Spiraling and Backsliding

[Laces Out Dan]

I was always a christian, until the last 2 years(i'm 14). I still am, i just find myself backsliding ALOT and questioning God, but somehow God always gets through to me, and i love Him.

Then after i accept that He is Love, and Love is God, then i backslide again and again and again.

The more times i do it, the more i get sick of it. And the more times i do it, the worse i feel.

I dont know what to do, it just feels like i keep going in a circle, and i would like to get out of it.

Anyone feel the same, or anyone have any advice?

TY <3

[branchesofHim]

I was always a christian, until the last 2 years(i'm 14). I still am, i just find myself backsliding ALOT and questioning God, but somehow God always gets through to me, and i love Him.

Then after i accept that He is Love, and Love is God, then i backslide again and again and again.

The more times i do it, the more i get sick of it. And the more times i do it, the worse i feel.

I dont know what to do, it just feels like i keep going in a circle, and i would like to get out of it.

Anyone feel the same, or anyone have any advice?

TY <3

Been there and done that. (I was born of the Spirit of God at age 12.)

I can tell you what I've learned in it all. It's simple really.

God's way is the better way. Everything else is purely superficial and will leave you empty inside.

Put your every moment in thought of Jesus (the Word of God).

II. Timothy 2

"22": Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

"23": But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes.

Psalm 1

"1": Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

"2": But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

Proverbs 2

"1": My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee;

"2": So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;

"3": Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding;

"4": If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures;

"5": Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.

"6": For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.

"7": He layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: he is a buckler to them that walk uprightly.

"8": He keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of his saints.

"9": Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and judgment, and equity; yea, every good path.

"10": When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul;

"11": Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee:

"12": To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things;

"13": Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness;

"14": Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the frowardness of the wicked;

"15": Whose ways are crooked, and they froward in their paths:

"16": To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words;

"17": Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God.

"18": For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the dead.

"19": None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the paths of life.

"20": That thou mayest walk in the way of good men, and keep the paths of the righteous.

"21": For the upright shall dwell in the land, and the perfect shall remain in it.

"22": But the wicked shall be cut off from the earth, and the transgressors shall be rooted out of it.

Realize early that the Word of God is the source of all wisdom and apply it to your life in every way. And always remember .... everyone reaps what they sow. (If you plant watermelons, don't expect to grow bananas. Watermelons grow more watermelons. The seed of reproduction is in everything naturally and spiritually. Of course I'm not talking about "seedless" watermelons. )

Peace.

[Laces Out Dan]

Thanks a lot for the encouragement and advice...

I think a lot of the problem is that I go to a public school, and its soo hard to go to school and be with all of my "friends" and they are all into drinking and everything else everyone does, and when i am in an atmosphere liek that, i quickly lose site.

All my friends know i am a christian, and i talk with them a lot of the times, often though they get mad at me for "judging them" or they just dont wanna hear about god.

I noticed that the more i stop sinning in school, and stop fitting in, the less amount of "friends" i have, and i get lonely and try to fit it.

It's tough

[Guest pinkbuggurl]

Dear, Dan you have got to make a choice the lord never said that you'll have a ton of friends if you follow him sometimes it can be very lonely but you will always have god by your side to talk to. drinking and doing drugs well look where it leads you to. when they say its cool think of what god thinks of it. God loves you very much and has his arms wide open for you always. satin makes it looks so good and cool but belive me its not! Tell your friends about him the lord says "my word will not come back void". make the choise you want to make God gives us free will. But please choose the write way. You can ask the lord for good christian friends to come along. God can do any thing! God loves you God bless!

[Elihu's Girl]

I was always a christian, until the last 2 years(i'm 14). I still am, i just find myself backsliding ALOT and questioning God, but somehow God always gets through to me, and i love Him.

Then after i accept that He is Love, and Love is God, then i backslide again and again and again.

The more times i do it, the more i get sick of it. And the more times i do it, the worse i feel.

I don't know what to do, it just feels like i keep going in a circle, and i would like to get out of it.

Anyone feel the same, or anyone have any advice?

TY <3

I'm so glad that you posted this. I wish I'd been as awake as you are when I was 14! I was in a cloud of confusion and numbness... I think it is part of maturing spiritually to question God. To wonder about things. There's nothing wrong with it. Just know that you can trust and love God even while sinful, confused, backsliding and questioning. Pray about it. I keep a journal. I write about things I'm wondering and answers I find through prayer and searching the bible... This might help you to keep your thoughts straight.

www.christiananswers.net is a great site for all those nagging questions you may have.

I also recommend the Chronicles of Narnia. I recently read the series and it really strengthened my faith.

Also these are the years where you're really growing emotionally into the adult you're going to be. (I'm actually still doing this and I'm about 10 years older than you! But I don't want to scare you! ) So it's perfectly natural to want to take a second look at the things you took for granted as a child.

