Before I begin... I just wanna say I’ve been lost all of 2018. What I’m about to say is very serious... idk if any of you guys can help or shed any light... if not should I possibly go to a pastor or preist? Anyways being very lost and young(18) I began going to Young Life and understanding more about Christ. I went to Young Life camp and there I committed my life to Christ. As I was young in the faith I tried staying strong...going to bible study with friends and trying my best to go to church. Summer ended and I started falling away from all of it. Not reading the Bible, not praying, not going to church, and just doing stupid things. I turned my back... I would feel guilty about it and pray and begin to read again. I would just turn my back a couple days later. Putting my worth in other things telling myself I can take control of my life. As fall began I started getting horribly depressed... praying to god asking for help and nothing was happening. I began getting upset at him. Frustrated nothing was working out in my life seeing that all my friends were depressed( some friends going to mental hospitals and even one friend taking his life... his funeral made national news) I saw nothing but darkness and no light. The devil was around. He didn’t want me going to God anymore. I wanted other things in life. I wanted things so so bad I began to talk to the devil.. telling him that I knew he was there with me bc I was drowning with sin. I felt him. I wanted things and knew he could give it to me. I felt his presence one night talking to him while I was driving. I told him what I wanted but never gave him what he wanted . He made it clear in my mind where to meet him to get what I wanted. Ironically it was at a crossroad, I wanted fame. After I began looking up videos on satan. Curious how to summon him. I know this is wrong. I feel guilty for all of this..I’m worried for myself...are the gates closed for me? Is my soul gone? What can I do? From the start I knew I wasn’t going to sell my soul... but what if I did this on accident? Before I even did this I felt like Jesus left me.... Satan is the master deceiver... he’s been in life from my childhood to now... idk what’s going on... please help
