Giving up.

[GoofyGirl]

Hey guys,

I need advice or maybe guidance. I know I'm not alone with have a mental illness ( Paranoid Schizophrenia) but sometimes I do feel alone. I feel like it'll never go away. Now I just wanna say firstly that I ALWAYS take my medication. These ones are the best so far since the rest didn't really help me be as stable as I am now. I have this thing that triggers my paranoia. Small things such as hearing people laugh & scream. Even if it's just a kid screaming when playing around with other kids, for some reason it freaks me out. I can't sleep without listening to my ipod. I listen to it lets say everyday. I can't cope without it. I listen to it to block out the voices (real & hallucinating voices) that i hear that freaks me out. I'm just so tired of this. Ive had this since 2009 since I had an episode. I'm guessing god wont take it away, well, that none of us knows except him. But I know that he hasn't left my side through this journey of recovery. I'm doing okay so far, I can leave the house most times, I attend life-skilled classes such as self esteem & cooking but this fear of hearing people laugh and stuff really gets to me. I dunno why. I guess what I'm saying is I really want to change my life. I know I can't do it without god but I can't live like this anymore. I'm trying to fight against it but nothings working. I just want to give up and give up on my life. I"m tired of being alone. I just want my old life back. Because of this illness I have, I let it get in the way of my friendships & relationships I had with my relatives/family. We're not close anymore and it seems like we never will be. I'm so broken and fragile. I'm trying to help everyone else that I can't even help myself. I don't know what to do. I tried doing a proper course, business admin, but being around heaps of people and knowing no one just made me soooooo uncomfortable and i couldn't bear it, so after a day or 2 I dropped out of the course. I went back again to try again but i dropped out again and they said that my chances of doing the same course at the place i went to is over cause they gave me a 2nd chance but i blew it. One thing I have done to keep my mind from clogging up is I have a blog. It helps and I'm lucky i can still have a few people I can talk to about problems in general. I have poured out my heart on here because I have friends, but none in person that I can talk to about god and stuff. I just wished I wasn't so alone. I hate my life. It's been years now. I don't know what to do. Any advice or word of encouragements would be appreciated. gbu all

I have the same condition and I can help you, and you can help me. But I think it will be a good idea to talk privately, shall I PM you.