My name is Michelle, I am new to this site. I am a Christ Follower of many decades. Haven't known any other life. I was divorced years ago, and remarried, to a Christian, for 6 years. I have 2 young'ens. I am feeling so desperate today. I know I am most likely being selfish, but here is my earlier prayer written out:
Dearest Lord and Savior,
I don't get it! I feel like I have devoted myself to you, doing daily devotions, praying daily, worshipping you corporately several times a week, yet I feel like i'm Job. My husband has been given so much, yet he treats those blessings like trash. He had nothing 10 years ago, but lived for you, G-d. Four years later you blessed him with a doting wife, great doctors who care for his illness, a mentor that seeks him out, a potentially great full time job, and he just spits in your face and mine by dabbling in drugs, walking away from you, and treating me poorly.
The world is all about him, what he wants, what can he get to satisfy himself. Yet I strive to serve you daily, G-d! Blessings are not my motivation for doing unto you Lord. But i do struggle with the fact that my heart is broken time after time after time. It's so frustrating! I almost can't stand looking at him dripping with blessings that he just takes for granted. He won't do anything that doesn't serve him and want he wants.
How can I live like this and NOT become bitter??? I know you are a great G-d, and won't punish me for telling you these things. I resolve to continue in faith, but can i get a break? Please? AMEN
Thank you, Worthy Board Members for letting me share this with you. I needed to "say" it outloud. I ask for your prayers over this mess.
Michelle