Darian86
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Posts posted by Darian86
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This board is really amazing. Lots of things make a lot of sense while some still sting me. But I really appreciate all of your responses.
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Hello, Saints
I really don't mean to be a negative person on the board. Apart from my first topic created, I really tried to seek Heaven and drawing close to God. I wish my walk with Him was a lot easier than what it has always been. Feeling worthless has always been a constant struggle. In 2011 I started questioning God's love for women. The bible is a terrifying book to read. And I'm not the only one becuase many women feel the way I do. I have sought for answers, but no matter how much I pray, or how many sermons I listen to, or how much I read the bible, I will always believe God loves men more, and I will ALWAYS feel this way until I am in front of His face on my knees. I just can't escape this mindset as once again, I've been battling this since 2011.
Please help me with these points I provided at the bottom, and tell me there isn't a horrific and frightening pattern in terms of the worth of a woman.
1. God made man first. Eve was the last, and the very last creation I suppose. I'm not sure why they couldn't be created together.
2. Adam was given some really impressive roles over the planet. He got to name all the animals, but worse, he got to name Eve. She had no sense of independence or couldn't even name herself. They say male and female are equal, yet Adam named her. When you name something, that's usually a sense of ownership. Adam was to be leader of the planet. What about Eve? Well...help him or be a helpmate, whatever you call it. She just seems like a minor addition to the main piece that God had already ordained to be his greatest creation. He barely gave her much of an assignment. God created for her ADAM, like some treat wrapped up with a pretty pink bow. So, he was already given so much, and got something more. What did Eve get in return? I don't really see any type of incentive or advantage she was able to get out of any of it. Honestly, I feel sorry for her.
3. When Eve sinned, God confronted Adam. So, it's like no matter what she says or does, it's insignificant, becuase what really mattered was what Adam was supposed to do. Why didn't God confront Eve? It's like she was a some child that couldn't answer for herself.
4. Women are physically weaker. Well, thanks. If a man chooses to do something terrible to a woman, she barely has a chance against him. I have a neighbor who was coming on to me a few months ago; kept hugging me in a ways as if we were close family. I kept rejecting his hugs and tried to create space, but he ended up hugging me three times. He was really big. My head was right at his chest. His arms felt like logs. If he decided he wanted to hurt me, I knew I had no chance.
5. A woman's worth in the bible always seemed to be finding a husband. If she couldn't, she ran the risk of being poor. Oh, don't forget, she had to be a virgin, or her value was below dirt. Men could go around having as much sex and as many baby machines and wives as they wanted, yet so much pressure was on the woman being pure, obedient, and totally dismissing having to compete against other wives of her own husband. Having a son was of higher emphasis and worth. Daughters were rarely praised, known to be loved, or desired. Take for instance Jacob's daughter was raped by the king. Jacob barely expressed any concern. But anyway, women always prayed to God to give her a son. Son this. Son that. Son North, south, east, and west.
6. Mostly male genealogies were listed in the bible. Some women were rarely mentioned.
7. God paid way more attention to men, creating many to be biblical heroes for the whole span humanity to come to know and admire = Abraham, Noah, Moses, Samuel, David, and etc. Ruth only had a couple of paragraphs, yet Moses had what...maybe three whole books? And even when Ruth was mentioned, once again, her value or mission was all about having a man owning her, or at least that was what her depressed mother-in-law wanted.
8. God is known as 'He' and 'Father'. If God really is neither male nor female, why is He choosing to side or favor the male? I mean, He created two genders and it's obvious He has favored one.
9. Jesus is male as well, our one and only savior of the entire universe; the only important man that ever lived.
10. All of the disciples were male, or at least the main ones. Jesus didn't reach out to even one female? Just all male?
11. We have to submit to a man. Why? Why are we regarding our husbands as if they are lords or some God? If they are just as human as me, what makes them more important to be over me? I can understand the workforce in having leaders and bosses, but if it's your own home where you're supposed to feel comfortable and safe, why do i have to become powerless and lower myself to obey him? What is he leading me to or what for? Are women too stupid to do anything on their own? It just seems like women are to 'shut up', obey, change diapers, and look pretty.
