rlfanni

Everyone is correct about my trying to justify my actions that is very true I was not justifying what I did but rather the reason that I did. I have found through this ordeal that there is no answer that will help heal me from the guilt of what I have done to both women. Someone asked about me repenting which I have numerous times the only issue is me forgiving myself. That still has not come I know that God has forgiven me but I can not forgive myself for the pain and destruction I have caused through my decisions. It is very easy for forgiveness when it is only your world your destroying but completely different when you have negatively affected the life's of so many. I have only made things worse throughout this time by not fulfilling what I feat was my responsibility as a man. I have chosen my wife our marage has been a continuous struggle she deserves a man far better than me. On her encouragement I stayed away from the other woman she has struggled financial and has been treated for clinical depression for the last 4 months. My daughter has been born and I was not there my name is not on the birth certificate and Ihad no input on her first middle or last name. She has contacted me to let me know this information I still have not seen my daughter and it has been two weeks since her birth. My wife is has not been as supportive as I thought I was told I could see my daughter but my wife said she would leave me if I did. I am torn between wanting to see my daughter and the woman that stood beside me during this. I offered to buy my daughter the things she needed and was refused by the other woman. She feels that I choose my wife over seeing my own daughter which I did so now I have gotten an attorney to get my rights as the father of this child. To yet again cause pain and hurt to everyone. I have been praying for this to be resolved quickly so that I can try to move on with what life I can. This has really caused me to revaluate who I was as a person and how I think about things. I used to believe I was a person who worked hard to provide for his children to ensure they had what I didn't I used to believe I was a person that would do what he could to help a woman in need. Even if I had nothing to do with why they were in trouble my mother being a single parent made me think highly of women. I used to think the world was black and white right and a wrong. I used to always feel like God was leading me in my decision as I felt he was whispering in my ear. Now I do not know what I stand for I constantly swim in gray to appease someone else and I don't hear the heart pull as I once did from God. I ask for everyone to continue to pray for me and I appreciate the outside input it was very difficult for me to take advice from people that were close to me. So I ask that God gives one of the you the words to help lift me back up or the reassurance everything is not as lost as I feel. Thank you again for your prayer and being gods voice on this forum

Thank everyone for the prayer that is truly what I need and I know I have a wonderful wife especially with everything that has happened. I am truly praying for God's direction. The two children I have there is not anything I wouldn't do for them the one on the way I feel deserves the same amount of love and dedication I don't want the child to think that she was a mistake or I didn't want her. I know she wasn't a mistake because God allowed her to be conceived for whatever purpose he has. My wife has said if the child is mine she will love the child just because the baby is mine. I know the woman I had the affair with is a good person we both had a emotional need that wasn't being met. I honestly think a lot of the things she says is out of hurt she has broken off contact with me because she wants me to move on and fix my marriage. If I did leave my wife she wants to fill the position my concern is having to fight for my rights and only getting certain visitation how will my daughter be raised. I know my two children will be raised with the knowledge of God and I will have relationship with them do I think me and the other woman have a chance not really but I truly am wanting to ensure my daughter has a chance. I really appreciate the opportunity to voice this as I write it down I see kinda see how everything sounds. I guess the consensus is stay with my wife and hope for the best. I still feel guilty and that I am abandoning my child on the way. I guess my raising comes into play were I don't want to act like hey thanks for the good time but your on your own with the pregnancy and I'll be in the child's life when I can. I really feel like I'm just ranting but it seems to help so will see. I have to sacrifice someone for the other really all I want is for all my children to be taken care of even if I have to sacrifice myself for them to understand it. I really do appreciate everyone's responses how do you way how much you could effect a child's future by being there or not being there. It would truly make things easier if the baby was not mine however I'm pretty sure that it is.

I am new to the forum I am desperate need of guidance on my particular issue. First a little about myself I have been a Christian most of my life and feel that I have had a relationship with God for most of it he has always been a driving force in my life. Saying that makes the next part harder I stumbled and had an affair on my wife we have been married 10 years we have two children together a girl who is 7 a boy who is 6 we had an OK marriage before the affair I felt unappreciated a lot and not like I was really a part of the family I was the bread winner and that's what I did I made sure there financial needs were melt and my wives goals and dreams became reality. While I would put my own wants and needs on the back burner and I thought I was OK with this existence until this other woman showed an interest in me and the affair happened. Which is only part of issue the woman I had affair with is now pregnant with my baby. Both women know about each other now and has completely turned my world inside out the woman I had affair with knew I was married from beginning. Now here is the issues my wife has forgiven me and wants to work our marriage out which is a good thing in all honesty she is a good wife and a great mother, I know I love her but don't think I am in love with her hence the affair. The woman I had affair with says she loves me too and wants for us to be together before baby is born but only if I am divorced. If not she doesn't want me to have anything to do with her or baby. I think I am in love with her now but not sure I love her because we haven't had chance to go that far. They both want answers they both use the children in their arguments of why I should choose one or the other. I know God has forgiven me for this sin I can not forgive myself either chose I hurt someone and specifically the kids I have and the unborn child I don't have a relationship with. I have been praying and not received any direction. I was trying to plot and plan on my own and had a word given to me to be still and let God be the one I trust not my own plots to fix this issue. My wife had a word from God saying the baby wasn't mine however I am 98% sure that it is but my wife does have a relationship with God and I believe she hears his voice at time. The reason she is still with me is that God told her to stay, I am only concerned she is hearing what she wants not what God has for our lives. If the baby was not mine I think it would be very easy for me and my wife to move on with each other and heal. If they baby is mine I don't want to live my live by a what if and am I staying with my wife for the wrong reason because I am in love with another woman. The kids complicate further the two I have now have a relationship with me as well as God. If I have nothing to do with the one yet to be born I don't think it will be raised by my believes or will it have the same opportunity with me not in the baby's life. I know I have written a lot down but I am praying for god to give someone the words to help me in this situation because I am at a lost as to what direction to go. Especially with how I am ever going to forgive myself for the hurt and pain I have caused both women and children. Thank you in advance for the time and thought you are giving to help me figure out this issue in my life.