Really feel lost in my life. Been Christian 44 years. Married 34 years--6 children. He led a double life-sexual addictive behavior with sadistic sexual fantasies and pathogical thoughts toward me eventually began to abuse me--in all areas, many would call it minor--"he never sent you to the hospital", but to me it was devasting and huge. Finally asked for a separation--still offering love and forgiveness, believing he would want to go into counseling immediately. Instead he lied to others about what happened, they have believed him, even all our 5 adult children (4 are Christians) have and do enable his dysfunctional and manipulative behavior (even though they know the truth of their father's past)- "he's my dad" --while semi-abandoning me, yet telling me to move on. Six years later and after multiple refusals on his part to go to healthy counseling (while telling others he wants the marriage), he lives happy, and my heart is broken. I never wanted a divorce, only counseling for healing and his chains to be loosed. He says he is a Christian, but lives in total denial of our life together and his activities, abuses, and lies. He is doing great! I am completely lost in my soul--not salvation wise--just so broken. I've lost everything-my husband, my marriage, my family, most of my kids--only my 14 yr old gets it as he has abandoned her too and treated her poorly emotionally, etc.--rest of kids let him manipulate them. Where is God??? I had prayed for years and years for him and now through six years of separation while he goes on happy with most of kids, and the 15 yr old and I are alone. NO ONE will hold him accountable or help him get help. Why won't God be there for me? I've cried out to Him SO SO much, and my estranged husband is great, and I am in despair.