Listen, I do not in any way to come across as having an attitude, and whining. If you're a man and reading this, you have to at least consider what it must be like picking up the bible as a woman and just being horrified of the things in there. It's asking a lot to have a woman submit to you. To you, it's nothing, but to a woman, it's way different. I have had some severe self-worth and esteem issue over the years with being a woman. Lately, I've thought about what it would be like to have a husband, and while sometimes it seems nice, most of the time, I can't deal with it. I'm not the marriage type. If I marry, I will resent him and his place as a leader. I WISH there was a way to truly understand everything. I'm just so scared to flip those papers of he bible and read something concerning my gender.
Who can help with this?
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I remember being on the 'wrong side of Youtube' as they call it. It was years ago when I stumbled upon a video of somebody infiltrating an animal-testing lab. The 'scientists' were unaware that they were being filmed. I saw a frightened beagle being mistreated, and then the next scene showed something to where I can't even speak it, nor forget about what I saw to this day. I've had dogs for over a decade and can't imagine something like that happening to them. Someone that replied to you suggested that you are like Christ if you have empathy. That's great, and I agree, but you can only imagine how God feels about the same things you have empathy for. The only difference is that He's better able to handle his emotions than we can.
It haunts me, and I'm not sure why it's coming back now all of the sudden, but as they say, Jesus said to cast all burdens on him. I'm starting to pray about it and can slightly feel a difference. I read verses to myself because they say words hold power. What you speak orbits around you. So, I feel like once I say the verses, that's what Imagine they are doing around me, and it helps me grow and have a firmer sense of armor over my emotions.
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25 minutes ago, MorningGlory said:
I do believe you, Darian, but the point of my response was to point out that times have changed. Yes, there IS still racism but that doesn't define YOU and what you can make of your life. Jews have been persecuted more than any other ethnic group but it hasn't stopped them from going forward, has it?
Thank you for responding. Racism should not define me, yes, but it defines my experience or my rights. It's easier said then done to forget about the haters. I've tried not to let it define me my whole life, but there comes a time where I'm tired of fighting the N word, or tired of fighting that I'm ugly, or tired of fighting extra hard. After a long period of time these things start to make you go crazy the more you encounter them. I'm less likely to be approved for a loan because of my skin color. I'm less likely to be taken seriously because of my skin color. I'm less likely to be treated the same because of my skin color. I'm less likely to receive justice in court if someone does m wrong. I'm less likely to be welcomed in a certain neighborhood because of my skin color. I may stopped numerous times by the police for my skin color. I have to work twice as hard compared to a white person or any person just to make it halfway. Are Jews having these problems today, because last I checked they aren't treated like I am or like my father and sister? People can claim the world hates them, but they seem to have some supernatural protection where no one can touch them. Definitely not the same for black people. I hate being compared to the Jews because our problems are not like theirs, or theirs not like ours, and we're a different people. We can't act or react like them. That's almost like telling a victim who suffered the same or near-same crime you suffered, but telling them you didn't let it affect you; so why aren't they acting the same as you?
I feel like nobody is hearing me when I say these things, like I'm voiceless and it's all just in my head, or making the problem bigger than it is. The stuff happening on TV with social media, or agendas and propagandas going on, I feel like we are very much going back to the 60s and that stresses me. I don't like to be compared to the Jews, because even when they have been persecuted they are still a lot higher in preference over any black person any day. As I've said, we are at the bottom of the barrel in every aspect.
To everyone that has responded so far, thank you for at least trying, but I don't think anything is going to work. This is just too much of a huge problem that not a few words or paragraphs would fix. I tried though. This is physcially and mentally exhausting. Thank you.
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38 minutes ago, MorningGlory said:
And, as for slavery, that was not you or anyone alive today. My own people were once serfs (slaves) of the British Crown and I guarantee I don't worry about it.
MorningGlory, thank you for taking the time to read my question. What kind of stung me was this response. My history may not be the same as yours and you may not fully understand how it affects me or my race today. But just becuase I personally wasn't invovled in that time era, doesn't mean that makes it less important or that 'that was then, this is now' (which I'm not accusing you of anything). When I look at the lines in my hands, I see my ancestors. I AM my ancestors and I care for them even if I didn't know them or aren't alive today.
