I have always believed there was a God but I know now that there is a major difference between believing and surrendering.
My life was a total mess. I will spare you the details but it was very very bad. (physical abuse, drug abuse etc. the list is too long)
I seemed to attract bad things and traumatic events without even looking for it. I have to admit: I did some very bad things in my life.
The things I did, I didn't want to do. It was like something MADE me do them. This sounds weird but it really was like that.
I was constantly under attack. I heard voices, really frightning things would happen at night... I was very depressed all the time, had very dark thoughts and basically wished to die.
I wanted it to stop, I needed help. When I turned 33 it escalated; I was sick all the time, my body hurt, my mind would play tricks on me...
More trauma, more drama, more pain and suffering. I thought I was losing my mind.
I wouldn't pray to God or Jesus directly; I would talk to His Angels but nothing was happening.
Until one night when I again could not sleep I saw this film "The Encounter". It said to repent and give your heart and soul to Jesus Christ.
And that is what I did. I prayed to Jesus for help and he gave it to me..
Shortly after doing that I came in contact with a man who gets rid of unclean spirits, curses and whatnot.
I guess you could call him an exorcist of some sort (it was not like in the movies though). He is a religious man and does the Lords work and he got rid of what was slowly killing me.
I am no longer under attack, I feel calm and loved and happy with my life. My body is slowly starting to heal.
When all of this was happening to me, I never blamed God but I did wonder why this was happening to me.
Why me? I was told that my whole family had been cursed (mother's side) and it makes sense since they also suffer.
I told my mother and she said I was insane. We hardly speak anymore now. She thinks I am crazy.
My finding Jesus has caused a major rift but that is ok. To me my real family is the Lord. He is my mother and my father.
What I have learned is that one really needs to go via Jesus to get to God. You do that, you talk to Jesus and build a relationship with Him, He will truly save you.
He saved me and I was a sinner of the worst kind. I found myself unworthy yet he listened when I called out to Him.
Jesus loves everyone. You just need to believe and trust Him, let Him come in to you.
I cannot describe how loved I feel now I have Jesus in my life. There is no greater love.
I regret not having let Him into my life sooner. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and pain.
But the whole experience did make me stronger. I lived in constant fear of the next bad thing happening to me and that fear is slowly going away now.
It has only been about 3 weeks since I was saved but I am a completely different person.
I am finally the person I was supposed to be all along.
Praise the Lord!