Another thing to remember is that we are human. We are never going to be perfect though we strive to be. You are going to be like a wave of the sea... Sometimes you'll be on fire for God and sometimes you won't feel a thing. Your faith isn't based on emotion. It's important to be grounded in a daily devotion, fellowship group or something to keep you centered even when you don't "feel" it.

Also Blaine Bartel's Little Black Book series is great! I just read one of the books from the series and it really spoke to me, so don't worry that it's childish or something.

"A Purpose Driven Life" really helped to focus me when I was coming out of a lifetime of waffling around. Not backsliding... it was more like spiritual stagnation for me. "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis also helped me. K.P. Yohannan is a good person to check out. His site is www.gfa.org There's a free book on there that helped me. "Revolution in World Missions." PDL and MC are good because they start from the beginning as if you'd never heard of Jesus. So It's a great review. Luther's Small Catechism is great too (even if you're not Lutheran or are Catholic or non-denominational there was only one church when Luther was educated) this gives the basics and will answer a lot of questions.

What I learned after a period of spiritual stagnation:

I was not following what the bible says about being a Christian. Although I had been a Christian all my life, I had never really had a thriving personal relationship with God. I prayed when things got really bad. I went to church and Sunday school. I thought of myself as a Christian and I knew the right answers to all the right questions. I was not reading my bible daily. I didn't think of the bible as the driving force in my life. I didn't have a clear vision of the road I was walking, what my purpose is on earth, how to be eternally minded, how to focus on being like Jesus at all times in all places, praying without ceasing. Some of this sounds hokey but it really is the bread and butter of Christianity. The beans and potatoes.

I worried a lot about all kinds of things, chief among these, what other people thought about me. Pleasing others, getting other people to like me and a certain private sin were really the things driving my life. I was trapped by fear and this particular sin. Low self esteem was also a big trap... So once I realized these things (I was on the verge of ditching Christianity in search of the "truth") I decided to give Christianity a 100% try. I read A Purpose Driven life and Mere Christianity and got the book on K.P. Yohannen. These books, the website above, and talks with some of my family members gave (and still give) me the building blocks toward a stronger spiritual life. A stronger personal relationship with God. I began to think of bible verses during the day to curb my habitual crutches. Over time God the Holy Spirit rooted the huge sin I was grappling with out of my life. It was like the flicking of a switch.

It sounds like you've reached a time in your life where spiritual growth needs to happen. There are steps you need to take. Sounds like spiritual growing pains. It sounds like its time for you to dig deeper into Christianity and examine your life... Are there areas that you are hung up on? Are there areas in which you could improve? Be more like Jesus? Are there any things in your life that take the place of Jesus for you? For a while Smallville did for me! I was obsessed. What do you look forward to in your life? Do you have that same eagerness about what Jesus wants for you? I'm not judging you. These are questions I ask myself to do spiritual inventory. And I pray:

Psalm 139: 23-24 Search me O God and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

I have two things on my Marker board where I can see them each day. "Lean into God" and "Examine your Heart."

Definitely keep seeking and praying. I think fellowship in a Youth Group would help too. To be able to talk face-to-face with other people who are going through what you are going through. Make sure you give Christianity a fair shake before you move on. Searching for truth based in the bible (not half truth where they ditch parts of the bible or a different truth [lies] not even based on the bible, but really bible-based truth is like an exciting treasure hunt. I did this when I didn't understand about Homosexuality. I searched and searched until I found a site with Homosexuals who believed in the truth of the bible and wrote testimonies about their struggles out of that sin. I was so touched and it actually set me on the path to conquering my own huge sin. God is Good! Seek and you shall find!

And about fitting in with your friends... this is what I'm strugging with too! I need more Christian friends so I can just let my hair down! It's hard when the most important thing in your life is offensive/laughable to your friends. Some verses I try to remember...

Matthew 10:32,33 Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my father in heaven. But everyone who denies me here on earth, I will also deny before my Father in Heaven. (NLT)

Matthew 5:11-12 God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way. (NLT)

Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (NIV)

It is tough but trust that God will bring friends who will like you for who you are. Maybe you can explore the emotional, spritual fulfillment you get from your friends. Whether you can get these things from God while you are waiting for him to bring you new friends.

Here is another Christian forum... you might wanna have a look around. I didn't join but they have a section just for teens... Maybe you can make some friends there too - bibleforums

Edited March 11, 2006 by Elihu's Girl

[Laces Out Dan]

Wow thanks so much for all these. I cant even type as fast as i can think. maybe i am growing spiritually?

I have a youth group, but its kinda far and i only get there every other week if that.

I will definitely look into some of those books.

To be completely honest, i cant stop smoking cussing....

i know its like shocking to see that on a christian forum. But like you i have a low- self esteem, and often i am anxcious about school and what people think of me. I dont act liek it though, and thats why i starting smoking.