As I've stated, traces of it really do lurk. After they were freed, that still didn't make it any better for the slaves because they were banned to work at certain places. Then you had the civil rights which was in my parents' time, and then we're still trying to get out of oppression. For example, my grandmother had to march in the streets to protest for rights. This is my DAD's mother. Very close. My grandmother was also raped by a white man but they chased her out of town when she tried to get justice for it. This is my DAD's mother. Not very long ago at all. I have a woman on my mom's side who never knew her age becuase she wasn't considered human to have a birth certificate. My dad was stopped and repeatedly asked by a cop if he had a gun in the car, when clearly, my dad answered 'No' every single time. This wasn't long ago. This was right within my living family. This is why there is a lot of depression I am living with because being black seems dangerous and lures people to for whatever reason, to have this intense urge to mistreat me. I get that we all have problems, but you have never walked in the shows of a black person to truly understand. It is a daily struggle. DAILY.
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The cold weather in my area has been harsh this year. I work in a hospital, and there, we have a regular who signs himself into the ER daily for any type of complaint. He's a 78-or so year-old man who used to be a great baseball player in his prime, but due to an injury he cannot play. He sort of gets on the nurses/doctors' nerves becuase here's there all the time and will sometimes sign himself back in the same day.
"Oh, he's back!" One nurse said, when he saw the trackboard of patient names popping up. Everybody knows his name.
"It's still cold outside!" Another nurse said, considering the old man wanted to find some reason to stay inside then to go back outside. We know he has family, but his family won't help him. Reasons, I don't know why. He could have a mental issue where he's a danger to them, or his family is just insensitive. He is a very weird guy. He has a bad odor and hangs around the hospital a lot. We all suspect that he's homeless and has nowhere to go. He probably eats once a day when the ER is able to hand him a tray of a food (depending on the hours). Or, he'll hang around the cafeteria to see who will buy him something. I have done so for him one afternoon, but never got a thank you out of him.
In the south, we BARELY get snow, nor are we used to it. If it's any little type of snow, businesses close down as if ice is a terrorist. I walked outside two nights ago after my shift to find everything covered in ice. Driving was frightening, but I thought...HOW do homeless people survive this? Where is there a dry and warm place outside? What about the stray dogs and cats? It was 17 degrees this morning and I had so much pity for the old man. It's just too cold.
I drove up to my carport to this raggedy house with terrible maintenance. Stuff is falling apart. Our oven hasn't worked for years. Our toilet rocks and takes almost 30 minutes to reset. Our sink has leaked for months messing up our floor and even caused mushrooms to grow! Our heater is complicated. We have cracks where every type of crawling thing has entered (roaches, lizards, bird, mice, and even a garden snake). Yet, I have a bedroom where there's a warm bed, and every time I slip my legs under the blankets, it's one of the most invigorating feelings. I find myself just sitting at work daydreaming about my cozy bed at night.
My life isn't so great at the moment, but I'm grateful for my bed. It is just too cold.
That man just kept having me thinking about it. Thank you God for my bed.
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Hello, everyone. I am extremely new to this site. I've searched around for various Christian forums just hoping somebody can help me. I don't mean to offend anybody or bring any type of discomfort to this forum. I especially hope I get no violations. This is a really heavy issue on my heart. I am extremely at the end of my rope with depression and anxiety, but what makes it all worse is how the world views me in this dark body God gave me. I have asked God why this color? Why not make me Asian or Native American? I tried telling myself that He made me black because it pleased him. Why should he care what the world thinks, or form me in the matter what would fit society's standards? I've tried convincing myself that God does not cater to how poorly we human beings view each other. Racism wasn't His fault. He is a supreme being over the created. I've tried convincing myself that only his thoughts about me matter. I've tried looking at the big picture that one day, all of us will unite with him and experience the real TRUTH about EVERYTHING. But none of this convincing is working.
Deep down, I know there is nothing wrong with my skin color, or the hair texture that I have, or the physical features. If there was no racism or the harsh systems against my people, I would be able to walk down the street proudly. However, when you live in a world where DAILY, somebody is reminding you that your skin color is a problem, it starts to get to you...for years and years and years and years. It's like beating up a dog everyday where the dog will eventually think it did something wrong. Social Media is a terrible and evil tool for people to manifest their true feelings about me and my race. I have seen so many cruel things, such as:
1. African't (word CAN'T) as if we can't do anything. As if it's in our DNA to fail, or that we need extra help, or that we're born to suffer.
