Ash7614

I had a conversation with God last night.. for so long i thought i had been praying.. being honest to Him and myself, but i wasn't.. last night everything came out i told Him i didn't feel worthy of aksing for forgiveness for my sins because i know i will repeat them how can i be truely sorry when i know i will do them again i'm not worthy of anything no matter how much i trick myself or others into believing i'm sorry for the things i do i know inside that i'm so weak that if the opportunity arrose i would do it again.. and i'm sick of lying to myself, my friends, my family and most of all my Lord.. He deserves a better child than I.. I feel like a cheat.. I don't want to go to hell.. i don't want to commit these sins over and over again and i hate the fact that i say i CAN'T do something when i know i can but just won't.. I'm not worthy of the life that God has granted me.. I wish it weren't so but it is Thanks for all your kinds words, advice and prayers.. they're very appreciated.. but i suggest you put your time and effort in to a more worthy cause.. This isn't a Goodbye post.. well maybe it is i don't know at the end of everyday i say goodbye with the intention of pursuing with my desire of suicide and yet every morning i wake up with more energy to face the world than ever.. even that being a lie in itself.. moreso, more energy to FOOL the world into thinking i'm a generous, kind, happy person.. but it isn't so.. I am nothing but a lie..

i refuse to believe that anyone is truely my enemy since becoming christian i've put God above all but lately i've been quesitoning it all.. questioning my faith i only even see the good in people and although i know that's proven me wrong sometimes.. well so has God i appreciate and admire your words but i just don't know anymore i'm questioning everything i believe in and i don't know what i should/do believe anymore

please do.. i'm an open book

i thank you all very much for your kind words, prayers and advice i've tried getting help i've been having counsilling for years and even tried turning to my church this isn't a message saying goodbye or anything.. i am merely seeking help and will be reading and taking in every post in this thread thank you all so much

I know others have tried suicide and I believe that things have gotten better for them.. I've been down many paths of drugs, eating disorders.. you name it.. and i've gotten over most of them.. i know things get better but this has remained my longest and most threatening anguish and it hasn't gotten better.. The Lord is my saviour and I know I couldn't bare a eternal separation from him but right now my mind, body and soul craves relief.. relief I onl;y see possible from giving up my faith no matter how much a believe it.. So many times I have wished I never became a christian but I can't doubt that those beliefs have become imprinted on me and no matter how much i pretend I know my eternal life will be damned if I perform this evil act.. I know i should be greatful and see that find God has actually saved my life(current and eternal) and I am but it's just so hard to make this thoughts leave.. My family isn't religious at all.. No matter how much i pray or try they will never see the light.. I don't want to believe that they will go to hell I want to be with them when I die

Hi my name is ash and i'm an 18 yr old female christian from sydney, australia This is the first christian forum i have come across that does not require a million questions just to join i've come here seeking the help of my fellow cristian community To put my problem straight out there, I want to commit suicide. I have for many years and have almost succeeded a few times but failed due to my mother or a friend finding me. Everyday I fight the urges simply for the fact that I know I will go to hell if I do. But ever since a friend of mine committed suicide last year (she also being a Christian) has made me want to doubt my faith.. I can't stand the fact that I know she's in hell for how can He accept us into heaven when we throw away His gift of life. I'm starting to actually WANT to not believe just so that i can kill myself without fear, so that I can ignorantly believe that my friend is in heaven.. I pray everyday that somehow my thoughts will leave me.. that I can just want to live.. But this praying has been going on for years and years and still these thoughts still remain.. I've begged and begged for Our Lord to heal me of my mental anguish but without succession. I've stopped going to church, stopped seeing my counsillor and am on the vurge of dropping out of college despite my impressive grades.. I've turned to this forum anonymously for help and guidence from others.. I have tolerated my head until now and i'm very worried i'll try again.. this time being successful.. I don't want to hurt my fmaily nor God.. I don't know what to do.. Please help me