Guest Sunshine2005 Posted June 25, 2006 Share Posted June 25, 2006 I have been dating my bf for two and a half years and we love each other very much. We seem to both be afraid of commitment though. He doesn't know why he is afraid of commiting. For me, I think I know. For one, at times I wonder if I am giving something up by being in a commited relationship....never dating again bothers me. I like dating, but after a time of being a relationship I do start thinking of marriage. On another thing, my parent's marriage was not good and it ended bad. I think I am also afraid of marrying the wrong person and fear being misreable for the rest of my life. I just don't know if one should push these fears aside and move forward, or if it means that we shouldn't be together. It is confusing. I love him and want to be with him and I want him to propose to me. Yet, on the other hand, I want to get out and just "date" around and the thought of him proposing scares me to death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yah'sGirl Posted June 25, 2006 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 13 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/25/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted June 25, 2006 How does the thought of being without him make you feel? Generally people who are afraid to commit typically need someone around at all times. They don't want to be committed, but they are also afraid of being alone. Do you love him or do you love being able to be with him. Just having a BF. I can say this, that when you have found Mr. Right regardless of parental shipwrecks, you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with him. If you still want to date, maybe you should and see if there is someone else who is more suited for you. When I met my husband I could not image wanting to date someone else, or being without him in my future. I wanted to grow old with him. Is that you and your BF? What behaviors does he exhibit that remind you of your parents rocky ending? If you can not see your life with him, the two of you need to deal with these commitment issues or just enjoy your life together while it lasts. You did not say whether your relationship is a Christ centered one where there is no hanky and panky, because that truly bring up another issue as to why the matter is plaguing you. Since you did not bring it up, nor will I. My best to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyRaven Posted June 26, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 13 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,981 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/20/1964 Share Posted June 26, 2006 I have been dating my bf for two and a half years and we love each other very much. We seem to both be afraid of commitment though. He doesn't know why he is afraid of commiting. For me, I think I know. For one, at times I wonder if I am giving something up by being in a commited relationship....never dating again bothers me. I like dating, but after a time of being a relationship I do start thinking of marriage. On another thing, my parent's marriage was not good and it ended bad. I think I am also afraid of marrying the wrong person and fear being misreable for the rest of my life. I just don't know if one should push these fears aside and move forward, or if it means that we shouldn't be together. It is confusing. I love him and want to be with him and I want him to propose to me. Yet, on the other hand, I want to get out and just "date" around and the thought of him proposing scares me to death. I whole heartedly disagree with the whole concept of dating without a committment or dating with no plans of making one (I don't *use* the term courtship because it means many things to people that I do not, it's closer to how I believe one should respond to the opposite sex)... You never take up a relationship with someone you know would not make a good mate, you never stay in a relationship with someone whom you could not marry (based on what you know right now), whether the problem is you or him. Our throw away society tends to take dating about as seriously as eating out. You can "have fun" together, develop feelings but never commit. I do not believe that this is biblical. As to whether you should push your fears aside and jump in... NO...You should not make a commitment if you are not secure in the idea. If you think you have problems which will either prevent or destroy a commitment then see a christian counselor or pastor and work through your issues before making one. If you were to get married when you are scared to commit, you will subconsciously destroy the relationship. Shoot, you might do it while you're still engaged. Love is not a mushy feeling. Love is commitment and the ability to loose all (not the act of, but the willingness to do so if necessary) for the other person. To live putting their needs and wants before your own and possibly to die for them. If you have feelings you believe are love, but you are too scared to do anything concrete with them then you are not really in love, not biblically anyway. And in that case, I do not believe you should be stringing each other along... Until you have these issues worked out...you should keep yourself off the dating market completely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts