I treated my wife. When my job played out a few years ago, I moved an hour from her and my son to a new job and thought they would move here when I found a home. It never happened even though we would see each other and even spend nights together. Maybe I was too hard to live with. I now feel that I abandoned her and my son. I paid their bills, cut the grass, sometimes brought them groceries, etc. But she went thru torment and my son went thru a lot by staying with her. I think God will show me the same mercy that I showed to others. I feel He is done with me. I now take God very seriously, but feel it is too late. I have prayed for mercy, grace, deliverance, love. but these recent dreams/events trouble me. I feel there is little hope for me.

Is it possible that my dream in post #1 came from the enemy ?? My son just told me that he had a dream last night that I had died. I am trying to get my will in order and take out some life insurance. I feel that something is going to happen and I don't understand since I have repented & feel I have humbled myself & sincerely want to change for the better.

JeannieC, thank you for the kind words and I hope you are right. LisaMarie, yes I have asked for forgiveness and very much spilled it. My Mom passed away in June, my wife passed away last month, and I just lost my job. I feel something else bad is going to happen (to me or my son). I had posted about my wife on here since 2003 about the time she got sick. I completely misinterpreted a prophecy that someone spoke to her when we began going to "pentecostal" type churches. Long story. God then told me to pour out my love on my family. In retrospect, I feel that I did not do that, at least enough. Again, long story. I have asked forgiveness. I am really trying to change but fear God may be done with me.

I see what you are saying, Nebula, but I am concerned that God called me forward for a miracle and I disobeyed Him & He may not offer it again, since I have been disobedient in the past. There are instances in the Bible where God gave people several chances and then just gave up on them (i.e. Saul). I am so hard hearted but have been trying and thought I was making progress. The church has not taught me anything strange since we have not gone there that long. I guess any odd beliefs are my own.