I know i hate it so much. I have to sneak out side, that is lying to my parents for one, and then smoke just to feel better, then i go inside and read my bible! that isnt a normal combination! and i know even when i am smoking its wrong and i feel bad, but i cant even function unless i have one

Thank you for listening, and thanks for letting me be so honest.

[Arthur Durnan]

Wasn't it Charles Haddon Spurgeon who said, "There are only two roads in life with few on either road." When someone questioned him on it, he said, "They're all sitting on the fence between!" Exactly. There are only two roads in the Christian walk, forward & upward with Christ, or backward & downward without Him. There is NO "standing still." Fences "in between" don't count! We walk with Jesus when........we determine to walk with Jesus! "Purity of soul, Augustine said, "cannot be lost without personal consent." Kinda right on, yes?

http://arthurdurnan.freeyellow.com

[Laces Out Dan]

yeah your right...its never to late to walk with Christ again, right?

[CNU Erik]

Wow thanks so much for all these. I cant even type as fast as i can think. maybe i am growing spiritually?

I have a youth group, but its kinda far and i only get there every other week if that.

I will definitely look into some of those books.

To be completely honest, i cant stop smoking cussing....

i know its like shocking to see that on a christian forum. But like you i have a low- self esteem, and often i am anxcious about school and what people think of me. I dont act liek it though, and thats why i starting smoking.

I know i hate it so much. I have to sneak out side, that is lying to my parents for one, and then smoke just to feel better, then i go inside and read my bible! that isnt a normal combination! and i know even when i am smoking its wrong and i feel bad, but i cant even function unless i have one

Thank you for listening, and thanks for letting me be so honest.

I am a college student and also I work full-time. All my old friends cussed, said the Lord's name in vain often, drank a lot etc. The thing you have to do is decide who you want to impress, God or the world (friends). I got into some things (ex. drinking) to try to fit in but now I regret it of course. NO ONE is perfect. But praise God for his never ending mercy and forgiveness of sins. Guilt and anxiety and worry is of satan not of God. Make a conscious decision to throw off the ways of the world and give your life to God. Will it be easy? NO! It will not be, but God is always there for you every step of the way and you have the Holy Spirit inside of you to guide you and help you and encourage you. I know what its like to struggle with sin, the only way out is to trust God and rely on His grace and power to deliver you from all of your struggles. Remember that life is short compared to an eternity in heaven. Just think about that!! Struggles and hardships are only temporary, they will all come to pass, but God is eternal and so is heaven. Guilt and "feeling bad" are from satan, ask God to forgive you and deliver you, then and then your sins are forgotten, don't bring them back up again, forget about them.

[dakota190]

I was always a christian, until the last 2 years(i'm 14). I still am, i just find myself backsliding ALOT and questioning God, but somehow God always gets through to me, and i love Him.

Then after i accept that He is Love, and Love is God, then i backslide again and again and again.

The more times i do it, the more i get sick of it. And the more times i do it, the worse i feel.

I dont know what to do, it just feels like i keep going in a circle, and i would like to get out of it.

Anyone feel the same, or anyone have any advice?

TY <3

Dan,

take it from another Dan, backsliding is part of the fallen condition of man. the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. if you hang aroung with friends engaged in dark, unchristian activities, they will pull you down, before you can pull them up. as they have told you, they don't want to hear about God. believe me they don't respect you for being a christian, partly because you are still hanging with them. they don't want to hear about God or your faith, because it holds rightousness up in their faces and they have decided they would rather drink and do drugs and pursue young women of low morals. this is hedonism, i want what i want and i want it now. they want their pleasures and refuse to know there will be a price to pay later. believe me in what i say. i made the wrong choices at your age. one of my greatest wishes today is that i had stayed in church as a teenager and pursued a moral, Christ based life from that age. i have since suffered greatly emotionally and spiritually and i have left a lot of debris behind me. an awful lot of it was damaging to a lot of really fine people, i'll never get to apologize to, even if they would talk to me, i don't know if some of them would. the bad choices i made then, set a pattern of bad choices over the years. until i responded to the voice of the Lord, calling me back in my late 40's. i often think, if i had died during those times i would have been on a fast elevator to hell, instead of heaven, which is my destination now, by the grace of the Lord Jesus. when you get stronger in your faith and the holy spirit leads you in it, you can try to witness to your former friends. after the holy spirit has called and matured them, hopefully he will and hopefully before they are in their late 40's, and i hope for their sake before it is too late. one good christian friend is better that 100 so called friends that want to make you like them by destroying your faith and life in Jesus. PLEASE!! for your own sake and the sake of those that you can save through service to the Lord Jesus, by living right NOW, WALK AWAY!!! you will look back in a year or so and be glad you did. i could go on and tell you more, but hopefully this will be of some encouragement in makeing the right decision, for your life. if you want to hear more, just let me know. this is one of the biggest and most important decisions, you will ever make. God Bless!!!