2. It is believed we aren't civilized. No matter how nice I am, or how wide of a smile I put on my face, I will always be regarded as another black animal. I know I tend to fool people once they hear me speak or experience my personality. I always hope that the mugshots shown on the daily news about a murder or robbery isn't of my race because what one black person does, the rest of the black people are also at fault for it. We are not individually judged, but judged as a whole.
3. We have dirt and less developed countries
4. Slavery was our fault (and even if we were handed over by our brothers and sisters, that still does not excuse the terrible unspeakable things that happened to us.) And even when it was 400 years ago, traces of it are still affecting us today. My ancestors didn't get to own businesses or have land passed down through their generation of future families. I was never able to relate to white folks who talk about the family lineage or how far down the they count their family ancestry. I can't. My history is silent, yet it screams of blood.
5. I am guaranteed at least once a month to see somebody say I'm ugly (not directly), or black women are the least desired all over the world, that their own men don't want them, whether it's to an Indian man, Asian man, White man, or even African man. Men of various races always obsess and desire a White woman. it is NEVER ever ever ever ever anybody that looks like me. And I'm not saying I need their approval, but, it will just feel nice to know that I may look beautiful to somebody every once and a while. I will never or hardly ever in my life see a man of any race say something decent about me. We're not on billboards. We're not on TV with commercials glorifying our skin or looks. When I was a kid white Barbie dolls were heavily emphasized in commercials. The other minority dolls only showed up right at the end of the commercial. I broke my mother's heart when I told her to take back the black doll she gave me. We're never even in video games where we can enjoy cool characters. And if we are in video games, we have very insignificant roles. In movies, we're always portrayed in a very stereotypical ways.
6. Other black people make it harder to be black. Like the Mugshot I just spoke of. I can name so many problems, like falling into gang relations, or having an obnoxious loud attitude, or have terrible customer service in various employment. Some stereotypes are unfortunately true, but it affects m as well.
7. We have the worst health issues. High blood pressure, diabetes, heart diseases, mental illness, Sickle Cell, Lupus, and STD crisis; one of the least healthiest people on the planet.
8. We are regarded as less worthy.
9. Everything a black person does is a big deal. While I get that our names may sound funny, we can't even create our own names without ridiculing. No one ever questions why Asian people have the names the have, or the Arabs, and Indians, and other races of people, but if it's a black person, we need to just have white names. What about owning a business. Black businesses are perceived as low quality. Mexicans and Asians can whip up a business and people will flock to them like crazy. We're not allowed to have a bad day or express anger because if we do, we're being violent, or it's the 'uh-oh, and angry black man/woman!'
10. We are not welcomed anywhere on the planet.
11. We are a totally misunderstood race of people.
12. Racial tensions drive me crazy. Just the insensitive and lack of willingness to even understand a black person's place or their situations. We're told to 'get over it' or 'it's your fault', or 'stop playing the victim', or 'you're looking at things at a wrong perspective'. I am going mad. Nobody understands us, nor do they want to. We are the loneliness race on planet earth. No matter how much we shout and cry and plead, nobody hears us. Nothing changes. Not even God will do anything. Black people fill up the churches like crazy and can be some of the most God-fearing people, yet we're still severely oppressed
I am emotionally tired. I feel like I just want to go sleep and never wake up. My depression and anxiety have gotten so bad that my body doesn't feel the same anymore. Sunday night I cried to God so hard that I could barely breathe. What was He thinking to even create me? I feel so terrible because I grew up with a wonderful childhood to two of the most amazing parents and a high-spirited family, but they have no idea I'm saying these things. Suicide feels really nice, but it will crush the people around me. I'm 31 years old, and suicide has been chasing me for years and it is constantly getting closer and closer. I read the bible and I pray, and it doesn't work, or the healing isn't coming fast enough. What can I do in this impossible world where everyday somebody or something lets me know that my skin color will always be an issue? How can anybody or even God expect me to be sane? What can I do? How can I get out of this struggle?
Somebody please help me. How can the bible speak to me with this impossible struggle? A throb is in my throat right now...
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Feeling worthless as a woman
in Do you want to just ask a question?
Posted · Edited by Darian86
'Aunt Darian' ? okay ?
While I admire your attempt to help me see some things differently, I'm kind of put off by the tone where it seems I'm not taken seriously here. I came here really looking for guidance, but it seems a couple of you think I'm just pulling stuff out of my behind and looking for things to complain about with my gender. BELIEVE me, I do not want to feel this way. I want to be enlightened and full of hope, but that's not where I am right now. As I've stated firsthand, I've battled with this for years, and in trying to come out of it, I've only grown more bitter. Right now in my life, I am at the lowest I had ever been with both Depression and Anxiety tag-teaming me. So, I'm really here at this forum as a last resort becuase my wheels are spinning and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. If you've never dealt with depression, then you don't understand.
4. God never wanted women to be raped or beaten or hurt. God made us so we can be cared for. Women are weaker yes but are not punching bags and any man who beats a woman is a beast. The answer is simple. Self defence classes. They are a fun way of learning how to defend yourself. I'm not saying punch every guy that hugs u???. Simply set boundaries. Find out WHY he hugs u. Was he recently divorced? Did his daughter die? Is his mum fine? Or anything that could make him do that. He's not an enemy. Tell him he's nice but u'd appreciate it if he stopped the hugging. Joke around with it. Just tell him how uncomfortable u feel. He may not even know. And the strange things happen u might be compatible???? (Just kidding!). If he's forceful and continues to hug u, self defence or a simple slap is advised. Keep on setting boundaries. If he doesn't learn avoid areas where u can see him. Discovering shortcuts and new roads can be fun. But i doubt if u would need to, i'm sure he'll learn.
My neighbor is a married man with two little boys. I got off work around 5:30am and he was sitting in his car watching me enter my house. He called me over and hugged me tight, stating he was proud of my accomplishments...what accomplishments? I bought a car like half year prior and had been working for an employer I despise for nearly a year. Those were the only two things that were different in my life. Nothing more. I pulled away, and then he started talking about how he wanted to tell me something he feared may offend me. He's been wanting to 'tell me something' for about a year now, and I can only imagine he's thinking about cheating on his wife with me. I created space and he found more excuses to wrap his arms around me. This was a BIG man. If he decided he wanted to do something to me, well too bad, I have NO chance because I'm not equipped to handle a man off if he wants to do something. THAT'S THE PROBLEM I have with how God created us. So laugh it off? Or consider that we may be compatible? He was terrifying that morning. Yeah, I've considered self defense, or purchasing a gun, but those two things may not always work because when you're in the moment, you really have to think and move sharply upon such an adrenaline-driven moment where you may not think straight, or you're dead.
5. And the Bible never said men are free to fornicate. Or have sex as much as they'd like. I have never seen that in any place in my Bible, Have u??
Let's not judge people for the kids they want. We are all different and they have their reasons.
Who said Jacob wasn't hurt. He was devastated. It may not be written but how won't he be? He was an old man who had no way of defending himself not to talk about his daughter. I mean let's leave him out of this unless u wished he had a heart attack. Her brothers were violent and killed the guy who raped her. Though, i don't support violence, it showed that they DID care about their sister.
Men were allowed to have multiple wives. Wives could not have that. Not saying marriage should involve more than one spouse. But men had that luxury, especially having other concubines and to enjoy other spouses whereas, again, which I stated earlier, those wives must have had to endure competition and favoritism. I don't recall God openly disapproving of this toward these men. I don't recall God confronting these men and asking them why they have done this or correcting them.
If people want a boy over a girl or a girl over a boy, fine. That's not really what I was touching on. If you read the bible, you will noticed many women and maybe even men are always crying and praying over a boy. What is so wrong with having a girl? Is a girl not as worthy as a boy? And if she does birth a son, his name is given. If there is mentioning of a daughter, there's no recognition at all. They're just 'other' children. And the genealogies are listed where barely a woman is named. So, if somebody can CLEAR this up for me, that would be great, becuase i do NOT ever recall hearing of a daughter birth and somebody is glad and happy of it in the bible. For example, God told Abraham He'd give him a son, Isaac and how this boy was going to carrying wonders through his bloodline of all the world.
NO, I wouldn't want Jacob to have a heart attack. However, the entire situation was messed up. When the king met with Jacob, it states Jacob and his sons spoke over some negotiation, stating if only the men of the king's city are circumcised, THEN they would allow EXCHANGE of their daughters as if daughters were some type of cattle. What is there to exchange? Why couldn't the daughters choose who they wanted to marry on their own standard? The girl had just been raped. And while the brothers basically killed the whole city, the texts states they handed her over back to the very same guy that raped her before they invaded the kingdom. otherwise it would not have stated they rescued her from the prince's house. She could have been raped again. Very messed up.
6. C'mon do we have to be every where. Just relax. God loves us and it doesn't matter who has more of this or more of that. BTW, the Bible isn't a genealogy book, u can always Google??.
Relax? I'd love to, and I'm trying to, but I can't. This battle I'm going through isn't your battle, so of course you're going to make light of it. In my view, the bible is severely one-sided. Reading this book as a woman is extremely difficult. Praise God that you don't have that problem... I'm still trying to get there. NO, women don't have to be everywhere, but men were everywhere, and women faintly had roles throughout the bible compared to a man.
7. If u look at the Bible heroes they all had flaws. And God uses those who are "over-flawed" or "useless" to show others that God loves everyone. Women in that time were judges and priestesses (Deborah), helpful( Rahab) and just plain pure (Mary). I'm not a feminist and i do understand that men go through a lot. They have to deal with alot too. So let's try to walk a mile in their shoes, Okay?. If Ruth isn't complaining, why should we? The book proves that Ruth is selfless and is considerate about her mother-in-laws. That's an awesome attribute. I love the Keep It Simple Stupid principle. Why turn a few chapters into three books? It's easier to read the way it is. And if u consider it, u find out that if Ruth never met her mother-in-law she would have still been an idol worshipper and won't be worth mentioning and if she hadn't met Boaz she won't have had Obed and there will be no Jesus. So they are important. And who writes only about themselves? I'm sure Ruth is glad that her story was written with the two people she loved most: Naomi (Mother-in-law) and Boaz (her hubby).
Okay, this makes sense
8. Women love their kids and are far more considerate than most Men. God chose to be a father because he knew that women take parenting with all their hearts and that men may tend to shy away a bit. All he's trying to do is assure the widows and single mothers that he's got their backs. He's also the mother of the motherless.
It's kind of a given that women are more nurturing and watchful of kids then men are. However, this doesn't really answer the question of why God chooses to favor being known as 'He' , or 'Father' if he really isn't neither male or female. I get we won't always know everything, and that God doesn't have to answer to any of us. I also am not stating he should be known as mother either. But this has always bothered me. That's what I'm trying to figure out.
9. You're missing the point. Seriously does it really matter how Jesus came? Honestly to me it doesn't even matter if he came as a woman. The point is he came to save us and instead of us to be happy we still complain about how he came(things that don't matter). Whether he came as man or not, he came to save US and that's what counts.
I mentioned Jesus as a man to prove a point, that everything seems to center around one gender, whether it's God, Jesus, angels, disciples, prophets (or most of them), etc.
10. Jesus didn't dodge females. He had his reasons. Here's some reasons why:
A. No, I did not consider them being used as a way to navigate through the cities. Good one. But he used 12 men. That's a big number. Not even one could be a woman? But I guess even so, the people wouldn't even listen to her or taken her seriously, given that women were (are still) oppressed and were to be silent.
B. This really doesn't make much sense becuase even the 12 men Jesus picked grieved him a lot. They doubted him. They got on his nerves, and acted out when they should have known better. Didn't all of them flee when he was tortured? And they were MEN. To state the women would have complicated things kind of took me back a bit. There were many women that were able to be loyal to him and weren't even a personal follower of his.
C. In these three points, you're kind of basing women as worrying about shopping and painting their nails, and wondering what's new in glamour magazines. Slightly hard for me to take you seriously here. However, it did get me thinking a little more with considering many other things that could have gone wrong.
1. Yes, they did meet with unpleasant people, even people that tried to Kill Jesus. So, maybe (especially with a woman's size as I complained in #4), handling a crowd like that might not be a good idea for her.
2. Women being homesick? Okay, maybe so, especially when they were strictly tied to being in homes rather than allowed to work. Maybe traveling would not have been a thing she could handle, especially having access to money.
Given my studies so far and the responses, I have thought differently about some things, but I'm not out of the woods yet.